knowing damn fuckin well I'm about to listen to the whole sun eater series strictly because Samuel Roukin narrated it
Misplaced Lens Cap

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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
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Game of Thrones Daily

if i look back, i am lost
noise dept.

gracie abrams
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taylor price
occasionally subtle

izzy's playlists!
I'd rather be in outer space šø

⣠Chile in a Photography ā£

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Discoholic šŖ©
Claire Keane
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@callsignmrsprice
knowing damn fuckin well I'm about to listen to the whole sun eater series strictly because Samuel Roukin narrated it
(p2 of mail order soldier kƶnig)
Despite everything, you really werenāt ready for how big he was.
Sure, his profile had mentioned it- ātallā in bold, all-caps, like a warning label or a selling point, depending on your preferences alongside his equally intimidating name. And his vibe? Absolutely screamed haunted clock tower. You had expected ātallā in the way NBA players were tall, or the way celebrities looked tall on red carpets but were actually like 5ā10ā in real life. But this? This was different. This was architectural: Kƶnig didnāt just walk into a space; he filled it like a cathedral with opinions. You stood next to him and felt like a misplaced LEGO figure whoād been granted custody of an ancient war relic. Every time he moved, you felt the displacement of air like God was adjusting a chess piece.
You had thought all of that because the trip back to your temporary apartment had been⦠an ordeal. Kƶnig didnāt drive. You hadnāt even gotten far enough to ask why. It couldāve been a moral objection, a PTSD trigger, or just the fact that his knees probably touched his chin in a Toyota Corolla. You didnāt drive either (personal trauma plus urban nihilism), so rideshare it was. When the driver pulled up and caught a glimpse of Kƶnig, who stood beside you like an executioner summoned from a darker, angrier timeline, the man audibly gasped and his foot started to inch toward the gas pedal.
You leaned in through the passenger window with your brightest, most deranged smile. āFive stars and Iāll make sure he doesnāt flay you.ā
The driver nodded- poossibly blacked out. And drove like the devil was behind him, which, to be fair, he kind of was.
Arriving at your building was when the spatial tragedy truly began. Kƶnig had to duck to get into the lobby. Not in a cute, awkward way, but like a kaiju visiting a dollhouse. The fluorescent lights buzzed uneasily overhead, dimming just slightly as if reacting to his gravitational pull, and you became hyper-aware of everything you owned and how none of it was rated for the stress test of Austrian death cryptid.
The elevator? Out of the question. Your third-floor apartment? Suddenly way too far from the ground. König climbed the stairs like a war machine from a documentary about siege tactics, each footstep a dull thud that you were certain would cost you your damage deposit, but at least he seemed to have no complaints⦠though you were sure he was unhappy with how you had to stop to catch your breath lseveral times while he remained military-commercial ready.
When you opened your apartment door and gestured grandly, the words that came out were: āThis is⦠home. Temporary. Probably. Until you accidentally break the building and we need to live in a cave.ā
Kƶnig said nothing. Just paused in the doorway, ducking under the frame with practiced effort, and lingered there for a moment. His eyes- somewhere behind that hood, surely?- swept the place with a slow, methodical awareness that made you wonder how many exits he could already map and how many sniping points your living room offered.
You gestured to the couch with the fatal optimism of someone about to learn a lesson. āYou can sit. If it holds.ā
It did not. Or rather, it gave one last dramatic gasp of life. There was a creak, a pop, and then a long, soft crunch that felt less like furniture collapsing and more like it was filing for a legal separation. Kƶnig, to his credit, looked apologetic. Or maybe he didnāt; it was hard to tell with the hood, but his shoulders hunched slightly, and that seemed like the body language equivalent of a Canadian āsorry.ā
āā¦Okay. Floorās fine too. Floor is classic.ā
He lowered himself with all the elegance of a collapsing war monument, folding into a sprawl of limbs that somehow took up more space despite being on the ground. He sat cross-legged like a monk, if monks were built like tanks and radiated a kill count.
And then- the doorbell rang an unwelcome, familiar tune that made you freeze.
Not the good kind of freeze, and not the surprise-party kind. The fight-or-flight-oh-god-itās-him kind. That sound- that arrogant, familiar, triple-tap of someone who thought your doorbell was a buzzer for attention? That was him.
Your ex-fiancƩ.
You turned slowly to Kƶnig, who had stilled completely. His body didnāt move, but his attention locked onto the door like a predator scenting blood. He was suddenly alert, dangerous, like a loaded gun that had remembered it had a purpose.
āOkay,ā you whispered, as if trying not to disturb a spirit. āThis is a test. A dry run. Like a fire drill, except instead of fire, itās a narcissistic man with commitment issues.ā
Kƶnig tilted his head slightly, and though you couldnāt see his face, you were 90% sure that meant, Shall I gut him or just remove the legs?
