Calypso 3.0

Grown up

[calypsoff3]

Hey, sis. How are you?

LONG TIME! How are you!?

[calypso-finale]

Forty One.

Shaking Giles hand as I sat down, I know the Vogue team have been after me for a while, I have just been busy “we finally meet Chris, how is it your wife is easier to get then you? I would have thought it would be Rihanna” I chuckled “I am a busy guy, always in demand. Always doing something, I can’t help it” sitting down on the chair, they have been waiting to get this interview out for a while but are waiting for my input. This Vogue issue is going to be a big thing for us, as a family we are all on it including the kids so it’s good, but they have been wanting to interview me and then they can release it “how are you Chris? How is the family? Since this interview is a week late, I am sure the baby has grown in that week” oh this guy is pissed “she has, she’s even walking” I laughed “but erm, yeah. She is good, trying to adapt to her brothers being the pain they are. I feel like with this baby she has so much attention because the kids we have, they are grown but my youngest son, he’s feeling it. He’s jealous I would say” Giles chuckled “he wanted to be youngest didn’t he, so how did it come about you wanting another baby? Was it collectively or did it just happen, we have asked Rihanna this so let’s see if the stories match” rubbing my chin “all Rihanna; she said it and I was like another!? Like I shouted it out and she just said it, she said look I feel like we can end our brood on a high, one more for the road. And I was sat with my daughter, and I stared at her, it just hit me that when she is entering her twenties and all that, I will be in my sixties and that warms my heart really, I’ll have my grandchildren and my youngest, I like it” I shrugged “which brings me to grandparent? How does that feel” picking my chin hair “feels weird, I was holding my grandson, and then my daughter and I’m like wow, look at these two. I do adore the kids, it feels weird to be a grandparent, but I do miss him a lot, I really do. I miss him though, I always do” Giles smiled “and he lives in London?” Nodding my head, I am sad he’s gone back actually, Rylee has been weird ever since the baby was born and I don’t know why, she is very off with us.

Robyn made her way into the room “hope he is being good” she said with our daughter in her arms “he is, he is perfect, perfectly explaining everything. He hasn’t apologised for the lateness” licking my top lip grinning “he’s busy preparing a tour overseas, have you revealed the name?” She mentioned “not yet, I chose it. Like I do with my daughters. I always pick my daughters names” I am proud of that “what is her name?” Looking at Robyn, I didn’t know if she wanted to reveal the name actually “Emi-Fenty” I chuckled “simple name?” I chuckled “yeah, she has no middle name, it’s just Emi Fenty, I uhm. Like my kids they have Fenty-Brown in the name but I said for the books and verbally, we keep it Emi but in the certificate it is Emi-Fenty Brown but I like that name so we keep it like that, baby Emi” Giles got up “let me see her, she has a full head of hair doesn’t she” smiling at my daughter, she is asleep “yeah she got a hairline like mine though, she going to have some problems” rubbing the top of my head “she is beautiful, congratulations to the both of you” smiling at him “appreciate it” taking Emi from Robyn, I want to hold my daughter “so officially, is this the end? No more babies for Chris and Rihanna?” I laughed out “I don’t want anymore; this is it for us. We have six beautiful kids and a grandchild. Just seeing the picture of my family, like to see it complete like that. I’m proud, I think it’s going to be a shock to the people, but we are done now, we are happy and we have our happily ever after. I just want the best for my kids, as they grow. I know that they still want mom and dad, and we will always be there for them” Giles cooed out “who would you say is the most hard-work out of the children you both have?” Looking at Robyn “with the most drama, I honestly would say Rylee” Robyn is right “it is true, Rylee is still a pain currently” I think she will always be a pain, but she is my favourite child, so I take that.

Nuzzling my nose against Emi’ and she just opened her eyes a little but wasn’t impressed that I am annoying her “dad can I talk to you? Please?” Imani asked me, making my way to the kitchen “erm, give me a clue on what is it about?” I asked “dad, I have been trying to talk to you for the longest, and mom” seeing Robyn “well you can now, we are both here” Robyn looked at me “Rylee hasn’t spoke to me since she left here, she doesn’t do anything in the group chat either, not sure if you have picked up on that?” I said to Robyn “I have, when we posted Emi, everyone is answering, she isn’t. She hasn’t posted Aziel when we have told her how much we like to get updates on him every day, she has been very off since. She is a brat, just leave her to it. She will get over it, she wants attention Chris, stop giving it her” chewing on my bottom “maybe she just doesn’t agree with you both? She’s not a brat, she’s logical” looking at Imani, shocked on what she just said “wow?” I said, “sorry dad but it’s true, she isn’t a brat” Imani being Rylee biggest fan here “I didn’t say anything, but you are really capping for your sister ain’t you?” That is funny to see “well I don’t want people to disrespect her when she isn’t here” I wasn’t expecting this from Imani at all “oh wow” I just said “I wanted to ask you both, Rylee is already there-” Robyn cut her off “no, you’re not staying with Rylee, you’re not staying with Rylee at all. That girl is going through things, she won’t take care of you, and she will corrupt you. No” staring at Robyn “relax” I said to her “corrupt me? Wow, you both treat me like I’m ten, I’m bored of it. I am going whether you like it or not” Imani walked off “I don’t think so Imani!!” Robyn shouted, I let out a deep sigh “let me put Emi in the crib, I’ll be back” walking off with her in my arms, I always assumed that the kids would get easier as they grow up but no, they actually become more hard work. Ti is quiet, she is doing her thing, Rylee got issues and now Imani is in her phase, I can’t win with these kids at all. I am wonder what the boys will be like when they hit that age, they are already a pain and doing stupid shit, but they do ride together and are always there for each other.

I was going to speak to Robyn but then I did a u-turn and went to Imani instead, clearly she is feeling a type of way and I want to speak to her. Jogging up the steps, my little Imani is sick of being my little Imani; I don’t like that. Knocking on the door “it’s dad” I said, she better let me in “sure” she just said so I opened the door “I’m just doing my homework anyways, how can I help?” Closing the door behind me “you girls, always so demanding” I said, waving my hand “come, let’s talk” Imani groaned out “let’s talk when you are free to talk; I have been asking for so long” rubbing the back of my neck as she made her way over to the bed “I get it, sorry. Just with your mother having the baby, just busy but I’m here now” she sat down “your mom is wrong with what she said, she at times doesn’t think, not logically anyways” I said “I told Rylee what mom said” of course she did “good Imani, you know how to add to it. Listen, talk to me. Why do you want to move away? You’re my baby and you’re asking to just leave?” I am a little sad about that “I get treated like a child; I need to grow dad. I feel like I can’t be me, I don’t have my sisters around. I can’t speak to anyone about anything, I’ve never even had a boyfriend dad, I just want to live, want to grow, I feel I can’t here” I swallowed hard “I’ve asked Rylee and she said that it’s fine, that I can do it but I want you and mom to be happy with it too” stuffing my hands in my pocket “Imani you don’t need to have a boyfriend to be popular, you don’t need to think of men” she’s stressing me out “it’s not normal is it really?” Taking in a deep breath “I will talk to mom ok, just calm down with all that boyfriend business” Imani laughed “I know but I just want to be with my sisters, either that or Australia” this girl “stop it” I laughed “dad please, I am not a child” I huffed out, she will always be my baby just look at her little face “ok” I just said, I won’t add to it.

Opening the door to Lillian and Diji “Halle apologised she can’t make it, came as soon as you asked for me. Are you ok?” opening the door wider for her to come in, I didn’t say anything. I don’t know why, I am just so confused and I feel a little hurt by it all, I just need to speak to someone, anyone. I called my best friend, and her boyfriend is here but I don’t mind him. He is a good guy, closing the door “Aziel! What are you doing awake? Isn’t is nap time for you” Lillian said “my head is everywhere, I haven’t even put him to sleep, I feel like shit. I am just not happy, take a seat please. Aziel will be fine, he is playing” rubbing my face “what the fuck happened? Like when I got that text, you just put crying faces and need to talk. Halle is upset, she really wanted to come” Diji and Lillian both sat down “I am just so confused, like wow. So last night, it was about one, about that time. The buzzer went off, it kept going off like so many times, so I rushed over. I was awake anyways, that didn’t bother me, so I see on the screen. It’s Oakley, it’s late too, not like him. I didn’t buzz him in, I went to the door. I just went there, opened the door. He just stood there, staring at me. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even say hi that’s what gets me, I don’t think we even spoke, but like we just started kissing. We had sex” Lillian is not happy already “fell asleep, I woke up and he was gone, that was it. Like it didn’t happen” Lillian held the box up “and no protection” she has bought the morning after pill for me “thank you” I said “what the fuck why did you have sex with him? What did we discuss, this thing of you having sex first hand and regretting it after. Why did you fucking have sex with him” taking the box from her and sat down silently “I feel like shit, there is no text, no nothing just silence. We had sex, I know we did but we didn’t speak at all. Like he just came here for sex, that was it” Lillian and Diji just stared at each other.

I feel so upset about it, I am. I thought that we would wake up and he would be there still “as a man, why would he do that and go silent?” I asked Diji “you said he is pretty hurt by you having sex with Brian yeah?” nodding my head “power trip, he still has you. He wanted to know he has the hold over you. I mean he said it in his song, you said that pussy mine, why you let it go. As a man, I would do that to know she is mine. And leaving you, it’s just his way of getting at you but you shouldn’t be accessible like that Rylee. Like he is hurt, let him be hurt away from you. You just let him do that, at some point he will have to see Aziel, say it to him” putting my head down “Rylee, you really let him come in your apartment and do that. Don’t let him do that to you again, maybe it is him getting at you, tell that motherfucker he got another thing coming” I huffed out “I feel used” I mumbled “you will feel it when you just have sex, stop jumping. Even people you love can use you, just stop. Think of yourself, stop giving yourself away, I don’t know what Oakley is thinking, he probably is trying to upset you but you need to not let him have a hold over you” nodding my head “I don’t want to be rude, but was it missionary?” Diji asked “it was, he bit me on my chest randomly, here. He was rough with me too” I pointed at my chest “sister, listen to me. Go on a holiday, have a break away. If not alone then you girls do it, you look tired” I clenched my jaw putting my head down.

[calypso-finale]

Forty.

I have to laugh to myself because I feel I am turning into my mother, not in a bad way but the way I am just dragging Aziel out of the car seat “Raihan, I have a child here. You’re too grown to be acting this way! Now come here and stand with Aziel, hold his hand. I just need to get the bag from the back” kicking the door shut, I have hired a car while I am back here in LA for a while “I am not doing anything, I just touched him” dragging Aziel back up, he wants to go on the floor, he doesn’t like that I am holding him “come on Aziel” Raihan wrapped his arms around him “don’t pick him up, he won’t like it, follow me to the trunk” walking off to get the stuff out, my mother had the baby and I am happy for her. Well I am happy for them, they had a beautiful baby girl, another girl on the team. I know my dad is over the moon, he loves being a girl dad so much. It took him so long to get used to being a boy dad, I think he enjoys the sensitivity, but he enjoys that “look at that Aziel, you can hold the balloon, look at that” holding the balloon to him, Aziel wants to run, he wants to do everything I don’t want him to do but this has his attention “there you go baby, don’t let it go. I have spare balloons. I just know his ass will end up letting it go “Raihan get the rest of the balloons for me thank you” grabbing the bags, I have to go all out for my baby sister now, I went shopping and got lots of stuff for her “everything is pink” Raihan complained “she’s a girl, not a boring boy” pressing the button so the trunk can close “don’t think so” I did a little run and grabbed Aziel’ arm “mommy no!” he spat, he loves saying mommy now, one thing about my son he will tell me no now. The word no is a word he knows I hate “do not no me!” I spat, making my way to the hospital. Letting Aziel arm go as we got inside “thank you” I smiled at the nurse holding the door open to us “can I push the button on the elevator!?” Raihan asked “you can” if I didn’t have all these things plus staring at Aziel and what he is doing I would have pressed it my damn self “I really think it should have been a boy Rylee, we are outnumbered” Raihan is really taking it hard “you got Aziel, he is a pain. Is that what you want?” stepping into the elevator “maybe!” he spat, he loves to just be a pain like my own son “Aziel! You do not walk off, in here now” he turned to me and then made his way back over “thank you” this boy will do everything else.

My uncles are here “the gang is here” Rajad said “yes, the gang is. Can you open the door for me please” he smiled reaching over and opening the door “in here, come” Rajad pointed, Aziel ran inside with the balloon he so carefully took care of “thanks” I smiled “it’s big A!” my dad spat “awww they have come” walking into the room, momo is so frail. She is really getting on “sit down” I said to her “hey momo” leaning to her, kissing her cheek “Aziel! Here, now! Give hug!” I spat, Aziel just ran to my dad, he saw the goal and thought forget everyone, I am seeing my pawpaw “dad” my dad grinned and wrapped his arm around me “good seeing you” I grinned “thank you” I huffed out walking to my mom “you look exhausted, how are you? Oh wow, that’s her” looking in the crib “she is big, but reminds me already of you. You was perfect” I pulled a face “was huh, oh and Raihan is feeling a little sad so yeah” kissing my mom’ cheek “you didn’t need to bring me anything, yourselves were fine” smiling at her “got to spoil my sister now” stepping back “why sister mom?” Raihan said “Raihan, come here. You will always be my baby” looking in the corner to put the gifts away, she has already got a lot, I am glad they are both safe and happy.

Watching Aziel, he keeps wanting to pull the cables out “who got his ears done?” momo asked “erm, Oakley. He came home and I was like huh, and then he said he did it” she pulled a face “did he not ask you, what if you didn’t want that?” I shrugged “it doesn’t bother me, I was something I would have done eventually but he just did it, I don’t mind it” momo waved me off “being too kind, also he is going to be a handful. Trust me, I know how you was, you need to put your foot down and I am not joking” smiling as I looked away “I know, so how was the birth mom. Aziel, come to mom” I don’t want him to go near momo, she is picking on things for no reason “it went easy, as soon as I got to the hospital I gave birth straight away, so that was good for me. I am content now” she says that but she will come up with something “that’s good, least you can be there for this one” it just came out of my mouth, like I don’t know where it came from either “ok Rylee” my mom said “sorry” I laughed awkwardly, maybe I should just shut up “I was always there for you so I don’t know what that is about, you was always there on my hip” nodding my head “I will be forty and this child will be going into her twenties” shaking my head “that is still not your problem Rylee, you don’t need with us, clearly my kids are leaving the nest, and hopefully we don’t die, don’t want to burden you” picking Aziel and placing him on my lap “whatever” staring at the baby, I hate being grown. I wish I wasn’t grown, I wish I was still that kid, I feel like I didn’t have a childhood because I was either being there for my siblings or living in the public eye “you’re feeling a little sensitive?” momo said “somewhat” I just said.

Aziel fell asleep luckily, he was fighting it, but he fell asleep in my arms “what is wrong with you? Like you was ok and now you’re upset with me?” clearing my throat “nothing just that, it sucks being the oldest that is all” my mom just shook her head “it’s life, either you was going to be the oldest or Ti, but it doesn’t matter really does it because you both are healthy and happy, you think this new baby will what? Change something” I shrugged, my dad came up at the side of me “you still my original baby” and that is it, that is all I needed to hear to set me off “oh Rylee” my mom spat “it’s nothing” moving away from my dad “that is why you’re crying, talk to me” he sat on the side of the chair “you feel we are going to forget you? What is it?” I sniffled shaking my head “reminds me of when we had Ti and you cried, don’t worry she won’t steal your toys” looking up at my dad “shut up” I said trying to not laugh, he is so stupid “feeling sensitive?” he wants to know of course “just feel sad ok” my dad never stops “I am ok” I rather they leave me alone because I will get over it “you know we always will love you, don’t feel that way” now my mom is starting “please” I just said, I want them to both stop because I am just feeling sensitive, I will get over it.

Tianna has been blowing up my phone and for what, I’ve been busy crying about this new baby, and I don’t know why, maybe I needed the attention “bitch what?” I finally answered “where the fuck have you been, you not heard the track Oakley has put out? And about you?” My face dropped “huh?” I said, “you’re joking, how do you know it’s me?” She’s assuming now “who else broke his heart? Literally got released and I heard it, I was like oh please, then he had an interview or whatever. You can watch it yourself” he wouldn’t do that “what does he say?” I can’t believe this “chile, the opening thing is literally him saying you said that pussy mine, so why you let it go, you’re such a hoe” my mouth fell open “he said about fucking that opp thot and he don’t even know why he did it, he is talking a lot of shit in it. I will send you the interview, he doesn’t say much but come on. He is speaking on you. We all know he is, now they all speaking on you. I thought you would have known” she is acting like I haven’t been keeping myself quiet “not really, I just parted ways with Brian” Ti snorted laughing “well it went from obsessed with you to you’re such a hoe” I don’t want to even know right now “how is mom anyways?” now she asks “just fine, why don’t you call mom yourself. Bitch, send me the interview. I am going to cuss that bastard out, what a dick” how could he do that to me, speak on me like that.

I can’t even deny this isn’t about me, that is so fucking rude. Tapping on the video “you must be very heartbroken to make a song like this?” the interviewer said “I don’t do heartbreak, I don’t do love” he is such a liar “so these lyrics do not corelate to your life?” he shook his head “just made it, nothing to connect anyone too” he is lying through it all “so this song isn’t about a certain ex right?” watching Oakley, he is so serious “then I am disrespecting the mother of my child, so no” oh he is lying so bad “ok, ok. Well these lyrics are very cutting, so you don’t do love. Why is that? I mean there will be a lot of people able to connect with this” he is a dick “I don’t do love” he just said “hit it and quit it” he chuckled “I could say that but then I had a baby” he chuckled, taking the video off. Getting up from the chair, tapping on his number. He is wrong for that, he is now denying that it has anything to do with me “yo” stepping out of the room “you’re foul” I said “for?” I hate that he is acting dumb “that song is about me and it’s not fucking nice Oakley” it’s rude “I didn’t say it was you, you’re assuming it” he mumbled “who is the opp you fucked?” he laughed “why can’t you accept I am sorry and that I made a mistake” he really can’t accept that “so did I” he said before he disconnected the call, I breathed out, a mixture of wanting to cry or just screaming out “you not coming back in?” my dad asked “your best friend made a song about me” let’s see if my dad is ok with this “I asked him about it already, he said no. I haven’t heard it, also Rylee I don’t want to be in involved in your shit, you got yourself in it” my dad walked off.

Walking back into the room and the first thing I see is my son crying “why is he crying?” I said as he ran over to me “how about you stop leaving him, he’s upsetting the baby too” my mom said, picking him up “but who upset him? Ssshhh it’s ok” my mom looked at Monica “well nobody has the right to be upsetting my son, so what I left him in the room, I left him with his grandparents, his family. Don’t act like I did wrong, that is just stupid” rubbing his back “nobody is saying that but I have just given birth, I don’t need him running around” shaking my head “what the fuck ever, I am going anyways” grabbing his changing bag “I don’t want you to go” this family is annoying “you got the new addition, congratulations, god bless. I will take my son and go” I can’t be dealing with this when I have my own shit, I need to see North anyways, she did call me “you can be so childish” walking out of the room, my dad has his new child now “are you going?” Imani asked “yes, not staying with the happy family” she let out an oh “can I come? Please” nodding my head “sure, why not” Imani has had enough of them too, this isn’t just me.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Nine.

Passing Herb the contract “this better be six figures?” This guy is funny “you’re getting a meal, that’s what you’re getting. Troll” shaking my head at him “you should be lucky I’m taking you on tour with me” he looked at me “you would think you’re a rapper, look at this. We got K-Trap, Central Cee, G-Herbo and then Chris Brown the singing sensation, you lost my nigga?” I just smiled at him “I want to be different; I want my tour different; I don’t want to be like the usual things. And honestly I think I should have been a rapper; I just so happen to have a sexy ass voice too. But sign the shit bro, you in or nah?” He picked the pen up; I knew Herb would be down for this tour. I can never sit still, I was never going to just shit at home, and honestly I love to sing so I knew I would be doing another, just didn’t think it would be so soon. I know Robyn won’t mind this at all, I mean the eldest three aren’t in need of us, she has the boys which are a pain, but she can deal with it, I’m sure she will be fine with it. Mel and Robyn are like twins because Mel is also pregnant now too, I’m happy for her because she waited a whole long time to have just a second one, it’s about time she found happiness “there” Herb smiled at me “selling your soul to me” I grinned “I trust you with my life though” I cooed out “that’s love” I sighed “you’re for real my big brother though, this is why I will jump if you told me too, I would also tell you that you are dumb when you acting dumb, but I got you broski” dapping him “you not missing Taina then?” Turning to him “I do, I miss her always bro. She was good to me and I took that for advantage, I feel bad, but you know. I got to let her go, I guess you can say I need to grow up. I fucked up, but what can I do. When I went to the crib she near knocked me out, she’s so mad. I said look T, let me get my shit and I’m gone. So yeah, she hate me, I know it” shaking my head “you one dumb nigga, I keep telling you that she good people” Herb nudged me “how long it take until you was ok? And happy” he got a point, I just smiled at him because he’s right “man, I was dumb too, but I just wanted you to do right with the things I did wrong, that’s all” he grinned “I know” getting my phone out from my pocket “how you get so close to this guy? I don’t get it bro” Oakley is calling me, placing the phone on the table “we just met, I told you. But the way he is, he just like me Herb, everything he going through I get it and he knows it. I can’t help it, I’m there for him like that and always was, just wish he didn’t go for my daughter, but we move” looking over at Herb, I sniggered “you jealous of the bond we got” I know Herb is jealous “I get it, you feel you was that skinny nigga from the block” side eyeing him, how dare he say that.

