canon c horse canonkiller @canonkiller - Tumblr Blog

the essentials:

✨ fresh art only tag (#my art)

💫 shop and subscribe on Ko-fi (canonkiller)

🌟 website with everything else (canonkiller.com)

the rest (including new FAQ):

#my art #about #wanted a new pinned and got bored before writing everything in but this is better i think #also unintentionally wrote the header really pretty? whats up with that

Is there anything you don't like to draw/avoid drawing, but otherwise love/don't mind how it looks?

hmmmmmm also a good question. I don't like drawing canines much though I have no quarrel with them, something about them just doesn't click with how I draw a lot of the time. definitely makes stuff like art fight challenging at times given that wolf ocs and anthro canids are like, probably at least a third of all ocs on earth. but I'm more indifferent to them than appreciating their aesthetics...

oh wait obviously. cars. LOVE a good car but trying to draw them proportional and accurate is a nightmare

#I got someone's cars the movie oc when I was random browsing art fight some other year #and I wanted to draw them so bad because I was so enchanted by the idea of having a cars oc #but it was not meant to be.#i would have definitely had rimba racer and hot wheels fan art periods if I had acquired this skill though #not art #ask #anonymous

Are there any texture(s) you especially enjoy rendering/drawing

oooo good question..... i haven't done it as much after moving to ipad (reason: colors suck) but I love doing like... fabric texture especially if it's got like embossing on it. scales are a close second.

on CSP I have a brush called Speed Gator, and it's like, my everything brush. it's a textured sketch / lining brush more than anything, but I used it for "painting" pretty often because I just loved how it felt. a lot of my older pieces use it pretty much exclusively for coloring and rendering, no extra layer modes just picking colors with love

bonus 2021ish example: before my vision got quite so bad, I used to line the hell out of scales. the muscle memory held on, but I'm definitely less meticulous about it now

#not art #ask #anonymous

Omg I LOVE your butterfly drawing it so pretty and sparkly and shiny!!!!💖✨

Do you have a speed paint and/or tutorial for it? I wanna able to do that effect.

The wings look so shiny, but also velvety and rainbowy and it reminds me of the way diamonds sparkle when they catch the light. But it also has these gorgeous variations in color and I just have no idea how you did that. It’s sooooooo pretty seriously well done🤩 👏

I can't get to the file rn to see if it has a built in recording, but I can do a little breakdown on my phone for the rainbow shine effect at least!

clip studio paint (other programs also, but I used csp for that one) where brushes can have hue jitter. this basically means each time the brush tip "stamps" (think dots in a line to make a stroke) or each time a stroke is drawn, the hue is comes out as is randomized. you can also adjust the saturation (gray -> color scale) or brightness (black-> white scale) along with the hue, but again, i was just using hue for this one. for this purpose, I tend to have the hue at 100% - but if you're working within a smaller palette / want a specific refraction color, play around with the 25-50% range and that should do you pretty well.

at 100%, this means that when I selected a brighter, saturated color, each stroke I would use of that color would be equally bright and saturated, but could be any hue. pretty neat! I use it a lot on pieces where I want the light to have a kind of bleed around the edges, or like this piece, where I want an iridescent look.

the drawing app on my phone doesn't have hue jitter, so I'm picking the rainbow colors manually for this example (means they're a more limited range than they would normally be). the basic steps are base color -> large soft edged hue jitter -> small hard edged hue jitter, and then playing with layer mode/opacities + duplicating those layers at times to get the specific interactions with. I think in CSP I used one of the Add layer modes with overlay duplicates? it's been a while. visually the steps look something like this:

^ this uses just Add layer modes at different opacities

I generally touch this up with some manual brushwork, adding some more of the thin jitter lines on just a normal layer, adding regular shading kinds of shine, white sparklies, etc etc until it looks how I like. It's more... playing in the space until the end result looks nice rather than any strict process or brushwork! I recommend playing around with hue jitter (or mimicking it with manual color selection if your program doesn't have it) and seeing if you have fun with it ^w^

#kayyeh1 #ask #not art

canonkiller

deviantart wishlist tags

#also very fun pieces #self reblog

canonkiller

lepidoptera - dnd campaign art :)

#I wish the iPads colors weren't ass I miss this. blows up everything with my mind #self reblog

canonkiller

fus compiled my art fight timelapses for me so it's not an hour long! :D enjoy the depths of my madness and also the soothing melodies of billy hatcher for the nintendo gamedcube

#what kind of bullshit was I doing while my health was in shambles I remember being hospitalized for part of this #self reblog

canonkiller

feel-good comic

irretrievable-narrator

I think the response is two parts:

1. You are not a burden because there are things you do that I cannot do. This is transactional but helpful for some people who only see themselves as valuable because they are contributing, and if they did not contribute would consider themselves "worthless".

2. You are not a burden because even if you cannot do those things, your existence is pleasing to me and there is no additional cost to me by helping you. This is not transactional. This is unconditional love, and one of the best hallmarks of being a person. Society grew from charitable acts without expecting reciprocity.

There is evidence of healed leg bones in early human society that could only have healed by others providing them food, shelter, and care. Elderly bones showing arthritis, infection, age, that still lived a long and happy life after they stopped being "useful" to others.