You held up one finger. āLetās just⦠see what he wants first.ā
You cracked the door open, just enough to peek through and block most of Kƶnigās terrifying silhouette. And there he was. Your ex-fiancĆ©, smug as ever with his hair gelled within an inch of its life, shirt unbuttoned just enough to reveal a gold chain that you were pretty sure had been repossessed twice.
āHey, babe,ā he said with that smirk that had once seemed charming and now just looked like he was trying to seduce his own reflection. He completely brushed over the fact that he had followed you all the way here, to this supposedly hidden apartment you got until you had Kƶnig with you. āYou havenāt been answering my texts.ā
āI changed phones,ā you replied instantly. āAnd numbers. And species.ā
He gave a little laugh like you were just being coy. Leaned on the doorframe with the forced casualness of someone trying to win you back with zero self-awareness and all his tricks learned from BookTok. āLook, I know weāve had our differences, but Iāve been thinking-ā
And that was when Kƶnig rose. Not stood, but rose.
The doorframe went from well-lit to eclipsed in seconds. A gloved hand slid into view and gripped the edge of the door, the fingers longer than your exās attention span. Your exās expression did a full software reboot.
āā¦Who the hell is that?ā
You offered a cheerful shrug. āOh, thatās Kƶnig. My security system. He came with knives and trauma.ā
Kƶnig took one slow, deliberate step forward. He didnāt speak. He didnāt need to. The pressure of him, the sheer atmospheric density of his presence, did all the work. It was like standing in front of an oncoming avalanche and realizing the snow hates you.
Your ex-fiancĆ© made a sound- a half-choked, half-whined hiccup that suggested his ego had just herniated. Still, he tried to rally. Puffing his chest. āIām not scared of him, okay? You think you can threaten me with some⦠some cosplaying lunatic?ā
Kƶnig stepped forward again. Just one inch. Just enough.
The air grew heavy.
Your ex backpedaled so fast you almost heard cartoon sound effects. āY-you know what? This is toxic. Youāre toxic. I was trying to be the bigger person!ā
Kƶnig tilted his head again. Just enough to reveal a single glint of eye behind the hood, and it made your ex scream.
Actually screamed. Like a man encountering the consequences of his actions for the very first time. And then he was gone. Fled down the hallway like the answer to a prayer you hadnāt had time to finish.
āWeāll talk later!ā
No, we wonāt.
You shut the door with the satisfying click of sealing a tomb, you grin slowly stretching.
Kƶnig turned back to you, then, silent and still waiting. .
You reached up and patted his arm- gently, because you were fairly certain that bicep could be registered as a medieval weapon. āA+, no notes. Extremely threatening. Ten out of ten cryptid vibes. You are great!ā
He made a low soun that was not quite a grunt and not quite a sigh, and you took it as a thank-you.
Later, after the adrenaline had faded, you handed him a mug of tea- which looked comically small in his massive hands, like a Barbie accessory. He held it delicately, reverently, as if youād handed him a precious museum piece instead of an herbal infusion from a grocery store.
You curled up on the wrecked edge of your couch, eyeing him across the room.
āYāknow,ā you murmured, half to yourself, āthis might actually work out.ā
He didnāt reply, but he did lean a little closer.
āWhat dāyou want for lunch?ā You finally remembered to ask, standing up with your hands on your hips like you were Superman awaiting orders from Batman and not actually one of the miserable civilians that need to be saved regularly.
āWe gotta keep you big and thick, Kƶnig! So just say what youād like.ā
ā¦he was staring a little too intently at you, actually. You kind of felt like you were kinning your ex-fiancĆ© in this moment.
konig enjoyers come get ur food š«” @machveil , @nightunite , @littlelionwriting , @haven247 , @wholelottanope503 , @saint-cosmos , @konigs-mondblume , @callsignmrsprice , @girl-lostconnection , @dylansilverdreamer , @kailan-sunshine , @venuskaltrip , @demothers-empty-blog , @luxcuriousao3
Johnny strutting up to older!reader in a bar with the tired ācan I buy ye a drinkā and you just look him up and down and ask āoh baby. How old are you? Whereās your dad?ā In the most condescending yet sweet voice heās ever heard and the man is lowkey bricked up. Heās stunned just staring at you stuttering out ā ām 26ā You look over his shoulder to the rest of the 141 sitting at a table. āEither come back in ten years or send your mutton chops daddy over. Ok sweetheartā your hand is shooing him away and heās walking a little stiff bc you just unlocked a kink in him he did not know he had.
Johnny walking back to his table and theyāre all wondering why he is both sulking and blushing until he says ācapān she wants to talk to youā. Heās pouting as he slides into his side and watches Price stand up.