Herb went to get some backwoods so I thought I would call Oakley back, I don’t want him to think I am ignoring him now, placing my phone against my ear as it rang out. Looking over at the store to see if he is coming out because Herb is taking his time “what’s good?” he picked up “whitey, you good? Missed your call” I said “yeah, yeah. Nothing important just wanted to speak to you, you on your own? You out, out?” he asked, “I am out currently, you want to speak on what we was texting last night?” I am sure it is “somewhat, just you right. Shit hurts, nobody really understands and when you said what you said, those words. It hit me but speak like when you free, like in private. You know how I be” he laughed “I do know how you are, that’s fine. When I get back to the crib I will call you, you still got the brat?” he said he had Aziel “I still do yes, he is in the car seat vibing and shit, I got a video of him that I took of us, he started dancing, look cute as hell. I will send it you now actually” I will have all the videos of my grandson “sure, send it over. I miss him already, but I will call you later. I will text you beforehand, before I ring” I feel bad, I didn’t mean to throw him off “cool, bye” he disconnected the call, I just told him that he isn’t alone in shit, he likes to be a loner and he really isn’t a loner, Oakley doesn’t have many friends, his circle is so small, his family is shit. That one friend that got killed, that’s hard on him “you took ages!” I spat “he rolled me one bro” Herb is annoying as shit as times, I be wanting to whack him.

Smiling at Robyn “enjoying pregnancy you say?” I said laughing, she is a lie. I know her ass isn’t enjoying shit now, she can’t see her feet “swollen feet Chris, please massage them” she pointed “whale..” I dragged out “you called me a whale? You asshole!” I snorted laughing “I said well, I am playing. I will massage your feet, how is mother and baby” placing my hand on the bump “mother is good and baby is too relaxed, want it out” it’s such a weird feeling when touching the bump, to feel the baby move around, the connection “I am telling you now, this is a girl, all my daughters gave me this connection, I can feel it. This is another girl, not sure if I can fit another love into my heart, it’s a little compact now” I said, lightly rubbing her bump “that is cute, I can’t wait for the surprise Chris. I just want to go there and just be surprised, I want a healthy baby, one that is just ok. I feel like this baby is going to be calm though, usually. With the boys that is, they gave me hell for no reason, kicking and moving, this one. Just a light touch” nodding my head agreeing “yeah she is” I grinned “not you starting” moving my hand back “you seen the video of Aziel dancing in his little tech fleece, he looks so cute. Already dressing like a London boy” getting my phone out of my pocket “no, show me! Who sent you that, because it wasn’t in the family group chat” she said “Oakley” tapping on the video, passing my phone to Robyn. His little two step, he is too cute “he needs that pacifier out but look at him, I peeped that though. The little look he gave his dad and then continued to dance, he just needed the approval from his dad” she noticed that too “I know right, it’s cute. Did Rylee say she is coming back with him? Or leaving him behind” Robyn shrugged “but she better bring him, she can’t leave him in London for that long, no” taking my phone from her, of course she is saying no, I only asked a question and she nearly blew a vessel.

Pecking Robyn’ lips as I laid out next to her “I have a little thing going on by the way, I fully did it knowing that you will be ok and it won’t be a long thing but I am going to do an overseas tour” I said to her, I mean I don’t see why I need to ask her because I am not doing it in a way that I won’t be here for the birth or be here for a few months beforehand “oh I love how you’re telling me and not asking Chris, but when do you ever sit still? You literally told me you was going to the UK and then backtracked” she is right I did “I didn’t want to hear Rylee’ headache, she started saying how I can babysit, I was like no. I was going there for business but I can just do that next time when I am there anyways” Robyn chuckled “oh Tianna sends you her love and she is sad she won’t be here for when the baby comes, I said to her that I am happy that she is happy and she can come when she is free, I rather she be busy and what not” nodding my head “cool, are you pissed though?” I questioned “about?” looking over at her “yes I am Chris” I chuckled, I knew she would be.

Poking my lips out looking around my kitchen “you look so miserable” Ti laughed “I am, it’s so quiet in this apartment but I guess whatever. We are having dinner over skype” I grinned with the fork in hand “exactly, I mean soon we can do it in person. But anyways, I am so shocked that you did that Dior thing” I don’t know why I told Ti but I just said, I felt the need too because I am mad at myself “same Ti, I don’t know. What happened was that me being angry at Oakley at that moment, it seemed like an idea to get back at him, not the best idea but then I slept with him, again. Not the best idea I have had” I chuckled “Rylee, you and I have both had stupid ideas, that’s just us you know. We are dumb at times, we are still dumb actually” she laughed “enough about my stupid idea, how are the men in Australia, give me the details, are they all like weird and white?” Ti laughed out “they are very white, and the black people you meet are white. Well they act white” she said “but potentials no, but I have made friends” I cooed out “Ti, that makes me so happy. I am glad you’re having a good time. You know friends make good potentials too” I raised an eyebrow “oh stop it, they are good friends ok” I shrugged, I am trying “anyways, it’s best to be single. Just not single with a baby though” I huffed out “Aziel is the sweetest thing so stop it” smiling at her “oh did you see Imani message in the chat? You know mom is going to tell her to shut up” Ti cringed “mom and dad treat her like she is ten, they got to stop. I feel for her, she is fed up” nodding my head “dad hasn’t let up, I am hoping the new baby changes it but her wanting to come to London and stay with me, mom will say no, dad will say yes. I know it but I read the message and haven’t said a thing, because I can’t. I don’t want to hear it” I do not want to be involved.

Closing the dishwasher door “Imani text the group again, are you both on skype together, I can see it” I sniggered “oh shit, we got caught, add her in” Imani is going to get offended if she doesn’t add her in two seconds, walking to the fridge and opening the door “wow! You both are supposed to my sisters!” Imani said, I smiled to myself “it was last minute actually” Ti said “last minute? You both been on for hours, liars” walking back over to the laptop “oh here is the mastermind” Imani sounds just like my mom “wow, ok mini Rihanna, calm down. We actually just thought to talk, sorry. Don’t get offended and do not tell mom” Imani has got a face on now “I am sad anyways; also why didn’t you answer me?” I knew she would ask because I don’t want to be involved I am sorry, you can ask mom but she will say how bad I am. She will say that I will corrupt you so yeah, I can’t be bothered to be doing that but Imani. My home is free, it’s open for you to stay here. I don’t mind” Imani smiled at me, she knows I am right “thanks sister, I will talk to both mom and dad, I think being away from the parents is the way forward” Ti and I both laughed “you going to hate me but Oakley is here with Aziel, I need to go and see them” I pointed as the buzzer went off “what!? No, show me Aziel and then you can go” I huffed out “fine” let me go and answer the door, making my way over to the door. I could buzz the door open actually but it don’t matter. Opening the door, Oakley is just smiling with Aziel in his arms “hey baby” Aziel turned his head “oh” I guess we doing that.

Aziel is sat on the couch on the skype call with his aunties, he has taken over. Looking over at Oakley “you both had a good time?” I asked “yeah we did, he was good. Hung out with me, went shopping with me as you know, you saw the pictures and we made his bedroom up at the new place. We just had a good time together, the ointment the doctor gave him for his skin it’s working, he isn’t scratching it either but yeah, we had a good time” he said “I am glad you did, he doesn’t want to come back to me now” Oakley crossed his arms across his chest smiling “I mean he was good, maybe he missed me but I think on a regular day he will play up, so erm when you going to America again? Soon right?” turning to him “yeah, just for my mom. The baby and all that, but I will be back soon” I hate when he stares at me, he just stares into my soul “look” we both said the same thing, it was so weird “you go first?” I gestured “I just wanted to say that I am going to Spain for a few days but if you need anything then please let me know” smiling at him “sure” I breathed out “and out of respect for you, I am getting to know someone” I don’t know but I just felt my heart just die inside “it’s not Kenza” he added “but a potential” am I giving it off, I think I am because he is looking at me gone out “going Spain together?” I asked “she will be there but is a bunch of us” I smiled at him “that’s fine, happy for you. Aziel I think you need to put your aunties away now” I need him to sleep so I can just go to sleep and mourn this to get over it.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Eight.

I let out the deepest sigh, my mother is so deep into her pregnancy now that she is ready to drop any time now, but she has had a good pregnancy, I have to give her that. She hasn’t has any issues at all, she has been living her best life pregnant, so I think she is having a girl. Nobody knows what she is having but I think it’s a girl “what are you looking at?” she asked me “nothing, just looking at you just living your best life but anyways, I am going to go back to London but I will be back” my mom rolled her eyes “yeah, well I just don’t understand why you need to go back there just to come back here?” she has a point “because he needs to see his dad ok, I won’t be sending him alone now will I, I am not going to let Aziel go there alone and also he is not happy of course” my mom huffed out “I think you need to go court and get it done properly” she said “he won’t go court, well he said he won’t go court if he doesn’t need too, he gives me maintenance though, I don’t ask for it. I don’t need it so I just put it in the savings account for him, every week he sends me a thousand” my mom snorted laughing “should be more than that, in the US they will have his pants down. But are you happy with that?” I shrugged “not bothered about it, it goes to his account so yeah. But the fact he sends it, I can’t be mad with it but yeah. I will be back for erm, before the baby is born. I get to see my UK babes while I am there too” I grinned “what about your boyfriend?” she has to remind me “oh him, he is staying here to do work I guess, but I haven’t been near him since, I just can’t bring myself to do anything with him. It’s just about me and Aziel” my mom smiled at me “it should always be that way mom” my mom sniggered “well if you’re anything like me, then seeing your first love is going to mess with you, it did me and I didn’t let him go. I mean we are six kids deep and I don’t ever see myself with anyone else but him” I didn’t need to hear that “yeah mom” I rolled my eyes, I just know that my feelings are there still but I don’t know what I am going to go back home too, London is my new home but I have just been running away from it.

Taking in a deep breath, Lillian let out the biggest scream seeing me “she’s back!” she ran to me in the middle of Heathrow airport, opening my arms as I held her “oh my god, I am so happy you are back!!” she screamed in my ear “it’s so good to see you girls, Halle too!” waving my hand, she is busy waving at Aziel in the stroller “come here girl” Halle wrapped her arms around us both already hugging “you know what, I was saying to Halle, she isn’t coming back but I am so glad you have because you have every right to be here!” moving back from the hug “I know girls, I just needed some time in LA, I mean coming back wasn’t on the agenda yet but my mom is going to give birth soon so I will be back” Halle eyes widened “huh!?” she spat “oh shit, it’s a secret. Please don’t repeat that” placing my hand over my mouth “mhmmm Miss Fenty be putting in the work, sister” Lillian said laughing “please, I beg. Nobody really knows but yeah, so I thought my chance to come, see London, he can see his dad and then I will be on my travels there but once it’s all done with, I will be back for good. I have things I need to do here anyways” Halle smiled “well, we came to pick you up in my purple princess, I got my nephew car seat too boo” I chuckled “not the purple beast” I pulled a face “bitch?” she spat “I mean thank you” I grinned “no I am so happy to see you back, and Aziel. I hope you treating mom good” Halle started pushing his stroller “chile, we need the details” Lillian grabbed my case “I appreciate that you both picked me up, I was going to get a driver to do it but then I am like I have my two beat bitches here so I thought I would call” walking alongside them, I am glad to be back but not so much with seeing him.

Aziel was quick to run to his toys “Aziel!” I shouted his name but he just threw his pacifier and tipped the bag over “he told you Robyn” Lillian said as she closed the door “he did, I need to get him off that pacifier, I tried and he screamed me down” I need to do a lot actually “cut holes in it, that works” nodding my head “thank you though, I appreciate it” Halle sat down “good, we are ordering food and we can discuss, a lot has gone off sister love. I think we need to discuss” nodding my head slowly “well you can order I will get Aziel changed for sleep, but I don’t think he will be, as you can see he is ready to cause havoc” making my way over to him “oh leave him, we will watch him. Go and get yourself changed and come down. Let him fall asleep when he is ready, he is going to fight you on this so if I was you just let him sleep when he is ready” Lillian has a point “fine, that is ok. I will just you know get things prepped, thank you though. You girls love me too much” I grinned, Aziel throwing those Lego blocks around like I won’t hurt myself, he is so annoying “Aziel! No throwing!” I pointed, he pointed back at me “he’s like long hair don’t care” Halle laughed “he is, like his father. I was going to shave his hair but then his beautiful ashy blonde hair, it’s too cute to do that so I left it” Aziel smiled at me “oh don’t cut his hair, I mean he got bundles and I think his hair would look nice shaven but his long hair is too beautiful” nodding my head “I agree, ok. I will be upstairs, if you need anything then let me know” I huffed out as I grabbed my case “I can’t believe miss Fenty is pregnant, whew. Your parents don’t stop but then again. Sister love my parents last child was at forty nine” I cringed “I wasn’t happy, as you can see” I laughed pointing at my face, I mean I have accepted it now but initially I wasn’t happy.

The girlies really went all out and bought all the snacks, they are so cute with all this “you know what, my mother. She’s has this Vogue interview; she was so brutally honest that it hurt to hear it. I don’t think I should have heard it but I did, but they asked her the question like how did she feel about me being pregnant and having a baby, she said like she was hurt. It was one of her biggest disappointments as a mother because she felt she failed me, and that, just hearing that. It hurt me to the core, I just you know. I hate it, I hate that I am that you know, the disappointment” Lillian squinted her eyes “tell me this sister” she wiped her hands “if you could go back to the moment you decided to keep the baby, would you change it. Would just abort the baby if you could? Honest answer, because to me that shouldn’t be an issue. Parents are always that way, but you seems like it’s affected you because you feel that way, we in life should never have a baby to keep a man and I sure in hell could have told you that but you tell me, if you could change that moment and change your answer, would you?” she asked, I swallowed hard “mommy” looking over at Aziel running over to me with his blankie, he has made a mess “tired now?” I said to him, picking him up and placing him on my lap, looking down at him just thinking. I can’t actually imagine a life without him now, it’s not there “I wouldn’t” I admitted “I don’t think I can because he is part of it now, I don’t regret him but I regret dating another, and not being there for the guy that was there for me when I had him” Halle cringed “what happened there though? You was texting the group that I am taking care of Oak and that he is at the house, it’s a little hectic. Next minute I see you with Brian and he is holding Aziel like he is the dad, next headline was boyfriend. I was shook” I smiled awkwardly “I was stupid, in the moment I was erm, I jumped because I thought he was playing me, and I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought Kenza was getting in there when really no, I fucked up and Brian. I hate myself because I slept with him, but I am with him as a contract with Dior for gain” Lillian’ mouth fell open “I knew that shit was a thing but I didn’t think it was all true!?” she screamed “all the famous people do it, just I slept with him. I don’t remember really” I am being judged.

It was a sleepless night because Aziel is not happy, he was up causing havoc for me but I did text his dad and I said he can pick him up early. Oakley is an early riser so I knew he would be awake “Aziel, come here” waving him over “shall we give you a bath, you smell” pulling a face, Aziel doesn’t care at all he just ran off, of course he did “well either way you will be having a bath and then I can pack your stuff to be with your dad, oh wait. You have your doctors appointment today” that totally left my mind, the buzzer went off. Aziel is so nosey, he looked at me and then ran “mhmmm who is that” walking over to the kitchen area “be careful!” I shouted, looking at the screen and it’s Oakley, he is here already, but I didn’t ask him to be here this early. Pressing the buzzer to let him in, the door unlocked so he can come in. I honestly love that feature “hey little man” Aziel let out a big scream, to hear him scream in happiness makes me happy. Smiling at Aziel in Oakley’ arms, he is happy to see your dad “you miss me, I missed you” Oakley kicked the door close “I didn’t think you would be here this quick, he needs a bath and I totally forgot that he has his appointment at the doctors for his back” Oakley put him down “oh is that patch of skin he keeps scratching” nodding my head “I can take you, that is ok” grabbing his arm before Aziel ran off, I refuse to let him go now “you can play after, bath now” picking him up “you know where everything is” walking off to the bathroom, I don’t need to show him anything.

Placing the baby bag on the couch with Aziel on my hip in his towel “for his overnight stay with you” Oakley stared up at me, the way he stares at me. Not even in a bad way but its something that makes me excited, well it did when I first saw him “did you pack his bedroom?” he asked, looking at the bag “well you never know, I am trying to get him off his pacifier, but the girlies said I should put holes in it slowly and gradually he will start to hate it” looking at Aziel and he is smiling “he is in a good mood today, I am glad. His hair his is so thick its going to take time to dry” he got a point “yeah, I better get on with it” turning on my heels to get him changed, I feel Oakley just staring at me but we are being so cordial about everything. Placing Aziel on the bed “don’t you jump now” just as I moved back the towel dropped “oh no, I can see your butt” it was inevitable that he was going to fall onto the bed with his unsteady ass, I do love my son. I think I wouldn’t change a thing, I wouldn’t even think about changing a thing about him, I mean to hear my mom say how disappointed she was with me having a baby, she is acting like I committed a murder.

Oakley saying he would take me to the appointment is sweet of him, but the car ride is awkward too “how was America?” he asked “erm it was good, I am shocked you went back really. You and my dad were besties hanging around” I had to say it “helping me with my album, that’s good blood right there. Maybe I needed to be single to get that back” looking over at him, side eyeing him but he is laughing “I got a contract through though, from CBE. I looked at it and signed it” furrowing my eyebrows “why is my dad label giving you a contract?” He shrugged smirking “why not” he cleared his throat “why can’t he? That’s business” I am glad we are at the doctors office now “that’s business? Oh please” Oakley is just talking to piss me off, how annoying “big man is doing a tour and he’s asked me to go on there with him” I pulled a face “my mother is going to give birth, what you mean a tour?” I am confused “you heard me, a tour” getting out of car “well if I tell my mom, there won’t be one” closing the door, opening the back door. Oakley’ face is right there just smirking at me, I tried not to smile at him but I ended up smiling. He looked away and got out of the car, I’m glad Oakley came with me to this appointment. Oakley picked Aziel up as we got into the office, walking to the receptionist “hello, welcome” the guy said “appointment for Aziel Caesar-Su” looking over at Oakley and he looked away from me as we both caught eyes “that is fine, please take a seat” smiling as I stepped back, I can’t complain that he is here, even if he is annoying.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Seven.

Staring between both Junior and Raihan, and then again “I am just going to step back inside before I lose my shit” turning around and closing the door, Amerie is just staring at me also, but I am one second away from getting a belt and beating them both up “mhm?” Mel just said “mhm your nephews before I go out there and beat them both up, I am not fucking happy” I stormed off, I cannot believe they have broken my glass window playing, I told them to play not in my back yard but across the road on the court but no, they wanted to play in my back yard, in my fucking back yard and break my glass window “I would say I am happy to see you but don’t go there, there is glass around, your brothers broke my window. Keep Aziel away, hi Brian” walking off to go upstairs, I am about to lose my shit. Either those boys are fighting, arguing, starting fights. They are forever misbehaving together, as they grow I feel they are getting worse. They are both up to no good constantly and really, I do miss my girls being that age instead because these boys are driving me crazy, this is the second window they have broken “the damn devils work, these kids have took me over the edge and I don’t want to lose it” I spoke to myself “are you ok mom?” Imani asked as she came down the steps “ok? I don’t know if wanting to murder is me being ok but I am you know, I am just going to go to my room and scream, then I will be back” Imani cringed “I am sure they are sorry” they are sorry, I am going to ground them I think, I mean last time they did it I didn’t really ground them, it was a simple mistake but this time I told them don’t play ball games here because I know Junior throws far and he does it on purpose so Junior can chase it, like he is a dog and also the pool is there. Last time he fell in there and it scared him, but no Junior didn’t listen. I will blame Junior for this, I am not happy whatsoever and I think the kids know it too. I just saw Aziel and thought oh another child to make a mess but I will go and lay down and then come back down with a better attitude, it’s not even anyone’s fault just my son’s being so stupid.

I am much calmer now, but I don’t want to see the boy’s face so they have moved to play on the basketball court which I told them to do to begin with, I just never get these kids “made it back down” Rylee said “I did” smiling “what is this, you stealing my remote control now?” Aziel made his way over to me with it in hand “yeah, you better give me that, you lose that I am hunting you down” Rylee is laughing “you are getting old and miserable mom” I think she is right, I am becoming that “well what do you expect when I have your brothers being a nightmare, you will have that to come” I pointed at her “he is already like that, he walks around like the man of my home” she chuckled “where is Ti? She gone already?” Rylee asked “she left, hey my daughter is a little jet setter now, she is always somewhere but home, she said she will be back before you even leave, she hopes anyways” Rylee let out an oh “so how is you and Brian getting on” sitting down on the couch “fine” Brian just looked at Rylee like she said something wrong “mhmm” I just said “well you know when another man has broken your heart, you’re just stuck on that” Brian said “oh” looking at Rylee “he didn’t break my heart” she corrected him “where is dad?” Rylee didn’t like him saying that “dad is at the studio” I just said knowing full well he is with Oakley because it may upset her and I don’t want that “mhmmm” she just said “mhmm to you too, speaking of your father” I pointed, Chris walked in just on time “Big A, come here boy” Aziel ran like his life depended on it, kids love Chris a lot “oh” he just looked at Brian “Robyn, can I talk to you. Come on big man, you can come too” Chris said as he walked off, I got up from the couch, I guess I have been summoned now.

