i loved her, i loved her since 2018–2019, i was killing myself for her and constantly literally destroying myself from the inside when i saw that she was fine without me.
when she moved, we gradually began to lose touch, and it still cuts my soul. i confessed my love to her, several times, after different periods of time and constantly said that i would wait, i would sit and contemplate her sincere smile that she gives to others, sincere feelings and how happy she is with others.
we stopped contacting each other completely, we write to each other once or twice a year, on birthdays and new year, and we forget about each other’s existence until the next holidays.
she is with a beautiful girlfriend who will support in any difficult situation and will be there physically and morally no matter what, and i am far away from her, with demands to understand myself, my feelings for her and why i continue to hold on to her.
i have been in a bunch of relationships, but i cannot say i have ever truly loved any of them. maybe i just wanted to forget myself and ease the pain… or i just lied to myself and believed in this nonsense myself. it hurts so much.
i want those days when you were with me back.
you are the only one for me.
you are my "oshi-san", my dear.
please come back.
i am still waiting for you to come one summer… like you promised once.
some things still remind me of you, and it is unbearable.