i havent been on here in forever but if anyone is out there and cares i finally actually got over my abusive ex boyfriend. :)
and in turn, the universe sent me the hottest, most muscular, most THOUGHTFUL ecuadorian man i’ve ever experienced in my 24 years. his name is henry and he befriends the forest animals (like tepirs, and pudus) and he swings from trees barefoot for fun.
i have been spending my days translating his messages from spanish to english, learning about ecuador, practicing my spanish (i can recognize some bigger words now), teaching him english, also learning the kichwa language because he is indigenous and that is what his family speaks.
i dont care if i never get a passport and never go to ecuador and never meet him i just really enjoy exchanging messages and cultures with him. he’s so nice, and upbeat. always saying kind things. he calls me “lady kali” because that is the direct translation of “senorita kali” and i just LOVE IT SO MUCH its so formal and cute.
i have to stop gushing about him on my snapchat because although my friends do seem interested as the plot thickens, i think i will annoy them with my obsession lol.
it’s just so ironic to me. my ex wouldnt even take photos of me, and had me blocked on all social media for the duration of our 4 year relationship. and now i’ve met henry/hensh who literally asks me to send him the videos i post on my story so he can post them on HIS ALSO and show his friends :’). he thinks i am interesting and talented and he always asks me fun, simple questions like “Can you swim” “can you dance” (no and no LMAO) but i love getting to know someone on such a basic, intrinsic, simplified level. no room for arguments when you’re just just trying to understand one another.
it just feels so pure. even though there is a language barrier i just feel this overwhelming love for his soul. the people he came from, the childhood he lived, the live he’s leading, the physical place he lives in, where he plans to go, the things he does with his time, the things he chooses to share, and the words he decides to speak... i cherish everything about his story. he sends me videos often of himself in the forest and it’s absolutely hypnotic listening to the sounds of the animals, birds, bugs, etc. i’d do anything to be born a part of that world.
but i wasn’t. and i won’t complain. i’m grateful to have been born in america i guess, but there is so much more to life than this. i hope i am able to make it out one day and experience even a fraction of what henry’s world has to offer. everything and everywhere else is scary and unknown when you’ve been in america your whole life, but i am desperate to break out of my fear. i feel like my year’s are running out. all this time i’ve wasted crying over a man who didn’t care if i lived or died, prospered or suffered. stuck in this city with my mind running in the smallest of circles.
i had to have faith in myself and the universe, i had enough faith to barely let go. and because of that tiny bit of faith, i am here. i am free. i can see the green grass on the other side.
i just hope i have enough time and faith left to keep pushing myself, to keep expanding my world, to keep learning about new places and people, to learn new languages (or at LEAST just spanish)... there are just too many great things in this world to close yourself off to with only one region or language. you are missing out on so many wonderful stories when you are monolingual and do not travel.
i would never want to take henry out of the rainforest, i would be hesitant to even want to show him my world. i dont think he has an interest. ecuador is so rich, he really has no reason to want to see america. traveling to ecuador alone to meet a man you met online isnt the smartest idea but i’m at a point where i trust my intuition and my intuition only and perhaps my intuition is mis-calibrated but it’s telling me to trust him and to have love for him, so i do. he is so welcoming, and talkative, and personable. he’s never overbearing, and he never makes ME feel like i’m overbearing. i’ve literally never met anyone like him.
sometimes you really dont need words to connect with someone. sometimes you can just look at someone, even if it’s through a screen. you can see them, in the images that they’ve chosen to portray themselves, and you can see exactly who they are and what they are about. the words are secondary, only reaffirming the ideas that you’ve already begun to form about this person who just exudes boundless positive and wise energy.
i just have a lot of respect for him. he’s really restored my faith in humans, and shown me a different world. in such a short period of time.
i have a renewed confidence in myself and i have a new respect for everyone around me, even the people i wouldn't generally have respect for. i respect them in the sense that they have their place, and they belong. just in the way that i have, and now know, my place - and i know i belong. we just all have different places in the world where we belong. but all places are equally important to contribute to the greater collective functioning whole that is the human race.
im grateful to him for making my cold american heart, soft again. and for stretching my stagnant brain. im grateful for all the people that led me to this point. even if they did me wrong. because now that i’m here, there’s no going back. and not everyone makes it here to begin with.
gummygunk
annaxmalina
kaledo-art
discoholicmusic
areudirty
romaincrisis
titsay
