[cat-prompter]

Person A *staring at B*:

Person B *blushing* : Stop that.

Person A *still staring*: Huh?

Person B *blushing even more* : Just stop it.

Person A *doesn’t realize*: Like breathing?

[cat-prompter]

Person A: All I’m saying is that it could’ve been anyone.

Person B:

Person A:

Person B: Babe, everyone saw you take the puppy, the police are coming.

[cat-prompter]

Person A: YOU GUYS

Person B *whispering*: Shhhhhhhh can’t you see that everyone’s sleeping?

Person A *whispering*: Sorry.

Person B *whispering*: It’s fine, what were you yelling about anyways.

Person A *still whispering*: The kitchen’s on fire.

[cat-prompter]

Fanfic: So they’re getting along really well.

Me: Aww that’s nice.

Fanfic: But get this.

Me: Yeah

Fanfic: last updated 4 years ago

Me:

[cat-prompter]

Person A *smirking*: So you come here often?

Person B: This is my fucking house.

[cat-prompter]

Person B: Oh come on I didn’t mean it, I said I was sorry!

Person A: *crosses arms*

Person B: Please. I’ll do anything.

Person A: Anything?

Person B: Yes, I just want my best friend back.

Person A: Give me your body.

Person B: W-what?!

Person A: *opens arms for a hug*

Person B: oh okay-*hugs back* JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

[cat-prompter]

Fanfic: So they’re in highschool

Me: yeah

Fanfic: But here’s the thing

Me: mhmm

Fanfic: One’s and nerd

Me: GO ON

Fanfic: AND THE OTHER ONE’S A JOCK

Me:

[cat-prompter]

Secret Santa

Person C: Alright, here we have B’s gift from-

Person A: *coughs* Don’t tell them *cough*

Person C: ...Santa.

Person B: Babe I already know it was you.

Person A: What.

Person B: We literally went shopping together.

Person A: 

Person B: I EVEN WRAPPED IT FOR YOU.

Person A: ...

Person A: Do you like it?

Person B: *sigh* Yes.

[cat-prompter]

Person C: Where are you guys going?

Person B: We’re going to get grocer-

Person A: to rob a bank.

Person B:

Person A: We’ll decide in the car.

[cat-prompter]

Person B: Babe, is something burning?

Person A: *smiles seductively* Just my burning love for you.

Person B: OH MY GOD THE OVEN’S ON FIRE.

Person A: No, that’s just my burning lo-

Person B: *blowing the fire away* GO GET HELP YOU HORNY BITCH.

[cat-prompter]

Overheard in School

Person A: I feel like I use sarcasm too much, don’t you think?

Person B: No, you’re just a liar.

Person A: oh.

[cat-prompter]

Person B: Why is your back covered with scratches?

Person A: *flashbacks to Person B telling them to leave the raccoon alone*

Person A: I’m having an affair.

[cat-prompter]

Person A: Can I get a milkshake with two straws?

Person B: Aww, babe! that’s so romantic!

Person A: *chugging the milkshake with both straws*: Were you thaying thomething?

[cat-prompter]

Person B: Welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to dance?

Person A: *hiding a bag of tortilla chips behind their back* there’s been a misunderstanding.

[cat-prompter]

Person B: Hey, I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest.

Person A: Go ahead you can trust me.

also Person A: please be your shirt please be your shirt please be your shirt please be your shirt please

[cat-prompter]

Person A: So i'm thinking a spring wedding, or maybe a summer wedding. i don't want it to be too cold

Person B: What are you talking about, we're not even engaged.

Person A:

Person A: so THAT'S what i forgot to do last night!!

[cat-prompter]

Person B: A and I have that type of relationship where we can finish each other’s-

Person A: sentences.

Person B: Don’t interrupt me.