curiosity.

rp blog for candace taylor. linked to cardinalhq.

[cardinalcandace]

Walking through the picturesque streets of Cardinal Hill, you find Candace Taylor, the 28 year old pharmacist at Plinth Family Drugs originally from Cardinal Hill, WA. Living alongside them in such a small town, you know that they're intelligent and nervous, but what you might not know is that they are a human, and that they’re hiding something… ― Tati Gabrielle, bisexual, female, she/her.

tw: mental illness, ocd, death, car accident.

Candace was born in Cardinal Hill to a family that always pushed her to be the best she can be. She had a love for science and wanted to pursue a career as a doctor. In High School, she took AP biology, chemistry, and physics. Then in her Senior Year, she was accepted into Yale. It really seemed like she was going to go far.

tw death, car accident: Later in her senior year, she and her friends were involved in a car accident. She wasn't driving the car, so by no means was it her fault - but waking up in the hospital and finding out that her friend, Kelly, was dead was traumatizing for her nonetheless. Especially when she realized how close she was to dying that night.

tw death, mental illness, ocd: Candace recovered physically, but mentally she was never the same. She couldn't stop thinking about death and would do everything she could to avoid the topic. Death became the worst thing in the world in her own mind, then killing someone became the worst thing she could do and then... [redacted].

tw mental illness, ocd: Candace's OCD was unbearable by the time she graduated from Yale. Due to her symptoms, she gave up on her dreams of Med School and went to Pharmacy School instead. She is now a fully qualified Pharmacist and has moved back to Cardinal Hill to work.

[ecrivainlcvande]

Allie beamed at her. “You should,” she said firmly. “Tell him I sent you. Oh! Listen, you know, you come by the Aperture Photo Lab sometime, okay? And then we can go together, that would be fun.” She flashed her new friend a smile. “And then probably we will get in for free. Usually I can get him to pull some silly little strings. Or maybe at least we can get our popcorn for no money.” Truth be told, she couldn’t really remember if they offered popcorn at the Enchantment, but what was a show without snacks, really? 

She smiled again. She was not entirely without perception, and she sensed that the turn their conversation had taken wasn’t comfortable for Candace. In silent apology, she patted the other woman’s knee for a moment before pulling her hand back.

“How long have you lived here?” she asked. “I always thought having a small town as your hometown was very charming. Like, eh, you know, what is that show with the man and his little boy and the fishing pole? Like that.”

[cardinalcandace]

"Aperture Photo Lab? Do you develop film or something?" She asked, curiously. It sounded like an interesting job, with a scientific process. She liked when she could understand things. It was part of the reason she loved science so much, it was the key to understanding everything. She that someday it would give her all the answers. "But I may take you up on that. Sounds like a fun girl's trip." She added, with a smile.

"I was actually born here. I've lived here most of my life, I only took a break to go to college in New Haven." Candace explained, once again skirting around the fact that she went to Yale. "It was nice growing up here." She agreed, before smiling at the mention of a show that the other woman didn't know the name of. "The Andy Griffith Show?" She gauged a guess.

[skyskypage]

"I don't need a pamphlet," Sky protested, almost affronted that she even made the suggestion. "I mean, I've been fine for twenty one years. Surely that counts for something?" Although not being dead yet was a low bar to set, he was going to take it. After all, it could have worked out a lot worse, even if it was a total fluke that he hadn't had any silly peanut related accidents recently. "I don't even know... fuck. Well, I guess I could just go without....."

[cardinalcandace]

When Sky said that he had been fine for twenty one years, her immediate thought was "your conscious has, at least." Another theory she read into recently was called quantum immortality. When you face death, the universe splits and your conscious moves to the reality where you survive. It was unlikely, but it was for some reason a thought that crossed her mind. That from ones own perspective, they will keep going until the universe ends. Maybe beyond. Just live in some fiery end for eternity. Kind of like hell.

Obviously she wasn't going to go into her existentialism with a customer. So she simply reminded herself that right now she was here and everything was fine.

