Mama, Papa, how does it feel when you’re released from your body?
Is it painful?
Or is it freeing?
I’ve encountered a strange phenomenon. It was only for like two seconds but it felt like forever. I was closing my eyes, when suddenly the image of Papa in his deathbed showed up. Then I was trying to imagine what happened inside his brain. Suddenly, I felt sucked up into another world, it was a world full of contradiction.
It’s like I’m trapped and freed at the same time, I can’t see anything yet I see everything, I can’t feel anything yet I feel everything, I was placid and terrified at the same time, everything and everyone in which I’m living with did not exist in that world not even in my memory.
In that timeless world it was just bodiless me, this unlimited gigantic force which is familiar and comfortable, and this gnawing feeling of guilt and fear tying me up like a chain. I felt naked right to the core and I was wondering, was this the preview of the world you’re in right now? Do I still exist in your memory?
I miss both of you so much, but I took my time to grieve in a healthy way so you don’t need to worry. I’m getting stronger by the day that I wished you guys can see. I’m taking my time to let out these emotions right now, I know both of you wouldn’t read this. But then again, thank you for teaching me how to be strong.
I’ll survive.














