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A poem about my postpartum body...

A poem about my postpartum body…

We are destined to hate our bodies 

Because nobody ever celebrated 

The way their skin hung down after it’s been stretched for nine months 

And nobody bragged about the pounds they can’t seem to lose

When my daughter discovered what a belly was

She wanted to see everyone’s 

And when she asked to see mine

I couldn’t possibly say no 

Now my daughter’s isn’t the only opinion that matters 

Of…

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My Birth Story

It’s been eight weeks since I gave birth and I’m only just now finding the time to write this. I’ve been jotting down some details for a while, but it’s been hard to describe my feelings. Giving birth was nothing like I imagined it would be. It was terrifying at some moments but awesome at others. My fiancé and I kept talking about how indescribable it all felt. Before she was born we thought we…

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Pregnancy

I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and thought it might be fun to reflect on it. If you read my last couple blog posts, you know my goal was to get back to writing one of these journal/advice posts every week. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to sit down and meet my goal. I’ve found that as my due date gets closer, I get a little more obsessive every day. You could call it nesting (my mom…

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Forgiveness

I already fell behind on my goal; but like I said in my last post, no matter how many times I slip up, I am determined to take this seriously. This week I want to talk about something I was shocked to realize I haven’t talked about yet: forgiveness. There are so many things one can say about forgiveness. It’s not easy for most people. Everyone should try to forgive, no matter what. Forgiveness is…

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With everything that’s been going on in my life recently, I’ve found it difficult to write. One the reasons why is that I can’t share much of what’s going on; but, it also has to do with my own motivation. I tend to have a hard time finding time for things that I really enjoy. For whatever reason, I don’t prioritize the things I have to do and the things I want to do very effectively. That being said, my goal for this year is to take my ambitions seriously. So, no matter how many times I slip up/fail I’m going to keep trying. For this blog post I decided a life update might be a good idea.

Today I am 28 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I am impatient and terrified at the same time. Most days, I just can’t wait for the time to pass by. Other days, I wonder how we’ll find the time to get everything done. A big challenge for me has been letting go of control. I hated accepting that I couldn’t rearrange heavy furniture or paint or any other unsafe things to do while pregnant. I also prefer not to bother anyone with things I want to do, but this pregnancy makes that impossible. Instead of tackling projects I want to do on my own, I am forced to ask for help. My poor fiancé has a long list of things he has to do for me before the baby comes. Luckily, my sisters are willing to help. Besides my list, though, I feel really prepared to be a mom. They say it takes a village and that is exactly what I’d call my living situation right now.

Part of my village came with me to Colorado for two days about a week ago to taste the food we will be having at mine and Collin’s wedding. My grandma (who’s house is the venue) was able to attend as well even though I gave her very late notice. She was also kind enough to invite us to her house so that my mom’s friend (my second mom) could see the venue.

(The catering was so good that I forgot to take a picture until it was almost all gone.)

The trip was great because we were able to plan it so we were there for my uncle’s birthday. It meant so much to my mom that she got to be there for him. Everything went by so fast it felt like we were only there for a couple hours.

The other major life update is about my mom. It looks like she will be getting a break from treatment just in time for the baby! Recently we were told really good news: the margins of her tumor appear smaller. Her doctor even said that he’s happy when he can say there’s no change, but with my mom he can actually say it’s working.

Since so many people forget I’m in school, I’ll also mention that I am still doing that. I have straight A’s (for now) and am loving my current class! My final paper is about online learning and I’m having a lot of fun discussing how valuable that option is.

That’s about all I can say about what’s going on in my life right now. I am really looking forward to the changes coming in April. Other than that, I am going to try to get back on track and post one of these once a week so stay tuned.

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A very late new year goal announcement/ life update! With everything that’s been going on in my life recently, I’ve found it difficult to write. One the reasons why is that I can’t share much of what’s going on; but, it also has to do with my own motivation.

