selena gomez. she/her. cis female. › spotted at the met steps , renata "ren" carrada , most likely listening to running up that hill by kate bush with their airpods pro . the twenty seven year old gained quite a reputation , known to be -manipulative , snarky yet + down to earth , compassionate to anyone who knows them . you'll easily spot them when you hear about hiding in their old penthouse , her engagement ring that she wears as a necklace around her neck , her dual masters degree in nuclear chemistry and mathematics , followed by dolce & gabbana's Q . latest nepoupdates article talks about renata's much older husband suddenly dying under mystierous circumstances and leaving her the inheritance, but i guess any reputation is good reputation .
under the cut you will find : her carrd link with bio and such ( also attached to the photo ) , wanted connections and a small intro to me !!!
here’s her carrd. all bio information , statistics , everything about my angel is in there . it should be mobile friendly but if you need a ss lmk !
tldr ; ( cw for implied age gap relationships )
ren was married to a sixty two year old man ( name : elliot ) with a lot of money from investing and from his own family and trust fund for two years but was "dating" for significantly longer . they were not actually dating , but were married . the two were best friends and she acted as his young wife when in reality he was gay , and while his family would never support him being homosexual , they would rather him marry a younger woman who could in theory give him a child , and an heir . however , they were purely best friends and she covered for him while he was out with other men in order to hide it from the media and family . he died of natural causes ( heart attack ) , but everyone and the media assumed she had something to do with his death given that she was very young and inherited all his money , when in reality she got the money since she was his best friend !
wanted connections: any please . i beg .
about me. im lila! 22 . i’m the sister of paige’s mun . i’m an engineering student and i focus heavily on school and games but i love writing . my discord is gigi ♡#6666 if you’d like to discuss anything but my pms on tumblr are open as well !!!!!!!!
her hair is in perfect shape, hours to perfect the gentle curl bouncing along her jawline, lips brushing against the glass of merlot - before noting the other approach the table, and she puts the glass back down on her table. "ren," she starts, standing up to welcome the other, though not so sure what to do with herself. the tension is thick, she expected nothing less, but it didn't mean rosalind liked it, either. "um, please, have a seat! tonight's on me." [ @carradas ]
NOT REALLY sure why she's here , still , now , looks out of place ; despite being dressed to the nines . stance holds tension , hands clutched around the YSL CLUTCH as if it's her only life line . ( and it is . you know it , the one gift from elliot you'll take to your grave . ) " you have a lot of nerve , " renata offers up flatly , motioning for the other to sit down , " don't bother to stand up . i'm not staying long . my answer is the same , rosalind . NO . how much clearer do i need to make it for you ? "
she opens her mouth to speak but swiftly changes her mind, opting for complete silence as she searches her bag for excedrin or tylenol ... really anything that could help the situation. once she finds a small to go bottle, she hands it over to the other girl in hopes that her mood will be better.
grabs the bottle gently : as if afraid to hurt her , but still finds herself rubbing at the bridge of her nose , her temples . carrada to dry swallow three ( without looking at instructions , to toss container lightly back towards the other ) , and offers pained smile . " thank you . what did you say you needed from me MIJA ? "
do you like to have a daily schedule, or do you prefer to be more spontaneous?
" i can be spontaneous . " DO NOT CHECK : color coordinated excel sheet , bullet journals , to do lists , constantly updated apple watch , iphone , macbook , synchronized with google calenders . " and fun . back when i was student teaching they loved how spontaneous and fun i was . " ( sure , ren . sure . )
who is someone you trust to help you make the right decisions?
" right decisions ? it used to be elliot , obviously , but , moreover it's teagan , since we were in high school . i mean , they're not always the BEST decisions , but she's my best friend . she's usually got a good head on her shoulders . "
a moment . renata'll consider the other's name , roll it around on her tongue , on her brain , but never speak it aloud . ( maybe if it were another time , maybe if they had worked it out . maybe in another lifetime , you forgive freya , and she forgives you . maybe , maybe , maybe . you still regret . you haven't stopped . you don't think you ever will . ) ** / @teagvns , @flowcrbcds !!
if got to ask anyone you knew one question and they had to answer it honestly, who would you ask and what would your question be?
there's a brief moment . indiscernable , almost too easily smoothed over by her . tucks a lock of hair behind ear , goes back to tending to the small candles in little metal jars , pressing hand drawn labels onto them . " if i wanted questions answered , had questions i NEEDED answered ... i'd get them answered . no need for some silly little game . "
smooths out bubbles on the metal container , mind not the name . better luck next time . small hearts embossed onto the label . ( reminds you of her old perfume : laughter , smiles , and shared secrets that you swore you'd never give up . regret bubbles up your throat , but you swallow it down as soon as it comes . ) " what a stupid question . " ** / @parisjeong !!