āYou called?ā His deep voice pulled you from your drink to turn and give a knowing smile to the man now sitting next to you.
āYou just let that poor thing go hitting on women older than him? Why not just send him to the pretty more age appropriate girls hmm?ā You motioned for the bartender to get Price another beer and you another one of yours
āThe boy doesnāt usually have a problem with the easy ones. Gotta give him a challenge or heāll get a big headā. Heās sipping his beer watching your lips wrap around yours.
āWhat about you? Howās your head?ā Youāre looking at him like youāre expecting an answer as your hand lands on his thigh. And now heās almost choking on his drink, fully understanding why Johnny had the look he did on the way back to the table.
āmy fuckinā pussyā simon says as heās pounding you in a mating press. your heel-clad feet are hung over his burly shoulders, flopping with every thrust.
āmmmn, yer fuckinā pussyā you slurred back.
āoh my, weāve gotta talker, doing a little repeat after me? fuckinā simon says, huh?ā
heās such a tease.
how many of u r konig stans aside from the obvious ppl š§š»āāļø
TICKET TO PLAY | john price
Sheriff Price has a habit of pulling you over, and you have a habit of seeing how far you can push him. Itās a game you've been playing for yearsāa harmless one, until he gives you exactly what youāve been asking for.
⤿ based on this | [ AO3 ]
18+ AU, fem!reader, small town vibes, porn with minimal plot, smut, oral (m receiving), dom!john (back and forth between hard and soft), brattyāsort of pathetic reader, fingering, squirting, public sex, smidge of voyeurism, size kink if you really read the fine print, implied slight age gap [ 6.6k words ]
You werenāt going that fast.
Maybe nudging 35 in a 25, but the road was emptyājust you and the soft, golden light of a July evening slipping into dusk. The cicadas hummed their lazy symphony, crickets chirping in harmony, while the air carried the scent of fresh-cut grass and summer warmth. It was the kind of night that wrapped around you like a blanket, slow and sweet, the kind that made you want to roll the windows down and let the world drift by.
But then the sirens sliced through the calm, sharp and jarring, shattering the stillness. Red and blue lights flashed in your rearview, splashing the road ahead in a chaotic swirl of color. Your hands tightened on the wheel, that familiar knot twisting in your gut. You didnāt even need to check the mirror to know who it was.
Sheriff John Price.
@callsignmrsprice
When you got plushies on your bed and youāre abt to fuck
Gaz: is turning them around so they donāt see
Soap: is lining them up so they ALL see
Ghost: is shoving one under your hips so he can raise up your ass and fuck it
Price: is putting one in your arms so you can hold it and squeeze it when youāre overstimulated and squirming
Nik: putting it in your arms and involving it in the dirty talk tbh (āCarrotcake and I are so proud of you, milayaā taking papochkaās cock to the base like this. Did you fuck yourself in this bed while thinking of me, malýshka? Did your silly rabbit know what a slut you are for me before I did?ā)
mr Kate playing MWII: "š¶you guys can't see me, cuz I'm dressed like grassš¶...idiots."
mr kate still playing MWII
Soap: "the mask...take it off."
Mr kate, immediately: "lemme see those lips im kissin!"
PriceGhostWeek Day 5:
Possessive
i have a visceral need to put Soap in the most degrading positions imaginable but the twist is that it still gets him so horny that he nearly passes out
tw:somno
living next door to ghoap and while they (mostly Johnny) like to strike up conversation with you whenever you're getting your mail or tossing out the trash, lately, they've been catching you at every opportunity. even before work and they'll keep you around long enough to almost make you late.
maybe that's why you've suddenly started having raunchy dreams about them both. (but what makes it weird is that they're never together. it's only ever one or the other.) it's hard keeping the shame that sits hot in your chest below the collar of your shirt when you always end up cornered by either johnny or simon just to ask you how you've been recently, if you've slept well, that your skin is glowing.
how can you tell them that you've been getting the best sleep you've had in months because every other night, you've been having an actual orgasm or three to your wet dreams? that you've been waking up in the morning with release sticking your inner thighs together, your sex hot and tender to the touch because (in your imagination) he and his boyfriend eat pussy like it's the last one on they'll ever have?
none of this would be an issue if you just had you a nice boyfriend to give you the attention your neighbors have been forcing upon giving you.
(you don't. you give them a shaky smile, a weak excuse and run straight to your flat. it prompts johnny to chide simon for being so overzealous with you. "told ye to give 'er a few to recover, ye'd gone into 'er room just two days ago," as if he hadn't lapped up all the slick you'd left on simon's face after an hour of eating you out. as if johnny wasn't the one to suckle on the sensitive skin of your inner thigh long enough to leave the mark you'd confused for a bruise. hypocrisy at its finest.)
