He who is without sin cast the first stone, or
so the saying went, and so it was ignored. Caked in
blood and sin and death and dying. Forsaken savior curl his
fingers upon a boulder, hurled it unto her shoulders, merciless
King glower upon sinner, selfish and pitiful. Carried the world
upon his own and still he were viewed as a vice. Heaven and
hell swirling in his being, brimstone and fire brewed spewing fiery
luminosity upon the flock. Accepted the responsibilities
despite his crown of thorns and cross he borne to be crucified.
She who dare to judge him, spew insults insinuating
he belonged beneath her feet that step so briskly upon
the dead.( you filthy self-centered lamb. your god would
smite you where you stood. && if you were godless he would
map out hell should you give him the chance. )
’H a—a h? What is it you thought I was?’
Tongue clicked as query hissed itself from its cage of
clasped lips and gritting teeth. Self-restraint a trait
he lacked, were cracking beneath his boiling rage,
simmering, crackling, itched to nail her lids to her skulls and
force her to see her errors. Bathed and soaked in her
ocean of self pity and she dare her waves crash
upon his verdant shores? ( ha! )
It was time sovereign painted black plucked her
strings already so horrifically dyed in his color.
Pull, tug, && she would surely dance.
’It’s in your eyes you know. If I did call you what
I wanted you’d just get mad again, right? You want everyone
to think you’re dead and you want someone to care.
It doesn’t make sense. You’re a walking contradiction—
what the fuck is that about?’
His steps faltered, simply observed— his words far
more perilous, far more painful than any weapon. The liar
could not cloak herself, her fibs unsheathed for him to see.
’W h a t do I want? I wanna know why? What’s the point?
What’s the point of hiding away and waiting for someone to
chase after you? What’s the point in pretending you’re
dead than having the nerve to get offended when someone
calls you just that? What’s the point in treating the living and
the dead like shit then wanting someone to coddle you?
Tell me, Mina, what the fuck is the point in saying you don’t
care when you do?’
He would breathe in his nefarious life, taste it, feel it,
his rage. Know it, him, well. Care not to shroud intent,
pressed each and every little button that she assumed
she hid so beautifully behind her tragic eyes that dared to
spark with life behind her facade of living cadaver.
'I f you want to be alive then be alive. And if you want to die,
then die.’ ( &&believe it or not these words were offered in care. )
'Because life is a gift and you're just fucking wasting it. Look
at how many died, how many who wished they could
be alive, who would put the life you’re wasting to good use
instead of moping in their own hollow fucking shell crying
for someone to coddle them.’
The restraints snapped, broken.
'W h a t are you looking for? A thank you for
your efforts? No one and nothing owes you that. So what?’
&& he who were forced to bare the world, to then be strong
the tallest tree for he were man as well as beast.
Dwelled in the in between. Feared, but needed. && when the
world no longer needed a Messiah— death awaited.
( so what? he fought for mankind regardless. the greatest of
sinners, wrath incarnate, pride and lust embedded, a savior
doused in damnation.) He spoke from experience. Toxic, perhaps,
to her fragile brittle bones. Could snap her in two with a simple
gaze, devour her entirety and lacerate her veins with a transparent phrase.
( she would deny this power over her, but it were so obvious—
she were just as delicate, just as feeble of when they first met. )
'N o t that it matters what I say, but if you want
someone to care…then earn it.’
( yet he already did. )
If he had been the devil, then she had paid for all her
crimes and sins from his own teeth and venom. This is
what she deserved for she would not repent for her mistakes.
In the presence of he who walked and talked like a god, she
stood there and absorbed his poisonous energy. He
questioned her behaviour and expected her to stiffen up?
To forgive and forget? To change her hideous actions and
come out from the shadows? Who was he to try?
'O divine god, thy words fall only on deaf ears...'
For what is a god to a nonbeliever?