don't mistake it for any kindness ( it's ingrained in you , even now , even if you try to say differently ) , but even as she opens the other up with gaze , corners of her lips turn down . " take my jacket , mija . you'll freeze in something like that . " and yes , so would ren in her skinny little dress and thin jacket , but she'd rather the other have it . so much for cold unloveable bitch . ** / @wcrstbehaviior from the starter call !!
head pounds as she rubs at her temples gently ; if the other is sitting there hoping that she's intaking any information , they're SORELY mistaken . " mija , " voice warns gently , " shut up . i can't concentrate . i will HELP YOU after i finish proof reading this and my head stops feeling like it's being run over by a subway car . " a pause . " please , the faster you get me excedrin the faster i can help you . " ** / @lovesues from the starter call !!
gentle eyes leer at the others , no less examining , cutting the other open ; attempting to see what her younger one sees in the other . ( there's nothing there . ) " i wonder ... what does paige see in you ? " eyebrows knit , " you're just ... nothing , " and it's hard to tell if it's condescension or genuine confusion from the widow , countenance vacant of any emotion , " you're just a face . if even that . " ** / @delicatlueur from the starter call !
LOOK OF DISGUST to cross carrada's face , features contorting into that of disapproval : no less like looking down at a child , " aren't you the child that was crying about his mother and not getting an invitation ? " eyes cut the other open , condescension dripping from voice as she coos , " i'm sure that you were VERY MUCH justified in your actions , sweetheart . what a disservice they did to you . " ** / @vlditions from the starter call !!
there has been a chunk of her that has been missing since the moment her and renata had drifted apart. outwardly she would never admit to it but she misses renata and the idea of leaving her to fend for herself not only in life but more specifically now was bothersome to freya, she always wanted to protect the people close to her heart but it was hard to do so for ren when they had such deferring ideals before.
freya only nods her head in response to the other until they are on a more private space, when it was only the two of them on close vicinity she let herself bask on the lost friendship that it feels lost at that point with the other’s hand in hers. but that is lost fast when ren takes her hand back, she sighs and looks up at the other “ people have a hard time keeping out of other people’s business, it sucks. i’m sorry. ” the words are genuine, she doesn’t enjoy the feelings that renata was in theory having at that moment. she is taken aback from the words her eyebrows furrow “ excuse me ? why would i go to his funeral ? is not like i was friends with him, i showed up for you not for him. don’t get it twisted, ren. ”
( you think , for just a moment , that your heart shatters on the pavement . you spent months waiting for her to show up ; show up to engagement party , show up to wedding , to explain , to give you a chance . never been much a liar , never been one to chase after those who didn't want it , but she was supposed to be your best friend . you thought --- maybe the wedding was too much . maybe the birthdays weren't for her . but at the very least , you thought she'd show up at the end . kept clinging to some thin thread of hope that she gave you no reason to . you can't handle rejection . ) " i thought --- " but voice cracks ; ren to choke up as she sees the other countenance .
" it's been the worst weeks of my life . and i needed you , " the widow admits gently , " i thought --- i thought that at least you of all people would ... " eyes to look away from freya , wringing her hands gently , but still pulls away from the other ; body closed off , even now . ( your eyes are watering . you don't want to cry . you're not going to . not in front of her . not anymore . ) " i didn't have anyone at the funeral . i was all alone . i just ... i wanted ... " voice wavers , but she doesn't finish . " doesn't matter . you clearly made your choice . "
IT'S A RARE moment of weakness she'll let the other see , sniffling from her previous bout of tears , before standing up from husband's grave . small grin , but doesn't quite reach her eyes , rubbing and scrubbing them away , " alright . let's get bottomless mimosas . it's what elliot would've wanted for me --- for us , " ren says . " from the really shitty brunch place we used to go when we had our fakes in high school . you know , the one that uses five dollar champagne and sunny d ? " ** // @teagvns from the starter call !!
