For a few years now, I’d post “Out of Context Quote of the Day” on my Facebook every now and then. I have gathered them for your enjoyment. Most of these were said by me, and I can’t remember the original context of many of them, making them even funnier to me.
“Call an orange an apple and someone’s going to tell you you’re wrong. Whether or not you’re fucking it is irrelevant.”
“If you put bricks in your lungs you are going to die because there are bricks in your lungs”
“Should I use my mouth or my feet?
"his boob was hard though.”
>Not lactating Juicy Juice, proud sponsor of Arthur Juicy Juice. 100% Juice, for 100% Kids.
HARK. THINE CANINE IS PENETRATING MINESELF WITH IT’S PHALLUS WITHOUT MINE CONSENT.
“YOU CAN’T WINDEX A TURTLE, MOM.”
“I’m not gay, I’m just hungry.”
“My nipples never do anything interesting.
"YOU CANT HAVE MY SEMEN. (unless you promise not to give it to my sister.)
"Quick. Someone arouse me. Because science. NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.”
“I fapped because rubberband around dick made me horny now im mad”
“WHY WOULD YOU BE CHASING HEDGEHOGS IF YOU CAN BLOW INTO YOUR HAND AND MAKE A WOMAN?”
“PAINT WITH YOUR JIZZ LIKE A MAN.”
“Look, a bag of prolapsed vaginas!”
“You can’t eat your own ass while it’s still attached to you.” Bonus: this was said to a nine year old.
“Just add water and place in microwave. Ding! Instant cock.”
¨All I need is some old fucking bicyclist dude with his cock dangling around running into my yard and tossing a brick into my windshields its going to ruin my day.“
"CURE MY IGNORANCE WITH YOUR BODY”
“Shut up and post more sexy rocks.”
“Stay off my nightstand you little shit or I’m gonna feed you to your dad.”
“I’m putting sugar on my shit. Fucka you.”
“Does anyone fight over your poop? Huh? Do they? Yeah. I didn’t think so.”
“if you have shit in your lucky charms, its worth losing the marshmallows to get rid of the shit”
“The worst part about being fucked to death by lions is they only fuck for 30 seconds. Which means it must be super brutal to kill you”
“You don’t realize you’ve only eaten a corner of Jackie Chan.”
“Aren’t you offended by this?” “No. Because I’m Chinese.”
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