Chris fixed Aziel chain “what is this Live Yours business?” I asked “that’s his dad’ label” letting out an oh, I didn’t know that “I don’t want Brian in this house” Chris just said to me “Chris” I stared at him “I don’t want a guy my daughter doesn’t want in this house, I don’t know what she is on or what she is up too but I don’t want no parts and I don’t want random men here, also we didn’t welcome Oakley here, some goes for him so, deal with it” here he goes “that is her boyfriend Chris” I defended “hers or yours?” I gasped “how dare you” Chris shrugged “I am just being real, you tell him or tell your daughter what I said, your daughter cried to me about Oakley. She is a mess, be a mother and deal with it. And one thing, I won’t have this ploy against his father. He will see his dad, and you can tell Rylee that, I will drop him off. He is being confused by his mother too, I need this shit business to stop” Chris is so unfair, he doesn’t hear himself, he only likes to agree to himself and I hate that “well take that up with his mother” I shrugged “I am taking is up with you too because I know you’re also in her ear, I don’t like it and I don’t fuck with it, so deal with it. Brian is a no, she doesn’t even want the boy” waving him off as I walked off, Chris is so deluded. When it comes to people he likes or cares for he doesn’t see the bad side unless it’s me. He doesn’t see his daughter has moved on from that idiot, he is the one creating drama not Brian.

I am glad Brian had gone to the bathroom “your dad doesn’t want Brian here, he said that you actually don’t want to be with him, that this is just all fake” Rylee shrugged “well you got me in that fucking Dior contract, does dad know that” I paused “well clearly not but this is for you, this you gaining Rylee, I didn’t do it in a bad way. And also nobody told you to sleep with him, you did that. It’s a contracted couple, makes it cute. You signed it too but also if Oakley cared about you that much he would be winning you back but no, I really need you to move back home. London isn’t a good place to be, also Oakley is a waste of time” I said “I have had sleepless nights thinking on him, I love him, and I wish things were different mom, I want this contract to be over with and then we move. I didn’t know this was a thing until you said it” Rylee said “oh it’s always been a thing, it creates headlines, drama and money for you, but if your dad does find out he will be angry so shut your mouth. It will be over soon, also remember you need to do the paparazzi thing” Rylee looked away from me “I feel so stupid, I did that when I was you know angry with him. Maybe I need to let it go now but I am you, no matter what dad did you stayed, so yeah” she stared at me, what is that even supposed to mean “right” is the only thing I said “I really think you should come home though, nothing keeping you there” I said “there is, Rylee had a baby so she now rides for that baby. We don’t teach our kids that you can have a child and run with it” Chris said “that’s what you did with my kids Robyn, always in Barbados” I took in a deep breath, of course he is on something “ok Chris” I just said “you have been hanging with my ex a lot?” Rylee said to Chris “you mean a friend before you came along” Chris is on something today “by the way he wants to take Aziel to Disney, he asked me because he said you’re unreasonable” look who’s getting involved now but I won’t say anything “we was going to take him” Brian piped up and he is back, I forgot he was here “listen, no offence but you ain’t his dad and I think you need to step back” Chris said to him “after how he reacted I am shocked Aziel we will want to go near him” looking at Rylee “he will” Rylee said “tell him fine, but I am going with them. If he wants to co-parent then we do it properly” looking at Chris “I will go with you too, because I am not having arguments because that shade room business was not it, you both do this properly” clearly this is Rylee’ chance to be near that man, she will take it.

I am taking Junior and Raihan with me to Disney, I really just want them two to just co-parent now.  I won’t have Rylee back here to spite him, I refuse that. Robyn can just listen to herself with that stupid idea, I haven’t heard such a stupid thing, I can’t believe she would even think of that “boys, I want you to both be on your best behaviour, Junior. The back” I said to him, he huffed out. I am picking Oakley up, he isn’t bringing nobody but himself, he said he was going to do that anyways but Rylee on the other hand, she was going to bring her friends. I stopped that, she has to grow up and see what is best for her child. He clearly loves both parents and wants that “Chris” dapping Oakley as he got into the car “whitey” I said, he chuckled closing the door “boys” he turned and dapped bother Raihan and Junior “wagwan!” Junior spat “I know the UK slang” shaking my head smiling “you don’t mind right, Imani is coming but like Rylee is driving there herself. Really, we doing our thing, you can just you know do your think with Aziel, I did want you to have him alone but she ain’t having that” Oakley laughed “I am not shocked, that is so Rylee, she is going to do shit to spite me, I am used to that and ready for that” nodding my head slowly “maybe you both can just be cordial, but my daughter is also thinking with her brain, which isn’t a good thing” driving off slowly, I want my grandson to have the best so if I can help I will.

Swatting Raihan hand “don’t touch those balloons” I said to him, he looked at me in confusion “you want another balloon?” I said to Aziel “what!?” Raihan shouted “he has one already too!” he spat, crouching down to Aziel “oh wow, you want Minnie too?” I pointed, he nodded his head “he already got one though” Oakley said “I know but he got two hands, he wants one for each” I chuckled “you want another?” the assistant asked “please and thank you” I stood up “that is favouritism” I grinned “and your point is? That is your nephew, he will be back in London and then what?” Junior and Raihan aren’t impressed “but if he touches it he gets it” placing my hand on my hip “you ain’t my grandchild now fix up, there you go big A. now you got two” Aziel grinned, he looked so proud of himself “he’s more interested in the balloons then anything” he did a little run to his dad but then fell, one thing about Aziel though. He didn’t let those balloons go at all, I grinned looking up at my miserable daughter. She wanted to come and now is moody and it’s because Oakley won’t give her the attention she is wanting, I just smiled at her which made her laugh because I know my daughter, she wants her own way which she isn’t going to get.

I am trying to not be nosey, I mean that is not the reason why I came out here but I am overhearing them two talking really, the restaurant is busy as hell and they are sat away from me, they are talking to each other a little “why would I want to take you back, you practically cheated on me?” Oakley said “how? We split that isn’t cheating” looking around me, trying to look like I am not listening when I am listening “maybe I don’t know how love works but the love you have is different to what I got for you, you didn’t even let the bed go cold before you let Brian lay the pipe. I don’t want that shit. It’s over with, you have Brian, I just don’t want my son exposed to that, to him. You barely know him yourself” Imani smiled at me, she knows I am listening “I made a mistake but fine, I guess you have told me what you want, and it’s not me is it” her voice broke “thank yourself for that, I will be there for you in regards to Aziel. But us, we done, my friend died because of me, you know how much that fucks me up and you wasn’t there for me, you didn’t ask. You didn’t care, you got another man while I was mourning, you think I can forgive that? I needed you in that moment, so yeah” the chair scraped the floor, looking over at Rylee and she stormed off “everything ok?” I asked “yeah” Oakley just said, nodding my head “you enjoying Disney more then anyone” he really is “it’s not like something I thought to come too, I was like I got a son now I can go” he said “I be coming here with the boys, for these kids. They be annoying as shit, complaining ass kids because Aziel getting all these yes’s” looking at Raihan, he just side eyed me “I am going back home though, after this. I need too, I still have things I need to do so yeah” nodding my head “yeah, do what you need to do. Just be there for your son, he loves you” that’s all I ask of him, be a good dad. Leave Rylee to her own thing but just be there for Aziel.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Six. Part 2

Squinting my eyes, I get so into Junior’ football games, Robyn gets mad because I end up getting angry when he does shit I tell him not too “the fuck was that!?” I spat, Junior just looked at me and he is pissed too “catch that shit! Come on!” he dropping the ball for what, walking around the parents but I got to remember that I got in trouble last time for acting out, Junior just stared at me as he walked back to his post, he put his fingers up and pointed at his eyes and pointed at me, nodding my head “you got that right, I am watching your ass. Let’s get it!” I spat clapping my hands “you are awful” walking back over to Robyn “because he is lacking, I don’t care” crossing my arms across my chest, he knows he got to do this because he told me to watch, and I am watching. This flag football shit got me heated, friendly game my ass “he got this” Junior looks like he is in the game, if he don’t catch that ball I will kick off again, he keeps dropping the shit like it’s nothing. The ball got thrown in the air “come on son” he got to show these folks, he is the one. He got his arm up, he knows it’s riding on him to do it, we been practicing this a lot. My heart literally skipped a beat as he caught the ball with one hand like he does “come on” seeing him panic as he stepped side to side “run!” I shouted, “just go!” Junior did a little two step as a kid came at him and then he ran, he ran like the police were chasing him, biting my bottom lip “oh my” Robyn said, he is wavering through everyone “he’s going to make it” he dodged every mother fucker here, he raised his arm in the air and he made it “that’s my son! Get in!” I spat, the parents cheered, and I think they were sick of hearing me. Clapping my hands as Junior did a little dance and pointed at me, he know he got me “that’s my boy! You got this son” he ran over to me and took his mouthguard out “I did that for you dad” dapping him “and you did that, you got to keep your head in the game son. You got this, you can fail and drop the ball as many times, who cares because I know you got this, now go” he nodded his head running off “you will get banned if you don’t shut up” Robyn said which she is right “I will now be quiet” I chuckled, that is my boy right there.

Junior deserved frozen yoghurt “what was that pointing at the eyes about?” Robyn asked him “I was telling dad that I am going to do it, I saw a game and he did that and he scored. It’s good luck” nodding my head “see, he got his mind in the game” Robyn side eyed me “but you need to let him have his fun, I have never seen a child with muscle” I sniggered “he trained, look if it was bad don’t you think they would say it, he likes sport. He going to be the best and you going to get the best. Ain’t nobody they looking at son, just you. You got this” Junior nodded his head “I made my dad proud” I grinned “see, and you do. You always do, but if you don’t want it then I understand too, I am not pushing him” Robyn didn’t say anything, she assumed I am pushing this narrative because I didn’t get the chance but if my kid didn’t want to do it, then he don’t “nobody got muscles like me, my class is jealous” I chuckled “ain’t nobody doing it like you, at first you was scared. I saw it in your eyes but when you started running, they feared you. You was in that son, you got this always. It’s ok to feel scared too, I have told you that” he nodded his head “to always show feelings, I know dad” see he listens to me “good, see Robyn. Don’t worry, I won’t disown him if he changes his mind. I get Robyn thinks I am too invested in this, but I am not crazy, if he ever wants to change then he can “I am going to use the bathroom” nodding my head, looking at Robyn “you know your eldest daughter must think I stopped using the cameras when they departed” Robyn said “mhmm why?” I questioned “I peeped that Oakley was at the house, she was sneaking him out and then Ti and her went off laughing, I mean to see them both laughing it warmed my heart but, she must think I am not going to check” rolling my eyes “I don’t know what that girl is up too” I mumbled “she is on something, they are having sister time, so I am not mad, I am not going to call them. They can have their time” I am not even mad it; Imani misses her sisters too.

Dapping Herb as I made my way into my house “what you doing here like some lost soul?” I asked him “Taina kicked me out” letting out an oh “again?” I asked, “what you mean again, bro don’t do me like that” I huffed out placing my keys on the side “you always doing dumb shit, what you do now?” Robyn closed the door “Junior, clean clothes in this house and clean your shoes from the mess” she pointed, clearing my throat “I got high, and I let a bitch suck me off, I don’t know” he shrugged “Taina is good people and if I had to choose, you will be out” Herb pulled a face “bro, come on now. Look I ain’t do shit, I ain’t mean to do shit. I love my girl; I do but there is always bitches out there willing” he has a point “I know but who do you go home too? So now you need a place to crash, but you know Taina will be coming here? You know she is close to Robyn, and she is going to say kick you out” Herb tried to now laugh but he did “come on, I just don’t want to lose her like that” I vlew out air “and if she knew about the orgy?” Herb cringed “she know, I may have gave her something” I had to laugh “you dumb nigga” he is so stupid “Taina is here” Herb stared at me “this is Robyn saying for you to get out, look. Go in the games room, sleep in there and don’t leave that place either, go” he lucky I love him like my own, he does some dumb shit “thank you bro” he ran off “if he upsets her while here, I won’t be happy” takin gin a deep breath “relax, just let her in” I said, Robyn made her way to the door. I just knew she would come “I am sorry for coming, just I have had enough” Taina said “what happened?” I asked “we are over, he just cheats and wants me to accept it. He got in my face too, shouting at me and our son was there” Robyn gave me the look of deal with it now “I am sorry that happened, you a good girl” she really is too “I am sure you already know” Taina said and rushed by me, Robyn side eyed me knowing damn well that goofy nigga is here in my games room, I just really don’t know what to do.

I am super proud of my son, like the shit he pulled off was amazing, I love that for him and Robyn says I am hard on him and every day he is training so I must stop him because Robyn’ isn’t liking it “come, we going to see Rylee” I said to Junior, he was midway helping Raihan “you training now?” I said to him, he just smiled at me “come, we going out” turning around and slapping the back of Herb’ head “the fuck you doing here, I said go to the car. Taina is still here, looks like she will be for a while now. Keeps Robyn busy” Herb feels bad, I can tell he does but who the hell told him to do that shit, who told him to cheat on Taina, she’s good people too “I will tell mom, go to the car” I said, walking off to tell Robyn. I am going to see Aziel, he is in LA of course I am going to see my grandson. Opening the door “hey ladies, I am going to Rylee’ see the girls and Aziel, will be back. I will take the boys with me” Robyn nodded her head “Chris, did you know he was cheating” now why Taina had to ask, “on a real I didn’t know, he told me” I had to say it “I do everything for him, I am so fucking loyal!” she shouted “wow, of course you’re going to take up for him, that is your brother” Robyn waved me off to go, I mean I like to tell the truth, I get she is upset too. I didn’t want to lie to her, I do like Taina but I think Herb just loves to be a whore.

I furrowed my eyebrows “Brian” I said, he is opening doors now “with Aziel” he is holding him too “dad is here?” Imani said, I cleared my throat “dad is here, I come to check if you are behaving” I said “I saw Ti posting Oakley, I missed board games” Rylee eye balled me “ok dad, I need you for a second” nodding my head “why did you bring them two!?” Imani spat “because they are your brothers, be kind” following behind “Herb, get Aziel for me” I said, I mean what is Brian doing holding Aziel like he the daddy, I have no idea what is happening “dad, just stop” Rylee yanked me into the room and closed the door “what?” I said, she just stared at me “people recorded me and Oakley arguing, we all went out and I messed bad dad. I don’t know what to do, and like he came here and we argued, we argued all the way here, Brian was outside and saw it and then Aziel went to him, Brian picked him up and Oakley just lost his shit with me. I don’t know what to do because I want Oakley and now I am stuck with him, I don’t know!” she said, taking in a deep breath “you don’t know? You got yourself a new man, what do you want with Oakley, he just wants his son, why is he mad?” placing my hand on my hip “do you want to know the truth or lie?” I huffed out “well mom caught you sneaking out Oakley, so I am guessing it’s not good” she cringed “I want Oakley, I want him. I jumped ok, I did jump because I thought he would be doing it, I got a new man to beat hurt, I didn’t want to get hurt but I know he is sensitive like that. I fucked up dad, and we did things and then I told him I did things with Brian, and he is mad that I lied and used him in that sense. He came here because Ti gets on with him, he bought food for them, then we went out. And we just fully broke out into a big fight, like a shouting match and he just said things, I think I am on the shade room, then he came here, and I said all you want is Aziel, he said that is my son, what are you to me, nothing, Ti got him out of the seat, he ran to Brian innocently and then he just lost it even more. Wadz had to drag him out, he fucking hates me dad” licking my top lip, I am flabbergasted at this girl “didn’t you learn from Melo?” I just said, “please dad” she whined out “I love Oakley I do, please I really love him, I want him!” she spat “what do you want me to do for you? You need to learn that shit don’t play like that, I don’t even want to know what you did with these men, let him go” Rylee hit my chest and stormed off crying, staring in shock. That little move reminded me so much of Robyn, but what does she want me to do, I can’t fix her life.

That is my daughter and if she is upset then I am too, she got herself in that situation and expects to help her, pressing a kiss to Aziel’ cheek “shall we talk to auntie Ti?” I said to him, he just stared at me “cheer up” patting Rylee’ head “stop” she swatted my hand, she is not happy “Ti, come with me. I’ll put Aziel to sleep” tickling him as we walked off “yeah, you showing me your teeth now” wrapping my arms around him “nothing can beat a baby giggling” walking up the steps, Brian is just here like things are ok but I don’t understand what is happening with Rylee, she just doesn’t listen. Nobody told her to jump like that. Placing Aziel down “what is it dad?” Ti asked “your sister crying to me” Tianna laughed “she is crying to everyone dad, it’s her own fault” I huffed out “what exactly happened when they came back” clearly Ti was here when it all happened “oh Oakley kicked off bad, Rylee and him argued the full length coming back like I mean he was on the phone kicking off to her and then we got here, I saw Brian and was like great, Rylee got out and went to his car and they just shouting even more, so I got Aziel out which is fine. Put Aziel down, he went running over to Brian, Oakley saw it and he flipped badly like he was charging at Brian but like in his eyes he is seeing this random guy with his son, and he said to Rylee how long you been you now fucking with this guy in that home with my son there, his friend just pulling him in, calming him down. I think he is fully done with her, but she can only blame herself so that is the story dad” that is a lot to take in “right” I don’t know what she wants from it now, because this has gone too far clearly now.

Dapping Oakley as he sat down “it’s late” he said to me “were you going to bed?” I asked “well, kind of. I have had a long day” he sat across from me “well I won’t be long, it’s nothing big but just wanted to know from your side really, I mean obviously it’s got around with the footage about you and my daughter arguing. I just want to know from your side really?” which I do, I am not here to make him do anything “I just want to know my son, like I don’t want to go to court but if needs be then I will but like Rylee is just making me hate her. Like I assumed, maybe stupid me really but when she told me she did things with Brian and then me, like that made me feel dumb because what was I holding out on? Like what was I doing wrong for her to do that. I just maybe naïve or some shit but when I moved to Wadz place I get like before we had issues and we split, that is cool and all that but I thought she loved me in that sense. As soon as I moved it switched, she started playing with other men, she didn’t see me really, I didn’t see Aziel either, I was bound and you know that. She wasn’t there and in life, you remember those that are there and then my friend just dead, she wasn’t there for me at all and yeah maybe my bad I allowed her to come back, I assumed she did Brian to gain attention but it wasn’t. She fully did that, then has the nerve to say about me and Kenza. My intention was never Kenza, she is a friend but in regards to Rylee. She is more then welcome to do what she like, it took her months for her to get me to open up to her and for me to fall, I don’t know what love is, but she opened me up to do that to me. I feel like a dickhead, I am bruised but we move” nodding my head, that is bad “look, I knew nothing of this. This was done behind my back but while I am living and breathing, you will see your son” Rylee is on her own with this issue, I am not going to make a guy go back to her.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Six.

Imani jumped out of the car with a quickness, she didn’t even wait a second. Everyone sees Imani has this calm and collective girl, she has a bad temper on her too. She is mad with me because I didn’t stop over for food “girl” I said as I got out of the car, she is really doing this to me. We are literally at Rylee’ home and we can eat here but no, she is here acting like I have made her hungry. Opening the door in the back to get my work laptop, I have a meeting I need to attend but I can do that while here. It won’t be anything long, I just need to get some details on a new line. Banging the door shut and locking the door, making my way to the home “welcome, welcome!” Rylee said as she stood there with Aziel “oh don’t stare at Imani for too long, she might bite” Imani huffed out and went into the home “what happened?” Rylee asked “oh, I didn’t feed her. She literally came out of the home, she could have got something there. She is being rude now” Rylee laughed “oh wow, she is angry over food. Is it period month!?” Rylee shouted “period month” I mimicked “the girl doesn’t stop on her period, it’s true” hugging Rylee “I know, I think it is her time of the month too, she is angry over food. I hope you got something in here, I thought you would be asleep” poking Aziel “so did I, but nope. He is awake, I will be forcing him to sleep soon” walking into her home “this is cute though, I like it. Is Brian or Oakley in here hiding” the door closed behind me “bitch, no. Just me, right now. Just me, I am excited. You are both staying over right?” looking at Rylee “we are?” I questioned “uhm yeah? It’s a sleepover, I literally told Imani” I shook my head “I bought my laptop for work and that is it, that’s fine. I can drive back and get some clothes, so you are hosting huh. That is fine. This is cute, are you cooking?” Rylee snorted laughing “cooking? Me?” she busted out laughing like anything was funnt, I was being dead ass “I mean we will have food, don’t worry. I just want to spend some time with my sisters. Even the moody one” placing my laptop on the table “well you put him to sleep then we can have some peace, I will see to Imani. Feed her” Imani side eyed me “well I have everything here, come on you. You can see aunties later!” waving at Aziel, he looks tired but is fighting sleep.

