Not a pimp

I know how to sell premium services.

[caspergutman]

Winter Solstice today. I planted a tree to celebrate a beautiful, clever and magik friendship that is developing into something much more important than I imagined.

[caspergutman]

Cat on the mat.

[caspergutman]

Important Advice:

“Put yourself economically, spiritually and psychologically in a position where you can completely love someone” - @profgalloway .

[palpitationstation]

Just read your post about sugaring/camming and thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story. I often feel like the internet can romanticize these things and can lead young girls down a path that can be extremely dangerous. Hope I make sense lol. Thanks again.

u make perfect sense, thank u for taking the time to send me this. it means a lot to hear somethin positive, i got a little negative feedback bc of that post for being “unprofessional” lmao but some people just dont see the bigger picture. i dont hate on sex workers, i was one. its just not all that its cracked out to be, and i know it appeals to a lot of young ppl. i know it did to me. i remember seeing sabrina nellie (shes on mfc/friend of a friend) pop off when i was around 17 and bc of her i had entirely convinced myself that itd make my life so much better but it just made my life so much worse and i never even came close to her status, the internet romanticizes a great variety of dangerous stuff and i’ve partaken in a lot of it bc i WAS that young girl who was down and brave enough to do anything.. and now i have more complications than i can even explain in a text post as a consequence. anyhow i fully believe that the sugarbowl/camsites are all over saturated t’ese d’ays so you gotta do quite the most to stand out.. i just want ppl to consider that it might not b worth it and “normal” “boring” jobs arent so bad - bc ur generally going to get to keep ur peace of mind and dignity and privacy lol and that is never guaranteed when ur a sex worker. especially an under-the-table sex worker w/ no agent/manager/supervisor, just a kid relying on fate and the niceness in these strange guys hearts for them not to hurt you. privacy is precious.

[caspergutman]

Truth

[palpitationstation]

so, I'd really like to know. why is cam/girl sugar baby not worth it?? very serious question- im considering it heavily.

the internet’s warriors know no bounds. i started camming when i turned 18, and i lasted about 6 months to a year. i would only cam for an hour to three at the most at a time, sporadically.. i still made out with a good 3 grand. 3 grand is a lot when you’re young, so at the time i thought it was worth it lol. but then i realized all of my cam sessions were being screen recorded and uploaded to like 5 different websites, if i look up my cam name they’ll still be here. the whole session!!! and a ton of screenshots from within the session - it’s all logged somewhere. also the guys in the rooms can be trolls and really mean, theyll make fun of you. open your mouth once to talk and they will say you have nasty yellow teeth (when you’re trying to quit smoking cigs thats RLY helpful) or theyll make fun of the toy you’re using because it isnt extreme or big enough..?

somebody ended up sending me an anonib thread where a bunch of people (at least 6-10 unique users that i could reckon at the time) were stalking me, posting all the new pictures i uploaded on my personal accounts and cam accounts, and a ton of old pics from when i was like 15/16 that i didnt even know could be found or existed still. like CHILD nudes. illegal. i’ve had people try to break into my social media accounts - it’s a really terrifying feeling when you have to be present in a state-mandated drug awareness class (cuz probation) and your phone is blowing up with notifications saying that an unrecognized device is trying to access your accounts and u cant do nothing about it. over the years i’ve had a ton of men harass me anonymously. i tried to set my cam settings to block everyone in my home state but theres ways around that and trust me the viewers find those ways. i’m always terrified to go out in public now because i’m worried someone will recognize me from years ago which is unlikely but the paranoia is real.

