Candy and Whisky

Where sugar and whisky came to be word vomit

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She took all of the whiskey and all of the corn, set fire to my house and took off in a storm. Even after she's gone, she's still keeping me warm

Joe Purdy

[candyandwhisky-blog]

And of these cut-throat busted sunsets, these cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary. If through my cracked and dusted dime-store lips I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me? Lay your blouse across the chair, let fall the flowers from your hair and kiss me with that country mouth so plain. Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves to me it sounds like they're applauding us, the quiet love we've made

[candyandwhisky-blog]

A kind word...

to the boys that have taken to stopping me on the street lately. I don't know what it is, if I'm carrying myself differently, or I've turned my music down enough to hear what people are saying when they walk by but lately I've been approached and annoyed to death by many boys. 

A few tips:

1) For the love of all things holy and unholy alike, stop asking "what do you do for fun?" this has to be one of the most annoying questions I've ever been asked, and they actually want a real answer from you. I've started turning the question back on them to which they say "I don't know, how do you even answer that?!" which is exactly my point.

2) I'm not being nice to you so why are you still talking to me? I'm clearly going somewhere or doing something so when I reply with one word answers in a tone that says "go fuck yourself" please, leave me alone. 

3) Stop telling me what I'm doing. "OH! We just smoked a joint together?! Weird, I don't even smoke pot." or "Oh, I'm not reading? I'm actually texting? oh, ok, I was unaware I could text via my Kobo reader app on my iPhone...thank you for enlightening me!"

4) Don't ask me if I party. This is almost as ridiculous as the first question. 

5) Don't ask me if I remember your name, I've been trying to walk away and have my headphones in, clearly I'm not listening to a word you say.

6) THE ULTIMATE WORST THING EVER. DO NOT LOOK AT MY TATTOOS AND SAY "Oh, I want a tattoo but I don't have one." I do not give a fuck if you are covered in tattoos or if you have none. I don't care if you don't want tattoos, I don't want to hear about what tattoos you want or what your friends have. Just because I have visible tattoos does not mean you need to discuss tattoos for 10 minutes.

7) Don't ask for my phone number. I will only give it to you so I can post the texts you send me on facebook, because for some reason you'll send me between 3 and 7 texts before giving up. Sometimes you even call me. I will never reply or answer your call. If I want you to have my number I'll offer it! It really isn't so difficult. You see, I have a business card, so I can just hand it to you! TADAA!

Boys, go away if you're going to be annoying.

[candyandwhisky-blog]

First attempt at a sock bun...I think it's a success (as long as it doesn't fall out)

[candyandwhisky-blog]

If there is one thing I know...it is attitude.

[travie]

I shot through my twenties like a luminous thread through a dark needle, blazing toward my destination: Nowhere.

Carrie Fisher, Postcards From The Edge (via travie)

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Dear Depression,

My enemy. My long awaited break. I fear you. I fear your absence, for when you're gone the world is on fire, and I set it. You take everything away from me, leave me bleeding on the floor. There is nothing left now.

Between the three things that define me, you are the worst. I can't chase you away. I can't sleep you off. I can't drink you to death, I can't bleed you out. I'm lost now.

Life has no meaning when you're here, things are too bright when you're not. This pain is growing, it never lets up. No body gets it...I just lie anyway.

You bring me back from the high I love. You make me suffer and relive my bad decisions. You take my ability to live. I sink into you. I'm lost in you. Is there any way out? It is black.

I am drowning.

[candyandwhisky-blog]

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Ate way too much, feel so sick :( oi

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Dear SNL

Sup yo? I just wanted to let you know that I’ve recently started watching your little show. It is quite lovely. Before you get too excited, I must warn you that I don’t have cable cause I’m a poor university student. You’re probably wondering “WTF bitch, how are you watching?” to which I will reply “please, it’s called Netflix.” I’m going to have to ask you to refrain from excitement again, it is Canadian Netflix.

As a young, poor university student who is majoring in something like philosophy but not quite, my future plans are to pretend I’m a “suffering artist” or be homeless. Based on the lack of female homeless people in Toronto, I think I’ll be a hit. Your show gives me hope that complete assholes like myself have a chance to show the world their true colours, (yea there’s a u in that) I think SNL is a place where assholes go to glow...but not in the “after a fresh bleaching” sort of way.

Also, I wanted to request that any attractive, male celebrities, young or old receive my phone number, it is 911. I’d like to suggest that you include more dancing performed by people who can’t dance, I also like when paper is thrown.

Thanks gurrrrl.

Ps. the phone number listed above is not mine. 

Pps. Tell Seth Meyers I say “sup” with a little head bob. 

THE END.

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Last night I got whiskey drunk and watched Texas Storage Wars..here are some of my thoughts: me: STETSON HATS EVERYWHERE!!!! me: Is it socially unacceptable to have all of your teeth in Texas? me: People in Texas only use food metaphors... me: In Texas it is common practice to whisper in front of guns, especially if they are old. One does not want to feel the wrath of a gun spoken to, too loudly.

