The Call to Adventure

This is a blog about answering what Joseph Campbell called, "the call to adventure." It's the first step in the hero's journey and often times the first step on the path to self-discovery. It's a path I've been on for a long time, and may always be on. My goal is to share what I've learned so when you, the reader, answer your own call to adventure you don't ignore it.

[calltoadventure]

Distillation Part IV: Emotional Triggers and You

Everyone has certain things that get under their skin. Maybe it's certain behaviors, certain topics, symbols, ideas or whatever. It's normal, and to some extent it's related to what we talked about last time in regards to self-perception and shadow projection.

Regardless of the external factor, what these things are are "emotional triggers." That is, they're things that evoke a strong and seemingly irrational emotional response almost instantly (whether the outward emotional response is immediate is irrelevant; you still feel something, though you may not show it until later). More often than not these triggers evoke a negative emotional response, which can and probably will directly impact your life.

Now, given that, you probably assume it's a good idea to avoid these things. You aren't entirely wrong in that thinking, though, honestly, avoidance will probably just make getting on with life that much more difficult. Imagine if one of your emotional triggers was having your time wasted. Can you reasonably avoid everything that could potentially be a time-waste? Small talk with co-workers? Waiting in line? Having plans cancelled last minute? Sure, you could probably avoid all three of those but it would ultimately create more problems.

In my experience, a better way of dealing with emotional triggers is simply to engage them. That probably sounds stupid, but I promise you it isn't. I mentioned in the opening that this is related to self-perception and shadow projection, and that's true. When an emotional trigger comes up, what you're getting is a window into your shadow. This bothers you on such a base level because somewhere, buried deep down, it's a part of you that you don't recognize.

Engaging these things headlong forces you into a position where you have to actually think about why these things bother you. If you put in that time and effort not only will these emotional triggers lose some (or all) of their control over you, but you'll gain so much more through simply having a better understanding of yourself (and you'll also gain some insight into why other people have strong, irrational emotional responses). There's a line from a really great movie called Revolver that I think sums it up nicely: "Induce head pain to engage the enemy."

In other words, embrace and accept your emotional triggers for what they are. Forgive yourself for having them but actively engage them to de-power them.

[calltoadventure]

Self-Perception 101: Two Quick Exercises in Shadow Projection and Behavioral Modeling

Off the top, let me say that I didn't come up with these exercises. You can message me if you'd like details.

I thought it might be helpful if, along with the previous post, I included two short and easy exercises in self-perception. The way this is broken down is: exercise then explanation. Let's just jump right into it.

Exercise 1: Shadow Projection and You

Step 1. In either a text document or on a sheet of paper, list three people whom you admire. It's best if these are people you know personally, but you can use fictional characters, celebrities, politicians, philosophers, etc.

Step 2. For each of those people, write out the three qualities you most admire.

Step 3. In the same text document or on the same sheet of paper, list three people whom you despise. Again, it's best if these are people you know personally, but they don't have to be.

Step 4. For each of those people, write out the three qualities you most despise.

Step 5. Look at each list of qualities. Read them out loud and keep them in mind for the explanation.

Exercise 1: Explanation

Now, let's talk about Shadow projection. If you're not familiar with the concept of the Shadow you can learn about it here. Briefly, and very simply put, the Shadow is a composite of all of the personality traits that you don't think of as being "you" (your persona). The Shadow contains both good and bad traits, all of which are unconscious. In D&D terms, you might say it's true neutral. Shadow projection is what happens when you, unconsciously, attribute things in your own shadow to other people.

Now you know the key to this exercise: the things you've listed that you admire in other people, as well as the things you despise in other people, are projections. In some form or another, perhaps not quite as strongly, those things exist in you. The reason you admire or despise these people is because you unconsciously recognize that.

The goal with this is to accept and actively embrace those things, good and bad. With the good, work on strengthening them and incorporating them into your conscious self. With the bad, accept and acknowledge them as a part of you, and then work to minimize their influence on your life.

Exercise 2: Behavioral Modeling

Step 1. Imagine a person you admire (either from the list above, or someone else). Again, it's best if this is someone you know personally but it doesn't have to be--it can even be a composite of different people or characters if that works best for you.

Step 2. Now, visualize that person engaging in activities that allow them to express what you admire about them.

