Carol's first night in prison
Later that night, the silence in the bunk was as tense as it was awkward. Carol lay stiff on the lower bunk, arms crossed, eyes wide open, staring up at the slatted bed frame above her. Then it started. Barb snored. Carol blinked, slowly, like the sound was personal. Like the universe was spitting in her ear.
She clenched her jaw and turned on her side. It was bad, nasally, half-wheezing, like someone dragging a wet sock across concrete. She didn’t even know Barb snored. She never wanted to know. But now? Now it was part of the horror movie she’d be stuck in for the next twenty-five years.
“Shitty. Fucking. Experience,” Carol whispered under her breath. She shifted again, arms under her head now, and stared at the chipped paint on the wall. If she was gonna survive this place, she needed a plan. She didn’t want to be a target. That much was clear. No way in hell she’d let herself end up some punchline in the yard or anyone’s pet project in the showers. So maybe she needed to go loud. Scare some people. Be her unhinged self so that they wouldn’t touch her. Or maybe form a crew. Build a gang. Something. But what grown-ass woman was gonna follow a seventeen-year-old? Even a psycho one? She sighed. None of it felt right yet. The room was too small, the air too hot, and the future too fucking long. Somewhere outside their cell, she heard footsteps. Laughter. She turned her head toward the door. Two CO's just doing their night shift, controling that everthing was at its place. How could they be so happy? I mean they still experienced the same damn things after all, right? Except they weren't forced.
“Shit,” Carol whispered, barely audible. Barb snored above her like none of it even mattered. It was all getting clear in Carol’s head now. This was real. Now that silence was the only thing left to distract her, she could finally think. About the years ahead, long, brutal, endless.
Never will she play bridge behind the staircases of the gym with her two non-friends, as she called them.
Never will she hear the cheerleaders spreading rumours about their so-called friends, loud, fake, and ruthless like always.
Never will she get to run away from a teacher after getting caught skipping class.
Never will she get to yell at Debbie just for existing.
And with that thought, a single tear slid down her cheek. Just one.
Because once again, Debbie was the reason her life was fucked. Because never will she have the chance to hear her mother yell what a disappointment she is. Never. And then, Carol fell asleep.