Closing the laptop, I will not be opening this back up now “done?” Rylee asked “yeah, I didn’t even utter a word, I was there to listen and make notes” I laughed, I have the easy part “oh no way, it’s boring when you have to do that, I used to complain to mom because what even is the point? I am just there to listen like an idiot but I get it” nodding my head “you catch on things, write it down and then come at them sideways, I don’t know why mom can’t just speak up in the meetings but she said she adores her team and doesn’t want to shame them, whatever though. Imani, can you get me a drink, please and thank you” she rolled her eyes, she barely sat down anyways. What ever is her problem “she is so moody when she is on her period, I do not miss that at all. But anyways, we can just relax and have some fun, watch movies and whatever. Nobody but us” I smiled “wow, you’re getting old, no clubbing or going out” Rylee laughed “do you have a babysitter in mind? Because I don’t and if I ask mom she will tell me how motherhood comes first but yet we was left with every one else” I sniggered “mom at times can be talking about us being adults but she was a child still and she was nearing on thirty, like what? I mean she is annoying” Rylee laughed “don’t, she makes me laugh, Imani please smile. Come” Rylee yanked Imani down to sit down “what” she whined out “don’t be moody, I will be going back to London sad” taking the drink from Imani “move back here? You’re not with anyone” raising an eyebrow at Imani saying that “mhmmm yeah Rylee, move back” I chuckled “complicated Imani, don’t start” she pointed “barely have” Imani mumbled “mhmmm you still my baby sister, I will whoop your ass still” Imani is still a baby, she is cute “whatever, I am just saying that you both can stay here” Rylee and I both shook our heads, I think we run from home more then ever, it’s draining being here at times.

I snorted laughing “what’s funny?” Imani asked, rereading Oakley’ comment “I posted a selfie with you both in it right, and Oakley put” I sniggered “Did she invite you for company or keep watch of Aziel? Don’t let her sleep” Rylee lifted her head up half asleep “he said what? Tell him to jump off a cliff” Imani laughed “actually my leg is asleep get off me now” Rylee just slept through this movie, answering back to his comment “tell him to kiss my ass” shaking my head I am not doing that ‘The latter part 😂. We need feeding btw’ he can bring food “so annoying” Rylee stretched out “you know what, we should go out. Let Aziel wake up and we will “see how this opp is” she lifted her phone up “texting me for what” the way her bun is flopped over, she is half asleep “Rylee you drooled on me! Ew” I chuckled “be quiet, ugh!” Watching her walk off “Oakley asked what food you want? He’s going to bring some for us” showing Imani my phone “tell him I am craving McDonald’s fries” I groaned out “simpleton, why that? Ugh” she really doing that to me “please Ti, I really want them, I’m changing my bottoms” I screwed my face up “you have no clothes here?” She didn’t bring no clothes “I did, I bought my bag stupid” see how I didn’t get informed of a sleepover “tell him to get me extra ice in my drink too” she pointed, messaging back under his comment ‘I’ll message you! Imani has a list’ hormonal Imani needs to get what she wants and has asked for now “I look a mess, I’m going to put my face on, I’ll be back” nodding my head, she is right she looks a mess after falling asleep on us. I am not sure if Oakley has asked Rylee what she wants but that’s on them not me.

“Hey” I said opening the door for the boys “I come with the goods, you know I got Imani a cup of ice” I laughed looking at Imani, she is happy “someone is smiling now, she wants to chew on ice” smiling at Oakley and his friends as they came in one by one “who is it?” Rylee asked, “oh the neighbour!” I shouted, closing the door laughing “this yard is brazy, is this yours or your ex?” The guy asked, not even sure of his name “mine and hers, so really we could crash here but I don’t want to put her out, out of everything Imani. Why McDonald’s” Oakley made his way around the couch to sit with her “I love the fries, I hope you got a large” Wadz held the bag up “I got yours” I cooed out “thank you, is it just these” I questioned “yep, and I think Oakley got a burger in there or something” walking off, I am very hungry “yeah, I got something with you in there” hearing Oakley say as he jogged over to me “oh my god, what is this?” Rylee spat “we came to see Aziel” Wadz said, placing the bag on the side “you didn’t ask Rylee for food?” I asked, “I didn’t” he laughed out, he knows my sister about to be annoyed “well good luck” I just said before seeing Rylee come around the corner all confused “what is this?” She spat “we eating” Oakley just said laughing “without me? Who even invited you to the house” she is big mad but why is he eating my fries, he just got a burger “equals right, equals” he just said resting against the counter “I thought we made it up?” Snatching the fries from Oakley “oh shit I’m sorry” he apologised, waving him off “never that Rylee, we said. No listen to me; you said to me yeah I am comfortable with having sex with you, I want you. I ain’t say we made up shit, you still got Brian on the line, you still ain’t moving right. You not being good” Oakley has told Rylee off, this is interesting to see “me!? I told you I want you” he shook his head “we had sex, we did what we needed to do but I am not a dickhead Rylee, I’m not your second best. You didn’t ride for me, I don’t do this. You cried on the phone and said you the only one I want, can we have sex just us, keep it us while we heal. Shit isn’t normal, I hate that shit and you know that” Rylee is upset, she walked off and I’m just eating.

Aziel listens to his dad, the way he is silently sat on his lap as we played board games “is this a normal thing?” I pointed “board games, yeah. Your dad loved it, we be just vibing” smiling at him “I thought you and Rylee are back together” Oakley shook his head “am I a dickhead?” He said “I ain’t no dickhead, she cried on the phone, so I came, and she just was emotional and said that she wants me, she is sorry and all that shit, and then she said that” he just paused “I don’t know, like I am mad with myself. She slept with Brian and then cried to me; I said I haven’t had sex since you. She then knew she fucked up. When I love, I love. I am mad that I allowed myself to just have sex with her. She said look you know I want it to be you, but I am a guy. And the girl I love is her, she was there, and I did it but I am pissed. We ain’t all that off the hook you know, I just want my son. She for real slept with that guy, like thinking back on it I am mad with me, I am mad I slept with her, I knew I shouldn’t have but I did, I am a guy” he shrugged, these two got issues “would that annoy you, to know she slept with Brian” I asked, Oakley didn’t answer me but his silence spoke volumes. I think more then anything that has upset him “I fucked up, just you know. I didn’t have sex in so long, for me that is long. And erm, she told me after really. I didn’t know, I just want to spend time with him, and that is what I want. I think right now, I think I just need to have that space away from her, she knows she fucked up. She slept with him” I cringed looking away from him, he is taking it hard “I think the important thing is Aziel, collectively we need to just think what is best for him and he is happy with you, his father” I want the best for Aziel, I don’t know what Rylee got going on but I didn’t think she would sleep with Brian and then she slept with Oakley and told him after she did that, I don’t know if he can forgive her for that.

We decided to go out, really she wanted Oakley and his friends gone and we go alone but I said no, let him be around he can have Aziel and we can relax “see if you don’t turn we got Imani hostage” Oakley joked “oh you can have her” Rylee said “we will be there, Imani is a traitor. Look at her riding with the gang doing TikTok’s” Oakley laughed walking off “we could have ditched them” Rylee said, “get in my Tesla and be quiet” I said to her “mhmmm I sense a talk” she is right “I am using my inner healed bitch right now, sister I think we have been missing out” getting into my car “well yeah” Rylee said “you never said you slept with Brian?” I just said it “I mean he is my boyfriend Ti?” I looked over at Rylee “look, like you look out for me, so I am you. Let Oakley see his son and give that space. You had sex with him and then told him about sleeping with Brian, I am surprised he isn’t knocking shit over, clearly playing it cool. So when we get to out destination, we can split and we can have some fun together” we need to have some sister time, without Aziel that is.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Five. Part 2

The hostility here is just something I am very used too, I mean I have been through it all and he really hasn’t got the Barbadian family backing, he about to have the worst time but at the end of the day he has more right to be here then this dude “look I am going to go inside right, can you behave? I don’t really want to babysit you all either, grown men and all that. Just mind y’all business and relax. I can’t be on your side if you acting out” Oakley nodded his head, looking at Wadz “just watch out for him, don’t be doing anything while I go” patting Junior’ head “I will wait here” nodding my head, I guess he wants to stand guard. Walking off to go into the house, this family need to stop and just have this party for Aziel nobody else. Walking into the home “oh you got fucked up” Herb said laughing, now only Herb would be shouting that “who fucked you up cuz?” Herb is laughing, dapping him “the skinny warrior outside” Herb busted out laughing “man, that is some lethal hit right there. As a man with muscles you should be swinging harder, man them skinny niggas but brutal” clearing my throat trying not to laugh “ok, can we all just disperse. This whole thing needs to stop right. Brian whatever, you need to stay out of this” Robyn tried to pipe up “enough, I don’t want to hear it. This whole thing, I didn’t know. Brian” I pointed “You need to stay out of this business, this ain’t your child, you here now so shut up and accept Rylee, you. I need to speak to you and listen. You in my house, I ain’t having this shit. I don’t care, my grandson will have the best day, not you niggas fighting. Rylee” walking off, I have been living under a rock the whole time but when women but whispering I switch off, maybe I need to start paying attention more but that’s my bad. Closing the door behind me once Rylee walked into the room, placing my hands on my hips and just looking at her “what?” she said, “I should have figured when you wasn’t really speaking to me as much, you know when I left you Rylee I said you made your own decisions and then what happened?” this girl is stupid “you know what, you never let another man you don’t know meet your child, you’re doing it to spite him” Rylee looked away from me so that means I am right.

She is allowing her hurt to dictate what happens and it’s not a good thing “me and Brian get on, we really do, what do you want me to say dad. He threatened me to take me to court?” she defended “nobody threatens court if they get what they want, don’t play me Rylee. This isn’t about you, none of this is. You for one should know that and how that feels when your mom did that shit and made it about her. You are dealing with it wrong, let Aziel have his father, let him see him” I don’t know why she is mad with me “why are you allowing your mom to feed you stupidity too” Rylee shook her head “she is supporting me” clearing my throat “I don’t care, I only care for Aziel and what is right for him. Let Oakley be a dad” Rylee is upset for what, I swallowed hard because I don’t want her to cry “why are you crying?” I asked her “just everything ok, what do you know. Now my make up is a mess” she huffed out walking off, I didn’t barely say a word and she stormed off but she can’t do that and expect him to be ok, I don’t know what is happening but right now I am trying to get my grandson to have the best day, I pray that it pans out like that because he deserves a good time. I think with Oakley he will shut up but if someone pipes up then he will, but I totally get being the bad guy because I have been the bad guy too many times. I know how is it with these people too, they can be so nasty and make you feel like shit once you are the enemy.

I don’t know why I got penalised for this shit, I have barely got better from my incident and while then Rylee has been having the time of her life, I know she has been doing it to spite me and I get it but she is letting her mother get into her mind too much, Rylee barely knows this man but yet she is really riding this wave. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with, I didn’t want his birthday here but I said yes because then she will let me see him but it’s worked out I have seen Brian instead which is fucking me up badly, I didn’t want to see that dickhead at all “it’s funny right, she was hyping it up that I will run off with someone but at the end of it she ended up with Brian, like she did that” Wadz sat down across from me on the floor “I know bro, trust me. I think maybe like the whole Kenza thing, and the whole female messaging shit, she couldn’t take that I am guessing. I think it can be dealt with but you know when you are young you act up, she is young, and childish bro, what can I say” licking my lips “yeah, but I didn’t think she would do me like that bro, I am not going to lie to you, when I say I love you I mean it. Kenza was a none factor; I think Rylee jumped first and assumed I was going to do it first. I was going through some shit, and you know what, she ran, she ditched me and wasn’t there. I don’t even mean cleaning me; I mean even a call. I was laid out and she didn’t bother with me, she got that guy, she can have him” I am over it, I just want to see my son and move on from the nonsense, I can’t be dealing with the behaviour either. Rihanna is walking towards us, she about to talk some shit as she does with her peers “I think you boys need to be on your best behaviour, I won’t have you hitting guests” she said “who is the guest? Brian? You are deluded I give you that” Wadz tried to not laugh “you got my daughter pregnant, and you think I am going to like you?” I sniggered “you are deluded, you bark about me getting her pregnant when I am trying to be there, I know your game. You want me to not be there and back off, I won’t really. You can tell all these lies; I am here for Aziel. That’s it” getting up from the floor “I will have you in jail for being with my daughter at seventeen” staring at her “prove it” she can kiss my ass, I am over this family “the whole sane person here is Chris, I give him that” Rylee is back, of course she is. Seeing Aziel after all this time, seeing him walking, I feel bad. I missed out on it, I haven’t really seen him in person all this time “hey” I said, he is of course the happiest thing “my G” Kairo said, the fact Aziel is walking to me, he knows me like that because I get facetime but that is it “oh” I said, he fell on his butt but he giggled to himself “missed you” jogging over to him, I have missed him.

I can see Aziel hasn’t changed one bit, he still likes to hold my hair when I put him on my shoulders, this boy wants me to have no hair left “drop it, Aziel!” Wadz said, lowering myself down a little for him to put the ball in the basket but he didn’t, he hit the soft ball on my head “he trying to say you got no brain cells” I chuckled “yeah, I can tell. He beating my ass alright” turning around “dada!” he yelped out, you know the weird thing is, I am getting stared at by this family and it’s so awkward to even spend time with Aziel when I am being judged this way. Picking him off of my shoulder and held him “you ain’t forget me” he smiled at me “you know I will do anything for you, I just had some things to deal with yeah” he rested his head on my shoulder “Oakley” my ears perked up, Rylee saying my name “can we talk” she said, nodding my head “I will take him” Wadz said taking Aziel from me “we can go somewhere” dapping Kairo as I walked off “you sure mr perfect doesn’t want to come and protect you” he was staring “no” she just said in a blunt tone “cool” I mean this will be fun to hear, I wonder what the hell she even wants to say to me.

My hands behind my back as we stopped walking, it’s private so nobody can see “say it” she just said “say what? Nothing to say really, you jumped before anything, you jumped Rylee and you know it. You do this a lot, you jump every time” Rylee looked away from me “stand around for you to hurt me?” shaking my head “I was healing, I told you I love you. I said those words to you and you think I don’t mean it? How is it I am the single one huh, you worried so much about me playing away when you did this, I don’t get you. You want to be the one to say I did it. You did me over, after everything we been through, and now you’re mom is on a high horse about that shit Rylee, but whatever. I just want to see my son” I don’t care for the politics now “you think I didn’t love you? I was the one that jumped on you, I did everything because you was so laid back, you didn’t give. I was pulling everything from you to give me Oakley, it took you months to show feelings that you cared, you are away always, you left me in danger being at that place. Don’t you see it, you are to blame too and Kenza texting you, meeting her! You know this” nodding my head “but look who has a new man, I could be with Kenza right now, we aren’t good together. You aren’t listening to yourself, you are just jumping, I came to the apartment, and you had a man there, you know that is wrong” I pointed “made you react right” I shook my head “it’s not a game! This is a child here Rylee, I won’t have a guy that you barely know around him” she can’t do that shit.

Rylee huffed out “so is that it?” I said “hurt people do hurt things” she said “a whole man though, you made your bed lie in it. What you want me to do, you bought a guy around my son. I get it, ok, I am to blame too, I take that. I do, I take what you are saying but when I told you I love you I meant that, and I don’t regret it either, you’re hurting, and I get that too. I won’t fuck with you and what you’re doing, just let me see my son and I won’t bug you for shit, aight?” I won’t care a thing if she just obeys and lets me see him, but I feel she is wanting attention or up to something, I just want my son, I just want to be around my son and see him grow up.

I don’t know why my family thought I was the problem child when Rylee is right there, she is the worst and to top off it she has her ex and current man here, I am so happy I have dealt with my won demons because watching this drama is very funny. Smiling wide watching Oakley and her stand together like they haven’t been arguing back and forth, I clapped slowly just watching them, Rylee is so uncomfortable and I see it in my sister, she is stuck in a predicament. I don’t know why she bothers with men, it’s a headache to say the least now. I am into me; I am happier then anything. Looking around me as everyone cheered and the candles blew out, Rylee was the first to walk off, she is not happy clearly. Watching her walk off, I spun around and made my way back inside. I mean my sister and I don’t talk but part of my therapy I need too, seeing Rylee in the kitchen patting her face “you don’t have to walk off” I said to her “also I am sure you know I am in therapy and as part of it, I want to apologise to you” Rylee waved her hand “not the moment Ti really” nodding my head slowly “mhmmm I mean, why did you bring Brian here?” I just said it “to piss him off” she admitted and it made me laugh “I like that you’re blunt with it but I mean it’s not the best thing to be doing really” Rylee laughed “I know, but here we are. Brian is just there ok, it didn’t even feel right with him” she walked off, she is a mess.

The kids are asleep, and the adults come to play, also Oakley is still here too. I think majority of people, well family and friends are drunk. Uncle Herb is just dancing around like it’s nothing “watch out” looking at Oakley just there “you not drinking?” I asked “I don’t drink, I don’t even smoke, but Rylee had me smoking” clearing my throat “she isn’t over you though, anyone can see that. She loves you but is hurt with whatever happened” Oakley nodded his head “that’s on her, we can be cordial. I just want to see my son, that is what I want really” looking at my sister and Brian “you not noticed she is looking at you while talking to him? If not then you’re very stupid” he laughed “I am going anyways, I just wanted water for the road” nodding my head “besides, she made her bed really” he walked off, he is just as stubborn. I am so glad I am not in no relationship like that, I am happier without a man, without this stress. I don’t miss that feeling, giving yourself away to just gain attention from another, I am way passed that now.

I stifled out a yawn making my way down the hallway, and I abruptly stopped, I just heard giggling and scurrying down the steps. Squinting my eyes, do I want to check, or should I mind my business because that may be my parents just being annoying as they do. Standing at the top of the steps seeing both my sister and Oakley; I have to laugh because that bitch was never over him “come back, like pretend we hate each other” Rylee said, leaning over just watching them “why? You literally don’t though?” He said to her “because then I have to deal with that, look just please” he scoffed “you love is piss me off too much” looking away as they both kissed “you know I love you; you just anger me! Why you had to be away from me” her clinginess I guess “you play stupid games Rylee, like that guy? Why you had to bring that guy into it, it wasn’t needed was it really. You had my attention, I was going through some shit, and you couldn’t ride for me, you was angrier with me” I knew she wasn’t over him; I knew she wasn’t going to let him go, but here she is “I didn’t want no other woman, I meant what I said with you. You don’t listen because your mom” Rylee placed her hand over this mouth “please stop yeah, just come back tomorrow. Go” side eyeing them, she opened the door to let him leave but it looks like they spent the night together. Making my way down the steps “some things don’t change” Rylee gasped “oh” she said, “how did you shake off Brian” I asked, Rylee closed the door “easy” she just shrugged “hmmm shall I get the popcorn?” I asked “I suppose” walking behind Rylee, I guess the best conversations are had at night. Looking at Rylee and she is smiling “you clearly got what you wanted? I don’t get what happened to you both? Like I mean if you want him why not just have him?” I asked “because I felt he wasn’t giving me time; we was living in danger. He was choosing the streets, meeting his ex. Just a lot of things but you know” my sister is smirking for the gods “and dick sorted that out for you” she giggled “well yeah, of course it did. But make the popcorn, I need to sit” rolling my eyes “what happened to Brian?” I asked, “who is asking?” I guess he’s forgotten “how did you get Oakley here? He left?” I know he did “I literally cried down the phone, and he came” I chuckled “he’s a simp” shaking my head, he came rushing back for her.

Rylee and I are sat outside, the inflatables are still outside and the stars are out so we sat out here “how are you anyways?” Rylee asked “I am better than ever, therapy is working but my key is forgiveness and I always needed to speak to you but never had the chance, it was always that wall between us. I wish we wasn’t always connecting over shit and heartache but Rylee, I am sorry. Like for everything that went on, I was a very let down child and that pain wasn’t at you, it was at my parents. I was the mistake that happened at that moment, you was the wanted child and I took that shine from you. It was never your fault but I took it out on you, then it got to a point where you was entering a new phase in life and I was left behind. Even if we disagreed with things, to me Rylee you was a mother that I missed. I hashed it out with mom and dad but you got caught up in the shit really” I explained “understood, I am sorry too Ti. I wasn’t the best sister, selfish at times too. I am sorry because I wish I was better, but I was a brat, still is a little but Aziel doesn’t allow me to be really. I do care for you and everything I did really was to protect you from these men” nodding my head “I am not giving myself away like that again, I see it that you was trying to protect me. Look we had our shit but I know that you are into Oakley a lot, this is why I never told them about the time in London, mom has been poking to get this verified but even then, I knew that was too much and I knew how much you do love him” Rylee smiled at me “I forgot you knew really, I think mom vendetta is very much draining. I think we are going to hide it now. And Brian is my coverup” I let out an oh “the best thing mom did was get me out of here though, she is draining” I can agree with that with Rylee, she is too much.

Uncle Herb is always a mess, he makes me laugh “so hold on, you was asleep outside the house?” I asked “yeah! Taina left me outside, I don’t remember shit” my dad laughed “I walked out and did a little scream because this nigga is laid out, scared me” he is a mess, Rylee made her way into the room “I swear I heard you laughing last night” Herb said “me? I was asleep” Rylee said as she sat next to me with Aziel “mhmmm I was too drunk” she placed Aziel on her lap facing us “put your hair up, we need to braid it again don’t we” Rylee gathered up his hair “he has such ashy blonde hair” I said “he does, he has such white features, who is this?” Rylee said to him “mommy!” he spat, it’s weird to see my sister as a mother “yes mom is here, there you go. You make such a beautiful girl, look at you. This is Ti, you going to go and sit on her lap. Because mommy is sore, like tired sore. She has phone” Aziel is staring at me “I do have a phone” Rylee didn’t even wait a second, she just placed him on my lap “hey there” I said awkwardly, this is literally the first time connecting with him but he doesn’t seem phased, he is calm about it.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Five.