When he said he wasn't sure if his insurance covered his prescription, her face somehow fell more than it already had. "Oh."

Could he really go without?

[blackcatxmagic]

"Oh man, can you imagine a child trying to play the sousaphone?" Vale asked, and he couldn't help but laugh - that was such a wild image. "I knew someone in grade school who played the cello and tried to bring it on the bus. It's pretty big, especially for a kid, so it didn't go well." That was how Vale had become friends with Arun, by helping him with the instrument that day, but he couldn't dwell on those memories, not now, not ever. That was something else he had lost in the accident: he'd lost his past. When he heard Candace, Vale sighed, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. "Yes there is," he said, and as he brought his hand down, it started to shake, as if to prove his point. "I can never be good at it now," Vale explained, making a fist to stop his hand from shaking, which was in vain - it never really worked. "That's why I'm here, why I never went to Juilliard." He hadn't planned to tell Candace this, and he wasn't going tell her the details of how this had happened.

"Anxiety is such fucking shit, isn't it?" Vale said, not sugarcoating his words. "It ruins everything, distorts our reality, our memories, our feelings. It's so much more powerful than people who don't suffer from it actually realize. And if you have it, I think the best most of us can hope for is being comfortably numb."

[cardinalcandace]

When Candace said that he could never be good, she raised an eyebrow. That shouldn't matter, surely? Life is short. You should do things you love, even if you're bad at them. She felt herself shudder at the thought of life being short - so she couldn't dawn too much on Vale's revelation on why he didn't go to Julliard in the end. It probably wasn't something she should press on, anyway. She shouldn't even say the first thing she thought to herself, even if it was true. It felt like she was touching on something too painful. Instead she focused on her own thoughts for a moment, glancing around the area. She reminded herself that right now, she was alive. The now was all that mattered.

"It is." Candace agreed, once she was able to cool herself down. "I'd love to just be numb."

[hearthandhallows]

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Felix let out a thoughtful hum, tipping his head as he considered. “Mmm… I mean, probably. There’s always at least one, right?” His eyes squinted a little like he was scrolling through a mental roster of characters. “Okay, I’m not sure if this is a popular opinion or not, but I was never really a Boromir person. I get that he had a redemption arc and all, but something about him just didn’t click for me.” He shrugged, a little sheepish. “But also, I think characters that bug me kind of have to exist, you know? If everyone’s perfect or lovable, the story gets boring. Conflict makes it stick.” He turned back to her with a curious look. “What about you? Any characters you skip scenes for?”

[cardinalcandace]

Candace mulled over the question herself for a moment, just to be sure of her answer. "I think I'm going to have to agree with you on Boromir being my least favorite." She said, since she found his redemption arc pretty lackluster. Yes, he died. That was part of the problem for her, she never really got to see or process him as a good person. That was another scary thought, when you die you stop growing as a person. Spine chilling thought. "Though I never skip scenes. I love that trilogy through and through."

[mightytiny]

⋄⋄ 🌵⋄⋄

While Izzy preferred working on a machine, she would never complain for an excuse to ride on the clock. If it were up to her, she'd go alone, but being paid for it wasn't a bad deal. She worked hard regardless of what she was doing. They needed everyone to wear a few hats at the ranch, and as long as it wasn't stall duty, she was happy. Not that the girl couldn't do the job well, but she preferred to let someone else take care of the real dirty work. Besides, she'd rather be out in the sun anyway. Izzy claimed she worked better beneath some sunlight, and so far, nothing had proved that wasn't true.

Whenever her friend came to visit, she'd have options for what they could do during Candace's time at Prescott Ranch. There were quite a few options, actually, so everyone could find something of interest when they visited. "You should! It's perfect out there right now before the leaves turn brown. With all the rain we got this year, it's so green." That sight was quite a change from some of the tougher New Mexico summers, but she always seemed to find the best in their slice of the world. "There's so much to do there, you'll have to come back if you want to see it all," she said with a sense of pride at her new place of employment. "If you feel up to it, we could even get you on a horse for a trail ride."

