I'm just me

Hello, my name is Castiel. This blog's primary use is for communication with my fellow captives. Captives to what, none of us really know. It's been 5 months and we still know very little. If you have any questions, this site has an easily accessible...

[castielisbackintown]

Discussing Personalities (And Other Things) || Doctor (11) & Castiel

[thedoctster]

The Doctor continued to hold his smile, eternally amused by the angel’s ability to reply to everything literally and factually. Something that he could have just as easily done with his time, but instead he responded to questions with questions or not even answering them at all but with a response to something that no one asked for and yet got a fact about. Funny how aliens and angels worked. And more-so, funny how Castiel and the Doctor worked. One was literal and the other was not. Blinking when Castiel turned the burner off, the Doctor put on a mitt and grabbed the kettle as he moved over to two cups he’d set out and began to pour the hot water into them. Setting the kettle down, he grabbed two tea bags and began to seep them.

Pursing his lips, the Doctor stared incredibly hard as he concentrated onto the tea cups and watched as the water began to turn brown. The question etched itself into his mind, causing this to be one of those times where he would have to be honest with the angel as well as himself. “No…” shaking his head, he slowly turned to meet Castiel’s eye. “It’s never wrong to care. If you stopped caring you would lose what makes you, you. I’ve met countless of people and aliens on my journey and though some were mortal enemies of mine, I still found a connection and care for them.” Glancing down for a moment, he listened to what else the angel had to say and nodded once more. “They’re your friends, your companions, your family. And if I could day to say it, possibly something more. River. River Song, my wife. Did you know she was originally programmed to kill me? She would have succeeded too, if we hadn’t come up with a plan but-I married her. I care for her and between you and I-which sort of feels like a confessional-I love her. My murderer, my wife. Your demon, your friend. People can’t help who they start out being, its what they choose to do about it is what makes them, them. Meg is good, you are good, and those Winchesters? Good.”

He gave the angel a once over before gently reaching up to pat him on the shoulder. “Castiel, I have killed and I have regretted it. I’m not always the hero everyone wants me to be and I’m not exactly the sanest. But I look to my friends to keep me sane and I look to them for the right answers because I know that they will guide me in the best possible ways. The angels, they look to you, but that doesn’t always mean they’re your friends. Stick with the one’s who you can argue with because in the end, they’ll probably be right. Which is rubbish, because you’re always right and they’re stubbornly right. And everyone is right and somehow you find yourself pressing a button that you shouldn’t have and suddenly you have ten minutes to fix everything.” Pausing and furrowing his brow, the Doctor frowned. “Or maybe that’s just me. Anywho, care to grab the cream from the fridge?”

[castielisbackintown]

Castiel listened in silence, gaze drifting to the floor as the other spoke. There was a lot the Doctor didn’t know about him and his friends, but for he most part he wasn’t wrong. Castiel also wasn’t wrong when he considered the Doctor one of the wisest people he’s met. The way he spoke, the angel knew it was from experience. For once in his life, the majority of what the other person said made sense. Staying silent as he mulled over what was said in his mind, Castiel moved to the fridge, glancing over the food items. He soon realized that he wasn’t exactly sure what he supposed to be looking for.

After a few moments of standing in the open fridge door and reading almost every label in the appliance,  Castiel finally pulled the correct container from its shelf and returned to the Doctor, placing it on the counter besides the cups. “Thank you, Doctor. I think I followed you for the most of that.” He smirked slightly, but soon returned to his normal composure. 

Reaching forward, he pluck a tea bag from its cup, lifting it by the string so it hovered over the surface of the water. Compared to the other beverages he had had, tea so far looked like the least appealing of them all, but he had to admit it had a sort of soothing scent. As he examined the steaming parcel, his brow had furrowed and, despite the fact that the tea had only captured his attention for a few moments, he continued staring, mind drifting to something else.

Without removing his gaze from the tea bag, he tilted his head ever so slightly as he began to speak. “I believe that you speak with utmost sincerity when you say that you regret killing those you have, but what I don’t understand is how you can say that while something seems to be killing your ship while we stand around making tea.” The angel released the tea bag from his pinched fingers, allowing it to slip back into the dark liquid. Lifting his intense gaze, he didn’t make a move. He wanted to give the Doctor to make his choice on what to do now.

