I stepped in my apartment, feeling tired. My messy hair rested on my face and a gloomy aura exudes in every corner of my being. It was a tiring day, after all. As I entered the living room, the silence embraced my cold body, chill climbing up my spine as I sigh, smiling. I placed my bag down and headed to the kitchen, taking a glass of water and took it in - one-shot. I walked back to the living room, looking from side to side, loosening up my tie and unbuckling my belt. "Gulf?" I called.
I smiled. His game of hide-and-seek had begun.
It has been ten years since we've been together and he started doing this two years ago. For some reasons, I got used to it up to now.
I carefully searched his cabinets in the bedroom while calling his name, "Gulf!" I called but there was no response. "Come out~" I began to frown. "I'm home."
I scratched my nape and walked to the bathroom, my frown replaced with a smile as I crept, opening the door as I went inside. "Aha!" I grinned, pulling the curtains in the tub frowning when I saw no one. 'Where the hell is he?' I stepped out of the room, gently closing the door, revealing him giggling by himself. All this time, he was hiding behind the door.
"Welcome home, asshole." he greeted before coming for a hug. I took a deep breath as I hug back.
"I found you." I said, smiling. His mint perfume seeping through my nostrils. My heart slowly calming down. I buried my face on the space of his shoulders, savouring his scent as I tightened the hug. I missed him.
I shook my head, breaking off from our hug. "I'm actually famished." I said, chuckling.
"Good, I bought food before I came..." he said walking out of the room, as I stood there looking at his back feeling relieved that he's here.
"Hey, what are you waiting for?!" I jolted awake when I heard his annoyed tone echo down the hall.
I was browsing through my phone, my back leaning over the rest when I heard the bathroom slam close followed by soft groans from the one who got out from there. I raised my head, adjusting my glasses. My mouth hanged agape when I saw him walk through the door wearing a simple white tee in a pyjama, a towel in his hand.
Whether it be ten years or a hundred years, he will always have the same effect on me.
"What are you looking at?!" he raised his brow as I wake from my trance. "Is it the first time you saw a person as handsome as I am?" he said jumping into the bed.
He threw the towel to my head before shoving his hand to it, that probably was his means of 'drying my hair'. "You should dry your hair properly." he said. "... or you'll catch a cold."
I smiled to myself before I moved to catch his wrist, slowly pulling him close until our faces were literally just inches apart. He held his breath, closing his eyes. I chuckled while I stare at his beet red face, filled with feelings of anticipation - probably for the kiss?
I brushed the tip of Gulf's nose before pulling his chin to me, as our lips met. His tensed body slowly relaxed as I wrap my arm around his waist, pulling him closer.
He slipped his hand under my shirt, touching the parts he could, leaving a fiery feeling on every corner of my body. I groaned when I felt his fingers trailing up to my chest as my member began to slowly tighten around my crotch.
I grabbed his waist, flipping him down the bed. I panted as I inched closer, claiming his lips once more.
All I could hear were the harmony created by our soft moans and pants. The symphony it made were music to my ears. A drug that makes me long for more. When the realization hit me... we shouldn't be doing this... I pulled away almost immediately.
"What's wrong?" Gulf gasped.
I turned away, "We are not supposed to do this, Gulf." I said looming guilt shrouded my voice, the vivid memory of our last try coming inside my head like torrents, piercing my heart.
Gulf turned away as I got off, sitting on the bed. "Sorry."
"It's okay." I heard him say in a silent mutter, very different from his normal one. "I know you're scared. I understand."
I bit my lower lip, closing my eyes as I march to the bathroom to relieve myself.
Mew came home later than usual, worn out than usual. It wasn't that much of a hectic day. It's just that, he seemed to be working his ass off harder than he usually does.
Using his apartment keys, he went inside and went straight to the sofa, slumping his tired body as he breathed slowly.