I sometimes forget that I am pregnant, I really do. This pregnancy is a breeze for me, I am so happy and blessed that it is calm for me as my last one. The only time I really remember I am pregnant is when I see the bump, other then that the baby is just relaxing and growing, I am happy. I don’t want to be stressed out like I was with my others, I feel like this one may be a girl though, I feel it in my bones, but we are leaving this one to the last minute, we will find out once I give birth to it, I mean I am over gender reveals anyways, also I rather tell the world once I have had it so I can have my own sanity from the media and the press. I am enjoying just being a mother at home, leaving Tianna and Amanda to do the running around while I be in bed and read emails, I am loving life, this is how my retirement should be like, I deserve it. I say retirement but it’s far from that, I am just stepping back. Spending time with my younger ones and Imani. Took her to Marvel studios, she got a role in a Marvel movie, playing one of the children and I am so proud of her, I want her to be whatever she wants to be, she even got a speaking role, so I am proud of her, I have been going there with her, helping her, watching over her. Chris has been dealing with the boys, so life is good. I mean my kids are drama but it’s not the life changing one, Rylee did that to us already, we are now just moving on as a family and really just trying to live life. Also Aziel is one today, I am so excited to spoil my grandbaby but he is going to be spoilt with a lot of love because we are having his party here at the house, at first Rylee was going to do it in London but I think something happened, she is doing it to spite his mother, something like that but that is Rylee’ problem and family, not mine like she doesn’t want me involved so she can deal with it I guess. I am glad she agreed to letting us have his party here though, it was more Chris asking and pushing for it but then also that baby father of hers agreed to it too, I am glad they aren’t together but we still have to deal with him being here for the party, I wish he would just let it go and get gone.

My home is being decorated of course, anything for my grandbaby really. My family are here, Joyce is here too, I am glad my mom and Joyce can be in the same room now really but everyone is here, they are all turning up for his birthday, we love a good party no matter the occasion but Rylee doesn’t even know the theme, no nothing. She arrived yesterday but is staying in a hotel. She is still sore with me, cordial but sore with me. We just speak somewhat but it isn’t as it was, I won’t support shit like Oakley, I never did. I faked it “going all out? I am shocked you haven’t bought him a jet” I laughed at Jah “soon, I will. My grandbaby deserves the world, his handsome little face” poking my lips out “hey bitch” kissing Jah’ cheek “and me!” Mel said, rolling my eyes and kissing her cheek too “no more, kisses to you all” waving at Jen, Tina and Amanda “I am glad you all are here, this is a child party but an adult too, some point these kids will sleep” sitting on the bar stool “you just want to watch every one fall, with her pregnant ass, we know your game” I could help but smile because it’s fun being sober “well what can I say” I chuckled, I sighed out “Rylee should be here soon” I mumbled “with her new man” I added “what!?” Mel spat “new what!?” Noella spat too “new man” I repeated “now what happened to the skinny white man?” Jah asked, I just smiled and shrugged “you will see him but he gone, deleted. I will never forgive him for getting her pregnant, dickhead” shaking my head “so Rylee is dating who now?” Mel asked “Brian, the guy she walked the runway with, she is with him. He will be here, so will Oakley so yeah, should be fun for her” Mel pulled a face “she isn’t over Oakley, she just jumped into that Robbie, why you ain’t stopping it?” I shrugged “you are so nasty like, Rylee into a new relationship” Jah said “it’s her life, if she wants her son to have a new baby daddy, let her” I shrugged.

Smiling at the picture of Aziel at his first birthday cake smash photoshoot, how adorable and happy he is. This is the picture you see when you walk in “cute isn’t it” nodding my head “he deserve it all, he is going to be so spoilt, with love of course” I sighed out, Chris and I made our way outside because Rylee is here now, I smiled seeing her get out, she isn’t even ready but I told her to get changed here “welcome home baby” Chris said walking over to her, Brian is here and I had to laugh because she is letting it happen, not my problem “dad this is Brian, Brian, my dad” she said, I took in a deep breath trying to not smile too much, now this is a man, a perfect one for my daughter “and my mom, I don’t need to announce her now” Brian laughed “not at all, thank you for allowing me to come into your home. Appreciate it” shaking his hand, Chris looked at me but it was more of a side eye then anything, he doesn’t like it and he doesn’t agree with this whole thing but I told him it isn’t his problem, she wants a new man, let her. As long as he treats her good “you come out here for Aziel party, shocking” Chris said “yeah, support Rylee of course. He is part of her life, so it’s mine too” Chris wants to say more but he didn’t, he needs to back off and leave it to them because honestly, Rylee needs an actual man and not a mouse.

Pointing at Junior “I want you to tell me when Oakley comes ok? And best behaviour too” Junior nodded his head, walking off to go upstairs. I am happy my kids are all home, Tianna is here so I think I need to get both Rylee and Ti to talk at some point too. Smiling at Brian as he come out of the bedroom, I don’t like this set up at all, it’s not logical like Robyn thinks “hey” walking by him and then reaching over knocking on the door, I am not going to walk into the room “come in!” Rylee said, pushing open the door, Aziel is asleep on the bed, he needs to get his sleep in, he can then show out after “dad” Rylee said “Rylee” closing the door behind me “do you think it was wise allowing another man near your son” I had to say it, I mean I don’t agree with it at all. Rylee just looked at me “does he interact with Aziel like that?” I asked “yeah, there is pictures of us in London and everything, Aziel is there” licking my top lip “you know this is moving fast, it’s never a good thing. How does the actual dad feel?” I asked “I don’t ask, Wadz takes Aziel to him, and the whole him coming here for the birthday was told, I didn’t give him the chance to deny it so if he does come, he does. We don’t speak, at all. Also Brian doesn’t want me to interact with him like that, but he is good with Aziel” shaking my head “so you don’t know he is coming, you know this will not end well, you jumped into another too fast” Rylee swallowed hard “it’s life” she mumbled and went back to doing her thing, trying to get ready for the party.

These kids and their problems “Chris” staring at this guy “oh Brian” I said “Brian, here is your drink” Robyn said, squinting my eyes and looking at Jah, I am sure Robyn caused shit with Oakley, she plays too much and these games are nasty, I know my daughter and I know she wants one thing “I will be back” I walked off “he is a handsome man isn’t he” Jah said laughing “I suppose” making my way outside, the place looks so good. I really love when Robyn gets her design on, she is very artistic in that sense with what she does “is everything ok?” Brian asked me “yeah why?” turning to him “just want to get along with the family, I don’t want us to have hostility” side eyeing him “look, I am not going to make the same mistake as I did before. Just mind your business. All I know is that your intentions with my daughter better be real” Brian nodded his head “I am not joking, you don’t know me at all. Junior” he ran towards me “Central Cee is here dad” I laughed “thank you” he actually came, after Rylee said that she was unsure he will and she told him “best behaviour now” walking to see him “I thought he wouldn’t come” Robyn said “he is the father, I would come. And I did several times didn’t I” Robyn rolled her eyes, Junior is walking with me like he is the boss of this home “why you walking like you own shit?” I said to him “I am security” I laughed “you right son, you next in line to protect the home” he is funny.

Oakley is here with a few friends actually “good seeing you walking and breathing” I dapped Oakley “thank you” dapping Wadz “you bought the gang over I see” I said looking at them “awkward ini, can’t be alone now” he has a point “Kairo right?” I said, I am sure it is “yeah yeah” nodding my head “cool, yeah. Come in, I am glad you came, it’s a big day for big A right” I said, “yeah it is, not seen him for a while” I squinted my eyes “really” stuffing my hands in my pockets “this home is brazy” Kairo mumbled "thank you, no need to leave my home, it’s a crazy place but how come you ain’t seeing Aziel, I thought you were?” Oakely rubbed the back of his neck “she allows me to facetime him, when Wadz comes he is always asleep or whatever. I said it to her and she goes oh I am in this place overseas, then I said look you either let me see him or we going court, then Rih messaged Wadz and said that if I take Rylee court for visitation that she will chew me up so then at that point, I went to the apartment myself this time, next man opens the door I didn’t know he was even living there with my son and it kicked off” rubbing my chin “wow, where have I been” I said, I have to laugh because what the fuck “so you know he is here for the birthday” Oakley looked at Wadz “man” looking away from him, I didn’t know any of this “I wasn’t welcome in your home but you let him in off the bat, that is crazy” I swallowed hard “I didn’t know any of this, I promise you” this is a mess “he is here, but I can’t have you kicking off. None of you can, I can’t have that” I really can’t “Rylee is playing a game, a game Rih is playing, she is playing a game” Oakley turned away, he is angry “bro” Wadz walked off with him “we should have run up on him ages ago, fuck that model” Kairo said, I have these roadmen in my home, I just stared off.

I am no babysitter but looks like I am going to be, Robyn is looking at me as I walked through the home with Oakley, I am pissed with her so I just ignored her “whew” Jah said “man, this is rich” Kairo is more amazed at the house, looking at Kairo “walk” I said to him, as I looked to him Oakley just shot off towards Brian, lowkey I just stared because maybe his smug ass needs “Chris” Robyn spat “oh yeah” making my way outside “leave him” Wadz said “Oakley, come on now. This isn’t about him” Oakley can fight, that is a strong skinny guy “get off him” dragging him away “just leave it” I said “allow it man, he is crying about his face cuz” Wadz said and then helped me “Chris you know this is wrong, he in there with my child you think that is ok” pushing him to the corner “allow it Cench, allow it” I didn’t know any of this shit was happening, looking at Brian oh he really hurt him too and Robyn is not happy “I need you all to just calm it” walking over to Oakley “this is not it, I won’t have this in the home” looking at Robyn “go inside” I said to her “no Chris” frowning at her “go inside?” I said to her again and she knew I meant it “we fighting people” Junior said “stop it son, come here. Just relax” he is so angry; I didn’t know any of this was happening.

Oakley never smokes, he is such a clean freak and he is smoking “this ain’t you” I pointed half laughing “mhmmm” I sighed out “look, I didn’t know this. I haven’t been too into the Rylee drama, I wouldn’t ever be for that. I am sorry like, when I found out she had another boyfriend I didn’t think he met Aziel either, until recently. I just need you to not kick off, I know what it is like to be the bad guy. My daughter said she loves you and I believe she does, that is something she wouldn’t lie about either. Her acting this way is acting out, so I think but just relax” he passed me his cigarette “you don’t want it” he shook his head “I am tired of this shit, like I am. Just the lies, she wouldn’t let me see him and I don’t get her problem because she switched it up on me and made out I wasn’t” Oakley looked behind me “you really causing a fight” looking behind me “you literally have a random guy here at my son birthday party, who is this guy? Are you serious, you have allowed your mom to take over” stepping to the side “Oakley you have literally made your bed, you was ok to be messing with Kenza” he groaned out “I didn’t mess with no Kenza! You’re literally hearing yourself, you the one walking with some guy, you switched up” he pointed “you hurt me” Rylee said to him “hurt you? I didn’t do a thing, you’re just hearing yourself” walking towards Rylee “just go in and forget it, can we just have a good time for Aziel, both of you. Can we do this for him” I said, I can’t be dealing with this “he holds my son then I will switch” he said “you hurt me Oakley” she walked off “not the one with another man that your mom set you with” this is going to be intense.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Four.

Aziel held his hand out to me, his little demand for his sippy cup, his snack in one hand and his sippy cup in the other. He seems to have skipped the crawling part of his life but he can stand shakily while leaning on the edge of the couch “careful” he didn’t care and took the cup from me, placing my hand behind him so he don’t fall back “he don’t need you” Oakley said, looking down at my phone “he won’t be saying that when he is screaming on the floor once he falls back” Aziel looked at me and he is annoyed, he doesn’t like that I am trying to protect him. He shook his hand, making a mess of the couch that isn’t even ours. I am waiting for the assistant, I am currently in France for this show “dada” Aziel looked up and at the phone, the way he loves his dad is cute “I am here, what you doing now?” he just cheesed at him “how are you anyways? Is Wadz actually taking care of you and have you taken your tablets? I knew that was infected, you just started being hard headed and started acting like I was full of shit” shuffling off of the couch a little to see Oakley’ face “nah, not that just you know. I am sick of hospitals; I need to just get better and get back on the road you know. I can’t be like this forever, I decided that like I will stay with Wadz, it’s better. I don’t want to cause beef with your mom and all that. I appreciate you; I do. You know I do” looking away from him “hmmm” Aziel is making such a mess “I will keep in contact with you, I mean for him yeah but I need to go. I think they are coming now” picking my phone from the couch, Oakley looked away, I peeped he did that quickly “just take care of yourself, especially at the funeral. Whoever it was, they didn’t get what they wanted and Aziel!” he is attacking me for the phone now “he wants his dad” I mumbled, he has a face on “you know when you do things with our child, next time yeah. Discuss it, I was in hospital and you was deciding things” he is mad with that “never that, I came to you. I asked you, you could have said no” Oakley laughed “I got you; I know how it rolls. The things is, me and your dad mentally we aren’t stupid yeah, I learnt a lot and was told a lot to learn for myself yeah. Just next time discuss it with me” rolling my eyes disconnecting the call, he can royally kiss my ass while he is at it. He called back straight away “what?” I answered “you did that because I am right, I am just telling you that discuss shit, and you get mad. I am not your assignment, I am the ex that happens to be your baby father too, I am actively in his life, so we live to learn and move on, just next time discuss it, nothing bad” shaking my head “yeah the move on, say it louder” putting the phone down again, he can speak to himself now.

Picking Aziel up and placing him on the couch as I got up “Rylee Fenty, we actually met many years ago, I am saying when you was with Fendi” shaking this lady hand, she is staring at me like we besties “I can’t lie but I don’t remember, I feel like my life has been a rollercoaster including the face the people I met then and now, I get it all the time though” she laughed “well your mom is the most talked about person in the world and of course her daughters, we always have the eye on the prize, we actually wanted you on our side, but then Fendi paid out more but we move on, and now we are here and we have Aziel. He is a splitting image of you, the Rihanna gene runs through” smiling at Aziel, he is confused “who is the father? This is the thing, we are doing a family set, we couldn’t figure out who the dad is” chewing on my bottom lip “Central Cee, he is a UK rapper” she just gave me a blank stare “that is fine but for the show, you are the main event, the main thing. Showing off Aziel, which he is a beautiful baby but we need it to be a I don’t know, a family event. So we have Brian” she stepped back and opened the door “this is our male model Brian” raising an eyebrow, Brian is very, very and I say very handsome man “we assumed what Aziel would look like, but he is perfect, and he is going to be your partner for the show, hopefully we are going to have him hold Aziel out, you come out first, he comes out with Aziel, you both stop and are there, pictures taken. You take Aziel, pictures more and then you both walk back” my mouth hung open “wow” is the only thing I said “so contracts signed, both of you need to get to know each other too” she walked out leaving me with this man.

I have to laugh, my life is a comedy show “I have also been thrown in the deep end” putting Aziel in the stroller “I can tell, sorry. I am not being funny with you but, what the hell” he laughed “I guess they want us to have chemistry so if we just know each other a little it could help” he is British, I love the accent “ok” stepping back from the stroller “I am Brian, I am actually Italian, my dad is Jamaican. Well mother is Italian” letting out an oh “so that is the mixed thing, you can tell. Brian you are handsome, I can’t fault what you are. And I find it funny they put me with you, that is their idea of the man I should be with” I laughed “I got the call, and they said Rihanna daughter, walking with her son we think you are the perfect match for the walk way” nodding my head “well I am Rylee” holding my hand out “Brian again, erm yeah. You want to go out for some food?” he asked “I mean you” he asked “me? Well me and my son come as a package, not singular” he slapped his forehead “no, sorry. Both of you, just some lunch. I mean I have to hold him; I can’t just you know take him on the day. Crying kids and me” he cringed “that is fine, sure” he stepped back and opened the door, this guy is very handsome, like he is sexy and I can’t even lie. I find it amusing that this is the ideal man they think I should be with, that is crazy. Kayson stood up as I pushed the stroller out “this is my bodyguard” I said, Kayson waved his hand “you want me to push him” he offered “no, it’s ok. Brian is taking us to lunch so he can walk, and I will follow” Kayson nodded his head “ok, let’s go then” I mean it’s just lunch, he has a point, I don’t want Aziel stressed out.

It’s funny to me because this was supposed to be about Aziel but he is asleep in the stroller “I always thought like, what is it like to be bought up by Rihanna and Chris Brown? Did you ever like think wow my parents are this” I chuckled “erm, honestly. When I was younger I would hate it, I felt like the world took my mom from me, so I missed out. She worked so hard, but at home it’s literally strict, Nothing like what people assumed it to be, but I do love my parents even if they think I did everything wrong” he chuckled “I can imagine, Bajan parent” I cringed “yeah I got my ass whooped a lot” I grinned “not shocking, you seem like trouble” I laughed “oh be quiet, I am not” looking away from him “you shocked the world though, a baby” I chuckled “well yeah, what can I say. It happened but I love him, things make sense with him”  I sighed out, the silence between us “funny thing, I lived on the same street as your boyfriend, it’s a small world really” clearing my throat “ex” I added “ex? Wow, how? He was punching, fuck off? How?” he is shocked “erm, things can get intense you know. Honestly, erm. I don’t know, I think maybe it did get too much. He is very different, and I think maybe we need that, I feel he is strung up on another, Kenza or whatever” I shrugged “wow, that guy is dumb. Fumbled really. Kenza is a bird, like before we moved. Oakley was a nerd, like on god. Like he was quiet and all that but he manged to piss people off always. Then he erm, I remember because it went around, he got kicked out of his home, he was homeless and then erm, school was going to give him to socials and then his grandma jumped in. He was a clever guy but Kenza she erm, she has been around and conquered every girl he has been with. But can I be real with you” nodding my head “he don’t deserve you, you should be treated like a queen” I smiled “right and you think you can be that, maybe I enjoy not being pampered like that” I shrugged “hmmm” he licked his lips “mental illness I am saying” I gasped “shut up, all I am saying is what we have behind closed doors is what we have ok” I chuckled, he is something else.

My mother and I aren’t really speaking but it’s cordial to say the least because I feel she came at me in a nasty way, also my mother is fake. Now she knows we have split she is all for this narrative that I do my own thing. My arms raised as I hugged my dad, he gave me a squeeze “what’s wrong?” He asked, my dad just knows me so well “a lot dad” I sighed out “I hear you, let’s go for a walk. Is big A asleep?” Nodding my head, looking at my mom before walking off “Kayson, put him in the corner” I pointed, my mom and siblings are looking but I just need some space “will do, what if he wakes up?” Kayson asked “then call me but I am sure my mom will be ok with that” stepping outside, I love my dad. He is just the best “go on then” my dad placed his arm around me “why is my mom acting all hard done by? She came at me” I asked “hormonal, your mom is worried that Oakley is going to try and come at you for child support because of the money you have” I looked up at my dad “are you serious!? Wow, she is so money hungry, he isn’t thinking of that. I am not taking Aziel away from him so why would he? I am not her, she tried that a lot with you” my dad breathed out “I am just trying to keep out of it Rylee” he moved away from me, watching him get a cigarette out “it’s just a lot of shit, lot of politics going on you know” crossing my arms across my chest as he lit his cigarette “are you nervous for the show? I am excited for you” I smiled “yeah but like, I need to tell Oakley that another man will be holding Aziel, he isn’t going to like it. This Brian guy” my dad’ eyes bulged out and looked away from me “let me guess, mom’ ploy?” my dad didn’t say a word which to me, it is him saying yes “here is me thinking he liked me for me” I laughed “ I don’t know about that, all I heard is that they said it’s a family thing, mom said oh the father is out of it, he is not well. They said we will get another man then, she said ok. That was it, best advice. Tell him about it, don’t let him be caught off guard” Oakley is going to hate it, I know it.

Sitting down next to Robyn, it’s a big thing for Aziel. Clearly this is the same route as Rylee took, she was a child doing this but I agree, she should let him have his foot in it. Tianna is even here, I think lowkey she is being very supportive of her sister and I like that, I just wish they didn’t fight the way they do because it’s hard on us when having events “have you not held your nephew yet?” I said to Tianna “nope, I was banned” I laughed “you girls, I think Rylee is the first thing to come out” I am glad, because once she comes out I am taking my grandson, then I can spend some time with him, fuck a fashion show. Licking my top lip seeing the photographer taking pictures of us as the show commenced, squinting my eyes and then seeing Rylee, I couldn’t help myself but cheer “she looks well” nodding my head “she is you” I am not even looking at the outfit “she is a good model, I wish she took it serious as she would. She is giving, look at how impressed people are, that is my daughter. She puts herself to the side, she worth more then what she puts herself into” Robyn said in my ear, I don’t know what Robyn wants me to say about that, Aziel is here and I am happy he is “awww look” I said smiling, Aziel really is just chilling in this guy’ arms “Brian is handsome isn’t he” Robyn said, I cringed thinking Aziel was about to cry, just seeing the amount of people just taking pictures “maybe having him hidden was better” the guy and Aziel got to the end, he passed Rylee Aziel and the flashes went off “it was bound to happen, might as well get paid for it” nodding my head getting up and rushing off as they made their way back.