as for sugaring - faster payoff i suppose, but MUCH more dangerous. don’t even consider seeking arrangement. the first guy i met on seeking arrangement was sending me a message every other hour, and when i logged back in after a day of living my life - i responded to his 25 messages with something to the effect of “i can tell by your hastiness that we wont get along well” and that was my mistake - i should’ve just blocked him. the guy got pissed and proceeded to start telling me that my “nose ring was ugly anyways” so then i blocked him. the next day my PERSONAL twitter got a message from an account with a handle that basically looked like @ MYREALNAMEreadthis …. so obviously i was alarmed and opened the message and it was the guy from seeking arrangement telling me he was going to ruin my life. he had my full name, my phone #, my address, and he said he was going to submit me to thedirty dot com which is basically a revenge website like isanyoneup if you recall that. he wrote a bunch of false information about how i was a failed cam girl turned sugar baby who fucks for money when at the time, i had never even had a sugar dad - was just dipping my toes in the water. that SHOULD’ve been enough to set me off but unfortunately it didnt. now when you google my real name that article is still one of the first results and it sucks because it hurts my chances at a lot of jobs, i have a hard time getting call backs so this causes me to stay at shitty jobs for an extended amount time because its so damn hard for me to find a new one - so day to day im miserable lol. i switched to a different sugar website and ended up finding a guy who could write well enough that i felt comfortable meeting him in real life. he lived close to me so we met up for coffee at a starbucks by my work one day. when i went into the sbux with him, the barista was some dumb bitch i went to HS with and she instantly goes OMG HI MYNAME!!! and it looked terrible because i was using a fucking fake name and i didnt want this random fucking guy to know my real one. so that got blown. then when we went outside to drink our coffees, my ARCH NEMESIS from hs parks and walks by us and stares and goes inside the sbux. this bitch im tellin you used to ANTAGONIZE me in high school. when i was the new girl she kissed my ass but then she started copying EVERYTHING i did - my outfits, my hair, my music, etc she would go buy the same clothes as me. and then she would shit talk me on the internet and sick her boyfriend after me and try to turn everyone against me ??? but ALAS fuck that bitch fuck connie nguyen and her ugly ass cuck boyfriend tito and fuck his big ass ego and his shitty not shit band. anyways i saw that bitch so that was a bad omen and who knows what she thought of the fact that i was having coffee with a guy 30 years older than me.

i ended up ‘hanging out’ with him three separate times. 8 hour long shifts (which is a BIT much let me tell you) and he would make me food / give me beer but he would also ask to give me backrubs which i was okay with but then those back rubs would turn into him eating me out. at this point im disgusting with myself but i want my $400. i shoulda controlled the situation more, he would always give me my envelopes before i left - i shouldve gotten them first thing. only 400 for 8 hours of agony. yeah, i replaced all my tires .. which needed to happen because i drove across the country to colorado around this time and nEEDED new tires for that, but the trip to colorado was terrible and i was doing cocaine with my ex and he was sexually abusing and physically assaulting me the entire time and we barely left the hotel and he threatened to fly home n leave me there multiple times and i got pulled over in iowa for speeding on the way back (just wanted to get home, man) and then the COP took advantage of me and removed me from my car for no reason and searched it and gave me a possession charge for my EX’S weed. anyhow it wasnt worth it. the last time me and that sugar dad hung out we ended up having sex and his dick was the tiniest nastiest thing ive ever seen/sucked AND he had a vasectomy so it was fucking weird i like didnt know when to stop because nothing was happening AND. AND  . ANd. THE BEST PART. this guy tells me AFTER we get done having sex that he has fucking HERPES and has had it his WHOLE life, but “its okay” because hes on a medicine that makes it dormant and his ex wife of “20 years never got it”. i felt like i just had my life stolen from me. i couldnt breathe or move. he was so casual about it, he was a fucking DOCTOR for fucks sake. with his own practice. that specialized in AIDS. he fucking KNEW he shouldve told me that. i didnt think to ask because never in a million fucking years did i think a freshly divorced DOCTOR (who are SUPPOSED to be honorable ppl) would have an std let alone have one and not tell me. we didnt even use any protection, im not about to buy any and he didnt fucking provide any and like i said i shouldve controlled those situations more but LOOK PAL when you get PUT in these situations you NEVER know how you’re gonna respond. normally im very assertive and bold but in this situation i found myself a passive meek bitch that just REALLY wanted that envelope. and now all i can do is wonder if i even needed those envelopes at all. you never know what these people will pull on you. theres a reason they are paying you to tolerate them. i knew this chick out in california who was sugaring (lets just be real its prostitution) and she was not my friend but i knew her due to unfortunate circumstances and she had fuckin hpv and just spread that shit around everywhere. she ended up saving around 14k and then one of her CLIENTS ROBBED HER DRY (dont know how) and she had to leave cali to go back to live w/ her dad as a grown adult. also, she got followed back to the house one night by a different client.