Step 3. Analyze their behavior. What are they saying? What are they doing? What does their physical appearance look like? Look at their body language and mannerisms. What do those things suggest about their current and general emotional state?

Step 4. Freeze the image. Take a moment to walk around it and fully process your analysis. When you're done, imagine yourself stepping into that person, essentially becoming them.

Step 5. Unfreeze the image an imagine yourself engaging in those activities as that person. Again, take note what you're saying or doing, your physical appearance, your body language, mannerisms and emotional state.

Do this as often as you need to, when you need to, until those parts of yourself reflected in this person are strong and fully congruent with who you are. In doing this, the expression of those traits may and probably will change but that's OK. That's the whole point, really.

Exercise 2: Explanation

I'm not entirely certain "behavioral modeling" is the correct terminology to use, but it's the best fit I can think of. You can learn more here, but the gist is this: you observe and analyze a real or existing behavioral system, and then simulate it as best you can.

In doing this exercise, or even reading this explanation, you might think, "But I'm not being genuine to myself! I'm being dishonest!" Maybe, maybe not. The point is to get you to think about an ideal version of who you are, and begin to perceive yourself as that person; essentially to think about the person you'd like to be and how they act, think and influence the world around them.

Using someone you respect or admire as a model isn't necessarily being dishonest with yourself. Yes, you're imagining stepping into that person as you perceive them, but the goal is not to become that person. The goal is to strengthen and use those positive traits you see in them which are actually in you (as you learned from the first exercise).

It would be dishonest and ineffectual if you attempted simply to imitate that person. However, emulating the expression of traits that you admire, and that are ultimately within you anyway, gives you the chance to work with and strengthen those traits while finding how you express them best (which is key: as those thing are strengthened beyond the model, you will abandon the model in favor of your own method of expression).

Try both of these exercises out. They're pretty effective, in my experience.

[calltoadventure]

Be the man through whom you wish to influence others.

Carl Jung

[calltoadventure]

Distillation Part III: Your Perception, Your Reality

Perception is reality. Self-perception is the reality of who you are.

Now before anyone objects and tells me that there is an objective reality, let me say this: I agree with you. However, from a personal standpoint, what you perceive as real and true is real and true to you. Your perception is not someone else's perception, and it's important to understand this.

You may wonder why it's important and what this has to do with the mission statement of this blog. Those are actually two really great questions.

First, let's explore why it's important to the mission statement of this blog. To put it simply: how you perceive yourself is who you are. Now that isn't to say that if you perceive yourself to be Gandalf, then you are Gandalf. You aren't actually a wizard any more than your below-average-height friends are hobbits. What I mean by saying this is that whatever self-image(s) you use to define yourself internally are reflected in the way you interact with the world around you.

If your self-image(s) is/are negative, then you will act to fulfill those. In this way, your perception of who you are determines who you are. It's an important lesson to remember, and the take away is this: actively try to cultivate a positive self-image. The better you perceive yourself to be, the better you will act out in the world. As a lot of things do, it reminds me of a quote from Carl Jung (which I will post after this).

Now let's address why the concept of perception being reality is important in general. There are a lot of people who will read this and take umbrage. Let's just forget them and move on.

In a very general sense this concept is important because it tells you exactly how to approach others' opinions and beliefs: that person or group perceives these things as true, and as a result these things are true to that person or group. As such, so long as the person or group is not irrational, you should be respectful. Basically: don't belittle or write off things simply because they don't fit into how you perceive the world. Showing respect is the first step toward trust, which is the foundation of open communication, friendship and even self-discovery.

The way you handle dealing with your own negative and deleterious self-perception is reflective of how you should deal with the negative and deleterious perceptions of others: accept that they exist, respect them for the power they have and then work to change them if possible.

[calltoadventure]

Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.

Carl Gustav Jung

[calltoadventure]

Distillation Part II: A Wrong Answer Is Still An Answer

When last we spoke, we talked about the inevitability of failure. We talked about how that doesn't need to define who you are, and how you can actively choose to make the most of personal failures. I want to talk more about that third part, making the most of personal failures, today.

You've probably heard the phrase, "learn from your mistakes." You may think that means, simply, "don't do something twice if you've gotten bad results once," and that's certainly a valid interpretation of the phrase.