Soap being bitten by a weird looking attack dog on mission and does the usual rabies shots treatment/whatever. All his tests came back fine so he's not really worried about it.
It's just that....
Was he always this hairy? Like yeah sure he's never been sleek exactly, always had a dense bit of hair across his arms, legs, and torso. But recently it feels thicker, coarser.
Did you start wearing a new perfume? Weird he didn't notice until now. It smells amazing on you, he can't help but bury his face in your neck given any chance to do so, nibbles at your neck as you giggle and swat at him.
Everything's louder now. He mentions to Price that he can hear conversations from three offices over, and Price just shrugs and asks why he's complaining- his hearing has been damaged by so many close proximity explosions. Maybe it's just healed on its own somehow.
He keeps having to trim his nails for some reason, and doesn't miss Ghost's weird, observant stare as he sits next to the trash bin for the third time that week trimming his toenails. "Giving yerself a pedicure, Johnny?"
He's so hungry all the time. Gaz jokes he's going through a growth spurt the way he devours his meals, piles on the protein and craves red meat. Soap tells himself he was planning on going on a high-protein diet anyways so he can bulk out a little, so it's not really an issue.
You complain about the love bites he gives you, how he's biting harder than he should, and Soap swears up and down he isn't. The welts on your neck and shoulders tell a different story though, and when you frown at him Soap whines, wanting to tuck a tail he doesn't have under him in apology.
It's weird, but it's mostly explainable.
That is, until the next full moon, when you wake in the darkness of your bedroom to the low, dangerous growl of something wild and feral as he slowly creeps up your body and lets instinct take root.
Mother, what size of shirt do you think Kƶnig wears? š¤
*gaaasp* bby what have you done.
You honey have opened the floodgates of Kƶnig and his forever struggle of finding shit that FITS.
Letās break it down rq, pull up a seat.
The man is a mountain, we all know that. But the military wonāt allow you in past a certain height, keep that in mind. So that puts our dear Colonel at about 6ā6-6ā7, or 198-200cm tall.
I need to get this out of the way, he f*cks with tank tops. Anything sleeveless, he hates sleeves. Meathead loves to flex, plus itās more freeing.
Size wise I think heāll fit into an XL, mind you itās tight on him and heāll have to slim down. rip bulk. Letās say Kƶnig has a chest width of 55in (140cm) and a waist of a tree trunk I mean 51.2 inches (130cm) would put him at a size 3XL just to get comfortable.
He loves baggy hoodies but hates that most donāt come in 4XL, during desperate times he relies on those scratchy cardigans his grandmother knits for him every other Christmas.
Good luck finding a shirt that doesnāt rip past the expanse of those broad shoulders, I say ābroadā because that man is the definition of broadness. Heās just big, has a fat head too, no wonder the hem of his sniper shirt/hood doesnāt slip down to his eyes. I swear I donāt bully him.
He is a man. A man that would get an anxiety attack if he had to awkwardly sift through racks of clothing items just to find the right size. Itās always a gamble for him whenever he has to go online shopping for clothes.
Kƶnig would much rather try things on first before buying them, but he just isnāt damned enough to cram himself into one of those changing stalls. Heās had enough of stalls, honestly and he doesnāt need em outside of the military.
Bonus:
Shoes wise? buehuehue. He has a personal shoe maker. He has a personal shoe maker and let me tell you why: nobody has size 13 1/2 shoes that suit his taste. Thatās almost 12 inch shoes; the ones he does find are f*ck ugly. Fugly I tell you.
Chest width of 140 and waist size of 130 is unlocking something in me
the 141 coming to the stunning realization that they want to fuck their Captain
iām giggling right now
captain mactavish outside the bar: *lighting a cigarette* "when i graduated high school you were 13 isnt that weird"
riley, so drunk he cant stand straight: "can yuo put that out on me"
whatever you do, don't think about the idea that Captain John Price and Lietuenant Simon Riley likely have reinforcing patches on their work pants on the inner thigh
whatever you do, don't think about how thick they must be, being so tall and muscular, hands probably couldn't fit around a single thigh, a single thigh the size of my entire waist
whatever you do, don't think about how they generate so much heat, because they're so built, don't think about them needing reinforced pants because they're just that muscular
whatever you do, don't think about the idea that Captain John Price and Lietuenant Simon Riley likely have reinforcing patches on their work pants on the inner thigh
whatever you do, don't think about how thick they must be, being so tall and muscular, hands probably couldn't fit around a single thigh, a single thigh the size of my entire waist
whatever you do, don't think about how they generate so much heat, because they're so built, don't think about them needing reinforced pants because they're just that muscular