as someone with adhd and autism, the way c!sam treats c!tommy and gets him to do things versus how the rest of the server treats tommy and gets him to do things just... hits different. because looking back on it all, the way the server interacts with tommy reminds me a lot of how my teachers growing up used to interact with me. to the server, tommy is an uncontrollable menace who needs to be taught with force and discipline. instances of people talking to him through the conflicts he may or may not cause are few and far between. instead, tommy is jerked through life lessons through punishment and attacks on his character. it reminds me a lot of how I used to be treated in elementary school. when I talked too much or got distracted in class, they'd put me in timeout without telling me what I did wrong, assuming that I knew the reason for as to why talking a lot or getting distracted was frustrating. I didn't, of course- not just because I couldn't pick up social cues and norms very well, but also because I was never taught me. and the more my teachers refused to actually teach me what I was doing wrong and why it upset them, the more I'd act out. similarly, tommy is berated and punished time and time again without ANYONE telling him why his actions are bad. niki wants to punish tommy for being too reckless, but tommy doesn't know why being reckless can frustrate people. (especially because him being reckless normally only hurts him.) tubbo wants to punish tommy for being selfish, but tommy doesn't understand why being selfish hurts his friends. (especially because he's had so much taken from him already.) they assume that he has already learned these lessons but at this point it's clear that he hasn't. and after the punishments are over, it seems to have worked, and so they believe that it's an effective teaching method.
conversely, sam doesn't resort to punishment when tommy frustrates him. instead, he prefers to straight up tell tommy what he's doing wrong. like the best teachers I had in school, he analyses tommy's behavior and problems and constructively tries to work on them. I remember when one of my favorite teachers, instead of sending me out of class for being off task, decided to set timers for me in class so that after it went off, I could have 10 minutes of free time. she realized that it wasn't me trying to be disrespectful, as other teachers had assumed, but that class was understimulating for me and that I needed to give myself some enjoyment in order to get through the rest of class. and it worked! in her class, I ended up getting pretty good scores! because she was the only teacher I'd had in a while that looked at me not as a problem to be solved but as a person with needs and wants, just like everyone else. and for tommy, sam is that teacher he needs. he works through his standoffish and stubborn demeanor by making the undesirable tasks fun for tommy to do. he praises tommy and reassures him without tommy needing to ask or do anything big to "deserve" it. he makes sure stand his ground and not to be a pushover, yes, but he isn't rude when he refuses to do something. hell, I was even afraid that when tommy was acting out in the prison, sam would have locked him up to teach him a lesson (because that's what literally everyone else would have done), but instead he just. acted patiently and told tommy to correct the behavior. because tommy is a person, and more importantly, a kid, who has a lot of issues. he's selfish, rude, reckless, and doesn't show appreciation nearly as much as he should. he has trauma that makes things difficult, hard grudges that make him hostile, and trust and abandonment issues that make him simultaneously distant and incredibly clingy. but unlike everyone else on the server, sam doesn't see these issues as a reason to give up on tommy. sam doesn't see these issues as a reason to stop giving tommy chances to grow. he especially doesn't see them as reasons to hurt him. no, sam sees someone who deserves help. sam sees someone who deserves to feel secure. sam sees someone who deserves kindness. sam sees tommy as a reason to try harder.