anyhow i didnt get the herpes.

bad things can happen. bad people are out there. you can take every measure to protect yourself and still end up in a bad situation. you should youtube channon rose’s ex-sugar baby stories. she was a real professional, did porn and had an agent n everything - and some guy she flew out to miami to fuck basically dangled her over a balcony by her neck and threatened her life. and she still had to stay the weekend with him. and nothing ever came of it bc these men have power and you dont and they hold that over you.

everyone acts like its all fun n games n money n gifties but honestly the market is so over saturated you have to PUSH yourself past all of your comfort zones to even make a little bit of money. for me , it wasnt worth it. i feel like i betrayed myself yano. sugaring is sucking old, ugly dick - and feeling paranoid out in public with him, and terrified alone with him. you have to listen to this gross, stupid man for hours on end and not only that but you have to PERFORM and make him feel like he’s the most interesting guy on the planet. its hard fucking work. i wish i wouldve just went and found a horse stable to shovel shit at instead.

[foxfence]

When someone calls themselves a sapiosexual and you realize they’re actually dumber than a bag of hammers. 🙄

[caspergutman]

This

[caspergutman]

Clearly there is a Sugar Baby at work in the marketing department at Cadbury.

[kittenspeach]

Mental health and the sugar bowl

A little while ago a question from an anonymous tumblr follower landed in my inbox, they were asking if it’s possible to be a sugar babe with mental health problems. As someone who has a mental health disorder and works in the sugar bowl, I felt compelled to write about my experiences; unfortunately my circumstances took a turn for the worse and I forgot all about the question. However I have some free time and wanted to share my thoughts on the matter.

So, firstly I want to start by highlighting that mental health and personality disorders are so broad and varied that every individual will have a unique outlook and perception of the world. Therefore my thoughts and feelings could differ tremendously from yours, and that’s ok!

Let’s start with some of the cons, these  are more generic and can probably applied to any scenario but I feel the stresses and strains of the sugar bowl can exacerbate them.

Cons:

If you have a depression it can be extremely hard to motivate yourself in general, add the hard work that sugaring requires and it becomes an impossible task. You simply won’t feel like spending hours getting ready, charming POTS and being fun and care-free with your SD. Low self-esteem can also make you an easy target for predators and salt.

Some personality disorders mean that you might be prone to aggressive or confrontational outbursts. I don’t really think this needs much explanation; sadly this can be very damaging to your sugaring endeavours.

Other problems mean that you may be more likely to engage in risky behaviour, i.e. having unprotected sex, drug abuse or excessive spending for example. This is clearly dangerous and could land you in serious debt, if not worse.

They say that misery loves company, but it’s very seldom that company feels the same way! The chances are your SD is looking for an escape from the daily grind, if he feels you’re bringing him down, he may well cut and run. This can be extremely hurtful and leaves with no money at a point where you don’t have the strength to pick yourself up and start again.

There’s the internal dilemma of whether you tell your POT or SD about your health, a lot of people can be prejudiced or misinformed about mental health. Personally I never tell them as I don’t think it’s worth the risk, but I’m sure there are occasions they can work it out.

Lastly, and possibly the most serious drawback; sugar daddies as a rule are not reliable, they may disappear at the drop of a hat without word or warning. The sudden loss can be particularly tough if you have a disorder that makes you feel easily abandoned, helpless, impulsive or heavily reliant on the love and care of others. These people often suffer from an increased risk of self-harm or suicide.

Now we can move on to the positives, there aren’t that many to draw on, but there are a couple I can share with you. These are a lot more specific to me and my situation, so don’t worry if you don’t identify with them.