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

Into the Woods - Dean and Cas

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

Dean wasn’t sure what to expect from the angel at this point. He thought he had gotten pretty good at reading the other, and was able to tell that he was close to his breaking point. It was clear at least that the angel was running out of patience and fast. Still, Dean felt that Cas wasn’t seeing his point. Or at least where he was coming from. He wasn’t even trying to see where Dean was coming from and that’s what irritated him the most. 

But it didn’t matter how much he knew (or thought he knew) how to read the angel, there was still countless times that Cas caught him off guard and when he reached over and took hold of his arm – that was definitely one of them. The breath drew out of him in an audible gasp as he lowered his eyes to stare wide eyed where Cas’ hand wrapped tightly around his arm and then at the Mark when the angel deliberately called attention to it.  

The Mark burned and Dean could feel it twisting underneath his skin, causing a reaction throughout him. It even twisted around the words that Cas just shouted at him and fed him with more anger, hurt, and resentment. All he heard was that Cas despised Dean as long as he had the Mark, which was the last thing the hunter wanted, but knew was only a matter of time before it happened anyway. His eyebrows furrowed together, the anger seeping obviously through his expression as he glared at the angel and tried to yank his arm back to no avail.  

“Then what the Hell do you want me to do about it?” He snapped, taking a step closer instead when yanking his arm away didn’t work. “Tell me Cas, because I’ve run out of ideas. What am I supposed to do then?” 

[castielisbackintown]

At Dean’s outbreak, Castiel felt is anger waver into sorrow. He obviously wasn’t expecting the hunter to actually ask for suggestions, and now that he had, the angel was at a loss for words. Almost as a form of apology, Castiel released his grasp on Dean’s arm and snapped his own to his side. Still, he didn’t let his features falter, keeping his jaw clenched and brow taunt. His gaze had softened though, searching Dean’s instead of locking with it.

With a small huff of defeat, Castiel finally blinked. “I’m not sure, but I do know that fighting’s going to help anything.” Looking up at the hunter,  his brow raised and swallowed. He knew saying that wouldn’t calm Dean down and it took a few moments to finally submit to the nagging in the back of his mind. “My apologies for acting so rash.”

Shoulders slumping, he did a small circle to exit Dean’s personal space, feet not stopping with the rest of his body in front of him, instead shifting awkwardly. “We’ll figure something out, Dean.” He yearned to reach out and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, to reassure the hunter the same way he had to him so many times before. Quickly the thought was struck down, after what he had just done, he doubted Dean would let him make any sort of physical contact with him again. Instead, the angel softly tilted his head and added, “Let’s just try not to fall apart before then.” With that, he took off in a flutter of wings, leaving to be alone at his post in the park. It seemed like a good place to end the conversation to him. He just hoped that he hadn’t made matters worse with it.

[ciarexmatheson]

PSA

[ciarexmatheson]

Can you talk to all animals, or just cats? 

[castielisbackintown]

Um, neither. I can’t understand the complex feline language much better than any human could. That doesn’t mean I should refrain from trying to have some sort of intelligent form of conversation with them.

[ciarexmatheson]

PSA

[ciarexmatheson]

If someone around here owns a tiger, they sure as Hell ain’t owning up to it. And if they did, me and them are gonna have a few choice words.  

You’re gonna… I wouldn’t recommend that. 

[castielisbackintown]

It’s alright, I have experience with feline interrogation. I’m sure I could crack him.

[ciarexmatheson]

PSA

If you’re exploring the lower decks, stay out of the room with five bullet holes in the door.We didn’t have any markers on us. If one of you had a wish for a tiger on board this ship, well, you got it and it’s in that room. Let’s try to keep it there.   

[castielisbackintown]

A tiger? I wasn’t aware any of us owned a tiger, but now as I realize your shock, I’m assuming that no one does.

  Though if the tiger has only existed on this ship at this point, it may know something. I’ll make sure to question it.

[castielisbackintown]

Discussing Personalities (And Other Things) || Doctor (11) & Castiel

[thedoctster]

There was something about the angel that wasn’t good. At least something that was going on with him internally. The Time Lord studied him and although he knew that Castiel hardly ever spoke up about things, the Doctor could still read him just as well as he presumed the angel could read him. But everything he said about Meg was supposed to be comforting, even when he realised that it wasn’t. So Meg seemed to be in trouble or worse and if she was one of the dead… the Doctor sucked in some air before biting his lip and turning away from Castiel, knowing full well that he could have very possibly messed up the conversation from the get-go. At least the angel was kind enough not yell at him for it-much like any other person would have.