"you love him, right?" he jumps on the corner of her bed, waving the hands of the lil' polar bear, wide grin 'pon his lips. "i got him just for you, sorella. il suo nome è ian." [ @carradas ]
eldest doesn't even look up from the paper , " ha una faccia stupida . come te , " with a snort , but hand to squeeze the SNOUT of the polar bear , fingernails digging into its fur , a little bit too strong for it to be considered loving . " where'd you even get him ? don't tell me you went to coney island again . i keep telling you that luna park is a big old scam . "
paris knows that she wants to show ren that she's could still love her, that if she wasn't a total fucking cunt, that maybe ren might see that she didn't mean to do what she did. that by some miracle they could go back in time and forget all about the hurt and the years that passed by but she was never really a believer of the universe ever giving her an ounce of happiness so she would rather destroy it on her terms. it wasn't like ren would even give her that kind of pleasure, she already hates her too much to fix things.
the air in her throat is begging to escape but paris won't let it when she sees the other take a step back and she knows that her mind wants nothing more than to relief herself of this feeling the only way she knows how. it doesn't help that ren paints her a picture of what their future could look like and for the first time in a long time, she thinks about what kind of mom she would be if she had only given ren a chance. paris can't even hid her emotions. the reality of ren's life was like a slap in the face, she was in so much pain after the idea of ren marrying elliot that she didn't take a step back to think of what ren had to do to survive, to save herself.
"you did the two out of three with someone else, what else did you expect me to do, ren? you wanted me to go after you then? you wanted me to tell you that you were making a mistake? would you have forgiven me for putting you through all that i did?" it wouldn't be realistic, that shit is only in movies and books. paris doesn't have it in her to fight with ren anymore, all she wanted was the truth and she got that and more and it wasn't worth the years of hate she had for the other. "i'll speak for myself then, i did love you and i think that leaving you was the hardest fucking thing i had to do." she wonder how her moms do it to her time and time again so easily but maybe she don't mean much to them. "still, i'm sorry. i'm glad he made you happy, that he put you back together when i was the cause of hurting you"
" you had years . years to come and find me . to say something . to say ANYTHING . i texted you . i called you . i swallowed my pride and went to your shitty little pearly gated community gates and begged your mothers to let me see you and each and EVERYTIME i was presented with a big fat rejection , " voice is even , and whatever emotion had been simmering under the surface had found itself under closed pot lid . if eyes are watering ; ignore them . she's not going to let tears fall . it's with practiced ease that she takes out blush colored ysl clutch ; manicured fingers to dig around and pull out small , rose gold ring , with a heart stone embedded in it . it's scratched and has lost a certain shine , but it couldn't have been that expensive , especially with all the jewelry she dons now , that glimmer in comparison .
( you had spent months saving up for it ; paycheck after paycheck , double after double , overtime and odds and ends hours . it was supposed to be hers . it was supposed to be you and her versus the world together . you never got rid of it . in the case ... you were a fool . you were a fool that night , and you continue to be one , even now , carrying it around . it's worthless . you bought it for a rent's paycheck that you'd sneer at now , hell , the ring around your neck cost at least 50 times that . but you still kept it . after all this time . you're a fool . )
and just like that , it's tossed at paris' feet . clatters to the ground . " maybe i would've forgiven you then . when i still worked doubles and overtime for that stupid thing . " ( be brave , ren . you deserved more . you still do . ) " but not now . don't come to me for absolution because you did a shitty thing . you fucking ruined me that night and you get to live with that for the rest of your life . i will never ever forgive you . you just ruin anything you touch . " motions to the ring . " keep it . or toss it . i don't care . i just don't need a reminder of you around me any longer . "
for a split second the ice queen facade slips , forcing smile onto his own features ( it's not a genuine one ) . tongue parting lips as she sheds a layer . if he could muster up enough care he'd curse himself for obvious actions , but that'd never been the males most honed skill . daze halts , when digits tug at white dress shirt . top buttons undone , an ode to business not being on the agenda today . perfectly ironed as per usual , no thanks to his own handiwork . eyes fixating on the touch for a second before head motions for her to continue further into the shop . silent promise he wasn't going anywhere . atleast not until he gets his hands on what he'd set out for this morning .
athletic physique saunters in the way it does anywhere -- as if he owned the whole place . smug mask fitted perfectly onto features . scent of coffee beans erode cavities and for a second his demeanor seems lighter . head drops as the first sign of amusement . femme's words dressed up like a compliment but hunter knows better . her tone , one similar to that he'd used himself time and time again . brows quirk up , not in amusement this time . catching the clench of his jaw before it could grow too prominent . most people didn't have it in them to speak to him so ... freely . brushing past the dog comments , for both their sake . earlier interaction tipped him off as to who she was , her own reaction becoming something of a mental note . ammo for a later date , if needed . shrug rolls of shoulders , " the usual , " not particularly in the mood to rattle off words used to describe him . assuming she'd already began listing them in her own head . it didn't bother him . shifting around her , digits tap along the counter once blue eyes meet with second barista of the day . a smile never gracing features . order slips off tongue like it's the only thing he's ever been loyal to : a vanilla latte , four shots of espresso . an order he knew paradoxes his natural demeanor . " you're not paying , " scoff rolls past lips without much thought , gaze falling past his shoulder and lands on her . " your dazzling personality is enough , " sarcasm now laced in words , brows raising in amusement , the first moment of acknowledgement he actually gives the worker behind the counter . stepping to the the side to allow her to put in her own order , if she felt the desire to do so . eyes working out a space to take up inside the cafe .