[cardinalcandace]

"That does sound beautiful." Candace said, having a love for the outdoors. It's where life truly thrived. How could she ever hate that? Everything around her was alive, and that was beautiful. When Izzy mentioned horse riding, she had to think it over for a moment. Give it a risk assessment, like she did for almost everything these days. Surely it would be fine as long as she padded up, like when she rode her bike. "Sure, that sounds fun."

[ecrivainlcvande]

Allie smiled as the other woman spoke, nodding. “Yes, thank you,” she said. “I have been to many places in Europe and the United States. I like the Northeast, I think. I have even been to that town with all the, eh…” She wiggled her fingers to indicate something spooky. She snapped her fingers. “Ah, with the witches, you know the place? But they were not actually witches. You know?” She snapped her fingers. “Ah, Salem, yes? You know?” She smiled and shrugged. “You should meet him,” she said idly. “He is very good. You would like him.” She spoke decisively, and then smiled again. She nodded as Candace spoke. “Yeah, I never understand that,” she said. “You only have one body and one life.” She smiled again. “Ah, I am Allie, by the way. Alevtina, but you can call me Allie. Many do.”

[cardinalcandace]

It was amazing how far this woman had traveled. Salem was morbidly interesting, but not a part of history that she wanted to dwell on. The fact that she could just die because someone thought she was a witch? Spine chilling. She was glad to be living in a time where there was at least a tad more logic when it came to these things. Witches? What a crazy thing to believe in.

"I'll keep an eye out for him next time I see a show." Candace promised, though she was not sure when she'd see a show next. It's not like it was a top interest of hers. But some play or musical would definitely gauge her interest at some point. She was sure of that.

One body? One life? Candace nodded her head in agreement, uncomfortable. One life. It was true, but she hated the thought of it. She didn't want to think about it, she just wanted to be here for as long as she could.

She was grateful for the conversation shift. "I'm Candace. Good to meet you, Allie."

[blackcatxmagic]

"It can be, yeah," Vale replied. "When you're learning it though, especially really complicated pieces, it can be a little stressful. Your hands and fingers have to move so fast. I loved that about it though, loved working hard to get something right. Kinda miss that now." Vale hadn't exactly meant to say that last part, so he said, "You know, since I'm not in lessons anymore." That was only one small portion of the truth though. When Candace told him she used to play the French horn, Vale paused, a little stunned. "Of all the instruments, why did they insist on that?" he asked. "Did one of them play it or something? At least it wasn't the sousaphone I guess. That's like a French horn only the size of a tuba. That would have been rough." Vale thought about all the different musical instruments, and he said, "I think I would have liked to learn a string instrument too, in addition to piano I mean. Guitar, violin, cello, even harp. Not a bad one in the bunch, unlike certain horn instruments."

"Ah, well I guess I meant more like outlets to get your mind off of all the shit you don't want to think about," Vale clarified. He was already taking medications for depression and anxiety anyway, and he still saw his psychiatrist sometimes; he promised his mother he would. Vale understood it when Candace said she hadn't found the right one because the truth was that Vale hadn't either. Sometimes he thought he never would. "It can be hard," he acknowledged. "It's kind of like putting together a puzzle. You can make the whole picture, but you can still see the lines where the pieces fit together. Always a little imperfect."

For a few moments, Vale stood in the water, just looking out at the horizon, lost in thought. He supposed it was okay to share his spot with Candace; he couldn't begrudge anyone peace, after all. "Sometimes," he answered. "It depends on what's going on up here at the time." Vale tapped the side of his head as he said this.

[cardinalcandace]

"Luckily they weren't looking to challenge my physical strength." Candace said, when Vale brought up the sousaphone. She was aware of the instrument. Despite how it may seem, Candace did not begrudge her parents for pushing her at all. It got her into Yale in the end, and if she was just a bit luckier she would be in residency to become an ER doctor right now. "Well, there's nothing stopping you." Candace offered, when he mentioned learning a stringed instrument. Though maybe money was stopping him. Music lessons were expensive.