Which was how, the Doctor supposed, they got along so well. Two very old, and very kindred spirits. Though that led him to understanding that Castiel probably felt and heard the TARDIS groaning in pain. A slow, sad moment hit him that maybe he was in the wrong and that maybe he should allow Castiel to see her and to possibly help her. But that moment soon passed and the Time Lord’s walls and insanity began to build back up once more. Focusing back in when Castiel spoke, the Doctor nodded and frowned. “She sounded wonderful.”

Using Meg in the past tense was telling and the Doctor’s words only came out as calm and caring. He, of course, had to push aside all his own feelings and focus onto the angel before him that was very clearly upset. Stepping aside, only slightly, the Doctor watched as Castiel focused on the kettle and smiled briefly as he watched it whistle and steam rise. “Oh, I’m not really sure. I’m assuming when it’s screaming at us that it’s done. Though that sounds rather macabre, when you come to think about it.” Chuckling dryly, the Time Lord knelt down and eyed the kettle. “Heh, the screaming kettle. Sounds a bit like an Agatha Christie novel. Ever heard of her? Dear sweet woman, really. A bit odd though.”

[castielisbackintown]

Castiel nodded slowly at the Doctor’s comment, eyes fixed on the kettle. He had to be honest, by the time the other man got around to explaining he wasn’t really listening, though he got the gist. Without moving his gaze, he answered, “Um, yes. I have acquired some knowledge of her works.” Falling back into silence, he watched the steam steadily and listened as the whistle grew louder. Taking that as a signal, the angel reached forward and switched the burner off, tilting his head slightly as the whistling resided. Though making tea was a new and interesting experience for him, he just couldn’t get up the enthusiasm for it as something heavy sat in the back of his mind.

Glancing up, Castiel looked the Doctor up and down for a moment, thinking of how to phrase what he wanted to ask. Eyes darting away again, he inhaled, “Am I wrong for caring?” He questioned finally, taking a moment of silence before elaborating. “I have hundreds of angels that have looked to me for guidance at some time or another, yet I’ve given them all up for the company of two humans and a demon. Shouldn’t that feel wrong? The Winchesters are one thing, they were once in the charge, but a demon. There used to be a time where lines weren’t so blurred. Good was good and bad was bad. Orders were just and right. But now-” Shaking his head in frustration, Castiel sighed. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much now. Maybe it had always bothered him and he didn’t know enough people to have an outside opinion. Also, he looked to the Doctor as a source of wisdom generally. The angel wasn’t exactly sure why, he just had that sort of air about him that the Time Lord for some reason worked so hard to cover it up with an almost childish persona.

He wasn’t sure where he was going with anything at this point. He had come over to discuss Meg and the TARDIS if the time came, but it seemed to have possibly led to something else. Perhaps it was the Doctor like he had thought before. An outside opinion on the matter would be nice and, besides, he had already thought through the scenario in his head if he had questioned Dean about it. It didn’t exactly end with too many answers, but more likely a pat on the back and another beer if anything. He just wanted something to go off of nowadays. 

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

Into the Woods - Dean and Cas

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

Even before Dean finished explaining himself he could tell that the angel was growing impatient with him, and he really should have seen it coming. But it did nothing to break his resolve on the matter – still determined as ever that he’d done the right thing in going by himself and he didn’t imagine there being anything Cas could say that would change his mind on that. The only problem was that Cas was just as stubborn as he was on the matter and this just meant that they could go back and forth on this forever. At least until the angel completely lost his patience with the hunter and completely left him alone in the woods – which Dean thought might end up happening judging off the look he was getting from the other. 

He blanched when he got called out about not knowing whether or not Jack would have the ability to come back to life, and he couldn’t help but think that Castiel already knew the answer to his question before he asked it. Dean took a step back, pressing his lips into a thin line, matching the angel’s scowl. He was getting irritated with the conversation too, but knew it was own damn fault so he actually worked to keep himself in check more than he normally would.  