Gulf sighed. He kept himself hidden behind the curtains near the living. He saw everything. He knew that Mew is pushing himself to his limits and its annoying how he always looked like he's forcing himself with his 'game' of hide-and-seek everyday. He brushed his hands to his arms before walking out from his hiding place and stood just a few inches away from where Mew's head was. "You stopped." he said, voice filled with nothing but melancholy and sadness. "Hey, we should just stop this if you're tired of this."
Mew lowered his arm and immediately sat up, smiling. He can't hide his tired, bloodshot eyes though. "Come here." he scooted, carefully pulling Gulf by his wrist, leading him to the sofa where he sat. "What are you talking about?" he said, immediately hugging him from the side, leaning over his shoulder. "I'm just tired, that's all."
"Then you can rest." Gulf sighed before standing up. "I'm going to prepare for dinner so rest until then." he began marching to the kitchen when Mew got a hold of his arm.
"I found you." Mew said, smiling from his eyes.
"Don't forget to take your pills, Gulf." Mew said, having already took a bath and changed to his home clothes.
"What's the point?" Gulf frowned, staring blankly at his food.
Mew reaches out to Gulf's hand. "For you to get better. You need them."
"We know that its slim." he said, clenching his fists. "... me getting better. It's like my life has already been decided and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Come on, don't be like that..." Mew smiled, "Hmmm?"
"After the surgery, you'll get better. The doctor says so."
Gulf sighed, nodding. "You believe so?"
Mew nodded, "Of course. So what we need to do is to be good and follow the doctor's orders."
Mew folded his arms to his chest with his brows furrowed. He was helping Gulf pack his things and he noticed that Gulf was unusually packing a lot.
"Hey, hey." Mew raised his hand, getting the other person's attention. "Aren't you packing a bit too much?" he asks.
"Hmm?" Gulf paused, turning to him. "Well... I'm going to the hospital for treatment and the doctor said it'll be long so ... isn't this quite normal?"
"No... I mean..." Mew frowned, "Isn't that too much?"
Gulf grabbed his jacket and showered it with his perfume before keeping the bottle inside his luggage. He walked to Mew and prompted him to raise is arms.
"I might be staying away for long so..." he helped Mew wore his jacket before hugging the man from his back, "...don't miss me for long." he said breathing in heavily.
"Hey, isn't this your favorite jacket?" Mew uttered, turning to Gulf. "You don't need to..."
"Tsk." Gulf glared, tightening his hug. "I told you its fine so it's fine."
Mew sighed, rubbing Gulfs hands from his waist.
"Be a good boy while I'm gone."
"When did I become a bad one?" Mew smirked.
"Ohoh? You forgot?" Gulf grinned.
"AHHH!" Mew jokingly remarked, "I know, I know. I'll be good."
"Hey." Gulf urged before burying his face to the taller guy. "You know I love you so much right?" he said, "Remember that always..."
"H...hey." Mew smiled awkwardly, "Come on... you're creeping me out."
"Just..." Gulf hissed, before lowering his voice to a docile manner, "remember that..."
"I know... I love you too." Mew sighed, surrendering to the other. "You'll come back still and I know I will still have a lot of chances to prove that to you..."
"You've proved yourself enough. It's been ten years, Mew. I know what you feel and there's no need to do more than what you already did."
"Why does it sounds like you're not coming back?"
"Come on... we know the risks." Gulf sighed, smiling while tears streamed on his eyes. "It's live or die. If I die -"
Mew took his chance to cut Gulf off, breaking off from his hug. He immediately pulled the guy in, hugging him back from the front. His hand carefully stroking his head, "What are you talking about, idiot?!"
"Say no more or I won't let you go."
"That's going to be a problem." Gulf chuckled, pulling off from the hug. He smiled at Mew before pulling his face closer, planting a quick peck unto his lips. "I'm off."
