子

secret journal

[caniborrowyourshoes]

Best friends?

Beginning to get comfortable in this empty house. Your voice echoes, as if you never left. An empty chair waits for me to finish my food and, the walls are my only company on the way to bed. Why do I feel suffocated even though I'm the only one here? Who's holding my hand now? Who's going to steal my food? Who's going to wake me up over trivial things? Who's going to hold me? I just sit and stare blank as the memories run before my eyes, waiting for that one day, when I can finally make it out of here. This ending sucks but at least the start was pretty.

[caniborrowyourshoes]

am i the sin?

"All these shortcomings are a punishment for the disappointment I am". This piling burden is a consequence I am bearing for being me. Thinking that I deserve this shit seems to be the only way for me to carry on. It helps me endure this life. I become more comfortable in this misery. I don't have to struggle this way. I carry on.

[caniborrowyourshoes]

sayonara-no

Am I allowed to let it go if it is not really taking me anywhere? I have been holding on for too long, and nothing is making sense anymore. Will letting go make any sense? I am not the same anymore and the pain of being left behind is unbearable. My heart used to beat out of excitement, but now the same heart beats out of fear. If I let go, will I finally be able to not feel anything at all? If I let go, and what I let go of never comes back, will I be able to live? Am I allowed to expect it to return? Am I allowed to miss it without feeling any kind of remorse?

[caniborrowyourshoes]

"i don't like how she-"

Even if light takes time to fall on people, your eyes are faster. From the strand of hair that is out of place to the chipped nail on the little toe. From the way they said hi to the way their body shifted when they walked, from their favorite color to their dreams. There is nothing you leave unjudged. You must be thinking that you’re living the perfect life but just know, none of us here, would trade places with you.

[caniborrowyourshoes]

pretty pretty girl

I was looking for the word ‘grace’ in the dictionary and found you instead. The way you move and how your eyes follow, how could one not fall in love? Somehow everything seems to fall in place as you sway across the floor. God doesn't like to see his art struggling perhaps he paved the path of flowers for you. Tell me how does it feel to be so loved? Jealousy is a disease and I certainly have it. If I could walk in your shoes, would you allow me the luxury of living your life, just once? How must it feel for you to be able to dance your way through while I still struggle to pave mine?