Caught in thought..

It won't take long for me to tell you who I am. Well you hear this voice right now, well that's pretty much all I am..

[caught-in-thaught]

~My attempt to draw my feelings..

[caught-in-thaught]

Mess

I hate myself

Hate you

Love you

Don't love me

I am dangerous

An abyss

Destruction

I feel so lonely

I lost my voice

I am too weak to live

So I take the last strength to die

A little more every day

Invisible

But so painful

I died

But got a second chance that I didn't want

Now I die alone every day

I don't feel anything anymore

Destroyed my feelings

Destroyed your feelings

You shouldn't love me

Please do not leave me

Love me and run away from me

I run away from me.

[caught-in-thaught]

Lonely with myself

How can I be so lonely with myself?

I have nothing left

I am broken

Don't know me anymore

I'm a stranger

And look searching

Into nothing

I am nothing

Don't bear me anymore

Loneliness

Frustrated my heart

The emptiness

Meets my head

Don't know where up and down is

And I don't care

It doesn't stop

I can't help it

Except to say goodbye

But how do you say goodbye to nothing?

[caught-in-thaught]

Sometimes

Sometimes I long for your understanding

Sometimes I miss your strong arms

Sometimes I think of you and become sad

And sometimes ..

Sometimes I still love you

[caught-in-thaught]

I am lonelier than I ever was.

[caught-in-thaught]

Too stupid to die

The worst moment in my life was

when I woke up and saw that I was still alive.

The beeping of the monitors let me know

that my heart beat.

That I did not make it.

All around me were the people

who had been waiting for nights

to open my eyes.

The doctors were not sure if this would

happen.

But I opened my eyes.

I was so close.

And now you are holding me captive

In this crappy world

I gave up

My mind is dead

My body alive

It's getting worse

The pain crushes me

Push me closer and closer to the abyss

[caught-in-thaught]

Help

Death becomes more enticing again

Death sounds like a good future

But can I wait that long?

I can't anymore

I don't want to any more

I want to close my eyes

And never open again

But I can't tell anyone

Nobody would understand me

I would only trigger pain

As always

Only desperation

Lack of understanding

Is there someone who understands me?

I need help

Is there someone who helps me?

Is there someone?

Please help me

[caught-in-thaught]

Tightrope walker

And I dance

Dance on the rope

Which you hold on

To the music

To the beat of our hearts

[caught-in-thaught]

Gravity

Love is confusing

How gravity holds everything on earth

Do you keep me with you

And I do not know if that's good or bad

All I know is that I want to puzzle you out

You in the whole

I do not care if it gets complicated

I do not know if it works

But i want to try it

[caught-in-thaught]

Was wäre wenn..

Manchmal frag ich mich

"Was wäre wenn?"

"Was wäre wenn?"

Und muss mir eingestehen, dass keiner von

uns beiden die Antwort kennt..

Und manchmal wach ich morgens auf

Und weiß nicht mehr was wahr ist

Was wahr ist

Und dann denke ich für ein paar sekunden

Dass du noch da bist

Dass du noch da bist

[caught-in-thaught]

There is an ocean of silence between the life and me.. and I'm drowning in it

[caught-in-thaught]

A look

A look from you

And I feel all the pain

Wish you were there

But I don't want to meet you

I'm afraid of the feelings

Which flood me every time

And I can't take my eyes off you

How can something so big disappear?

And leave such a distance

between two people

A look from you

And I feel the pain

[caught-in-thaught]

It hurts..

[caught-in-thaught]

Fallen gyro

Everything is turning

Faster and faster

And you gyro

And the color veils past by

The world doesn't look bad at all

Everything is blurry and colorful

Just don't stop

Stretch out the arms

And reach for everything near you

Never stop

Otherwise the dizziness will come

And whoom

You go down

Suddenly everything is so clear

The head is buzzing

Your body is shaking

Where did you land here?

Serious faces

And the colors a sad imitation of what was

Everything collapses over you

Because you turned and didn't notice

From the pain

The hatred

And the miserable life

[caught-in-thaught]

Every evening I feel so alone.

Nobody holding me.

I need protection from myself.

Always the same.

Where are you?

I need you please, please come to me

And forgive me..

[caught-in-thaught]

"Think positiv" doesn't work

I feel so alone

Alone with my thoughts

My feelings

Nobody understands me

I can't talk to anyone

I can't do the most obvious things

And how should one understand that

I can't eat without fear

Don't find me pretty

Even if that would be so easy

I can't be alone

I don' consider the proximity to people

Even if that doesn't make sense

I hate to live that way

How long should this be?

I feel so alone

So desperate

Drugs don't help

Even if I shoot myself almost every day

And nobody knows how I really am

Put on the mask every day

A young happy girl

But without a future

I don't want anything that comes to me

Everyone believes my smile

But even if I wanted to explain it

How do you find words for such a pain

Despair and hopelessness

This hole in my chest can not be explained

And damn ..

"Think positive" does not work

[caught-in-thaught]

Your hope destroys me

I see the hope in your eyes

The traces of pain and worry

And the conviction

that everything is getting better

And I'm afraid to say

That nothing gets better

That I am suffering

That my thoughts don't change

That I always do the same shit

I don't eat

Take drugs

Don't sleep well

Don't do anything right

Feel nothing

Look for people I can't hold

Try that nobody notices something

Always smile

Always wear a mask

I need help

Someone who understands me

Who isn't convicted

Who stops me

And is there for me

But I can't get my mask off

Nobody knows me

I can"t do anything

And I don't want to hurt

or worry anybody anymore