Captain Kirk has a Unicorn Dog

Sideblog of @beastlyanachronism

[captainsdog]

Another typical day on the Enterprise

ID under the cut:

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Spock, McCoy, Lucky the unicorn dog and Shadow the cat are standing on the transporter pads. "Four to beam down, Mr Scott," says Captain Kirk.

Panel 2: Suddenly, ION STORM!

Panel 3: Off-screen, Scotty says "Captain — they've been swapped!" Spock and Shadow have swapped bodies. McCoy and Lucky have swapped bodies. Spock is fascinated by this development; McCoy is rather peeved. The animals in human/Vulcan bodied are confused and distressed.

Panel 4: Shadow the cat, in Spock's body, is clinging to the ceiling and yowling at the top of their voice. A flustered Kirk calls out "Shadow, come down!" Scotty cheerfully waves a cat toy, calling "Here, kitty, kitty!"

Panel 5: "Lucky, come back!" calls Kirk from a doorway. Lucky, in McCoy's body, is tearing down the corridor on all fours, barking manically. Two passing crewmen look rather alarmed.

[captainsdog]

Don't worry, Shadow will be coming back

ID under the cut:

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Captain Kirk places a scared black cat (Shadow) on the floor. He says, "This is Ambassador T'Mek's cat. They'll be staying here for a week." Lucky the unicorn dog looks excited.

Panel 2: Monday: Shadow hisses at Lucky angrily. Tuesday: Shadow is sleeping in Lucky's bed and Lucky tries in vain to pull the blanket away.

Panel 3: Wednesday: Shadow sits smugly on a high shelf, eating Lucky's food. Lucky is irritated. Thursday: Lucky and Shadow sit side by side on a couch, fighting over a PlayStation controller.

Panel 4: Friday: Lucky and Shadow have come to blows.

Panel 5: Captain Kirk intrudes, looking a bit fed up. "It's time for Shadow to go home (at last...)" he says. The dust cloud settles as Lucky and Shadow stop fighting. They look surprised.

Panel 6: Shadow and Lucky look at each other shyly.

Panel 7: Kirk tries to pull Shadow away, but Shadow and Lucky are clutching at each other and yowling and howling loudly, trying not to be separated. Kirk sighs, "I just don't understand you two."

[captainsdog]

Better luck next time, Bones.

ID under the cut:

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: A hand rings the doorbell at Dr McCoy's door. McCoy calls out from within: "It's the middle of the night — this had better be important".

Panel 2: McCoy appears at the door, wearing a dressing gown and bunny slippers. He says, "Spock? What do you want?".

Panel 3: Spock, looking particularly beautiful, replies, "Doctor, I am up all night to get Lucky".

Panel 4: McCoy looks blank, processing this information.

Panel 5: "WHAT???" McCoy is blushing, sweating and shocked.

Panel 6: Spock answers: "The captain's dog... he is missing. Have you seen —". McCoy facepalms. "Phrasing, Spock."

[captainsdog]

And those are just the puppies...

ID below the cut:

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Kirk, Spock and McCoy are wheeling suitcases through a desert landscape. A sign says "Welcome to Vulcan". Kirk says, "I can't wait to see Lucky's puppies!" Meanwhile, Lucky the unicorn dog trots ahead, attention caught by something out of shot.

Panel 2: Close-up of Kirk and Spock. Kirk: "I was hoping we might keep one on the Enterprise!" Spock: "That will not be possible, Captain..." Something rumbles out of shot.

Panel 3: An enormous sehlat puppy leaps on top of Kirk, knocking him flat. "Oh, they're- BIG!" says Kirk. Lucky excitedly greets two more huge sehlat puppies. In the background, a fourth puppy chases away a screaming McCoy. All the sehlats have unicorn horns on their foreheads. Spock stands stoically and sighs.

[captainsdog]

Nobody said, "like owner, like dog", but they were all thinking it

ID below the cut:

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: McCoy, Spock and Kirk are on a couch. McCoy is perched on the edge with coffee and a crossword; Kirk is curled up with a book; Spock is reading a newspaper, The Vulcan Times. "Well, Spock," says McCoy, "Any news from Vulcan since we were there last summer?"

Panel 2: Spock: "An unusual litter of single-horned sehlats has been born in ShiKahr." McCoy does a spit-take.

Panel 3: McCoy: "You mean UNICORN sehlats?!" Spock: "Yes."

Panel 4: The triumvirate all turn to their left, looking pointedly at something out of shot.

Panel 5: Lucky the unicorn dog looks thoroughly embarrassed. "I TOLD you to get him fixed, Jim!" says McCoy.

[captainsdog]

Don't worry, Jim will get some attention once Spock finishes his shift.

ID below the cut

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Captain Kirk is lying in a biobed, eyes shut, covered in scars. "Ouch!" he thinks, "Where am I?" A voice offscreen says, "Oh, the poor thing!".

Panel 2: More voices offscreen say, "He was so brave today!" and "Isn't he cute?" and "Shhh, you'll wake him!". Eyes still closed, Kirk realises he is in Sickbay.