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Stepdad: do you know what Pontiac stands for?

Me: no, what?

Stepdad: Poor Old Ni**er Thinks It's A Cadillac

Me: 'Mericans (dying of laughter)

[candyandwhisky-blog]

My cat's reaction to Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson

[candyandwhisky-blog]

My cat's reaction to Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson

[candyandwhisky-blog]

My cat's reaction to Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson

[candyandwhisky-blog]

What is going on in the world?

Monday through Thursday I woke up to find another person dead or almost dead from either gun violence or the one case that wasn't, a machete attack. I woke up this morning to find that 12 people had been killed in a movie theatre shooting in Aurora, Colorado. It really appears that people need to place blame somewhere, it is in these times of sadness and chaos that the human race truly shows who they are, and well we are awful.

Rob Ford's solution to gun violence is kick the "gang members" (because it all must be gangs) out of the city. Forget jail, you're just not allowed in Toronto. Take your violence elsewhere bro! The mayor who doesn't know the difference between Foreign Affairs and Immigration Laws is trying to evict these people from the city regardless of their citizenship. As far as I know there is no law telling me I am now officially a citizen of this city and said citizenship can be revoked at anytime....which is of course why Rob Ford is asking the much more intelligent PM..(cough, sarcasm, cough). Canada, you're ridding of the long gun registry and then are like "OH NO THE AMOUNT OF GUN VIOLENCE HAS SOARED?! WHY?!" perhaps if we had harsher punishments and didn't let people out of jail early for being too overweight, on good behaviour or whatever the case may be. Listen bro, if I'm in jail I'm going to be the nicest girl you've ever met cause there is incentive, I'll be back on the streets if I'm nice! come on, Canada, get your shit together. And might I just ask how a man, in jail was fed so much that he became so over weight the jail could no longer house him, so naturally they just let him out. Someone needs to get Ford to shut his mouth because he is really not helping the situation, does the man not have a PR team? did he eat them?

As for the USA. The main reaction I've seen is "WELL WHAT ARE THE POLITICIANS GOING TO DO TO FIX THIS?!" if they enforce tougher gun laws, as in you know, you can't go to walmart and buy one just cause you're old enough, than they'd lose all their votes and it wouldn't get passed anyway. Being a politician doesn't help, clearly something happened to this guy because he dropped out of med school a month before his attack, (wait for the audible gasp that he was a well educated white guy). The situation is horrible, it is maddening that people find the best way to deal with their issues is to go shoot as many random people as they possibly can. What happened to getting drunk or doing drugs? What kind of person do you have to be to decide "you know what, life isn't what I thought, instead of killing myself, or dealing with this in a way that leaves nobody hurt or killed, I'll go shoot random people! Honestly, I don't know why I never thought of this before!" 

I can't for the life of me figure out why shooting into a crowd of people is the way to solve problems these days. Where do these people get guns? How are they just carrying them around unnoticed?! HOW DID A MAN WITH A RIFLE, HEAVILY ARMED, WITH A GAS MASK GET INTO A MOVIE THEATRE!? Are you kidding me? I'm a paranoid enough person as it is, half the time my own shadow scares me when I'm walking around at night, and it is because of shit like this.

I'm a small, 22 year old girl, my mode of transportation is walking and I've kicked up my walking speed, I make sure I have something on me that can be used as a weapon in light of an attack, I don't make eye contact with people anymore, and I don't stop to talk. If you try to talk to me I usually just high tail it out of there if I'm alone. During the day it is a whole different story, I'm sassy, I walk around without fear but I now tend to get in and out of crowded places much quicker, I only go in for what I need and don't take too long looking around. People are fucked up and I'm not about to be the person who makes eye contact with the wrong guy carrying a gun. 

Clearly, something needs to be done regarding all of the violence in the world. But would we think the same if media wasn't around shoving it down our throats? would we even know? 

[candyandwhisky-blog]

Oi.

Can't really figure out this whole gang violence thing. Turf wars, whatever. But guns and bullets can't come cheap. Is the objective to make everyone around be afraid? Is that why it usually takes a gun man about 10-30 shots to hit his one, often not moving, target? I need to find someone who knows something about gangs because I am seriously confused. 

Do these guys/girls just carry around guns without taking a few practice shots? CAuse if I'm going to shoot somebody I'm going for the kill shot. I'm not waiting around to see if they bleed to death cause mother fucker might have a gun too. I just don't get why you wouldn't get that shit on lock down before you go shoot somebody. Practice with moving targets, shoot some bulls eyes, whatever it is you do at shooting ranges, go do it! Or if you're gun is illegal (which is most likely is) than set up target practice in the woods or some shit. Shoot some fish, I don't know! BUT COME ON YOU ARE KILLING RANDOM PEOPLE, INJURING EVEN MORE AND WASTING BULLETS! come the fuck on, get your shit together.