Audio Transcript Excerpt from Recovery Room 413
November 29, 2020, 2:57pm
NURSE ALMIDA: Donny? Are you awake? Yes, yes, it’s okay! I know it’s a little scary coming out of anesthesia after being out so long. Shh, don’t worry! Everything’s okay. Everything’s under control…
NURSE BAUMGARTNERr: *whispered* Especially him!
PATIENT 46716: (indistinct questioning)
NURSE ALMIDA: Why, of course everything went as planned! Yes, exactly as requested. The operation went super smooth - no real issues or hiccups. The doctor zapped those nerves just like you asked, and did the snip-snip, and it’s all grea-
PATIENT: Wait, wha-? What… nerves…?!
NURSE ALMIDA: What do you mean, what nerves? Why, the nerves for your bladder, of course! Just as requested, you know. I’m sure you’ll be happily wetting yourself for a very long time to come. (laughs) I just think it’s so sweet of your wife to let you live your dream like that!
PATIENT: But I (indistinct) for a- penis, you know, enlarge-
NURSE ALMIDA: Penis enlargement? Oh, dear, we’re still a bit loopy from the anesthesia, aren’t we, Donny? Of course you’re not here for a penis enlargement, silly! Quite the opposite, in fact; the forms we received specifically asked for a vasectomy and a sphincter snip. And combined with the HRT we’ve prescribed, I’m sure your days of bothersome boners will soon be over!
PATIENT: What?! No, no- You’re joking-
NURSE ALMIDA: Oh, come now, settle down! *crash and sounds of struggle* No, no, Donny, bad boy. Bad boy! Lay still now, and I promise everything will be- Lila, fetch the sedative, will you? Yes, the oral - quick-
PATIENT: No- no- get that thing aw- (voice turns to indistinct mumbles)
NURSE ALMIDA: There now, Donny. Shh… Shh… Suck on that for me. Yes, good boy. Shh… Everything’s okay. You’re gonna be fine, I promise. Just suck on your nice little dummy for me, and it’s all going to be okay. Notice how nice your diaper feels, hmm? Nice Nursie here is taping it a bit tighter, just so you don’t have any leaks. Aww, it’s so nice on your soft little pee-pee, isn’t it? Just like you’ve always wanted!
PATIENT: (indistinct mumbling and whimpering)
NURSE ALMIDA: (whispered) At least, that’s what the forms said, right? Guess we might want to double-check once he’s out.
NURSE BAUMGARTNER: (whispered) Ehh, why bother? Like it or not, it’s not like anyone can do anything about it now, is there?
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