Mew stepped in the door, fatigue crept unto his body. His eyes were heavy, his face was pale and facial hair were growing off his face - he hasn't been sleeping much. He yanked his bag, throwing them on the couch. He slumped his body to the couch himself too, closing his eyes.
Gulf sighed, snuggled himself with the curtains where he was hiding. I knew he would feel that way. He crouched the corner. I knew it would end up this way.
Why did it have to happen?
The feeling of the world falling apart in your feet, that morbid feeling of when the life that you thought you're living slips in the middle of your fingers. That's what I felt when I got a single text message at work exactly forty days ago.
It was still fresh in my mind - the day I received that call. The call that cut the life support off my heart.
"Mew." I turned to the intercom on my desk and pressed a button, and uttered a brief answer, "Yeah, Boss."
"I need the documents for the meeting tomorrow this afternoon." I nodded.
"Of course." I uttered before pulling my finger off the button.
I immediately searched for the document the boss was talking about and started finishing typing on the additional details the boss needs for his meeting - exactly what he said a few moments ago.
I've been feeling out of it lately to be honest. It has been a few days since my last conversation with Gulf through the phone and... I'm worried. His operation was today and we were supposed to call each other last night. I waited until it was late but ... nothing came. Not even a text.
'The operation...' I sighed, my fingers still on the keyboard, '...how did it go?'
If I remember correctly, the operation was scheduled first thing in the morning; I know that the doctors are doing their best but an update wouldn't hurt. '...And what's dad doin' not updating me what's happening?'
"Sawatdee Kub." I said placing the phone in between my ear and my shoulder while going on typing.
"Mew..." It's dad. I abruptly stopped what I've been doing for a second, and smiled.
The next string of words felt like damn bulldozers running over my body. Those were the words I would never want to believe, nor hear. Something I could never ... ever accept. I froze. I felt my body numb, cold sweat running out from my skin, trailing down to my shirt. I was devastated.
"Mew, I'm sorry." I shook. 'Stop'... I wanted to say. But I've never felt so mute all my life. The words I wanted to say just won't come out. "He wasn't able to make it."
The exact same scene came over and over in my mind, repeating like flashbacks that haunts every fibre of my being.
I don't know how many cans of beers and bottles of wine I drank nor how many glasses I broke throwing on the wall. I don't know how many times I came home looking for him in every corner of the house - expecting he'd still be there with his hide-and-seek game. But he isn't anywhere.
Of course, silly. I sighed, Gulf's dead.
I turned to the phone on the bed. Wow, a call when I didn't want to answer any calls. I shook my head, softly massaging the bridge of my nose. I placed the glass I was holding in the bedside table and reached for the phone, immediately sliding on the green button, bringing it over my ear.
"Mew." I rolled my eye and sighed to myself. Why now of all times?
"What." I replied. It's annoying how this guy always sounds so happy over the phone. Doesn't he have anything to worry about?
"Chill!" he chuckled, "I'm just checking my friends, how's it going?"
"I'm fine." I gently massaged my temple.
"Have you been drinking?" I shook my head to myself.
"Okay..." he suspiciously said, "Don't drink in the middle of the day man." he went on."I'm coming home to Thailand next month, by the way ... when will I see you and Gulf?"
I bit my lower lip, sighing; forcing myself not to tear up.
"I heard his operation was two months ago, he should be okay by now right?"
"I'm sorry man..." I looked back to the door, to the cabinet just beside it. A picture of me in Gulf taken during our college graduation framed, with a lighted-scented candle beside it. "He's ..."
I clenched my chest, until my nails dug through my shirt up to my skin.
"Gulf is..." I heard my voice crack... "...dead."
"Huh?" I heard him utter and just like I did when I heard it myself, he paused ... a dead, eerie silence followed. "I'm... I'm sorry man."
"It's okay... no one would've wished for it to happen anyway."
"Wh...where is he rested?" he asked.
"...Not rested..." I said, tears falling down from my eyes,
"...his parents got him cremated."