Holding Aziel’ legs, he is sat on my shoulders “Chris, how does it feel to be a grandparent?” Vanity asked “I am the most handsome one going, erm it’s different. The love is one hundred, he has really made life complete for me anyways” I chuckled “was it a surprise for you?” she pushed “of course, I mean like any parent it was a shock but now, I am just enjoying being the cool grandparent” Rylee smiled at me “thank you Chris” walking off with Aziel, he is holding my hair like that shit don’t hurt “you going to hold him?” I said to Tianna “I am banned, I keep telling you. Even though I posted him” I sighed out “he is cute though” I grinned “well you will have your baby brother or sister to hold instead” I said “what?” Ti said, I froze “oh please?” I just smiled at Tianna, she is side eyeing me “oh my god, that is actually annoying. You both old too, wow!” I mean that slipped out “ok listen to me right, don’t say anything more” Tianna is not happy “it happened, besides you will be busy. Boohoo” she shook her head “not the point, Raihan may be sad too, he loves being the youngest” licking my lips laughing “then he going to need to grow the fuck up” I joked “now why you both thought this was a good idea though? I need answers” I mean Tianna won’t be around so she doesn’t need to worry “because we need another baby in the house, since Aziel we craved another” I said “you mean mom did” she huffed out.

Kicking the door as I walked into the hotel room “whatever” Rylee said and put the phone down “whatever huh” pressing a kiss to Aziel cheek as I placed him on the bed “what is momma talking about” sitting on the bed “men” she just said “Oakley?” I said “yep, in his words. I pissed him off and things” she sat down next to me “maybe you both need to just be cordial for Aziel but I think honestly, if it’s real. It will come back, clearly you both are annoying each other and having these arguments, it will always come full circle if it’s real. Like he’s going through things right now, you being there is making it worse so I think give him that space” Rylee shook her head “leaving him alone means that he will end up being with other girls” nodding my head “and same with you, clearly him seeing you with that guy has upset him too. I think just let him be him, and then you do you. You might find another or you both come back together better then ever” she needs to let him go, it will come back if it’s real “just worries me that you’re here though, alone. Come back to America, you can still be you Rylee. But London, is a big place. I just want you to have help close by, nobody is here and now you’re not with Oakley, I get if you want to stay in London but I do get worried. Never think you’re alone Rylee, you have me. You have me always” Rylee smiled “I think I will stay in London just because his dad is here, I know Oakley is a good dad so I rather keep him close to his dad” I respect her decision even if I wish she was close.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Three.

I am annoyed, I am. Plans do change all the time and there is no denying that, all my life things have happened, and plans have changed but I really wanted to just spend time with Chris, I wanted us to have us to have time alone, but it turned out to be us in London still. We spoke on it and discussed on what he wanted, and he just said I rather stay in London and that to have the kids come here, so I did it. We are in London and the kids are all here, I can’t believe how much shit has changed. It was meant to be a flying visit and then in Italy we would be drinking wine peacefully after having rounds of sex but baby this child I am carrying; I am very active with that. I just want sex and the fact I am liking cum more than ever; I keep on giving him blowjobs at that, life is different with this baby. It’s calm and I am happy about that, but I wish we was in Italy but no, I am sat here with Raihan whining that he wants to eat cake, and then Junior talking about sports. Raihan will get cake eventually, Rylee is supposed to be here with Aziel but she hasn’t come, she just text me running late but we couldn’t wait, we just ate. Now I am trying to hold out for the birthday cake to come out, least she can see that. It’s late already but she is even later, I am not happy with her. It’s her dad birthday and she is behind like that, she just needs to dress herself and come out, if she needed help with Aziel, I would have remained behind with her, I sometimes do give up with that girl because it’s not nice when Chris wanted all his kids here, he didn’t ask for presents, just his kids. We really pass presents in life really, Tianna is here and I am happy to see her in a happier spot in her life, she is smiling way more than before “you annoyed?” Chris asked me “I am, you right. It’s nearly ten, she is annoying” Chris just smiled “Rylee is here!” Raihan spat, I looked away and seeing the waiter walking in front of her, Rylee with is Aziel on her hip all bundled up, I am shock the boy is awake at this time. Does she no have routine with him “hey” Rylee smiled, Imani jumped up so fast “let me have him, Big A in the house come here” Chris isn’t going to let anyone hold him besides himself.

Rylee totally overlooked Tianna and I hate it, I don’t like it but rather they didn’t speak then they do speak, and they argue “Rylee you look so pretty” Imani said to her “thank you” Rylee smiled, she looks flustered “mhmmm, was it the makeup that put you behind?” I had to ask “erm a lot of things happened; I had a busy day mom. I am sorry, it’s fine. I don’t need to eat, I know dad wanted to see Aziel too so yeah, I made it” this girls of mine “mhmmm” is the only thing I said “he has got so big Rylee” Rylee smiled at Aziel “hi baby” she waved at him and the way he smiled at his mom and waved back to her “yeah, he is growing too quickly for me. He should be crawling, but he isn’t. He just gets in the position, the nurse I saw. She said I need to keep him on the floor more, just hard really. I need to babyproof the apartment and just, lots of things happened. My friend helped me buy things today but then yeah, just have to do it. I am scared to leave him alone, the home is just more adult like” she said to Imani “I will do it for you” Chris said “should have asked me Rylee, I can do that all for you. I will do it tomorrow” she should have asked; we are here right now. Seeing the cake arrive with sparklers and candles, the waiters gathered and started singing happy birthday, Chris pushed his chair back because Aziel and his hands, he wanted to touch the cake. Opening my camera and videoing the moment, Chris is happy so I am, what can I say.

Tianna and Imani seem to close, I love to see that “morning girls” we had to rent a house, since the kids and Amerie have come and we have a chef here cooking breakfast “morning mom, what else are we doing?” Imani asked, pulling the chair out “well, Paris fashion week, I thought I would take my girls to some shows, what you think?” Tianna smiled “I heard in the meeting that Fenty is doing the makeup for two shows” I clicked my fingers “exactly, and we going to show out. Leave the men at home, so while we are overseas we can visit some shows, do some things. I know it’s all last minute, we really was supposed to be in Italy, but things happen. We are here not, might as well make the most of it and have fun. I know Tianna, you are going to be doing work right?” I pointed she laughed “I mean kind of, but Amanda did say we was coming here anyways, so generally I will be working” she knows it “good, how are you finding it? I haven’t really had anything negative being said or told that anything is wrong, but tell how is it?” I asked her “it’s been fun mom, like at first they was wary. I was note taking initially, they wanted me to get used to me and now it’s like because I spend so much time with Amanda I am getting close to her but then it frees up time for her to keep in contact with you, so really I love it. We have a group chat, constantly always on with something. I met some girlies in the team, I actually scouted one model for a Savage show, they told me good choice. But it’s independence. Someone asked and said are you getting paid for this, I said not really” I laughed “do you want to get paid? Like a normal wage, I mean speak up I don’t mind?” I asked “well yeah, I think I should” nodding my head “reason being is because when you’re twenty one, which is around the corner, the money will come to you. That is all” she went silent “just say to them if asked again, you are. Don’t tell anyone much about it but on the flip side, you’re having a good time and that makes me happy” I am happy for her.

I want to bring up the whole Rylee thing, but I don’t think I will right now, I will stay silent about it. The girls have gone to sightsee with the boys and Amerie. We are going to Rylee’ apartment “Rylee said she is meeting us in a café” I pulled a face “why!?” I spat, what is this “I don’t know, she text me and said meet me here, Aziel is having a nap. We will be an hour” Chris shrugged “I just want to babyproof her apartment, this is why she should move closer to us. I hate this” Chris doesn’t like it “I know poppa, but I am sure Oakley will get better soon and then he can help. But I really want to bring it up to Ti about this feud with Rylee, she is getting help and things. What do you think it will be like if I asked?” looking over at Chris “erm, I think maybe hold off? I don’t know, give is a few days. Don’t jump down her throat about it. I mean it could be something we can fix but slowly, the best thing to happen yesterday is that they both didn’t argue, nothing was said. We can only be blessed that happened, Ti always makes some sly comments, but she didn’t so I think we could just give it time and eventually we can make an intervention about it all” Chris has a point, I just go to wait it out, I just don’t like this feud with them both.

I am wondering why the hell my daughter want us to come here “thank you for my iced latte” I said to her, she knows me “so erm why are we here and not with my baby Aziel? Where is he?” I mean she’s here and he is where “so erm, I’ve been a little quiet. I’m sure you both know, erm. Sorry dad, I came late to your birthday, I hope you had a great day, and you love the presents from us both. So like yesterday a lot happened, I wanted to speak to you both first. So yesterday before I came to see dad, I thought Aziel is dressed nicely and I had to time, so I went to the house to see Oakley. When I got there things were ok, they all were loving it and saying how cute Aziel is and then I’m like thinking ok where is Oakley, I goes hey where is Oakley. Neil shyly just looked at me like he’s at his own apartment, I said how? He can’t move, I don’t get it. She goes he got home and said as soon as he did they both argued, Oakley turned around and said that you know she is a bitch, a useless mother and all that. I was thinking he’s a quiet man, he wouldn’t so Rachael threw him out, Neil took him to his apartment, I said are you joking that place has stairs, how would he you know go to the bathroom. They just shrugged, left him there. I said right, so I left pretty much. I went to the apartment, and I was waiting for a good twenty minutes for him to open the door. At first he wasn’t going too but then he said oh it’s you, he came opened the door. He was shocked to see me, but I said look I came because I want to know you’re ok. Went into the apartment, just a mess mom. Like words can’t be put together seeing the mess of that place, he said Wadz drops him food off, I didn’t put Aziel down because I was looking and I said please don’t tell me you are peeing in those bottles, he was just quiet. He goes it’s hard work going up the steps, I can do it when I’m going to sleep. I can’t do it, I gagged. I was like you are joking me, this is no life. I felt sad, then I asked what happened. He said like his mother was just talking and saying things, he just told her to piss off, that’s it. Well she went all out and started saying how ungrateful he is, then he goes I told her this is my house. She goes well not anymore, it’s ours and then the next thing my dad is escorting him out, well picking him up. It’s not hard to pick him up” I think I know here this is good “Rylee, please. You’re too kind” I just said, is she joking me I know what she’s going to say “Robyn, I am listening to her” Chris said “talk” he gestured for her “so his dad took him back but then nobody changed his bandage, and like. I am just shocked seeing him, then he kind of told me that he didn’t want me there and he is ok. Like Wadz will be here and he will help so I said to him no, you can stay at mine. There is no stairs, it will be easier for him to get around, he kept saying no and then I just said to him you have no choice. Someone has to help you, you can’t walk, you have one arm. It’s not logical, you should be in a wheelchair or whatever, but he agreed, so Oakley is at my apartment, and I changed his bandages, I uhm yeah” she drifted “cleaned him like a good wife hmm” I said “Robyn” Chris spat “stop it, we raised her to care. You did the same for me!” looking away from him.

My daughter is the stupidest thing around, I can’t believe she is taking care of him “you’re not even with him! Oh my god Rylee are you kidding me!?” I barked “Robyn, stop right now” Chris warned “washed him did you? Like the housewife you are” staring at her “his wound needed cleaning, and I mean yeah” she is stupid “washing him like he’s yours, I’ve met many idiots” Chris slammed the table “enough!” He barked “no more words from you, I mean it” I sat back in the chair “so he’s at the apartment?” Chris asked “yeah. I don’t want him to suffer. He’s suffering, that’s not fair, he’s ok to deal with, trust me dad, I can carry him. I mean we wobble around, but it’s fine. Easier for him, just told him that I’m taking Aziel France, but it poses an issue, him being alone” this is pathetic “dad, mom would do the same for you, she is a hypocrite at this point” looking at Chris “tell her it’s different” Chris swallowed hard “it’s not is it, in her heart she cares and loves him, like you do me. You got to stop this Robyn, you’re getting too involved and I want it stopped now, stop this” he looked at me “I will deal with Rylee myself; I do not need you to get involved at all” now Chris is taking it out on me “this is your daughter doing this, taking care of another man. Are you serious? You’re the same guy not liking him” Chris needs to wake up because this is pathetic “and what do you have me do do Robyn, tell me?” He is doing all the talking “tell it ends now, because this is not it” Rylee knows she has her dad wrapped around her little finger, I refuse to agree with this shit “so you are taking care of him at your apartment?” Looking at her “I am yes, he’s a little stressed out. His friend is dead and then his mother isn’t being supportive, a little like mine. Making life hard” I scoffed “I don’t want my young daughter taking care of a man, it’s not your fault that the bullet was meant for him, he should be upset about, and Chris you’re letting her take care of him, they not together mind you. Do you deal with this, you sort it out. I’m going before I say anymore, she is a young girl taking this stress! A baby that doesn’t crawl because she’s alone and scared he will hurt himself because her baby father is useless!” Getting up from the chair, I’m angry and I need to go before I make it worse.

Taking in a deep breath watching Robyn walk off, I can’t believe how mad she is. It’s so crazy how calm I am about this, she is being very unreasonable towards her feelings in this “you and mom always swap roles, she is just mad because she wants me away from him” nodding my head slowly “she assumed that you both would split” I mumbled “mom is so unbearable” I grinned “Rylee you always going to do it your way, ever since you left our home you did it your way. You never did it my way, your mom way, it was always about you. And I don’t hate that, it’s how I raised you to be Rylee. So whatever I say, whatever your mom says doesn’t matter and I have learnt to accept that, I had too. I am not upset at you for doing what you did, you saw an injustice and I would do the same you know. I just think, actually Rylee I don’t know what to say” I laughed “I just want you happy, I want Aziel to have the best time. I came out here to erm, to fix your home up. Do the sad thing, so shall we?” Rylee looked away from me “and if you want, I can stay behind with him. You can go and do your thing with Aziel. Your mom just gets too involved, we all have that idea of our kids, you are now a mother, and you will think Aziel will be a professor but then he turns out to be a teacher, we all have that. But you do you, us as parents will deal and get on with it, but don’t put yourself out either. Oakley, I can deal with now, I have that care for him like I did before, he just hurt me because I let him be near me like that, come. Let’s go” I want to just get this on with “dad, you always have been the sane one. People just don’t see it but you are, you are the most logical one. You just need a moment” I smiled at her “I try, I just have to always you know, I have to be that guy to think after I upset everyone, one day I’ll change” I laughed, I just want to help my daughter.

Following behind Rylee, I don’t know what to expect, I’m not even going to say anything “I hope Aziel didn’t wake up, but Oakley didn’t call so I don’t think he did” she said as she unblocked the door “how is he taking care of Aziel?” I laughed “they both were asleep; he knows though just when I was going he fell asleep” taking in a deep breath closing the door behind me, following Rylee into the living room. I am not even upset like Robyn is, she taken too far but we can’t dictate her life. Clearly Rylee does not care for what we think or even want with her life, so really Robyn needs to stop the shit she doing “Oakley, hey” turning the corner, seeing him half asleep on the couch with Aziel asleep on his chest “I am back home now” Oakley just looked at me, I didn’t say anything “he is here to just fix something in the apartment, but I am back now” he nodded his head, Rylee turned to me “dad, let me show you the things that I want you to fix for me” nodding my head, I mean I am not going to kick him while he is doing anyways. Following behind Rylee “do you help him for everything?” I asked “erm not what you think, just like cleaning his wounds. I think it’s infected though, his mom never helped so that needs checking” chewing on my bottom lip “there is only one bed here so I guess” I dragged out, Rylee put her head down “I can’t leave him like that, I am sorry” I shook my head “don’t be sorry for what you think is right for you, let me do this for you” I pointed, I am not Robyn. She reacted badly.

[calypsoff3]

Rih is so controlling????

Seems like she is

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Two.

I really appreciate my parents, especially my dad. He wants to stay around but I told him that he needs to go and that I should be ok, I mean they are what they are but I am not going to say anything. It’s not about them, this is about Oakley and him getting better. I know we not together, but he is the father of my child and I do love and care about him, I want him well. Looking away from my phone and at Kairo, I don’t know why but he rubs me up the wrong way, this guy is not good to me. He just talks for nothing, he says things that he shouldn’t even be talking about either, I do not understand him because the way he is just posting like Oakley was dead annoyed me, but now I just got to be quiet because everyone is here, his friends should I say. I mean Oakley has found out that his friend is dead, he has been quiet ever since he found that out. I mean I know that this is going to affect him, this is going to hurt him to know because hearing how it went down, he was supposed to be dead and his brother is nowhere to be found, he hasn’t been around since. I think he has been hiding from the police because he is literally the main trouble causer in this. Oakley may hang with that group but he isn’t a killer, he isn’t a dealer but I mean I guess he is associated with them really. Getting up from the chair “where are you going?” Oakley asked me, I barely stepped forward “just going to get some air” I said, he nodded his head “you need security?” Kairo asked “no?” side eyeing him “I can be it? I mean you live with security” nodding my head “and look what happened when he didn’t, I mean if I needed a stick I would ask, a tree branch would protect me more then you” Kairo gasped “you got beef with me, I don’t know why though” he pointed, walking off. He can have fun with this friends, I am sick of hearing them. They are just speaking just to speak; I am sure Oakley is tired too. It’s late, I am shocked the nurses haven’t kicked them out, but I guess they are scared too say a thing, they aren’t the type of boys to listen to authority, but I hope they get removed so I can just fall asleep and I can speak to Oakley, I know he is hurt about his friend.

I rather sit outside then in there, the waiting room his mother is there so I was like I am going outside for this, I want the peace and not the headache from that lady. I stifled out a yawn staring ahead of me, I miss my son so much, but I know he is in the safest hands. I don’t even need to worry about him because I know my mom and dad have got him and will show him the love, I did facetime Aziel and he cried so I feel so bad now, but I am going to ask if he wants to see him, he hasn’t asked about him but it has been less than forty eight hours since it happened and he is hearing a lot, I want him to have peace but what can I say, I am barely anything but the baby mother “Rylee” looking to the side of me “it’s me” they pulled the ski mask off “Jay” I mumbled, his brother is here “how is he?” he asked “I mean he is alive but why are you hiding? This got something to do with you?” he held his hands up “I don’t know, if I am being honest, I don’t know” he mumbled and that annoys me “it could be me, or the fact nobody likes my brother” I sighed out “and why? Because he is a rapper, I don’t get it” I questioned “yes he is a rapper, but he is rapper that is making money and standing out there, he moves mad Rylee. It’s just jealousy. I think it was for me” he admitted “so my son could have lost his dad because of you? Oakley gets shit because of you, your mom can’t stand him because of you” Jay put his head down “I know” he mumbled “you need to get him out of west, he can’t be there Rylee. He can’t be with his boys, his friend died and it’s his fault, he took his bullet. I love my brother but you need to get him to move from here, you have too, he isn’t going to listen to me or anyone, you can try” I sniggered “we not even together Jay, we split” staring at him, he looks so deflated “no wonder he’s been moving mad” he stared off “I can’t see him, I feel bad. Sorry you both split though” I shot up from the seat “what you doing here?” I said to Kenza, she shouldn’t even be fucking here “woah” she said in shock, she wasn’t expecting to see me outside.

I am taller then Kenza, I could just swing for her but no because that is not me and my mom would be livid because we don’t move like that at all “I am here to see my friend?” she said “it’s nearing ten at night, he is resting” she looked away from me “I have been away ok, I have just come back and I have heard what happened, I care about him a lot ok. You got his heart why do you need to beef with me? You win, you won so why do you even care, we are friends. I give up, I don’t want him like that. How do you think I felt when he told me he loves you, how he is with you and I got the shit of it, you know what you got him to sit home at night, I didn’t. I should be hurt but you know what, we was better off as friends, you looking real insecure for a girl that has a man that loves her” staring at her, I don’t know if to be mad or just be ok with it “well, we aren’t together” I announced, she let out an oh “wow, well he is stupid then. I can imagine it’s his fault. I am shocked, I can’t lie” I shrugged “I can’t fight what the heart wants, I know him as a friend and he doesn’t understand love but he knows you nurture him and show him that, I am sorry to hear that though. I am not after him, I assumed you was just a girl and that came like that but you won it, and I still think you have but yeah. I am going” I didn’t say a thing but stare at her, she spoke a whole lot of words but also a whole lot of nothing either, I don’t know how to feel about that at all.

Closing the door behind me when I got into the hospital room, Oakley is alone finally. He has all his friends here but they have gone now, I am just feeling pressured into helping him when he can’t help himself. I feel like I shouldn’t be pressured into this either but we aren’t together so what can I say besides ok and move on “how are you feeling?” I asked him, he looks miserable as he is “it’s shit” he just said “I know it is shit, you’re not going to be able to move your arm or leg” I said to him “I know” looking at his bag “that needs changing, someone needs to look after you” he looked away from me “yeah my mom said she would” nodding my head “do you want to see Aziel? My parents can bring him” he may not want too “sure” he mumbled “why are you upset by the way, I can tell on your face” look at him knowing me “just you know” I drifted off “things happen Oakley and yeah, your ex Kenza came, she spoke a lot of things. But who am I right, I am just your baby mother and I can’t really stop her from coming, also your brother spoke to me. They think I can save you, when you don’t want to be saved. The priority is Aziel” he nodded his head “I get it” he just said “here, take a blanket from me. I have two” he said, a small smile played on my lips “and what if I wasn’t staying?” he looked up at me “you not?” he laughed “I am, I will get a nurse to change that for you” I pointed “be back” he nodded his head, his carer is nowhere to be found, his mother.