Pros:

I have a cluster B personality disorder which means I have trouble maintaining healthy relationships. When I have a flare up I’m either obsessed by a person or indifferent, there’s not really an in between. I’ve found this useful as I’ve never caught feelings or fallen in love with one of my SD’s; I can be pleasant and charming whilst remaining emotionally detached.

I also have acute anxiety, which might not sound like a good thing (and it isn’t!) but, it does mean I analyse each and every scenario thoroughly, conducting lengthy research on every POT and creating a back up plan and exit strategy should I need them. I wonder if this is something that extremely confident babes sometimes neglect or overlook.

There are times when I feel euphoric, not only does this mean I am more productive and motivated to find a POT and chase the sugar but it serves as a massive boost to my confidence, sometimes bordering on narcissism! I’m more energetic, flirty and outgoing.

Lastly, mental health problems are not as uncommon as you may think. You might find a sugar daddy that has experienced them himself, or that he knows someone affected by one. This can mean that he’ll turn out to be one of the good sorts and support you both financially and emotionally during challenging times. These guys are rare, but if you find one, hold on to him!

In summary? Sugaring is hard work, and there’s no doubt that having a mental health issue is likely to make it more complicated and require more effort and perseverance. However, it is not a life sentence; it is totally possible that you can succeed in the bowl and have a mental health problem. I hope this has helped to shed some light on the matter and given you a slither of encouragement! @kittenspeach ~x~

[riperedsugar-blog]

I was stalked and threatened while sugaring

Please heed my warning. I may have been a stupid 20 year old that ignored red flags, but you shouldn’t. Safety should come first and reading someone’s personality is just as important a safety precaution as hiding your identity. 

I’m just getting back into the bowl after over a year hiatus.. I was scared out of the bowl and my experience has made me an untrusting person.

I met a man on SA who seemed particularly interested in me. He was pushy. If I didn’t respond in a few hours he would send another message, “Not interested anymore? :’(”, “is a shame you don’t respond!”, “Hello?”. Pushy contact is a HUGE RED FLAG. Block guys that incessantly pursue you. It’s not flattering to have an internet stranger obsessed with you. I met him for coffee once, and got nothing. But he promised to take me the next day to a fancy dinner and promised 1k for my time. No pressure for intimacy yet, so I agreed. 

He let me know that it was his first experience sugaring. Now that may not make a man a stalker, but you should take note that any newbie is a risk. If they aren’t seasoned (or smart enough to lie about it), then who knows how they will act? We spent some time together earlier in the day at a museum then had a steak and lobster dinner. We walked around the pier for a bit. Throughout our date he asked repeatedly about my childhood, first and last name, wanted to take pictures to brag to his work friends. I declined. I was weirded out and decided this would be our last date. He took me back to my university and pressured me to “play” in the car. I, of course, didn’t allow this. He gave me the 1K in cash and I got the heck out of there. 

Following that date I had to travel for work, out of the country. I had told him this, but he didn’t understand (or didn’t care) that I couldn’t use my phone during this time. Once I returned, I had a ton of schoolwork and business things to catch up on. Once I got back to him, he lost it at me and said I had tricked him out of his money. I reiterated I was out of the country but that didn’t matter. 

A few days later I received an actual nightmare email:

“This is the story of RipeRedSugar (real full name), a scam artist who grew up in (My Actual Home Town) to parents (My Parents Names’). 

And he went on for about 1000 words describing my extended family, childhood friends, school, family phone numbers, etc. He must have hired a private investigator because I don’t have this information online. I used google voice, a fake name, and email. What made it scarier was his crazy rambling.. “You must have done this as a cry for help”, “Let me be your savior”, “Get off of SA and be with me or I will out you to your job and family.” 

I replied with a one line email: “I would return his money, but I had already been to the cops, shown them the email and given them his license plate number (always get this if you can). The cops told me I could get a restraining order.”

He then ceased contact, and I was left alone. It was so not worth the 1k. I went into shock really.. I can empathize with people who have been attacked before and why they don’t report it or freeze in the moment (empathize not sympathize). I didn’t get to screenshot his profile before he blocked me. I didn’t leave my apartment for 3 days and just missed classes. His name was Mike, in his late 30′s from south bay/San Jose area. His profile picture was him in front of devil’s post pile.

