My ROTTMNT fanfictions are For A Better Time, The Sky Is Still Red, and A Tear In My Eye (and a Shell on my Back). More information here!
My DELTARUNE oneshots are Extremely Agile Glass of Acid (canon universe) and Apocalypse (fanfic of @34521509436720948and2's AU of @ecto-hazard's Dead Air AU)
My art tag is #this seems good enough as an art tag and things related to my fics will be tagged with #Star's fanfiction shenanigans. General blogging is #Star's yammering. Traditional drawings will also be tagged with #My kingdom for the pen. Things related to my original stories will be tagged #Certified Star Originals. Find my reblogs at @cartooncaptive.
i've had multiple people call me homophobic or say that i'm policing queer people etc etc and like. 1.) my post was about romance in general. not specifically gay romance 2.) i didn't say any of that. i'm not policing anyone im just asking why do you feel the need to insert romance into narratives that don't have it and are complete without it? can we reflect on this? and 3.) am i not included in your category of queer people? as an aroace person with no desire for a romantic relationship who wants to see more close platonic relationships and stories that aren't centered on romance? am i not queer enough to deserve representation? address me
I LOVE COLLABORATIVE SOTRYTELLING I LOVE CREATING THINGS TOGETHER I LOVE "YES AND"ING WITH OTHERS I LOVE "NO BUT WHAT ABOUT-"S I LOVE HEARIJG MY FRIENDS' IDEAS I LOVE BOUNDING OFF OF THEM I LOVE ART I LOVE STORIES I LOVE ALL THE DIFFERENT PASSIONS AND SKILLS REQUIRED I LOVE ALL THE DIFFERENT MEDIA IT TAKES I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE
I'm thinking of kris repeating berdly's name in shock when you try to tell ralsei that you are going to the festival with berdly of all people. Thinking about the conversations we only get to hear half of, where kris presumably tells ralsei and susie that ralsei and asriel don't look that much alike. Thinking about all the times where kris changes the prompt we give them into something that they'd prefer to say.
Kris talks. They chatter, even, but we as the player don't get to hear it. They don't get a text box. We only ever know that they spoke at all from the reactions of other characters, and even then, we rarely know exactly what was said.
And part of this is that whoever the deltarune narrator is seems intent to pretending like kris doesn't exist. You check the mirror, and it says, "it's only you". Kris plays the piano and it says, "your hands begin moving on their own." If kris speaks without your permission, the narration doesn't acknowledge it at all, committed to the lie that kris doesn't exist beyond their role as our vessel. But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about how it's entirely possible that kris has tried to talk to us when no one else is around. They could have tried to tell us their plan, or begged us not to make certain decisions, or explained that we don't actually need to steal asriel's 5 dollars because they have a piggy bank buried in the front yard. Kris could be asking us questions, or asking us not to look for the bunker password because they have a plan and we should trust them, or asking us to let them sleep a bit longer, and we the soul just carry on the same regardless, their one-sided monologue falling on deaf ears. We would never even know, because of how thoroughly the narrative of deltarune has denied kris a voice.
There's something very specific about my passion for horrific and painful transformations and body horror in general that might come off as strange or self-centered, but I think it's important to me and I feel like sharing. There's a level of personal relatability that I feel when characters react in certain ways to pain, whether natural or supernatural, and more often than not it links back to how I feel and act during period cramps.
(This is gonna look a lot like a vent lmao but it's not)
My cramps last only one day and can be pretty well subdued by pain meds, but during the time it takes for the medication to take effect in the moment it feels unbearable. The pain is strange, it's not like any other pain I've experienced. If I were to compare it to moments where I've stubbed my toe really bad, or I hit my leg hard enough to bruise the bone, the pain seems to be less than that, but it's... consuming. It sounds contradictory to what I just said but it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. And it's not just pain, it begins as a niggling feeling that I barely notice, then I start to feel just slightly sick, and then my feet start to hurt (apparently swelling of the feet is a symptom that some people get. One of my least favourite parts tbh). Hopefully by this point I've realized what it is and have taken a pill, but sometimes I foolishly put it off or think it won't be that bad. Either way the worst is yet to come.
The pain slowly and surely intensifies. Every position is uncomfortable. I get off of my bed. I used to kneel on a blanket or towel but I find that recently it's not enough. I lie down on what little space there is on my bedroom carpet. I start to feel hot, sweating terribly all over. I pant, I writhe, I try to remind myself that it will be over soon but it doesn't help. I scrunch my face into every agonized expression I can think of even though there is no one to see it. I whine, I groan, I keen like an animal even though there is no one to hear it but myself. I text someone to bring me something that might make me feel better. I want to cry but tears never come, I make sounds like sobs despite this. My whole body is weak. I can't imagine going downstairs and going through the time-consuming process of warming up my heat pack in this condition, even though I know the time will pass anyway. At the end of last month I had just eaten some chocolate my brother gave me when my cramps started to set in, my water bottle was empty and I didn't know if anyone was home who could help me in a timely manner. I felt that I was trapped in my room, until the chocolate started to come back up and I found the strength to run to the bathroom.
When I'm in this state, on the floor and in pain, I feel alone, and part of me feels embarrassed. Not about my own weakness, or whatever clothes I've stripped off in an attempt to cool myself down, or the fact that I'm drooling from the corner of my mouth, about making noises when they aren't for anyone to hear. Something about it makes me feel better, I wish I felt comfortable screaming when I'm in pain like that, but the walls aren't thick, and there are more efficient ways to get help, if help is near. But still it's soothing to make these animalistic, wordless noises to myself. To hear it and not just feel it. To have it expressed.
There's something that's so validating about seeing a character bent over themself, eyes unfocused, sweating, saliva spilling from their teeth. A character mumbling "no, no, no," to an empty room, fingers weakly dug into furniture or carpet or the wall or their own skin. When I see that, I also see myself whimpering on my bedroom floor, feeling like an animal. And I love it.
Of course, it's not just this that I see in characters or project onto characters when I write them, and my highly specific experiences don't have to be present in a transformation for me to like it, I've been writing painful transformations since before I got my period. When I wrote a TMNT mutation fic a while back, I remembered when I first got braces put in and my teeth were super sore for at least a week, so I gave the character persisting tooth pain after his mouth changed shape. When I see or write or draw emeto I think about times I've thrown up and how absolutely awful it feels. It's so gratifying to take those experiences I've had and express them in writing, and to see characters react to pain in ways I've only ever seen in myself. It makes both the character's experiences and my own feel more real.
I feel nothing negative when I see things like this, I feel joy at the distress and fear of a character whose body is erupting with pain from the inside. I feel relief, I feel catharsis. It's wonderful.
people keep following me without liking any of my posts and then immediately dming me with some vague starter message that i have no idea how to respond to it's happened multiple times now 😭
if you're gonna dm me PLEASE just state your intentions! i cannot tell if you're a real person if you open your message with just "hello" or "do you have a minute" you sound like a bot and i will not respond to you. if you're a real person please just use your words and just tell me what you're messaging for
If I was a ghost I would be utterly furious, channeling all of my ghostly energy into fucking this person up, but my attacks would be rendered completely ineffective by their unwavering confidence and earth-shatteringly powerful vibes