There is an excellent good microstory by homonculus-argument that I think illustrates the point very well.

https://www.tumblr.com/homunculus-argument/794775328703807488/imagine-that-one-day-as-youre-walking-on-a-hot

canonkiller

that's the thing though, right, it still has to be that the hypothetical I is pleasing to you. there will be times when people are not pleasing. when they are hurt and tired and angry, when they lash out, when they're selfish and withdrawn and antagonistic. what happens then? what are the options for someone who isn't pleasant to be around, for someone who might have burned those bridges or who just doesn't care about having them at all? caregivers are just as human and fallible as those needing the care; putting off helping someone who they expect to be unpleasant because they don't want to deal with them, doing sloppy work so they can minimize the time involved, pushing them off on to someone else because you're at your wit's end, resenting them because they don't seem to care about doing things that could help them.

any person is allowed to have their limits, but it is important to know that you have them. someone can be exclusively a burden, in all ways; where does our society leave them then?

hetrosjistin

It's a complicated question. I would point out that no one is exclusively a burden in all ways, at all times...

We can argue about what those limits are I guess, but the way this inevitably goes is a hypothetical 'worst person ever who does nothing but take, is hostile to everyone around them, is a total lump that gives nothing and demands everything and is hateful towards those who give to them for what they ask for' and I just... don't think a person like that actually exists?

And even if we ratchet it back towards 'what if I was all those things but grateful and thankful and didn't try to make things harmful to others who are helping me' it's no longer 'a burden in all ways'.

I feel like we're arguing semantics over this. Are there limits? Yes. Of course. But to be a burden in -all- ways to -everyone- would require a level of active hostility from the person who is being a material burden in some manner, it would require them to not just take materially, but also be hateful emotionally... to try and drive those who helped them away...

and at that point, are they not making the decision -for themselves-? Are they not saying 'no I don't want this help from you' and should be treated as such?

And keep in mind, I'm not saying this as a one time thing, not someone who is sick (even permanently crippled) and having a bad day so they lash out once in a while verbally. That's just being human. I mean -consistently- and -aggressively- biting the hand that feeds them.

Yes, there is a certain level of transactionality in this. We live in a society, we are a pack species, not a species of loners, but I think that at a certain point we're arguing about how far down the cartoon villainy hole someone has to go before it's justified to abandon them to their own devices.

canonkiller

Again, though, the matter of human subjectivity comes to mind. Sure, someone is probably not actively hostile and throwing away 100% of the help they're offered because they hate it so much. But here are some of the situations that I was told were "rejecting help" when I was actively trying to find help for my disability:

didn't show up for appointment (couldn't get a ride or afford a taxi service and couldn't cancel early enough)

was late for appointments (ride was late because my appointment was not their priority)

had to cancel appointments (see above)

said I would not book appointments because I didn't think I could get to them (see above)

wasn't pursuing medication (prioritizing physical circumstances)

was pursuing medication, but for an "unimportant" symptom (wanted to start HRT)

losing the bond between doctor and patient (told my (previous) family doctor to stop misgendering me)

was rude in appointments (exhausted, in pain, and didn't make eye contact because I cannot see faces)

giving up on walking (started using a wheelchair when I could no longer walk)

Obviously, in this context, those aren't me rejecting help. But to the people who were supposed to offer that help, it was. And because they were the providers, when they made the decision that I was not wanting their help, that help went away.

Whether or not someone is rejecting help is subjective. It is a failure of this system to not provide support for the "cartoon villainy" people, because that is how you are treated if you fail to meet someone's standards enough times. And those standards are not as welcoming and supportive and patient as people want to believe they are.

hetrosjistin

Sorry, I obviously misunderstood the topic.

I thought we were talking purely interpersonal relationships, not systemic stuff. Doctors and care providers shouldn't allow their personal feelings to get involved, they made a fucking oath to help and provide care, not to get their feelings in a snit because someone doesn't perfectly meet their criteria.

When it comes to -systems- of help. Doctors, government, subsidies, etc. That shit should come no matter what.

What you're talking about, to me at least, feels like an entirely different category of relationship than what I think the comic was dealing with, which is about 'what do I owe to someone who is a friend or a family member', not a case of duty and civic purpose and professional duty of care. Those are entirely different things in my mind, and held to entirely different standards.

canonkiller

The thing is that they're connected: doctors, family, and friends (at the time) believed the same things for the same reasons, the latters encouraged by the formers. I've had to miss family gatherings (for years) because they were planned in locations I couldn't get to, and those were still seen as my shortcomings, that I should have just put the effort in to get there. This still happens, even after all of the medical records and care that plainly state why I couldn't do it at the time. I've had to cancel on friends for flare ups, and I've had to ask for help in ways that weighed too heavy and wore too thin.

The system is all of this, because what a professional structure cannot handle (or refuses to handle) falls to those interpersonal relationships instead, to people who are most often inexperienced and untrained in providing that care especially over long periods.

Which rounds back to the comic's central question: if someone contributed nothing, are they doomed to be left behind? When one person is carrying another, it gives the carrier the power to decide what effort is and isn't "enough" to receive care, and in many places right now, that is a reality that many, many disabled people face. I would love to live in a world where I can say "I am doing everything I can and I want to be helped" and have that immediately change people's perception of me. But interpersonal and professional, it doesn't. It just makes me a liar, and someone who is lying is someone who doesn't actually need help.

#long post #self reblog #fucking wish I lived in the world where explaining my disability made everyone nod in understanding and flawlessly accomodate it #but that's not a real world because other people are also people with perspectives and needs.#hell even the first comment is like it's not really an imbalance because I Like You :) . like okay and what about when you stop #what safety net is there? what option of care?#there aren't protections for disabled adults who can make their own choices where I live.#romantic relationships have options the elderly have options children have options #but if you're stuck in a family situation and being mistreated and can't get out? there's just nowhere for you to go.#and family gets tired of you when they decide you've given up. not when you do #which I mean I thought I conveyed enough on the op but extra explanation doesn't hurt.