insecure

"You did a good thing, but you are not a good person."

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik‌:

Mel complies, reaching  into her bag to pull out the gift. “It’s not wrapped - the guards had to check it, make sure it was nothing you could harm yourself with. But… I thought you might like to have it here.” She passes him a well-worn piece of construction paper, with a crudely drawn pair of people illustrated with various colors. “You drew this for me when you found out the older kids I had classes with were making fun of me. I was eleven and you were seven, and you told me to hang it up in my locker so that I would remember, no matter what they said, that I always had a friend who loved me. That was when I knew, eidetic memory or no, you were always going to be way smarter than me.” She smiles. “I’ve kept it with me ever since, but now I think you should have it. So you know whatever goes on in your head, I am always going to be here, to love you and to be your friend.”

It was obvious that his sister had put quite a lot of thought into the gift that she presented him with, and he would be lying if he didn’t admit that it softened his heart just a tad. He listened to the explanation that she gave him for bringing the drawing, and nodded as she finished. He wasn’t capable of echoing her sentiment yet; that was far too much emotion far too fast, but he wanted her to know that he did appreciate the gesture. Perhaps that’s why he simply responded with, “I remember making that.”

[callmecassanova]

itsharland‌:

Diana can’t put a finger on when Patrick stopped feeling so antagonistic towards her. All she knows is that their opinions of each other have changed a great deal in their time here, and she thinks she might be happy about it. “Good. Finding another person to talk to in this nuthouse would take way too much time.”

Patrick almost smiles at her near compliment, but he can’t bring himself to give her a full grin. Thinking of Blair always made him this way. She drained him. Having Diana, however, had been surprisingly therapeutic. Seeing her reminded him of Thomas, and Thomas gave him something to live for, to fight for. “Back at ya, Harland.”

[callmecassanova]

drummerpeterson‌:

More than anything, Blair realized, she wanted Patrick to look at her. She wanted to see the pain in his eyes, knowing that she was a big part of the reason he was feeling it. She wanted the rolling waves of guilt, because it meant she was feeling something, other than this unquenchable apathy that she couldn’t shake. “Do you still want to?”

He looked up at her when he spoke this time, trying to convey to her the kind of pain that was still sitting in his chest. There was a weight on his sternum all of the time, as if his heart had truly turned into the rock that Allie always said it had been. His voice was cold when he answered her question, and there was venom in the simple syllables that he spoke. “All the time.”

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik‌:

“A present.”

He extends an open hand towards her. “Go on, then.”

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik‌:

“A present.”

He extends an open hand towards her. “Go on, then.”

[callmecassanova]

itsharland‌:

Diana chuckles. Probably. Doubt I’ll bring it up, though. Still actively trying to die over there?”

He smirks at her question. Just weeks ago, he had practically hated her and now they were confidants. It was strange how the world worked. “Been thinking about it ever since she showed up, but I think that I’m good for the time being.”

[callmecassanova]

drummerpeterson‌:

Blair nods, her expression oddly blank. Rather than linger on that topic, she finally meets his eyes, a morbidly curious glint in her own. “Were you really gonna jump?”

It was the same question that the doctors had been asking him for weeks. In truth, he had been asking it of himself as well. It wasn’t until now, in front of her, that he could finally tell the truth. His eyes were cast downward as one singular word left his lips. “Yes.”

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik‌:

“I came during dinner to make sure you ate. And to bring you something.”

“Bring me what?”

[callmecassanova]

itsharland‌:

“And what am I supposed to tell them if I don’t feel anything?”

He smirks. “I dunno. Probably a question for them.”

[callmecassanova]

drummerpeterson‌:

“Really? Nothing? I figured there would be a lot more screaming.”

He scoffs. “Something I learned from Allie, and something I certainly didn’t think I’d have to teach you, is that there’s no point in yellin’ at someone who doesn’t give a fuckin’ shit about you.”

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik‌:

“I’m not hungry, but thank you.”

“Awful dumb of you to visit during dinner, then.”

[callmecassanova]

itsharland‌:

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to talk about.”

“Pretty sure we’re just supposed to tell them how we feel.”

[callmecassanova]

drummerpeterson‌:

“Hi.”

[callmecassanova]

itsharland:

Kinky.

That kind of kinky ain’t really my cup of tea.

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik:

“Perhaps you’re correct.” Melissa’s heard all of the words before, but they still sting coming from her brother. Maybe she is a psychopath - maybe feeling so much somehow turned into not feeling at all. But moving on… she’s never been able to move on. “Perhaps we are. But you know that I cannot move on from things. I compartmentalize them for the sake of my sanity, but I don’t ‘move on.’ Moving on requires the fading and romanticizing of memories, and that is not something I am capable of. I can kill without blinking only because I’m killing constantly. I’m sorry that you were caught in the crosshairs of that, I am, but it doesn’t change who I am.”

Patrick listens to what his sister has to say, and he is able to feel some kind of empathy for her, despite his own currently distressing situation. The thing was, though, that he didn’t want to feel bad for her. He wanted to just wallow in his own self pity and not worry about anyone else’s precious emotional state. “I don’t see what any of that has to do with me,” he answers, trying to dismiss her.

[callmecassanova]

itsharland:

Overdosed in a bathtub and drowned, technically. You?

Near death experience at the hands of one of my best friends.

[callmecassanova]

ssabanik:

“Sometimes we don’t have a choice. Sometimes even when we think we can’t do it, we have to keep going. If not for us, then for the people we love.” Melissa looks down at her hands, unable to make eye contact as she admits. “Alex tried to kill you because I killed her brother. But I killed her brother because he killed the love of my life. When Natalie died… it was all too much. I kept seeing it, over and over, and I wanted… I didn’t want to do it anymore, either. The only thing that kept me going was you.”

Patrick truly attempts to feel some kind of compassion for his sister in that moment. He knows, deep down, that any other time he would have been comforting her. He would have been understanding. But he couldn’t today. “Then perhaps we all need to just stop killing each other. You, and Tucker, and Alex...you’re all fucked up, okay? People aren’t supposed to kill people and just move on like nothing happened, Melissa. None of this would have happened if the three of you could just stop being fuckin’ murdering psychopaths for a few fuckin’ seconds.”