Holden Caulfield

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Tell and Miss

Sometimes when you get sick, everyone asks you questions. Sometimes you answer them, sometimes you don’t. However, when you do answer, and I do mean answer not just talk. I do that sometimes. I talk to evade actual questions.   Anyways, when you do answer, you find you just keep going and soon that person knows everything about you. The problem is though that when you tell people stuff, it means that you can miss them. It means that you’re stuck in their head and they’re in yours. “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody” (Salinger 224).

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Carrousel

I’ve been feeling really down lately. It’s almost like every step I take, I feel like I’m going to just keep falling down. down. down. Even Phoebe knows something is wrong. She always listens, but I screwed up I think. She turned around and stayed silent but she wasn’t listening. She told me to shut up, but I wasn’t really even angry at her. I was angry that she was going to give up on her  life, to follow me along the screwed up path I’m following. Eventually I took her to the zoo though, ostracized me the whole way there. By the time we got to the carrousel she wasn’t so hot anymore and when I saw her on that carrousel, the same carrousel I used to ride when I was little, I felt so damn happy. I just, I don’t even know. I felt better than I had ever in a while. She even convinced me to go back home after. So I just sat there in the rain watching my little sister go round and round, in her little blue coat, just like all the other kids, and I felt happy.

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Listen

Sometimes it seems that nobody  ever really listens anymore. Think about it. Everyday we talk with one another but it’s always about goddamn phony affairs. We can’t have a decent conversation without somebody interrupting or making some crude joke. I don’t know if people just don’t know how to be real or if they simply don't want to. Maybe they’re scared. I don’t know, but that’s why I like Phoebe. Half the time she probably doesn’t truly understand what I’m talking about. but at least she listens. She doesn’t even do it in that snobbish way that some people do, where it feels like they don’t really care; like they’re doing you a favor in even bothering to listen to all of three words. No Phoebe actually listens. She’s quite and sits there paying attention and that’s more than a lot of people will do. 

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Unfortunate Events

People keep telling me I’m immature, or crazy. Maybe I am, but really it doesn’t matter. I guess I did get extremely drunk the other night though and I do tend to do stupid things when I get drunk. The problem however, is that getting drunk doesn’t make me brave. I was certifiably insane sitting on the radiator in one of the bathrooms after a particularly large drink. My hair was dripping all down my neck and I was just counting tiles. Then afterwards when I finally decided to leave, I couldn’t find my check and I was hitting on the hat-check lady, and really I was just a mess. At least she was nice about it. ‘Course once I got outside, I cooled down a bit and decided that I needed to go down to the park to see just where the goddamn ducks went in the winter. I was so fucking cold, hypothermia was a serious consideration at that point, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Especially considering I dropped the damn record I bought for Phoebe. Maybe that’s why I eventually decided to head home, maybe I just really needed to see her. I certainly didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Stilled Time

People always say that time flies when your having fun. The thing is though, is that time is always going by. It’s always changing. Everything keeps changing. I’ve never been one for change. I don’t see why we all can’t just chill out a little. It’s one of the reasons that I like children, doesn’t matter what they do because they are actually doing it. They are not being fake. Anyways, there is one place that never really changes. When I was little, I used to go to the museum every week and every display there was always the same. A person could know exactly what to expect in every hall they walked through. The only thing that truly changes is the person who enters.

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

The Trouble with a Prostitute

So being a teenage kid, buying a prostitute is probably not the smartest idea and to answer all possible questions, neither is picking a fight with their boss. Take the other night for example. I was feeling a little... lonely. Fate takes a roll of the dice, bada-bam, bada-boom, a strange man in an elevator is offering me a deal for a night with a whore. $5 mind you. Not ten. Of course the kind of shady business going on in the hotel was not really the uh... most reliable transaction. So when old Maurice came looking for 5 more dollars I wasn’t going to just let him take it. I didn’t even do it with the poor girl anyways. I felt to damn bad for her and then I just started feeling depressed. I tried to have a decent conversation with her, honestly. She was just so sour about it though. Either way, if you’re going to buy a prostitute, be aware of just want kind of crap you’re getting yourself into. I’ve got a bloody face to prove just how much... respect they have for people who are acting strange. 

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

The Phony Movie Industry

I hate how everyone is always so damn ECSTATIC about the movies and then they get so damn OBSESSED on who is in what movie and who did what. It's all she said, he said, we should 'cause it was in the movies. It's so damn phony though. Like, I was out at a bar the other night and these three girls were looking wildly around as if some giraffe in a feather boa and a top hat was going to come through the door at any moment. I don't understand why anyone would want to waste their life watching someone pretend to be in a different life. Anyways, these girls were looking around everywhere, their necks were practically on swivel boards. Then when you try and hold up a decent conversation, they aren't even paying attention, they're so caught up in their movie stars. Doesn't matter anyways I guess, all three of them were idiots.

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Idiots Everywhere

There comes a moment when you would love nothing more than to scream at all the idiots surrounding you. I may or may not have taken that initiative. In the middle of the night. On the weekend. But hey, in my defense I was leaving the damn school forever, so what better way to say goodbye then to scream, "sleep tight, ya morons!" (Salinger 68) before turning tail and running. I reckon I woke up every damn person in the building. 'Course I almost ruined that glorious moment by practically breaking my neck attempting to take the stairs two at a time.... But hey, no one really needs to know that right?

[caulfieldvsgoddamnphonies]

Fencing and Subways

There are all sorts of ways to mess up a competition. For example, leaving all the equipment behind. I'm "the goddamn manager of the fencing team" (Salinger 6) after all and i left all the goddamn fencing equipment on the subway. It's all great fun till you realize there was no reason to show up after all. 'Course wasn't all my fault considering "I had to keep getting up to look at this map, so we'd know where to get off" (Salinger 6). The rest of the team didn't give a goddamn care 'bout that though, "ostracized me the whole way back" (Salinger 6). Moral of the story being, don't leave your goddamn equipment on the subway.