There was no higher deity. No life after death and yet the
always came death after life. If people really had believed in
one, then surely the other existed. But in her beliefs, she was
beyond that. How have a death when you were not living in
the first place? To be an object that contained no purpose
other than to be a waste a space was not living-- it was a
nuisance and a waste of space. This was the so called 'life'
of Mina Carolina. She belong neither to the living or the dead.
What once was somebody with diligence, charity, chastity,
and kindness was now an empty shell of filled sloth, greed,
lust, and envy.
In the end, however, when somebody had taken all sin
away and she had payed for her committed crimes, all that
was left was a hollow shell. He had done his job, so why
linger any more?
But with that look of emptiness, the liar gave no reaction to
the name and spoke to silence his ponders. "Wʜᴀᴛ ɪs ᴀ
ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴅɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴇʀ ʙᴏᴅʏ ɪs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ·ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ
ᴅᴇsɪʀᴇs﹖" Anybody could call her shallow in her goals.
Anybody could have called her shallow in her actions. But
nobody could call her that in her thoughts.
"Iɴ ᴄʜᴇss﹐ ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ
ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟs ᴛʜᴇ Pᴀᴡɴs﹖ Tʜᴇ Kɴɪɢʜᴛs﹖ Bɪsʜᴏᴘs ᴀɴᴅ Rᴏᴏᴋs﹖
Wʜᴀᴛ ·ʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ Kɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ Qᴜᴇᴇɴ﹖ A ᴘᴜᴘᴘᴇᴛ ɪs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴀs
ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀs ɪᴛs ᴘᴜᴘᴘᴇᴛᴇᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴅᴏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛ ɪs
ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ. Iɴ ᴀ sᴄᴀʟᴇ﹐ ʏᴀ ᴄᴀɴ ᴡᴇɪɢʜ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ
ɪs ʙᴀᴅ ɪɴ sᴏᴍᴇʙᴏᴅɪᴇs ʟɪғᴇ﹐ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ﹐ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs
·ᴇᴀᴠɪᴇsᴛ﹣﹣ ɪs ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏɴsᴜᴍᴇs ʏᴏᴜ."
What he had believed to be rational words fell to be irrational
in her beliefs. And why listen to his cries when he appeared to
not listen to her own? Differences lied in both of them. Both
were right, and both were wrong. Yet actions and words
seemed to always prevail against silent hopes, wishes, and
gratuity. "Wʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴀ ᴛʀʏ﹖ Yᴇʀ sᴜʀʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ
ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʏᴀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅɪᴠɪɴᴇ."
Oh, what a burden you must have,
to have those look at you like
you are the last thing left for their defence.
You didn't ask for it, yet you do it.
Oh the pressure you must have.
" Bᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ﹐ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ
ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀ· sᴜʀʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇᴅ
ʙʏ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ʏᴀ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. "
You have people who worry,
though you believe that you are nothing but disastrous.
You leave destruction in your wake,
those around you die,
yet you survive.
"Dᴏɴ·ᴛ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴏ· ʏᴇʀ ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ. Aʜ ᴡᴏɴ·ᴛ ᴛᴇʟʟ ʏᴀ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ·ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ. Bᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ʏᴀ ·ᴀᴠᴇ ᴏɴᴇ
ʟᴇss ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴏɴ·ᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ
ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛᴏ ·ᴜᴍᴀɴɪᴛʏ ɴᴏ ᴍᴏʀᴇ." She looked away, continued to
walk, and she knew he followed dangerously close. Like a
shadow she could never rid, he followed her stride. Yet she only
wanted peace. Her string had been cut. This wasn't a charade
any more. She glanced back as she stopped. It seemed like she
had forgotten to answer his original question.
'What is is you thought I was?'
" Hᴏᴘᴇ﹣﹣ Tʜᴀᴛ·s ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʜ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇᴅ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴛ· ʙᴇ. Bᴜᴛ ᴀʜ·ᴠᴇ ʟᴏɴɢ sɪɴᴄᴇ
ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ. Aʜ ᴡᴏɴ·ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ
ᴏɴ ʏᴇʀ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀs ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ."
She started off once more. Hair moved with
her figure and veiled the tears that once again
had found their place on her face.