Smiling at Chris, watching him interact with Aziel warms my heart a lot “I want to take him back home so bad Robyn, like he should be with us family. Look how he could just fit in with us, we can just take him. Third son” look at him “third son, be quiet. More like, he is missing his mom though. I can’t wait to take him, so you are going to deal with your little meeting for whatever clothing line you doing?” I asked him “yeah I am, send Rylee my love too. And don’t cause drama” I sniggered “me and drama? Never, I just won’t take shit from some bitch, I won’t have it. And I honestly want my daughter home too, I want them all with us, but I can’t fight it. I am just glad she moved herself, she is safe in that apartment, it’s a beautiful place she lives in but what about your birthday Chris? We need to go Italy” Chris is gathering Aziel hair in his hands “look at this, hair in a bun. He has such beautiful hair, you got some bundles” I chuckled “look at his little face but tell me about Italy?” I don’t know what he wants to do “family first Robyn” nodding my head, I got my answer “that is fine, I am going to try and get Rylee to go home, she needs peace. She is a young girl, she isn’t his wife either. They are over too, she doesn’t need to stay there” I don’t care what Chris says “Robyn, please do it in a way you do not stress Rylee out, I am serious. We are all getting along, I don’t want that to change for us” watching him answer the facetime “hi girls!” Chris spat “look at that Aziel, aunties and uncles” lowering my head a little to see my kids on facetime, Aziel is looking at Chris like who are these people “it’s weird” Ti said “what is weird, I know you not calling Big A weird?” Chris said “just weird that you know, that is Rylee’ baby” Aziel yelped out dada, bless him.

I bought Rich along with me and Frank, dramatic but Oakley is in a regular fucking hospital too, I can’t exactly go through the back of the hospital, I am just having to go as a regular person which sucks. Aziel is just playing with his chain in his mouth, fixing his hoodie on his head. I know the parents are being protective about showing him, so I comply, I have to protect him. The elevator doors opened “not this floor” Frank said and stepped to the side, as so did I to make sure. Placing my hand behind Aziel’ head, putting my head down. I breathed out as we got to the floor we needed, I am not here for the fucking shit storm of people, they didn’t notice anyways. Walking off the elevator, Rich is pushing the stroller, I thought we may need it at some point “down here” Rich pointed, I am just following them. I am honestly honoured with now close Aziel is to us, like I never thought we would be because of how everything happened but he is, my heart is just bursting with love too. The family is here too outside and around, I see Wadz and he just waved “they are changing his plasters so we are kicked out” nodding my head but Rich doesn’t care, he was about to open the door but the door opened “oh” the nurse said “free to go in” but Rich doesn’t need permission he just went in and held the door open, Frank moved the stroller to the side so I could get in. Pulling his hood off, smiling at my daughter “mom” she said getting up “hi, special delivery of someone” looking over at Oakley “good to see you again, alive” I added, he smiled at me “and skinnier then before” Rylee took Aziel from me “I missed you so so so much, my baby!” she yelped out, walking over to the bed “appreciate you coming” smiling at him “well I am glad to see you are alive though” he looked over at Aziel “the boy, look at you” the way Aziel turned his whole body to see Oakley “I missed your face, I don’t think I can hold you” he is just staring at his dad but Oakley is smiling, it’s nice to see him feel the love from his son.

Aziel missed his parents, it’s sweet to see “so tell me Oakley how are you and are you feeling well?” I asked him, least he is smiling “I am good thank you, just in pain. I can’t wait to just get out of the bed really, I don’t know how I am going to walk really” nodding my head “you going to need to have help, I remember when Chris was out for a while, it was hard. Physically it was hard” the door opened, looking behind me. I know Rich wouldn’t let just anyone come in but it’s his mother “hi everyone, oh my god. Is that my grandbaby, oh my god come to grandmama” side eyeing her, she is so “anyways” I said, I am going to be good because Chris told me to be good “missed you so so much” oh she is slobbering over him, of course. Rylee got up and so did I, I mean I am wondering where she is going “is he coming home now” she asked Rylee “yeah he will be with me, I am going home. I think Oakley, they are going to try and get you to go home tomorrow” she said “I am sure the next of kin knows that” I said, Rylee looked at me “I did” she defended “no I was just saying but Aziel is coming home, you don’t need to worry. I mean his home is the apartment Rylee got” I caught Oakley just rolling his eyes resting his head back “she can come to the house, Oakley is coming home with us” looking at Rylee “home isn’t there, home is where she is now. Oakley and her aren’t together anymore, she isn’t his carer either. Next of kin needs to step up really. She is kind enough to be here with him and help him, you should be doing it. His plasters, you know his wound. Do it yourself, it’s your duty to take care of him anyways” it’s been bugging me, Rylee tells me and of course I am going to say something “I didn’t know they weren’t together” I smiled “well they aren’t, be a mother” looking at Rylee “you’re my daughter, I won’t have this” she didn’t say anything but put her head down.

Oakley’ father is good with Aziel, the child is good with both grandparents I can see but it’s nice to see his mom trying to make the effort, and as she should be anyways because he is not my daughter’ problem, they aren’t together anyways. I have been peeping them both just looking at each other “you could have just kept it to yourself” she said in a whisper “I won’t have it, I shouldn’t get involved you’re right but you are a young girl, you’re not his carer. Let him be his mother’ problem” she looked at me “and if you ain’t there for someone at their lowest then you shouldn’t be there for them at their best, he was there for me after I gave birth” she said “as he should be, that’s his baby too. Let him be his mother’ problem, she wants to put you out then let her” my daughter is too good for that “I can tell he wants you but you have Aziel to take care of, you both split for a reason and I think you need to leave it as that” Rylee looked at me “I love him” I groaned out looking away from her, I question her taste in men because compared to Melo, this man is ugly to me “puppy love exists too, you have other decisions like Aziel and this France show. Think of that” I need to get this girl on the straight and narrow “what did you say?” Rylee said walking to Oakley, the way she moved off to him, that girl of mine “I said that I will be at my mom’ place, you know. I should be ok” crossing my arms across my chest “as long as you’re ok, I can bring Aziel over to see you” he nodded his head, she needs to concentrate on herself “I knew you both wouldn’t last, jus wish you didn’t bring a baby into the mix” his mother said “well condoms exist too”  I added “ever thought your daughter trapped my son” she said “trapped him for what exactly? Certainly wasn’t for money” is she joking “enough!” Rylee spat “let’s go mom, just please” looking at Rachael “let me find you are speaking out of line with my daughter, you will see me again” I won’t have this bitch messing with my daughter.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty One. Part 2

It’s like something snapped in me “stop the car” it’s either fight or flight, what if he’s laid out “stop the fucking car, stop!” I shouted “Chris no! they are running back” I got up from the seat “stop. Stop! Just stop the car” the driver stopped, sliding open the door and looked down the road, these guys are running back. I jumped out and went behind a white van ducking down, peeking my head around and down the sidewalk, the shouting “bro come on!” Oakley shouted, seeing Oakley running down the sidewalk towards me and a guy on the floor, he isn’t looking behind him at all as the guy in the ski mask came back for more clearly and Oakley is limping “bro, come on” he whined out, he isn’t seeing that his bro is on the floor, he isn’t looking behind him at all “Chris!” Rich shouted, I was about to step out and then another shot rang out, so I ducked back “lets fucking go!” someone shouted, but I am not sure if to look out. I can hear someone scraping the floor with a shoe, I stood up and stepped out and Oakley was right there “got you!” I spat and he fell onto me, I am not even sure where he has been hit “fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck” I said, pulling him to me and behind the van “Rich, where has he been hit” Rich came up behind me and around “top shoulder and leg” he said “let’s go! They keep coming back, let’s get him in the back, I don’t care!” Rich is panicking, I can tell with the look on his face, he is fearing because they keep coming back. I am not scared, I am not scared because I have been through this shit and I know he probably is scared “Ah!” Oakley spat as Rich held him from the bottom to get him in the car “hospital!” I spat, climbing into the back with him “hold on bro” sitting down with him, Rich slid the door shut. Oakley looked up at me he is so quiet, I can tell he is in pain “I think the bullet is lodged in your shoulder, just hold out” Rich isn’t happy with me, but I am not leaving him there to bleed out “they were coming back you know” Rich said “someone wanted him gone” I ain’t ever seen this boy cry but he did, Rich and I looked each other “speak to me, you ran long you know. You did” he looked up at me he’s sobbing out but no tears, I think it’s shock of it “just ran” he managed to say.

Hospitals are useless I would say that, propping him up on the wheelchair. I have his blood on me now, running with him in the wheelchair inside A&E “we need help over here!” Rich spat, the receptionist looked at us, initially she looked like Chris Brown because I know that look so well but then she saw Oakley “we need help here!” she shouted getting up from the chair, I stopped with him in the chair “stay with us, you going to be good” I said to him, he is bleeding a lot, more then I thought for a shoulder wound “what’s his name?” she asked “Oakley Caesar-Su, gun shot wound to the leg and shoulder” some doctors started to run over “ok, Oakley we are going to help you” she took him, I took in a deep breath and Rich just looked at me “why? You put yourself in danger for a guy you wanted to kill anyways” licking my lips “wanted, it’s not even that. He means a lot to my daughter and I am not doing that to her, I am glad I did and we got him out” Rich can’t be like this all he wants, looking over at the doctors rushing over to him. I don’t know why I am touching my face, I have blood on it “fuck” I said to myself, I didn’t expect that turn at all. All I saw was them guys, I thought they was with him, they all dress the same. They was clearly waiting on him and they used the car as a cover-up, I mean it’s a mini-van so they can hide behind it but I saw them before any of them did “man I feel PTSD” I said to myself “that has given me PTSD bad, wow” the receptionist came over to me “is he going to be ok?” I asked “yes, we are going to put him through am emergency operation” nodding my head “can we take some details for him” she asked, looking around me and people are just staring mad hard “yeah” I breathed out.

The police in the UK are so quick to come, I haven’t even had the chance to call Rylee “well you are a witness to this, so we do need to keep you around” shaking my head “I literally dropped him off and then we drove, then the next minute it happened. I can’t witness something I don’t know about. I was just dropping a friend off and the father of my grandchild, nothing else” the office just stared at me like I am just talking shit, I mean I don’t really know a thing “I need to call my daughter, don’t worry. I am around” acting like I am going to run away, walking off a little “sorry” I apologised to Rich, he didn’t want to be here in the first place, and I pushed for it, it’s my fault but I couldn’t leave him. Tapping on Rylee name, first of all she needs to pick up her son because what the hell, pressing my phone against my ear “hello” she picked up so quickly “where is the hi dad? Very formal, what you doing? And you forgotten Aziel?” I said, “oh stop it dad!” She laughed “I haven’t, I’m with Lillian and Halle. We are having dinner date, but I will be picking him up tonight. I told mom, you’re so annoying. How dare you complain about me picking him up” I chuckled “well he takes up the attention, what about me. Erm but, are you at the food place now?” Pacing away from the crowd of people “I am, we waiting for the food why?” I stretched out, I don’t want to say it but she needs to know “Rylee, I really don’t want you to panic or get upset. I mean you will end up being upset. But something happened, I mean I’m still in shock” this is hard to say “what happened dad? Mom said you’re with Oakley, please tell you didn’t hit him again” see how I get the blame “no Rylee, what happened was. I dropped him off down west or whatever, he got out and we fine, the talk went well. We drove off and then we heard gunshots. Look, he’s been shot twice Rylee” I just said it “what dad!? Don’t lie to me like that” her initial reaction and I don’t blame her “baby I’m not, he’s been shot twice I’m in the hospital” I explained “I got to go, it’s Oakley. Text me” the line disconnected, I can imagine she’s saying text me where but I’m sad for her, I knows she’s going to be panicking about it.

Answering Robyn’ call “I’ve had Rylee crying, Chris what happened?” Robyn asked “I’m covered in his blood, I’m not lying. Rylee thinks I’m making it up, police are saying I’m a witness, so I’m stuck with Rich at the hospital. If I didn’t get him Robyn, he would be dead. The guys came back for him Robyn, I was in shock, but it was fight or flight, I saw him limping towards me but I don’t think he saw me, he was shouting his friend that was on the floor anyways but he wasn’t looking at him he just kept trying to get away and shouting, then next minute shots were being fired again. I hid, then it went silent. I stopped out and Oakley was just there, he was shocked to see me, but he fell on me” seeing the receptionist “one minute, excuse me!” I spat getting up “hey, me again. How is Oakley?” I asked “he’s been take into surgery, he’s there as of now” nodding my head “thanks, so yeah. That happened. I told him he has to leave that life. Then this happened, he looked so scared and I for one was too, but I have a lot of blood on me, I want to get get changed but I can’t” walking back over to Rich “my baby is so sad Chris, she’s crying a lot. Oh dear, will he be ok” sitting down sighing out “I think he will be ok; I think the bullets just need taking out and he needs rest, I am saying he will be ok. But I don’t think his friend is good, I think Rylee is here. I’ll call back” disconnecting the call, Rylee went to the reception straight away, police are just staring, the emptied this place “Rylee” I said, she turned to me and her face dropped, not a single word escaping her lips as she stared me up and down, she walked over to me slowly “no” she said, she touched my top but I grabbed her hand “no it can’t be” she looked up at me, seeing the look on her eyes, she really loves him “no dad” she sobbed out “I want to hug you but I don’t want this on you, come here” lifting her up “he will be ok baby, he will be” I want to hug her but I can’t.

I do not like to see her cry that way, that alone kills me “I can’t, dad. His blood is on you what the fuck happened dad!” she shouted at me “Oakley and I spoke, that was it. We spoke, I wanted to know about everything, I want him to see that you deserve a good man and Aziel deserves a dad, and that life isn’t good. We had a good talk baby” holding Rylee’ hands “then what, why is Oakley on the bed” she sobbed “Rich was there, he will tell you what I am saying is right. We dropped him off, he left the car, I looked to the side and there was a bunch of guys there on the other side, you know they all wear ski masks, they had them on so I was like whatever they are all friends, Rich got back in and he said it’s weird out there. Oakley was walking to his friends, car drove. Then all I hear is bang, bang, bang. Gun shots going off constantly, I am like stop. I look and I see the guys running but then it was like going and then coming back, like it wasn’t done right. Rich shouted go, then it hit me that I couldn’t leave him there, I had to go. So I got out, I see him limping. I hid behind a van but then he’s shouting for his friend to come, it’s ok bro. I see his friend on the floor, I don’t think he realised, Oakley is just limping going, the guy comes back and then bang, I hid but then I am like no I need to get him. So the time I come around the van Oakley just fell into me, he was shot twice, just on the shoulder and leg. And the fear on his face, he didn’t speak a word really, but he was bleeding out a lot. I bought him here then” Rylee rested her head on my shoulder “he will be ok, he will” I said, I am praying hard for him.

My daughter is so devastated “why do you have to sit with his blood on?” she asked “police don’t let me do shit, evidence. I have to go to the station or whatever and have pictures taken like this and then I can, but I want to know his surgery is ok before, it’s just you know. I know hoe he feels about it all, I have been through all this, and I told him that. Oakley being loyal to the streets was never going to end well for him, and I pray this makes him see it” Rylee looked up at me, she is so teary eyed “I told his mom right, and she wasn’t shocked. She said that I told him that life would take him, and I am like is that it?” shaking my head “but then again Rylee, I think in their own way they are disappointed him, that is why they react the way they do, they wanted him to be more. They wanted him to be better then he is. He left with no grades because he wanted to be a rapper so to them, he is a disappointment. Like I get it but it’s wrong, they haven’t even come yet either but don’t worry about it, it’s cute to see you like this. All in love” Rylee put her head down “dad please don’t” she got shy “well once I get this interview done I will be going to get changed, I need too. Because honestly this walking around with blood is not it” I need to change quick.

I went to get changed and see my handsome grandson, the police finally let me go after all that and acting like I did anything “now what is this!?” Robyn asked “oh they acting like I did something, I was pissed. They took my clothes and gave me gear, like a jail bird. Aye!! Big man, you good!?” I spat he is smiling as he does “how’s Oakley Chris?” He’s a big chunk, my chunk “all good, come out of surgery good. He’s asleep resting, currently he is in high security. They are treating it as like they could come back to get him so he’s in there currently, asleep. Rylee can’t see him as of yet, she’s so upset. She really loves him, but seeing her react that way, to me. I see that I made the right decision to go back” taking Aziel from Robyn “that’s fine but I don’t want anything happening to you, like I get you did that but what about you? Like I am super proud of you because you’re always giving and for a good heart. What if anything happened to you” cuddling Aziel close “you chunk mister” he yelped out “I know Robyn, don’t worry about it. I’m going back, I just want to get cleaned up. Rich was mad with me; I just couldn’t go Robyn. I could do it, look at him. That’s his dad, he deserves him” Robyn poked her lips out “but yeah, I am going to have a shower and go back, see how things are. Rylee being with his family, I feel she finds is a little overwhelming, she is young, and they are a little too much for her, she seems to shy away so I am going to go there and support her” Robyn cooed out “she is struggling with them, I think it’s the mother that has issues with her that is why” either I don’t take notice, or I didn’t realise there was issues.

Rylee got up as soon as she saw me “hey baby” she hugged me, the room is a little silent now “I don’t know what is happening” she said in a whisper “walk” she mumbled, with my arm around her I walked off with her “what’s up?” she seems very sad “like everything, when you went they took over. Like his mom saying I am next of kin, she is making me feel so invalid, like I am nothing. She said to the nurse talk to me, and I am like but I want to know” side eyeing “let us go ourselves, we will get answers ourselves” I know we can see him, I will get my daughter to see him. Walking down the hall “high dependency? Security section?” I asked “oh Chris Brown erm, yes. This is just down here, I am sure you are here for Oakley?” see, we can use it. This nurse wasn’t speaking but was looking “yeah, my daughter wants to see him. Can you get us there” she smiled “of course, we can do that” smiling at Rylee, making our way to the door. She swiped the card and pulled open the door, walking into the unit “Mr Caesar-Su?” she said, the nurse pointed at the room “here sir” nodding my head “why is here? Like he’s not life threatening?” I asked “threat to life, that is all. But nice to meet you” she walked off “dad, you go in first” Rylee said, rolling my eyes. Pushing open the door, poking my head in. Oakley looked over at the door “welcome back” walking in, Oakley got his hand out “thank you” he said “good to see you’re good though” shaking his hand “my daughter is here” looking behind me, Rylee is shy but then of course, she is just like her mom “I am happy to see you Rylee” Oakley said “don’t cry” he added, I am glad to see him here with us still.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty. Part 2

I was very reluctant in telling my parents what happened with me and Oakley, but I am so glad I did, I feel like they are so supportive of me now more then ever. I was scared to say it because they could have easily said to me, I told you so. I was waiting for those very words to come out of their mouth but no, my dad was so informative and giving with what he said, he clearly thought a lot of Oakley and that changed when I ruined it, he understands where he is coming from and he explained it to me so I can understand. I am just so defeated in a way, I think it made it way worse when he decided to rock up at the apartment and kick off. I also didn’t like the way security dealt with him either, they wanted me to put a report in like he was harassing me, I was like he is my boyfriend and he is just not a having a good time. They was pushing me for it badly and I hated it so much, but I was upset with him for it. Oakley rarely does kick off about things, he is also so calm and always has a way out with things or he says things will be ok, clearly he is in a place he doesn’t want to be. Hugging my mom “thank you for the meal, I enjoyed it without Aziel making a scene and taking my limelight” my dad laughed “hey, I want to see him. He will then get all my attention, it is what he deserves” pulling a face “sure dad but remember I am the main one in your life” hugging my dad “I got you” he chuckled “see us tomorrow, we can meet up and take Aziel out” nodding my head “of course, he will love it. He just loves the attention to be honest, when it’s just me and him and he’s like it’s quiet here but then he wants to watch what mommy is doing always” I sighed out “he just close to you, he probably senses the stress. You may be acting strong Rylee, but you worry. We all do” nodding my head “you know the police wanted me to report Oakley, like they was pushing me for it so bad. Kept saying it too, is he harming you because he kicked off badly, I said no. He just wants to see me, I am not bothered but they didn’t get anything from me, but they took him, I just didn’t get and like how they pushed for it” looking at my dad “they love to get gang affiliated members and will put words in your mouth so watch out” nodding my head, he is right with that.