[bodysubversive]

Give me the girl who finds mischief in her mental meanderings and lingers. Imagination inspires her body, lending heed to the sensations arousing her mind. As much as she craves her aches filled, she can fully fathom those depths. Show me the one who thinks herself wet. I want my fingers in the smart girl.

(via apiecealisa)

[zuliebe]

[flashofgod-deactivated20190121]

Nobuyoshi Araki, Winter Journey, Portrait of the Artist’s Late Wife Yoko, circa 1990.

[caspergutman]

This is an interesting new service that many of my followers might be able to use to make cash from "fans" who take out a monthly subscription to a blog. Like a Tumblr that generates money.

[kittenspeach]

Is DDlg failing young women

*Takes deep breath and prepares for mass unfollowing*

I’ve been interested in the DDlg dynamic for a little while now, not because I enjoy age play or have incestuous fantasies but because I’m attracted to the protective and nurturing aspects involved. For me at least, it allows for a softer, more affectionate relationship than a purely BDSM based one.

Despite being interested in DDlg, I’ve struggled to find a ‘relationship’ that has incorporated that dynamic successfully. This led me to start wondering about my expectations, and more importantly analysing DDlg and its impact on me and other young women who are interested in it… Unfortunately I came up with some fairly sad conclusions!

There’s no denying it, the popularity of DDlg has increased tenfold over the past few years; exacerbated by popular culture and social media. Log on to any kink or fetish site and there will be any number of young girls who identify as a ‘little’ or ‘brat’, and an almost equal number of men who claim to identify as a ‘Daddy’.

I’ve also noticed a correlation between girls who identify as little and an increased need for reassurance, acceptance and attention; this seems to stem from insecurities, loneliness, or a fear of rejection. Is it any wonder then that these girls are drawn to the idea of an affectionate, nurturing and structured relationship?

Sadly these things can be exploited very easily; just because somebody calls you a “Good girl” or tells you “You’re my special little Princess and mean the world to me” doesn’t equate to them meaning it or actually caring about the girl and her needs (I don’t mean sexual needs either…).

Nobody seems to be telling these girls that *any* relationship should include affection and a sense of security and safety – not **just** DDlg *and* not **just** when you take your clothes off and spread your legs!

The consumption of porn and social media coupled with ignorance and societies obsession with the concept of ‘youth’, all seem to be teaching young girls that they need to offer sexual gratification to a man in order to receive a small token of ‘affection’ or ‘attention’.

WHAT?! No, really WTF?!

I see captions / pictures / posts all the time that highlight my point and show men directly or indirectly exploiting these vulnerabilities:

“You have to earn Daddy’s attention, get on your knees and suck my cock!” “I’ve missed you my precious babygirl, send me a naughty picture.”

“If you don’t do as you’re told, Daddy will ignore you until you do.”

“We can cuddle after I fuck your brains out sweetie”

… And plenty more besides.

I feel someone needs to take these young, impressionable minds aside and educate them properly about the DDlg dynamic; explaining that sex (or indeed any erotic activity) isn’t mandatory and they don’t need to cater to the male ego or sex drive in order to find a stable DDlg relationship – the only successful ‘DDlg style’ relationship I’ve had was with a vanilla guy! We never spoke about it in those terms but there was no doubt that the dynamic was there.  

Of course I realise that there are also numerous happy, balanced and safe DDlg relationships that don’t exploit the vulnerabilities of those involved. I’m very happy for you all!

I’m just highlighting what I see as a problem for the esteem and sense of worth we’re instilling into our young women. Prolix as usual; apologies! I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this… Do you think the popularised DDlg we commonly see teaches young girls to trade sexual favours for an illusion of love and emotional stability?

[caspergutman]

Agreed. Very nicely written.

There is a thin line between an older man who promises a young woman the love, affection and financial stability, that younger men can't or are unable to provide, and his grooming her with empty promises that might well lead to an abusive relationship.

[chandelyer-deactivated20241003]

Cristina Savulescu fall 2017 collection

[caspergutman]

Public Service Mutual