Dear internet,
It's 5:30am, i havent slept. I'm thinking about every choice I made this year. It's rough.
Year 12 ATAR 5, not too bad, definitely not as good as I could be, 1 uni-ready. The fear is if I will need to tap onto the back up instead of relying on my own grades in ATAR.
I slacked off, I'll admit that, but I'm so nostalgic and bitter-sweet already and know I'm missing everyone far too early. A week is all i get when I return after 2 weeks of school holidays.
Still havent decided what to do for muck-up day. Still thinking (probably correctly) that I can do better on the next test.
Ready for success and ready for failure. I need to fix it, but what motivator other than fear and shame and self-improvement. I have a tutor, I have 2 tutors one works more than the other and I don't know why.
I'm a mess. I'm ok. I'm fucking too young to choose what to do next. Im old enough to deal with it. What on earth..
I'm scared the future university my future where will I end up i won't see everyone next year I miss Romany people already i know I'm not as good as my cousins i know they'll do better than me probably the hope is to end up stable I'm a okay person ok I'm a good person all my friends are too chill just like me..
Goodnight, this is probably only going to be seen by future me. Yes I'm treating the internet like a diary. I'm going to change anyways. Going to sleep better, going to study, going to try reclaim my studies, going to try be more like i was when I was 4, going to cry about how naive I was, realised I'm doing better socially but at what cost, realised I'm an idiot and a normal person at the same time ok im tired its 5:41am goodnight.
Love,
Me. Panicking, slept? Later