"Unfortunately, for some of us that isn't enough." Candace confessed, when Vale talked about outlets. OCD was a tricky disorder. She needed to find the right medication. "I'm glad you're getting help, though. Hopefully you find something that works for you."

Candace nodded her head understandingly when he said it depends on what is going on in his head. "Anxiety disorders are tricky."

[bitethvhand]

An intake appointment was always the hardest for Nell; she would do her best to both listen intently and come up with an effective treatment plan. What made it difficult was how hard people were on themselves. A lot of them were talking about events or feelings that they'd never spoken about with anyone else. It was vulnerable work that required a certain type of person to be able to both take in every detail, but also find out how to soothe the worries. With Candace, Eleanor could see that she was struggling with OCD.

Shaking her head at the comment, Nell leaned forward with her fingers clasped together. "Believe it or not, you are not a difficult patient, not even close." She smirked before tilting her head. "I think we can come up with some techniques that will really help you in your day-to-day. Thank you for telling me everything you did. I know it's not easy to be so honest with me."

The session was over, and it had been a draining one. "I was planning on going to get some food after this, would you like to join me? We can talk strictly about un-therapeutic topics."

[cardinalcandace]

At the offer of food, Candace nodded her head. After all of that, she needed to just take her mind off everything. Albeit, it was very hard for her to take her mind off things. Her thoughts could occur at the most random moments and triggers could pop up just about anywhere. It was such a hard disorder to live with. But was was the alternative? "Food sounds good."

[hearthandhallows]

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Felix nodded, leaning his chin into his palm as he listened, clearly appreciating her take. “Mmm, yes. I think you’re right–it wouldn’t feel real if he just came back the same, would it? Something that big has to leave a mark. Even for a wizard.” His voice softened toward the end, like the idea of change after grief was one he’d sat with before. “I always liked the way they handled it, honestly. Like he came back… Not like he was burdened, but like he understood more than he did before.”

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ He glanced over at her, noticing the shift in her expression, and offered a warmer smile. “But yes–Gimli! I love the way he bickers with Legolas. It’s such a good dynamic, that mix of rivalry and friendship. Honestly, I think stories like that are what made me love found family stuff so much.”

[cardinalcandace]

"They really were a found family, huh?" Candace said, with a small smile. She loved the idea of found family, people that you went through so much with. Candace's own family was good, but she yearned for the days she spent with her old High School friends before the accident. That was kind of like a found family. "Are there any characters you don't like?"

[angstfactory]

"Oh no," he said then, setting the helmet down on the counter. "Are you okay?" Vivek looked over her, with a natural instinct that he supposed must come from being a father. Concern for others, especially his children, had just become built in at this point. "You've got to be careful," he said, another dad thing to say. As if the children and young folk didn't know they should be careful, the warning always coming in after the fact and never forgotten.

Vivek chuckled at her comment. "Is that what passes for attractive these days?" he asked, with a smile. "Someone out there, padded up and helmeted, that's someone with a good head on their shoulders." He made several taps on the register, then frowned, as it didn't come out with the totals. "Stupid thing," Vivek said, giving it a light smack to the side, "it's been giving me trouble lately... sorry, bear with me.." Another several taps on the keys. "Business would be going fine, if the boss would fix these kinks out."

[cardinalcandace]

"Oh, I'm fine and I'm always careful." Candace assured Vivek. Thankfully she only had a few bruises, and she did her best to always be careful. She was terrified of getting into another horrible accident. One that would actually kill her this time around.

"Oh it absolutely does." Candace said, with a laugh. "I always go to single bars in that kind of get up. It draws everyone's attention." Candace rarely went to bars, she cared too much about her health. It's why she took up cycling in the first place. "Oh, that's annoying." Candace said, when he started smacking the cash register. "How long has it been like that?"