Making my way into Oakley parents home “hi” I said smiling at his dad “how was your time away, I have a patch of milk here and there. He battled me” I chuckled “I told you; he finds this battle throwing funny. I am like boy if you don’t stop, he holds his bottle but then throws it like it’s a game” his dad rolled his eyes “we know, but he’s been good” walking behind him “he’s erm” he cut off as we got into the kitchen area “his dad is here” he added “well Oakley” seeing Oakley stood in the kitchen with Aziel “I will just leave” now why his dad just dip like that, squinting my eyes at Oakley. He is eating something, and Aziel wants it, watching him feed it to Aziel too “it’s just custard, and it’s a little bit. Before you speak” before I speak, I just was looking “when you’re finished, I want to take him" I added “he can stay here, doesn’t need to go with you. I haven’t seen him since” it’s very weird to see Oakley with stubble, he always shaves. He always had a baby smooth face, it’s weird to see him with it “I wanted you to have him, I text you about it” he moved Aziel hand away from his face, clearly he finds it weird seeing his dad with it like I am “my phone fell out of my pocket, it’s somewhere I don’t know. Ring it, it’s dead. I don’t have a phone” typical “ok, I am taking him though” I won’t leave him here “big man, losing your phone. I knew you would be here” looking behind me “nice seeing you Rylee” Ybeez made his way over to Oakley “losing your phone is funny to me, but it’s ok. Found it, hey there little man” rubbing my forehead “where was it?” Oakley asked “ask your brother, but here. Charge it” he passed him his phone “you need to drag yourself out of this shit, shave your face. The show goes on brother, we ain’t sitting on things. You did this, nobody else. So I need you to fix up, and get yourself out there got it” Ybeez is very strict with him “moving mad isn’t he Rylee, mind you I always told him he should keep a queen in a castle” Ybeez made his way over to me “this is why he doesn’t keep one around” he laughed, he walked by me like nothing, this guy is not good I feel, I don’t know.

I cleared my throat “I came for him so can I go” Oakley looked at me, I just put my head down “I just want him ok, I don’t want shit from you. Also maybe it’s best if we do split, no reason for us to be together. You clearly want your ex and we can just make a schedule and you can see him” by time I looked up Oakley just walked by me, he didn’t say a word to me “bro?” I closed my eyes sighing out, I don’t want to argue with him but it seems like he is not giving up Aziel for me to take “Rylee” opening my eyes seeing lil bro “hi” I said but he just laughed “my bad, you know I ain’t ever seen my brother go this mad over a girl, ever. Never ever, it was a moment to see” crossing my arms across my chest “you wasn’t there?” I said “I was, I dipped as soon as the police came” raising an eyebrow “there was only Wadz there, so all of you left?” he nodded his head “that security was aired though, he was being so dense. Only thing he said to him was can you contact Rylee so I can go up, he said no and take your hoodlums with you, and that guy is from south, I remember him. I clocked on and I said it to him. Then my brother said, that is my girlfriend, please can you do it. And I wouldn’t even say please because of his attitude, he laughed said she too classy to be associated with you brother and that was it, he kicked off. He paid for the glass broken, but the owner isn’t pressing charges because he knows Ybeez, so yeah. I never seen my brother be this way, it’s just funny” Rachael has appeared “hi Rylee” she is so fake to me “hi” I smiled “he is coming with Aziel, he was a pleasure to have. My son didn’t know he was here, I told him” nodding my head “yeah, I did call him first. He was the first person I called” Oakley came back with Aziel “well we don’t mind at all, just be nice if my son can see his son, he isn’t a bad dad” pressing my lips into a hard thin line “I never said he was, you said he was. He is great with him and like I said, I called him first” she is such a bitch.

“Ybeez is right I guess about one thing; you got your mom in this place and me? In the hood?” I said, I’m pissed off “that’s my mom” he mumbled “and I’m just shit?” I pointed “you know what I feel for you Rylee” I can see his mom just glaring and watching “I think my son has taken care of you well, we took you in Rylee at that time you needed, my son has done good by you” she spoke “Can we talk? Rachael if I asked for you I would ask you, I’m speaking to my boyfriend, my baby father and we don’t need you around. So Oakley can we talk or you going to hide behind mom?” Oakley and I just stared at each other “the very person that threw you out” she added “I didn’t throw you out unlike your mother. I never ever got rid of you, I moved to feel safe. Don’t look at me like that” Rachael sniggered “manipulative to use his childhood to get your way, it’s true what they say. Age is just a number, you’re way too grown” Oakley looked at his mom “mom, stop, let’s talk” he finally said “then give Aziel to your dad and we can talk, and I’m not manipulative. You don’t know the full story, you’re the some person stressing your son which then affects us. We good Rachael, but you are something else” she got me heated “relax Rylee, don’t speak to her like that” Lil Bro “don’t speak to Rylee either, don’t speak on her. Talk to me” Oakley got involved “well it’s mom” seeing his brother back down, he respects him a lot “not your beef, run along. You got enough shit going on” smiling at Aziel, he is clinging onto his dad “miss him” Aziel is smiling at me and drooling while he is smiling at me “happy aren’t you baby” he giggled and turned his head away from me, he is comfortable on his shoulder, I’m happy he is happy even though I wanted to leave already but I just need to speak to Oakley before I do because I think it’s taken out of context.

It’s a very weird thing to see Oakley with stubble, I don’t like it “you want to split so what now?” He said closing the door “well you have been moving mad like you say to me always, you’re not being truthful to me. You’re literally speaking to your ex about me, I rather hear it Oakley, I rather you say it to me. We are a couple; you’re not moving right. I want to be there for you, I want to console you. I need you to tell me. My real reason I wanted to move is because I feel literally unsafe, we have a baby to think of, I can’t move like that with you. It’s not safe and on top of that I think we need space too, but you acting that way outside the apartment was stupid too. I wasn’t keeping you away from Aziel either” Oakley put his head down “then let’s have space, right now I’m not in the safe space to have you around. And you deserve that space” I feel deflated “what about Aziel? Are you serious? He loves you Oakley, whatever trouble you’re in you can step out of it, this is wrong. You’re a father, are you serious” he rubbed his face “I just need space, I was charged with public disorder and stuff” letting out an oh “charged? Wow, that is not good so now what?” he shrugged “it’s a caution so like I got to be careful, but erm yeah. I agree, let’s have space. I don’t expect you to wait around and all that, I just rather not have you around. If you find someone else then you do, but you do you” squinting my eyes at him “after I told you I love you, I wish I never did! I wish I didn’t, ugh! You dick! Whatever. I am going, you know what I can do better then you. I always knew I could, I just settled. Now I am a single mother” he looked away from me “wow” is he serious “you can choose that life Oakley” I am done, I am over it.

My eyes are sore and my parents are here, I put shades on because I need to hide my eyes “be back baby” making my way to the door, pulling the door open “hey!” my dad moved the flowers to the side smiling “you both don’t waste a second, at all too. I literally just told you the address too” taking the flowers from him “well I want to see my daughter and my grandchild” he kissed my cheek “well I am happy to see you too” smiling at my mom “I bought you housewarming gifts, new home” I smiled hugging my mom “thank you, no need though” taking the bag from her “well we wanted too, this looks very fancy” she complimented, closing the door “I mean it’s twenty minutes away from your old place but every minute counts in London really” walking behind my mom “it does” my dad is already holding Aziel “fatty man, look at him” he kissed his face “I know, bath time really for him, this is why he is just in a diaper but I guess he can spend time with you both” placing the bag on the kitchen counter “it’s not that sunny here, tell me why your mom is walking around with shades on” smiling at my dad “because I feel like it, actually I will bathe him now. Do you mind if I do, I won’t be long. I am sure you both are ok to make yourself comfy” I want to get it over with “he do stank a little” he is lying “probably of white people” I said “huh?” my dad said half laughing “his family” my mom sniggered “right, I guess drama happened” taking Aziel from my dad “can’t walk around like this now?” look at my mom telling me what to do, taking my shades off “I am tired” I said “I know that look oh so well” I swallowed hard “then why push me to answer” my mom looked at me in sadness “what happened?” my dad asked “it’s just you know, over” walking off with Aziel.

My mother is feeding Aziel, he’s had his bath now he’s wanting a nap I know that for sure. My parents are quiet, they haven’t mentioned a thing about what I said about us, I’m hurting. Now I am mourning this, I just don’t understand him. He’s just closed off, he’s just not caring about a thing “how did he do it? Like end it” my dad asked “I said about splitting but really, I just wanted to scare him, I wanted him to say no. I did want this but instead he agreed, he said that we need space, that I need space. I deserve that when really I didn’t want that, I just wanted him. But he just said that he gives me space and that I can do what I want, just like seeing him with Aziel. He wanted his dad, he was so happy with him. And then like; I know Oakley wants to see his son. It’s just so, I don’t know. It’s just ended really, he seems so blocked off like he doesn’t want to show me, he doesn’t want me to be there for him. I’m so upset” looking at my dad “well he’s in trouble, like I hear from the great vine that he’s in shit for gang culture, and curating this. He’s on the blogs saying he’s stalking you that’s why he smashed up the lobby. Don’t you read anything? Oakley is weak minded, from what I know of him” Shaking my head “he stupid and he got himself into that, he blocked off because clearly someone wants that. And I’m sure it will be his manager” I swallowed hard “he seems lost and I’m sad” I said in a whisper “I want to meet him” side eyeing him “so you can punch him” I laughed “you said someone that breaks my heart you would” my dad laughed “I mean he deserves it but my daughter loves him, and I know he does. This trouble was waiting for him, always has been. It’s on him, but I would like to see him. Put some sense in him” I just need some peace, I need me time “look, I love my grandson a lot and he’s the father of him. I’ve been through a lot of shit. For the time I been here, I’ve gotten to know him, I just want to talk to him man to man, I’m not mad like that. Maybe it isn’t over. He did just say space right?” Nodding my head “I want to speak to him, maybe I will but right now, I’m just going to spend my time with little guy over there” I stifled our a yawn “have him for the night and day. I just need time to me” they can literally spend that time with him.

[calypso-finale]

Thirty.

Stretching my body out half asleep, watching Robyn go into the bathroom. I really wasn’t planning on coming to London but Robyn she wanted to bring me to Italy for my birthday for some alone time which is sweet, we said to each other that we don’t want gifts anymore, just go away together just to spend time because what more can we get and we don’t need it either. The best thing we can have in life is just time away from the kids so I just said let’s go London, I can then see Aziel for my birthday and see Rylee too, I don’t care for birthdays like that anymore. Things get a little tedious now, I have done it all. I don’t want to go to the club for it, I don’t want to do things like that. I mean if my friends take me to one I will go but I won’t openly do it, I prefer to stay at home now. I think I have become boring but it’s just not giving, I have done it all so it’s not needed. What am I going to do different in a club, besides seeing bottle girls, so we just go away now but the boys. They usually do a little function between us but it’s usually Herb that ends up taking me to a club “I was thinking” Robyn opened the door “I think us letting Ti be so independent is working, like I know I have my eyes and ears watching her but she is enjoying the independence, you getting her that Tesla too, that was such a good gesture. I see it in her, don’t you think?” nodding my head “yeah because when I was thinking, I am like you’re driving Rylee old car, I didn’t say it but I just got it. She loves it, she even took Imani out. But I still want her to go college while she is doing this independent vibe. I hope her and Imani enjoy San Diego road trip, it’s the first time too” I know they will “yeah because when we said look we are going to London she wasn’t bothered in the sense of you favouritism her she just said oh with you away mom I may have to do extras, I goes you damn right. I am trying to take a breather here and yeah, maybe it’s working for us Chris, maybe this is what we should have done ages ago” nodding my head “I agree, I think we just pushed to Rylee because that is who we assumed would have taken over, our mistake but not again. Maybe this baby is another girl, she will be spoilt” I love daughters, the most loving gender.

Poking my head up, seeing Rylee making her way over to us, she smiled waving “she is here” getting up from the seat, we are meeting Rylee here “the troublesome duo” Rylee said about us when she is the most trouble “oh says you” Robyn said, hugging Rylee “how is my heart?” I said, I do miss her a lot “she is good dad, or you speaking on Aziel? I can’t be sure now” she isn’t wrong “him too of course, I won’t mess your makeup” sitting back down as she hugged Robyn “see how he has taken over, I don’t like this feeling at all” shuffling the chair in “I know but sometimes parents need to move on” Rylee side eyed me “ignore him” Robyn said, Rylee made her way to sit down “what drink you want?” I asked as I waved over the waiter “whatever mom has, she knows her wine” looking at Robyn and I just sniggered “what is it?” she looked at us both “erm, your mom won’t be drinking again for a while” Rylee glared at Robyn with her eyes wide “no?” she said “yeah” Robyn said “you’re pregnant mom?” Robyn nodded her head “wow! Oh wow, I mean wow. Ok. Congratulations, after experiencing it mom, I don’t think I ever want too. You are a strong woman, I got to give you that wow mom” Rylee said in disbelief “I know Rylee, I put my life on the line, but I love kids, I love all my kids, it’s a dangerous thing for us women. I get it” Rylee nodded her head “but if it makes you happy mom, I am then happy for you. Clearly it’s what you want” she breathed “wow” she said again “I can’t believe you wanted to see me without Aziel? Child free is a weird feeling for me now” I grinned “I said it, I goes you know what. Let’s just see Rylee on her own because then we would just be cooing over Aziel, we need to coo over you” Rylee pulled a face “ok dad, don’t start treating me like a baby now” I wish she was a baby again.

The waiter took Rylee drink order and went off “how is my chunk?” Rylee giggled “he is just getting bigger by the day isn’t he, he is well. Happy baby, just wanting to grab things screaming dada, I said mama and he looks at me like no bitch, not you but he is good. Left him with his grandparents so they will have fun” I guess they come in handy “they always there for you then? Like if you just wanted to do something you can just call up on them?” Rylee nodded her head “pretty much, if I call them and they say yes, I have never got a no from them ever, so Aziel is very much loved. You noticed his hair is getting blonde?” Rylee asked “yes, I was saying it to Chris, I goes his hair is getting blonde, it’s a different texture too” Rylee rolled her eyes “Oakley had blonde hair as child, he grew out of it but Aziel is getting it. I am like this child doesn’t look like me, but then I send it in the group chat and you are all like awww he looks like you and I am like yes, I am now reassured” laughing at the fact we do that “that bloodline is strong, I am happy you get that support here. You are able to do that, some grandparents are funny about that” Rylee cringed “well his mother just tolerates me, so she doesn’t like my age, she thinks I am childish, so she tolerates me, and I do that same. She is good to my face, like she will do anything and everything for me to my face, but to Oakley she annoys him, she pokes at him about how young I am, and all that so yeah, the politics is there but like they do it behind my back” rolling my eyes “we can’t always be blessed, not every one is going to be perfect and like what happened so it’s understandable but are you ok?” I just care for that “I am, I think being in London is the best thing for me. I am happy that mom helped me with the visa until I can get my citizenship” smiling at her “seeing it now, I can see your happiness being here. But we do miss you being close, I think the things I have learnt with you being that teacher is that, you know just to support my kids instead of telling them they are wrong” I said “I had to be the one to teach you that, that process was hell, but I am glad it’s made it better for my siblings” nodding my head slowly, I can’t keep my kids, I can support them though.

The waiter took the menu from us “oh yeah mom, I wanted to ask. In regards to Aziel. So I got an email from Dior, which shocked me so like I know fashion week will be coming up soon and I was going to get myself in there but they sent me an email and an offer which is good. They have invited me, Oakley and Aziel to the show but for me to walk it and for Aziel to be with me to help promote their mother and son fashion line, it’s a campaign they have that is coming, but then this means exposing Aziel’ face, they said they understand if I don’t, but this would be his debut will look to work with him more, I am like you don’t know what he looks like?” my mom just smiled “the name baby, imagine it Rihanna and Chris grandchild, that is it” my mom just said, she has a point “imagine the hype, imagine the papers, the front line. Dior and Rihanna and Chris grandchild. It carries, even if you don’t want to accept it” nodding my head “your mom is right, totally” I added “what do you think?” look at my daughter asking for advice “it is down to you, as the mother and also Oakley but me, Chris knows. I would do it because it’s going to be big for you, and this will be in his portfolio for when he grows up, just like you. Money in the account for him, so yes baby. Take it” I grinned “your mom, she knows what she is doing. She is business minded, I mean look at your account Rylee” Rylee nodded her head slowly, she knows it’s right.

I am super proud of Rylee, I knew she would find herself eventually “I might as well you know, put it out there. I wasn’t expecting you to both be coming so like yeah, my life is a little upside down. I didn’t want to really leave Aziel with Oakley parents but Oakley himself, he wasn’t available, so he says but like, he is mad with me, and we have fallen out. I’ve move out with Aziel, he got really mad with me. It’s not like he was banned from the place but he, a few nights ago when I moved. He came to the apartment I’m at now, I haven’t gave him any passcodes to get in so like it was about eleven and I was in bed I get a call from security and he’s downstairs kicking off badly to the point he’s banned from the place, I came down and by the time I did police were called so yeah. We spoke once after that and he just said that you know I don’t agree with what you did, how could you just do that and move out but the reason I did is because I don’t feel safe there, I wanted to tell you both before it’s written or told by anyone else. We came back from LA worse off, he pushed me to go and see dad and then he came back hating it because he felt abandoned when I was with you guys, so he ended up talking to his mom, when he came home his mother went off on something which then upset him, then that affected us. His brother then got in trouble which then had a knock on affect with us because he got locked off from coming back, then he was speaking to his ex about us because his boy mates weren’t getting it then there was pictures of him in the studio, females there. So yeah, it’s been pretty shit and this is after I told him I loved him, see how men switch” I am pissed but I can’t show it, sitting up in the seat “boys do that, you give them something they run. Your dad did that a lot and men in the industry Rylee, they will always be traces of females around but are you ok?” Robyn asked “I am fine just, I don’t know. I haven’t cried about it, I am like a little numb to it, maybe it will come after?” I swallowed hard “so you said he said he was locked off? So in terms he couldn’t come back because they was outside the apartment so he shouldn’t have you there, I am glad you moved but also I am happy he didn’t go back at that time because then Aziel would have been without a father, so why couldn’t he confide in you?” I asked “because he said he didn’t want to speak to me about me, he didn’t want me to like know about the whole mother situation but then he spoke to Kenza, he then bought her to the apartment to make it better and she said oh I don’t want him, he’s a friend but I don’t want to know at all, I told him to go. But there you go; I am fine though. Just sorting my mind out, but I left Aziel there” I want to be mad but then I don’t want to upset Rylee and also, this is her journey she is on.

Robyn looked at me “what?” I said smiling a little “you waiting for me to kick off” I chuckled “look, like I get it. I was a guy from the streets, it’s a hard situation to be in. Your blood brother messed up, you being the famous one, you take the shit. They may have said something, one of his boys would have checked, seen them outside. He’s then locked off to not come home, he goes to his mom home she is bitching about you of course, then he goes to the studio you get dumbasses there, you then speak to your boys, they dumb. You then go to a friend which he probably knows you will hate. I am not standing by him but putting myself in his shoes and I know how that shit feels, I know it. That is how it went down, and now it’s come to blows. He’s kicked off, police called which then it will go through the system. Ybeez, I know him. He will be on his ass badly. He fucked up, he didn’t speak to the person which is you but if he told you that this is happening, would you be safe no, you would be scared. He needs to decide to leave that life, leave his boys, his brother. I know his brother he’s deep into that gang culture, innocent face yes but I know all this Rylee. How long ago did he say he loved you?” I asked “like months ago, he said it and I didn’t. He says is a lot to me but never got it back until now” nodding my head “a guy that has patience to wait for that, to say it to a woman and not get it back would be true to him. Him being in LA while you did whatever, he would have got bored. When your bored, you think. As a man I get it, but you’re my daughter so I stand by you. I have done it all Rylee” I laughed; she knows I have.

I know my daughter is upset “then what should I do with him? He hasn’t contacted me at all, I messaged him because I wanted him to take care of Aziel but he didn’t, you seem to know that side well, you tell me” licking my lips “he’s loathing, Rylee he knows what he needs to do. I knew what I needed to do but I fucked up so bad so many times with your mom but I knew what I needed to do, he will know what he needs to do. He can’t have that life and you, but then he can’t have that life either way, he wants to see his son grow old. And in London there is many haters that don’t care to stab someone, and they do it in the nastiest way possible. He hangs with people that lowkey hate him, he knows that. What you hear in his rap songs remember, they do this. I just think, don’t write him off. Just let him mourn his losses, he made himself look stupid at the apartment. I am no way standing by him because did me over on that shit with you but he also is the father of Aziel and I know how much a son needs their dad, so yeah. I just wish him the best” Rylee groaned out “and if he is cheating on you I will bust a cap in his ass but I believe he isn’t. He cared enough to push you to me, so I appreciate that, you was vulnerable, and he could have taken advantage of that” looking at Robyn “I love you poppa” I chuckled “I am not even mad, I am just being real, you know. I get it, I been through it” I can only speak on it because I do understand it.

I believe my daughter is very capable of herself, I see it so I am just staying out of it “how is my siblings? All well?” Rylee asked “good, Imani and Ti have gone to San Diego. Dad bought Tianna her own car, we are in therapy with her. And we have seen the mistakes we made, we haven’t been the best with her. And dad noticed she is still using your old car, so he bought her a car” nodding my head “I did, she mentioned you a lot in therapy. I think the major thing that hit me the most was how much you was like a mother to her. She felt abandoned with you, she lost her sister, her teacher. She really loves you which turned into hate. You cared for both of them and yeah. But she is well, the kids are all good” Rylee is in shock “she acts horrible towards me, well if she is getting the help and it’s working, I am happy for her. And honestly, she has lived under me. About time she loved herself” Rylee said “I agree but things are looking up though, the rest don’t know about the baby so please don’t say a word, you’re the first to know” I grinned at her “well I would say Aziel has a fellow baby to grow up with but not really, living far. I will have to come home in time for the birth and things, I am happy because I know mom is” rubbing my chin “yeah, I think being in therapy and just seeing the bigger picture with things, I am much more at peace with things. I just know that if you feel in danger you would call us, I got you always but you’re my daughter, you good” I laughed, I know she is fine.