It's not the only interpretation, though. "Learning from mistakes" isn't just avoidance of objects, people or situations that caused harm or failure. No, learning from mistakes is also actively engaging in a process of examination and study of those mistakes. It's sitting down with yourself and asking, "What happened? How did this go wrong? Where did this go wrong? What was my part in this and how can I improve for the next time?"

It requires some introspection, curiosity and a strong desire to really learn and improve (which is easy enough if you're an INTP like me). It's entirely worth it to engage in this process, however, because it will give you more than you realize.

It reminds me of a quote from Carl Jung, which I'll dig up and post in-full later, that is pretty relevant to learning from failure. The basic gist of it is this: A wrong answer is not a bad answer. Even if you don't discover what something is, you've still learned something in knowing what it isn't.

[calltoadventure]

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

Carl Jung

[calltoadventure]

Distillation Part I: Failure is Inevitable

I hate to admit it, but it's true. I've suffered a lot of failure in my life, and largely blamed my past. It's been easy for me to think that failure is somehow something I'm destined for or something I deserve. That success in anything is fleeting and better left unattained, or perhaps that I simply am undeserving of succeeding in any fashion.

This is false, plain and simple. While the past, yours or mine, can hinder you it's important to remember that:

Failure is inevitable. It will happen eventually, guaranteed.

Your past failures only have as much bearing on your present as you let them.

Failure both past and present does not mean you are destined to fail at all things.

You deserve to find success in life.

Success is worth attaining.

You must define success for yourself. Don't ever let anyone else tell you what it is.

It's difficult to admit and difficult to remember, but it's worth it. Failing does not make you a failure. You deserve to define and find your own success in life.

To paraphrase someone who's work I found edifying years ago (and who may come up in more detail eventually): "Life isn't fair. And that's great news."

It's great because it means failure doesn't have to define you any more than it does any other person. Similarly, neither does success. The seeming unfairness of life means you can decide how you are defined. You can choose to let failure be simply a thing that happens and that doesn't slow you down. You can choose to put effort into refining existing skill sets or learning new ones. You can choose to make the most of your own failures when they happen. You can choose to let your success be an aspect of who you are, but not the sum total.

Never ever forget this: You are not a failure. You deserve to find your success and happiness.

[calltoadventure]

A Quick Explanation of Things That Follow

For some time now I've been reading a fantastic book by Chris Hardwick. The book is called The Nerdist Way, and it's sort of a self-help/self-discovery guide he's put together based on his experience (sort of like I'm doing now with this blog). I can't recommend it enough, and the first few posts here are going to be things I've distilled out from doing some of the exercises in the book.

Now, I won't list out the exercises here. You'll have to go buy his book yourself if you want any of that. I mean, why step on the toes of someone I like and who has partially inspired me?

What I'm posting is what, to me, seems to be more largely applicable lessons from those exercises. These are things that have helped me, from my own experience, and may or may not be applicable to you. Again, I encourage you to buy the book and try it yourself.

So, onward.

[calltoadventure]

First Things First

If you read the blog description to the right (at least to my right) you kind of get the gist of this whole thing. I have put, and continue to put, a lot of time into self-discovery/self-help/whatever you want to call it. How you refer to it isn't important, so much as the fact that you put the time in.

For me it's a process that relates to two things: Joseph Campbell's monomyth (or Hero's Journey) and Carl Gustav Jung's process of individuation. The former is something that you see repeated, in some form or another, throughout disparate mythologies and stories (classic examples of the hero's journey in popular culture: Frodo's quest in Lord of the Rings and Luke Skywalker's path to becoming a Jedi Knight).

The latter is what, to Jung, was the ultimate psychological goal of each person: the separation, re-integration and synthesis of parts of an individual personality that ultimately lead them to becoming a more whole individual.

There's more to it, of course, and I encourage everyone to read as much as they can about both men and their ideas. Don't stop there, though. There's a lot of related and seemingly unrelated content floating around out there to pull from. Ultimately, however, whatever works for you is all that matters.

So, that brings me back around to this blog and the question of why I'm doing it. That's a great question and the short answer is this: As I said, I've put a lot into this and continue to do so. My experience won't be your experience, but I hope that my experience can help you to hear and heed that "call to adventure" that Joseph Campbell talks about. It's important that you don't ignore it.

So, read on!