there's a certain kind of intrigue that passes over the widow . ( you relish in it , seeing the visible restraint it takes . hitting a mark . an edge , seeing him so uncomposed at a simple word , a simple taunt just to see him rot underneath your tongue . something so intriguing about him : a hatred that'll always be attached to him and something else you'd never dare to utter in front of him . that'd make it too easy for him ; god knows he's been handed everything in his life far too easily , and you won't be one of those things . you refuse . ) " sorry , fido . it's still a little hard to believe your order . you sure you don't want extra whipped cream on top , sweetheart ? maybe a pup cup to go ? " condescension slips so easily from her lips it's hard to think that it hasn't always been there .
her own order to follow , stark contrast , a double cappuccino , extra dry , and a peek in peripheral as he scouts out a place to sit . mind not the black amex she fans through in order to pull out pink , chrome plated card , pressing it to the keypad with a practiced ease . " beat you to the punch , pretty pup . gotta move faster than that . " card is gone as soon it was out , " you're hardly one to talk about personality , " renata offers with a scoff , " i might be the frigid widow who killed her husband but at least i'm not the city slut . "
okay, that was kind of funny but paris won't give away the smile that's dying to show on her lips. although, that shifts pretty quickly when she finds out just what ren had gone through after paris had left her. it was like she traveled back in time, remembering all those miss calls and texts, that she hadn't bothered to hear ren out. she was too afraid that her moms would be right and that was something she wasn't ready to find out at the time so she blocked the other without a second thought. now she wondered if she had just picked up one of those calls would they have made it through? would paris not have ruined her life? would she have a better relationships with her moms? she never had to ask the what ifs before today but ren went and destroy that.
how was she supposed to answer that without giving herself away? she knew that she fucked everything up that there was no way they can go back to the people they used to be and ren seem like she hasn't let any of that go. if this was anyone else, paris knew she would drag it on until she was satisfied with the pain she put onto the other but this was ren, someone that she still felt in her bloodstream and she hated that feeling. she hates knowing that ren wants nothing to do with her and that should really make her want to put the other through more pain just for that alone but she can't.
"you feel better? you got that all off of your chest or is there more?" paris looks up at the other, she can't bring herself to talk about ren's parents, the memory of what happened will forever burn into her mind. it will always make her feel like she was dirty for loving ren. when it never felt like that at all. "i don't have a problem with you liking guys or girls, god!" she shakes her head, knowing that she should just walk away but that would mean this will be the last time she will ever get to talk to her. "it's the fact that you fucking told me that you were a lesbian, that you only liked girls so imagine my surprise when my moms were right about you. that you were just with me because i was just someone you wanted to have an experiment with. that what we had wasn't even real to you."
( you think she just broke your heart again . it was a mistake ; to open up once more to paris , to think she'd have an ounce of sympathy . silly child you are , to think an ounce of who you once loved would still remain . still holding on to some idea that she'll be good . be better . you're a fool . spilled your heart out just for her to look at it like it was nothing . did you get what you wanted ? are you satisfied ? )
the look of hurt can't be kept off her face . whatever anger that she had faded away , dissipated into that of shame and embarrassment . angered widow taken step back : she's no more than the eighteen year old still heartbroken by the woman she thought , she wanted to marry . ( your chest is tight . you thought you could handle it . handle seeing her again , to spark up the gasoline trail she left behind with her words , but you've done nothing but burnt yourself to pieces and left wet spots in the ashes of yourself where you cried . )
" i was in love with you paris . i wanted to get married to you . have a family . have kids . i sketched out what i wanted our dream apartment to look like . with a little nursery too . i was so ... hopelessly and stupidly in love with you . " quietly , plainly , so unlike words fueled by her anger beforehand . " what we had ? it was the only thing i cared about . it was real , " she pauses . " to me , at least . i can't speak for you . " she looks at the other , expression almost unreadable . " i married a man i loved , and who loved me . and i did love you . i thought i was a lesbian when i met you . and i realized i wasn't . that didn't make my feelings for you , or any other woman i had invalid . " she looks away , before shruging . " but it's not my job to educate you . i should've realized that while i changed , you're the exact same girl you were years ago . a scared little girl . and i pity you for that . "