[blackcatxmagic]

When he mentioned Juilliard, Vale had thought Candace might ask what he played, and normally he would have wanted to avoid that topic.  Apparently being at the lake brought it out of him - he’d talked about it with Hana here too.  Plus it felt a little like he and Candace could empathize with each other.  “I play piano,” Vale replied quietly.  “Kind of.  I used to a lot more, now…just sometimes.”  Just when it didn’t feel like dying to do so, he thought but didn’t say.  “Do you play anything?” Vale asked, partially out of interest and partially to get the focus off of him.  Shaking his head, Vale replied, “No, but I’ve been going to Castillo’s.  You know, the boxing gym in town.  That’s helped.  I guess it’s hard to be anxious when you’re exhausted and taken all your frustrations out on a punching bag.”  Better a punching bag than a face, Vale thought.  “Any recommendations?” Vale asked; he was open to suggestions.

Glancing over at Candace as they stood in the water, Vale smiled softly.  “See, you get it now.  This is going to become your place too, isn’t it?  That’s alright I guess, I can share.”  He looked back out at the water, and he said, “There’s just something special about it.”

[cardinalcandace]

"Piano. That's a great instrument. Really relaxing." She said, with a small smile. "I don't play anything. My parents had me do French Horn lessons when I was a kid but I gave that up as soon as I went to High School." She said, with a small laugh. "I feel like they just asked around for the hardest possible instrument to have me learn then sent me off to lessons." She actually wouldn't put it past them, they were always trying to push her to be her best.

"I can't tell you that, only a therapist can." Candace explained. She wasn't qualified to prescribe drugs, only fill prescriptions. "Antidepressants help, but it's a matter of which antidepressant is best. I've tried a few but I still haven't found the right one." She said, with a shrug. The brain was such a complex thing.

"I appreciate that." She said, with a smile, when Vale said he didn't mind sharing his spot. "You come here often?"

[innocentcurse]

"You sound like my mom," Dorothy commented with a light little chuckle, although she knew Candace's words were coming from a much better place than her yoyo dieting mother's words often did. "But you're right. I probably should just invite people over for dinner more, it's not like I can't cook." The only downside to inviting her sisters over, however, was the fact that they then couldn't discuss anything witchcraft related - not unless Dorothy's human, magic-oblivious partner was definitely not joining them. "It's hard to stray away from what's most convenient, though," she added, thinking out loud slightly. Particularly when she was going through a hard time in her life - although the scary events did seem to start slowing down finally - Dorothy liked to turn to the easy route to save her energy as much as she could.

[cardinalcandace]

"Well, if you're looking for ease I can give you a few of my simple recipes." Candace thought she was a good cook, she could eat her own meals. However, no one else would ever taste test her food. She never cooked when someone else was in the house. She just couldn't handle doing that knowing there were people in the other room. Knowing she could just... "They're still healthy, of course. Just easy to make."

[blackcatxmagic]

"I was supposed to be so far from here," Vale told Candace. "Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in an 'I'm too good for this town' sort of way. I never felt like that about Cardinal Hill. But I was supposed to - " He stopped abruptly; he hadn't planned on revealing so much. But now that he had started, Vale thought he should at least finish the thought. "I was supposed to go to New York, attend Juilliard, and then make all my dreams come true. But I'm here working on a ranch, which was not my dream." His hand chose that moment to shake, the tremor returning as if to serve as another reminder of what he had lost.

The pair stood together in the water, Vale looking out at the lake. "Another perk besides the jolt of cold is being able to look out at the lake," Vale stated. "It's so tranquil, so it really helps with clearing your mind too. I feel like I really need that right now."

[cardinalcandace]

"Juilliard? What do you play?" She asked, curiously. Just getting accepted into a prestigious school like that was a huge achievement. She was very impressed. But she also felt a little sad for him - at least Candace was still working in the medical field. Vale just gave up his dreams entirely. "Do you take anything for anxiety?" She asked, when he noticed his tremor.

