caution...adulting skills undeveloped

[thatsthat24]

There have been days when I needed to hear this, and so I’m sending this out to anyone who may need to hear it too!

[bearinsears]

[halfagony-halfhope]

requested by @classywithasideofcheesy

[mcckingbirds-deactivated2017100]

natasha romanoff + text posts

[constancecream]

🎻

a broken e string 😱

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.

[kittenwiskers]

Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.

I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.

[bi-est-witch-of-middleearth]

WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER

[gabbyzvolt25]

Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.

[fairlyfunctioning]

Every single cursed moment of my tumblr existence has led me here. I am whole. I am complete.

[micdotcom]

[thabougieone]

BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL!

[cautionaryadult]

awwwwyyyaaaaa bill me amigo

[yesdarlingido]

Iliza Sheslinger, “Confirmed Kills” 

This is her third standup show to hit Netflix, and this one is WOKE AF, hilarious, relevant, and a painfully accurate picture of what it’s like to be female. 

[ultrafacts]

The Biosphere 2 project was created as a research tool for scientists to study Earth’s living systems, and it allowed scientists to play with farming and innovation in a way that didn’t harm the planet. One of the most profound discoveries made by the scientists had nothing to do with a cure for some new disease or a new way of farming land. Rather, the discovery had to do with the wind’s role in a tree’s life. The trees inside Biosphere 2 grew rapidly, more rapidly than they did outside of the dome, but they also fell over before reaching maturation. 

After looking at the root systems and outer layers of bark, the scientists came to realize that a lack of wind in Biosphere 2 caused a deficiency of stress wood. Stress wood helps a tree position itself for optimal sun absorption and it also helps trees grow more solidly. Without stress wood, a tree can grow quickly, but it cannot support itself fully. It cannot withstand normal wear and tear, and survive. In other words, the trees needed some stress in order to thrive in the long run.

(Fact Source)

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!

[movie]

Freedom Writers (2007)

[caramelanin]

This movie was so important

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

This is one of the only “white savior” movies that matter because they didnt silence the stories of the kids of color. They kept it real and in doing so kept it realatable.

[rob-walks-deactivated20210614]

this movie is superb

[mamalazzer]

Steggy AU - in which Steve shows up at Peggy’s door after she thinks he died and they finally get to have their dance

[ghostcat3000]

OH COME ON

[kipplekipple]

“I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to exist any more” sounds mild if you’ve never experienced it, but it is in fact a horrible, violent way to feel.

[rejectedprincesses]

Chynara Madinkulova (long hair) and Aida Akmatova (bun) compete in the “Traditional Archery” category at the World Nomad games in Kyrgyzstan, which concluded last week.

Said games also include eagle hunting, horseback wrestling, and setting people on fire. Also this game where you chuck javelins at people to knock them off their horse.

Clearly the Olympics needs to step it up.

[mccaffeteria]

I’m sorry did you say setting people on fire?

[rejectedprincesses]

Yes. Yes I did.

It’s called Oert Jalymdagan Chabandes. It’s on a stamp.

We live in a weird, wonderful world, Tumblr.

[joshmuratori]

[shouldnt]

honestly this is maybe the nicest and most sincere thing I have ever seen a celebrity do.

[cautionaryadult]

I love people with tattoos. They will seriously go at the drop of a hat to get inked. I stive to be that spontanious.

[pr1nceshawn]

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.

[hiddlesherethereeverywhere]

THIS IS IMPORTANT 

When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now). 

I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes. 

Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that. 

Two incidents, one as a young child, one years later as a teen. Don’t discredit this stuff, it fucking works. My brother used it a few times too. Let your child pick the word and no never, ever, ever, ever get mad at them for using it no matter what it is. 

[titenoute]

DO NOT SCROLL PAST THAT.

[dianaby1d-archive-deactivated20]

people saw joe jonas with camilla belle last night and i feel like i’m 12 years old again bc i loved them so much fjrjdkskdk