“The second time he sprang to life in a matter of ten minutes,” he admitted after a long pause between the two of them, waiting to make sure that the angel wasn’t going to add anything else. “The first time I did.” He said shortly, leaving it implied that he went after Jack a second time and that he wasn’t really in control of himself the second. At least, he hoped that that was implied enough. “Just because you might understand what it would take or whatever, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with you seeing me like that. Especially when I know how much you hate this.” He grit out suddenly, slightly taken aback by his own outburst. “I don’t kno–” He started, but cut himself off before he could finish that admission, and shut his mouth with a huff and crossed his arms across his chest. 

[castielisbackintown]

Castiel’s patience was wearing thin, though he felt himself growing more disappointed than anything at this point. Clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides, the angel found himself leaning forward towards Dean while keeping his feet planted. He was always aware of how stubborn the Winchester was, but on a situation like this, he had hoped it would have been easy for the hunter to call himself out on his mistakes. The Mark was obviously a dark curse. It made righteous men like Dean turn into beasts in the matter of seconds. What was going through Dean’s mind that made such an evil be worth fighting for?

On most occasions, Castiel would have left my now, but he was fed up with having to discuss this with the hunter and felt that it was either now or never. With a tightening in his chest, the angel thrust his hand forward, initially aiming to push Dean back but then swiftly changed his direction to grab the Winchester’s marked arm in tight grasp. Yanking it from the the folded position, Castiel pushed back Dean’s jacket sleeve and held the Mark up to him.

“What will it take to persuade you that using this is not a victory?” His generally calm tone had lifted to a stern shout, blunt and growling. “The more you use this curse, let it take over, the more distorted your soul becomes. The more distorted you become. I despise the Mark, Dean, not you. But the more you use it, the more you become it, and frankly that’s not my definition of success.” As he spoke, he hadn’t loosened his grip or broken eye contact with the hunter. He remained prepared for a snarky comment of some sort that would set him off. He honestly didn’t know what he was doing at this point, and it seemed that he was reverting back to his “factory settings” out of instinctual desperation. He just wanted to put an end to the issue of the Mark.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[thetruequeenofpurgatory]

Awe, wee angel. How adorable. While you seem to have the same arrogance as you’re father, you and I both know better don’t we? After all he would never let himself get caught here. He specializes in trapping people in prisons like this, not getting trapped doesn’t he? Let me guess, you’re one of the ones who found your brother to be ‘wrong?’

I have a prayer for you since you’re so willing to listen. I PRAY you stop this. It’s almost exhausting just reading it. In other words…I am rising up and I openly invite you to try and strike me down. If you can.

Amen.

[castielisbackintown]

And who are you to speak, Eve? You are an absolute abomination. My intentions are for the greater good alone, yours are nothing but self-serving. You have nothing to say to Me.

I’d like to see you attempt to make a move against Me.

[castielisbackintown]

Discussing Personalities (And Other Things) || Doctor (11) & Castiel

[thedoctster]

The Doctor sat in quiet contemplation as he began to let his mind wander all over the place. He was distracted and it wasn’t fair to Castiel that he wasn’t giving him his one-hundred percent. Shaking himself, the Time Lord began to set about making tea the old fashioned and very /human/ way. Which was certainly something that both angel and alien probably haven’t done in a long time. Nodding as he stared at the kettle waiting for it to boil, he froze when he heard the angel stutter.

Slowly, he turned to look up and meet Castiel’s gaze. “I doubt she’s escaped. Its possible she could have been placed in another Pocket Universe… But there’s also the possibility that she could have gone home. Which is wonderful news if that’s it. Then it means she’s safe!” The Doctor grinned at Castiel before clasping his hands together. “And most importantly it means she’s home. Which is really rather brilliant news for us. It means we all have a chance.” Of course the Doctor had no idea where Meg would be placed if she were to land back home. Nor did he know if she’d be alive or dead. It was all a great mystery to him. Though, one thing that was for certain was that Castiel was very clearly upset about it all. Frowning and taking his emotions to a more neutral place, the Doctor looked at the angel with concern and sympathy. “Meg means a lot to you, doesn’t she?”

[castielisbackintown]

Castiel stayed quiet as the Doctor replied, nodding to himself. Of course the Doctor didn’t understand what kind of situation Meg was in if she did go back home. If he did, he might not have been as cheery. The angel wasn’t so much at the thought, feeling like a traitor since he had promised Meg he’d get her out of Purgatory once they had escaped. He knew she would understand to a point, but it still twisted him up a bit inside. But the Doctor was right about one thing, if Meg had discovered some way to at least leave this place, that was definitely good news. Giving the Time Lord a small smile and nod of agreement.

