sheepfilms
Jules of Nature
cherry valley forever
macklin celebrini has autism
JVL
Monterey Bay Aquarium
todays bird
No title available
official daine visual archive
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
𓃗
No title available
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosimo Galluzzi
No title available
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Kaledo Art
No title available
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Noah Kahan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@capricorn-witchbitch
i’m tired of acting like i’m okay when in reality i’m a loose cannon that holds grudges and can’t deal with abandonment.
i feel so left out. like everyone around me knows how to be a human and i don’t.
curious little baby i met last week
being mentally ill AND self aware? zero stars, would not recommend
crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal
Whats the point in trying, or breathing or even existing anymore?
It hurts to be alive. I feel like I'm drowning, my heart is being suffocated. When will the feelings stop? When will my efforts to heal pay off? Cus I think I've been trying over half my life and I still feel like I'm stuck at the bottom of a pit I'll never be able to climb out of. I'm tired of trying so hard to only get told to try harder... It's never enough.
Tiny friends
Photographed by Miles Herbert
Dear The Star,
I need to get this off my chest. I know that you'll never see this, and I'm almost glad. But I also wish I could have one last talk with you, to clear the air.
I accidentally called you a few days ago. As soon as I saw the call was outgoing I hung up in panic. Part of me wished I would have seen if you answered, except I highly doubt you would have. I don't even know if that was still your number. I texted you a few years ago with a short apology, but you never replied. I knew if you didn't want to hear from me then, you certainly didn't want to hear from me now, and definitely not because I accidentally hit your contact instead of someone else's. Yet still, you remain in my mind, and I wonder about you from time to time... And I regret I'll never get to explain myself or try and make things right.
Honestly, I knew we were doomed from the start. I know you were looking for love, and I knew I would only disappoint you. My own insecurities were eating me alive, how could I offer you something I couldn't fully give? I knew I wasn't available in the way you needed me to be. And as much as we tried to make it work, deep in my heart I knew there wasn't a way we could make it sustainable. But, I was selfish. I wanted to try, even if I was pessimistic about the end results. You made me feel accepted, heard, seen. I traced hearts on your chest to say what I was afraid to say in words at the time...
I remember the night we met, you had just cut your hair. Your eyes were bright, and you had a playful energy and wonder about you that truly just intrigued me... I remember sitting in your garage while smoking, we unveiled the inner workings of ourselves. We talked about astrology, our childhoods, music and dreams. I remember feeling like you really understood me, something that made me really value our relationship. You made me feel like what I felt wasn't crazy; That I could safely be myself around you. I am afraid to admit you probably can't say the same, and that you probably don't think of me at all. I never cheated on you, but I wasn't fair to you. I tried to make something work that was doomed for failure.
I can't say I know what you feel, or how you felt. All I know is how I felt and how I feel now. How much guilt I carry for all the things I did wrong. That I couldn't love you in the ways you needed. How I wish I could take it back... I didn't know how to navigate figuring myself out, and how to deal with my trauma. That was never something I should have tried to do, with you in the cross fire. I was too anxious, insecure, and too unsure. Feeling like I belonged finally made me feel as if those things would dissipate. But they didn't. I should have known better. But then we ended for the second time and stopped talking. You didn't feel connected to me, but still wanted to use my stuff? We go no contact but you can pop on my profile every time you wanted to watch greys anatomy or a movie for your kid? Not gonna lie, that hurt. Maybe I deserved to be made so insignificant.
Curiosity got the best of me. I looked you up on Facebook, since the only thing I remember is your name. You looked happy, and like things worked out for you. Maybe it would seem ingenuine, but I am truly happy for you. I felt a pang of bitterness, but I always wanted the best for you. I wished you were still in my life, as a friend or even just an acquaintance. I know that is unrealistic and delusional. Unfair even. If only we had chosen to have been friends rather than lovers. Maybe this wouldn't have been such a mess.
So from the void, I say congratulations E. You deserve the world. Thank you for being a part of my life, even if it was only for a moment. I'm sorry for the part I played in hurting you. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sure you've blocked me out of your mind, and who could blame you. Maybe one day, you can forgive me? But if not, then just know; I'm happy for you, and rooting for you.
Sincerely,
The Priestess