Panel 3: Kirk sits up in bed in a heroic pose, revealing further scars all over his bare torso. "Don't worry about me," he says. "I'm fi-"

Panel 4: Kirk's attention has been caught by something offscreen and suddenly he looks dismayed and absolutely pathetic.

Panel 5: Across the room, Lucky the unicorn dog is lying in another biobed with his hind leg in a cast. He is smiling and is surrounded by flowers, cards, a Get Well Soon banner and a small crowd of adoring crewmen saying "So brave!". Meanwhile, Kirk's corner of the room is totally empty. The captain crosses his arms and looks very left out.

[captainsdog]

Unicorn dogs must be stowed securely on the bridge - Starfleet regulation #54891

ID below the cut

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Lucky the unicorn dog is sleeping on the guard rail of the Enterprise bridge, dreaming about being covered in tribbles.

Panel 2: Thunk! The whole ship careers to one side. McCoy falls over. Lucky is flung high into the air.

Panel 3: Lucky falls flat on his side, mildly concussed. Voices in the background say, "That's a near-breach of the hull, Captain!" and "Computer, location and identity of attacking vessel!"

Panel 4: Thunk! The ship leans over in the other direction. McCoy falls down again. Lucky is flung into the air again.

Panel 5: Lucky is falling straight towards the computer console. Collision seems imminent.

Panel 6: Crash! Lucky smashes head-first into the computer, his horn impaling the console and causing huge cracks to appear. The computer says, "Uninstalling updates..."

Panel 7: Lucky is stuck upside-down on the console. The computer says, "Fragment (consider revising)", in the font of the old Microsoft Word spellcheck. On the captain's chair, Kirk facepalms and says, "Oh, boy."

[captainsdog]

In which Kirk puts his foot in it.

ID below the cut

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Lucky the unicorn dog sits in Captain Kirk's lap as Kirk reminisces: "I remember when having a Vulcan aboard ship was quite a novelty...". In Kirk's thought bubble, we see his former self wagging his finger pompously and saying, "Mr Spock has kindly agreed to join us in the rec room tonight. I want everyone on their best behaviour!".

Panel 2: Still pompously lecturing, Kirk says, "Above all, no ear-related humour!". Uhura, Chekov, Scotty and McCoy reply, "Aye, Captain."

Panel 3: The rec room. Spock is seated with his lyre. Uhura says, "Oh! What a beautiful lyre! Would you like some sheet music?" "No, thank you" replies Spock, stand-offishly.

Panel 4: A close up of Captain Kirk, who asks, in total innocence, "Oh, do you play it by ear, Mr Spock?"

Panel 5: Spock's icy glare at Kirk shows that he thinks the captain has just committed a micro-aggression. Panicking, Kirk stutters, "I- I mean-", while the room swims around him. In the background, Scotty and McCoy are laughing uproariously.

[captainsdog]

And no, Spock does not know that Bones has a shrine to him in his room (what's that, Bones? It's not a shrine? OK, whatever you say.)

ID below the cut

Captain's Dog

Panel 1: Lucky, the unicorn dog, is sneaking into a vent in a deserted corridor. "Sometimes, I sneak into the air vents..."

Panel 2: Kirk is eating a huge quantity of snacks. Looking out through a vent, Lucky says, "I see a lot of things..."

Panel 3: Sulu is taking a selfie while in the nude. From a vent, Lucky continues, "that no-one is supposed to see..."

Panel 4: Chekov is playing with a train set and going Choo Choo! From a vent, Lucky says "But don't worry..."

Panel 5: McCoy is sitting cross-legged on his bed with a dreamy expression, surrounded by hearts. The wall is covered with photos and newspaper cuttings of Spock, and there is a framed picture of McCoy and Spock labelled BFFs. Spying from a vent, Lucky says, "I won't tell."

[captainsdog]

"Nothing will go wrong this time" - Captain Kirk, every time

ID below the cut

Panel 1: Five Starfleet crewmen are beaming down. They wave to Captain Kirk, who is holding Lucky the unicorn dog and waving back. Kirk: "Enjoy Shore Leave planet! Just- be careful what you imagine!"

Panel 2: Spock looks concerned and says, "Captain - you're bringing Lucky?" Kirk and Lucky clutch each other, apparently offended. Kirk: "Of course!"

Panel 3: Lucky is the picture of innocence. Spock: "But who knows what he will imagine?" Kirk: "Tsk - how bad could it possibly be???"

Panel 4: Planetside. Lucky, Kirk and two redshirts are running and screaming. They are being pursued by an enormous sapient vacuum cleaner.

[beastlyanachronism]

Episode 11

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[beastlyanachronism]

(because of this post)

Link to all episodes: https://beastlyanachronism.tumblr.com/tagged/captain’s_dog

[beastlyanachronism]

[beastlyanachronism]

Episode 8

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[beastlyanachronism]

Based on this post by @spatscolombo

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[beastlyanachronism]

Episode 6

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[beastlyanachronism]

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