Noticing the change in the Doctor’s tone, it took Castiel a moment to register that it was sympathy towards him. Shifting his weight uncomfortably at the sort of attention, he fidgeted with the taunt fabric over his elbows. Nodding once more, he replied more coolly than before, “Yes, um, she sacrificed practically everything for the Winchesters and I. She even took care of me when I wasn’t exactly... right. I suppose during that we formed some sort of close bond.”

Pushing himself smoothly from the counter, he moved to the Doctor’s side without meeting his gaze, zeroing in on the kettle instead. Tilting his head slightly at the gradual increase of sound coming from the pot, the angel watched as the first puffs of steam began to rise. He figured now that there really wasn’t much else to say about Meg. He felt as though if the Doctor had real answers for him, that he would have stated them promptly instead of sympathizing for him. Realizing that the Doctor was still on edge about the topic of the TARDIS, he moved on to the more casual subject. “Exactly how long does this have to be heated to be at the correct temperature for consumption?”

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[deaducing]

You think I wouldn’t say the same exact thing in person? You must not be as all-knowing as you claim to be.

[castielisbackintown]

You act as if that makes you sound any more astute.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

I’m sorry, do we know each other?  Because I’m really trying to figure out what your problem is and I’m coming up with nothing. 

[castielisbackintown]

Ad yet you persist.

You’re still in your early stages of life , meaning unimportant to Heaven and unimportant to Me. Trying to explain anything to your ignorant mind would be an obvious waste of My time. 

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[ascandalinthepocket-blog]

Really now? Oh my god, whatever you’ve been smoking, I sure want to try it.

[castielisbackintown]

This is not a joke, I assure you, though you’re not the only one to find it humorous. I suppose that just proves that My Father has been absent for far too long. Even humans need a consistently firm hand.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

What do you mean I’ve regressed? 

All of my ‘confidants’ are currently MIA. So if you know something about them, start talking. 

[castielisbackintown]

Completely ignorant and alone. Neither of those traits are new for you, but together they make you entirely ineffective against Me.

 I’m glad we had this discussion. May this be our only contact during our time here.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[deaducing]

No, actually, it’s difficult to believe there’s one when there’s no evidence. I would love to see some, however, I doubt you’ve got some that’s convincing enough. 

[castielisbackintown]

You have a smart tongue for an ant. I wonder how quick you are to speak when you don’t have the false sense of security that virtual communication provides.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[thedoctster]

Whoever this Dean Winchester is, he’s certainly in for it. Poor thing, I can’t imagine to want to be him about right now.

However, since we all seem to be trapped here and you’re definitely of an esteemed nature, I think it might be best that we all get along on a more level playing field, hm? 

I know, I know, it must be terribly confining to be a God in an ant’s paradise, but you know, as they say, live and let live. But I’m sorry, if you think that I’m going to listen to your rules and regulations you’re very terribly mistaken. After all, I’ve not been known for listening, just ask anyone who knows me.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t get along, now does it?

So, do you like to be called God? Or is there something more informal I can call you? As for me, I’m the Doctor, nice to meet you!

[castielisbackintown]

Is there something more informal I can call you, Doctor?

As long as you do not violate My rule, then you’ll be safe from my wrath, though getting along isn’t exactly My goal. I’m here to keep order and bring justice, that is all. Getting along with Me would just be a perk.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[themarkofdeanwinchester]

Okay, Something really messed up obviously happened here, man. And I’m sorry about whatever’s… wrong with you. But I’m pretty sure this time it was’t my fault. 

[castielisbackintown]

Dean Winchester? It seems you’ve regressed, and by you reaction I don’t suppose you have any recollection of anything pertaining to Myself or this place. I’m not sure how you’ve done it, but it is coincidentally very convenient for you. Don’t let this make you believe that I won’t be observing you closely during our time here.

Now, let’s just hope that the rest of your confidants aren’t as utterly useless to Me.

[castielisbackintown]

Well, isn’t this charming.

[deaducing]

Right, I don’t buy it. You sound sort of loony, actually.

[castielisbackintown]

I know it may be difficult to believe that there is a God after such a long period of absence, but I am a new God. A better one. I assure you, I will make you believe, both in Me and My will.