Candace glanced out to the lake when Vale mentioned it, and couldn't help but agree. It was so peaceful but so full of life at the same time. That was her sweet point. "It's so peaceful."

[hearthandhallows]

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ “Oh, yes, I suppose you’re right. I can’t quite imagine how they would have it looking in real life… I think the casting might be difficult as well. They’re such popular books, I’m sure that it would be hard to nail down the right actors.” He paused, biting his thumb in thought. When Candace mentioned Sam, his expression brightened again. “Sam! He’s mine too! There’s just something so amazing about his and Frodo’s relationship. I can’t believe he followed him across this entire journey. They really are like brothers. Gimli is great, too. Oh! Since we’re on the topic, what do you think about Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White? Some of my friends think that his personality shift was too much, but, I mean, he did… you know, die.”

[cardinalcandace]

"He is such a loyal little guy, I love him." Candace said, with a gentle smile. It did truly amaze her how much he stuck by Frodo throughout the entire journey. "Gimli is a fun character!" Candace agreed, before thinking over their next question. "Yeah, I think it makes perfect sense. Death should always have stakes in a story because it is such a huge thing for us in the real world." She said, before taking deep breath. Death was such a difficult topic. "If a character can just come back, death still needs to be a big thing for them. So the huge personality shift is a good move." She hoped this wouldn't be a topic they stick on.

[mightytiny]

⋄⋄ 🌵⋄⋄

It was a job, something close enough to home while not being the same old thing day in and day out. Izzy got bored easily, maybe that's part of why she never held a relationship or kept a job long-term. This was supposed to be her fresh start, which started with something as simple as a coffee order. While she typically preferred her coffee black, that day she threw in a splash of milk after watching the other female do the same. Today, she'd been sipping for pleasure and not just to funnel caffeine in which raised the question of whether she enjoyed her coffee black. Izzy got confirmation when taking her first sip, liking the beverage but wishing she'd simply stuck to what she knew, another piece of proof of why change didn't appeal to her.

"They only needed me to fix stuff two days last week," the brunette huffed, folding arms over her chest. "So I filled in with some of the tours, I'll always take an excuse to ride." That might've been her favorite part of the job. Izzy tried to take a personal ride every day she could, even if it meant coming in early or staying later to do so. "I'm actually kind of surprised how much I like it so far," the girl said through a laugh. "Gonna come visit sometime?"

[cardinalcandace]

Candace gave a faux pout when Izzy revealed that she only got to fix stuff twice last week. It wasn't that she wanted things to break down, but she couldn't help but imagine that a job was better when you actually got to do mentally stimulating things. At least being a pharmacist was mentally stimulating.

"Well, riding sounds fun." She said. Safe, too. How fast can a tractor even go? She was comfortable with the idea of sitting in one. Relying on somebody else to drive it while she was sitting in it, which was a difficult thing for her to do with cars. She drove herself everywhere. "I will definitely come and visit."

[hearthandhallows]

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ “Yes! Exactly!” Felix smiled at the other, a hand moving to his heart. “Imagine how nice it would be to visit The Shire? Or to see Gandalf’s fireworks for yourself?” He paused for a moment, tilting his head in thought. “It feels like it’s only a matter of time before they start developing it into a movie, really. You’re absolutely right, though. It’s such a dense read, I wonder how they could fit it into a movie? Maybe they would have to do a few? Oh, actually, there’s no doubt that it would need to be a few movies. Who’s your favorite character?”

[cardinalcandace]

"I'd love to live in The Shire." Candace mused. A peaceful life without a care in the world. It was the antithesis of Candace's mind, but a peaceful life was what she truly yearned for. "Movies? That would be interesting. I'd imagine they'd have to be animated or something, though." She said, not sure how it would look good otherwise. Though she didn't know much about film making. "I love Sam." She said, with a small smile, when he asked for her favorite character. "What about you?"