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For Christmas this year I made my fiancé a little scrapbook of our biggest moments together. At first, all I knew was that I wanted to write our story; I didn’t know how I wanted to present it. After searching online for a few hours, I didn’t find anything helpful. So, I decided to combine a hobby I used to love with this spontaneous idea. I wasn’t sure it was going to work (I really wanted it to be perfect) but I was short on time so I decided to wing it. Here’s what I did and how I did it if you want to make one for your significant other:

Step One: Write the story. I found this was the best way to begin because it creates an outline for the book. I was lucky the inspiration hit only a few days after I got the idea. I think I was waiting in a lobby of a doctor’s office and it probably took me ten minutes to write everything I wanted the book to say. Later, all I had to do was correct some grammar and choose the font, then print it out. It was easy and exactly how I wanted it to sound. So, if you want to write yours effortlessly, I recommend doing the following to start your story: wait for inspiration to hit, write it all down exactly like you hear it in your head, then don’t change it too much. The point of this gift is to be thoughtful and, as lame as it sounds, speak from the heart.

Step Two: Once you’ve written your outline, gather the supplies. I recommend picking your favorite craft store and getting what you need all in one day. Don’t over-complicate this part of the project. The hardest part is coming up next, so don’t spend too much time wondering if you’re getting the perfect supplies. I went to Michaels, spent a fair amount of time in the scrapbook isle, chose four sticker sets, picked out the little scrapbook, then left. I thought at the time that I’d be back after I started the project, but it I had gotten everything I needed in that short trip.

Step Three: For this step, I recommend setting aside half a day. This is the hardest part of the whole project (and the most important), so you don’t want to feel rushed. I sat down to put my scrapbook together around three in the afternoon, having the rest of the day free of any plans. When I initially got started, I had no idea I’d need all that time. But, I did end up working into the night. I finished it right before my fiancé got home from closing a retail store. Putting together a thoughtful story about your love for someone takes quite a bit of time, it seems.

I don’t really have a lot of advice on how to put everything together. My biggest recommendation is to take your time. Along with that, just don’t over-think it. If you like the way something looks, stick it down and move on. This project is supposed to look homemade and kind of silly. Remember, from the heart.

Step Four: Finally, you have finished sticking all the stickers and arranging all the pictures. You’ve also put your carefully thought-out words on each page. Now, clean up. Make sure everything looks right on each page. Re-read the story. Make sure it still flows right. Then, ask someone else to look at it. This is something your significant other is going to cherish, so make sure you like the way it turned out.

Bonus Advice: Try to wait to give it to them until whatever holiday you’re giving it to them on. I swear, if I hadn’t wrapped it a few days after making it, I might’ve given it to him before Christmas. I was so excited.

Below is each page I made, in case you are a visual learner:

How to Make an “Our Story” Scrapbook For Christmas this year I made my fiancé a little scrapbook of our biggest moments together. At first, all I knew was that I wanted to write our story; I didn’t know how I wanted to present it.

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💙

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Selfless 

Today I woke up fairly early so that I could be ready by eight. I didn’t know where I was going, because it was a surprised. The thing is, I suck at being surprised. By that I mean, I find a way to figure out and ruin every surprise anyone tries to plan for me. (Read my proposal story if you want an example). But, miraculously, my baby sister (Rosie) managed to plan a surprise breakfast picnic…

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Thanksgiving

I’m thankful for a lot this thanksgiving but if I had to choose just one thing, it would be being here in California. There’s a lot of people who helped me get here, but if it weren’t for my dad and my fiancé, I couldn’t have moved back home. Thanks to them, I’m here for my mom while she battles brain cancer. It’s never easy seeing all that she deals with, but being here is so much better than…

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New Blog Post: Anxiety by Catie Marie

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“Why do people think I have any idea why I think and feel what I think and feel?”(Catie Marie’s Therapy)

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Anxiety

When things get better, it’s very common, I think, to say things like “oh that was just because of the circumstances” and “I’m fine; I’m just a worrier.” The truth is, I do have anxiety. It’s mostly something I can manage but not always. This week I had a severe panic attack and then another one within twenty-four hours that, thankfully, wasn’t as bad. Each one left me feeling like I had…

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Pendulum

Life Update

When I was a kid I thought life was like a roller coaster. I don’t know where I heard that, but it seems to be a common metaphor for the ups and downs of life. Before I’d experienced real heartache and grief, that metaphor seemed spot-on. Now, I don’t think life is really like that at all. To me, life is less like a roller coaster and more like that ride that swings you forward and backward. I…

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I highly recommend setting a realistic goal to be creative. Even if it’s once a week, once a month, or every day. Just set a goal and try your best to stick to it. It works.

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unpopular opinion: blogrates are stupid af. do you like your blog? then it’s a 10/10

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“There’s a Japanese phrase that I like: koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. It’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will” (Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star).