100 Ways To Get Over A Breakup.
Deny any and all emotion
Sleep less
Ride your bike at 3am
Without a helmet
In the middle of the street
Fuck the people you thought about fucking when you were in a relationship
Fuck the people you never thought about fucking
Eat healthier
But only after eating really unhealthy for a couple weeks
Stretch more but don’t call it something with spiritual implications because you aren’t very spiritual
Consider alcoholism
Stop romanticizing addiction
Find other self-destructive coping mechanisms
Convince yourself no one really likes you
Cry a lot
Maybe in public
Sleep more
Spiral into crippling depression
But say yes when people invite you to do things
Pretend you’re not sad
Talk like an asshole
Go out of your way to be jaded and cynical
Criticize everything
Tell yourself you’re going to exercise more
Tell yourself you deserve a break from physical activity because you’re depressed and your body needs to rest
Take long showers
Take cold showers
Masturbate in the shower
Masturbate a lot
Get your nipples pierced
Consider making an OkCupid
Consider reactivating your Facebook
Consider the fact that maybe you measure your self-worth in relation to other people
Consider the fact that maybe you don’t know how to live for yourself
Lie to impress people
Lie to make people like you
Be so honest it makes people uncomfortable
Swallow your filter and word vomit a lot
Sell your things
Leave town for a while
Tell everyone you’re leaving and not coming back
No one will miss you
Move to a new city
Change your name
Cut your hair
Consider spending twice as much money on rent just to live alone
Wonder if living alone will make you feel more or less lonely
Stop texting people who don’t want to hang out
Stop thinking about people who don’t think about you
Stop texting
Just “forget” your phone one day
Pretend it’s broken
Break your phone
Get a new number
Call your mom
Just kidding don’t do that
Read a lot of graphic novels
Watch a lot of movies
Pet a lot of dogs
Make a smoothie
Start using tinctures
Pretend you’re high
Take a dance class
Don’t talk about it all the time
Clean neurotically
Spend a lot of money on Lush products
Use them generously
Wash your sheets
Don’t look at their instagram
Use your friend’s fire pit to burn everything that reminds you of them
Don’t read all of their letters
Just set them on fire and forget
Don’t wonder how this was so easy for them
Don’t wonder if maybe they never really loved you
Don’t call them
Don’t ask for closure
Don’t expect them to wonder how you’re doing
Don’t tell them how you’re doing
Get tattoos on the most tender parts of you
Breathe deeply because the pain is sort of cathartic
Do not fuck your tattoo artist
Learn a new language
Start a cool hobby that will make you seem super interesting
Buy a motorcycle
Stop letting people manipulate you
Be really sad
But like be really tough about it
Drink juice out of the carton
Take a lot of bubble baths
Take a nap inside the duvet
Drink herbal tea
Buy new boots
Get a professional massage
Read non-fiction
Go on a hike by yourself
Go swimming
But not if you just pierced your nipples
Call in sick and spend the day in bed
Listen to the bands you listened to in high school
Sing along loudly even if you’re crying a little bit
