Crazy Carmy and the Barmy Army Tour India

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Well thats all folks so until next time "it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from her - goodbye!" (Photo courtesy of Mr Dehli Photographer, script - the Two Ronnies!)

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Last day today

Not much to report from our last day, a bit of aimless wandering around Mumbai, gathering stuff together and packing so we can have a relaxing evening knowing that everything is ready for our trip home tomorrow. It's been a good trip and confirmed our love for this crazy, colourful country. We're glad we've visited when we have as India is changing fast and, although there will remain enormous poverty for some considerable time, life is becoming more European in many areas. Tuk-tuks are becoming a thing of the past in certain areas already being replaced by more enviromentally friendly taxis. The quality of roads and "highway codes" with traffic lights, roundabouts etc is improving and old buildings are being replaced with modern, upgraded buildings with better facilities. It will take time but things are definately moving forward apace and, with the recent demonetisation, the Government seem committed to driving the country forward and improving the lot of the common man. It'll be interesting to see how things have changed when we next visit.

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Mumbai from the Hanging Gardens, Gateway out of Hanging Gardens, CST Station building, Gateway to India and Taj Palace Hotel from the bay, view of Marine Drive and Chowpatty beach from the rooftop bar of Intercontinental Hotel (looking north) and same (looking south)

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Oh, oh - CC's been researching again.

Late, leisurely breakfast this morning with nothing particular planned so half way through my scrambled eggs on toast I innocently enquired “what would you like to do today my dear?”. The response came back “I’ve done my research in the Lonely Planet book and I want to go and see the Tower of Silence”. None the wiser I asked her to elaborate - I wish I hadn’t. She explained “it’s where the Farcies (she means Parsi’s as farcie is french for stuffing!) put their dead on top of pillars or towers and the vultures fly down, pick them to pieces and eat the bodies!”. My scrambled eggs suddenly lost their appeal. However, continuing to be the ever supportive husband I remained attentive as she explained (in some detail!) how she thought it was all done in a big dip surrounded by trees with a net over the top to stop the vultures flying out and around town dropping fingers and other body parts on the populace - lovely. Appetite gone I asked if she happened to know where all this mayhem took place. “Oh yes, next to the Hanging Gardens just behind our hotel” - glad I’d given the chicken sausages a miss I can tell you!

Not to be put off we headed out of the hotel and found what we thought was the entrance to the lane up to the Tower of Silence. There was a man at the gate who ushered us away saying lots of stuff we didn’t understand along with “no” and “ded buddies”. We got the general drift but a nice lady coming out of the gate explained that we couldn’t go in as we weren’t Parsi’s. CC wasn’t too pleased but there was nothing we could do. Plan A thwarted we decided to climb the hill and visit the Hanging Gardens where CC became a celebrity again, or it might just have been her hat as loads of teenage girls wanted their picture taken wearing it - strange country. After wandering round the gardens we took a taxi to the main Railway Station that was originally called the Victoria Terminus but is now known as the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (or CST for short!). What a building, as are many in Mumbai. Unfortunately though many of these old buildings are deteriorating and not being maintained. It’s a real shame, the place must have been resplendant 100 years ago and these old buildings are now being replaced with modern, featureless buildings. After visiting the Railway Station we took a long walk to Colaba through the bazaars where the vendors wouldn’t leave us in peace - CC reverted to Dehli tuk-tuk and professional mode, something they hadn’t experienced before and wouldn’t want to again. We eventually reached Leopolds for a well earned Kingfisher before setting out again to walk to the Intercontinental Hotel on Marine Drive. While we’ve been on this trip we’ve kept in touch with young John’s old cricket coach, Raj, who took us to Kolkata in 2010 and he recommended having a beer at the roof top bar at the Intercontinental. He was right, it had a great view and a lovely breeze. However the prices were a bit steep £7 for a small (330ml) Kingfisher and £5 for a Coke. Now I know where all those coaching fees went! It was worth it though for the view of the bay and the city in the background.

Last day tomorrow, not sure I dare ask CC what she wants to do - especially over breakfast!.

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The famous Leopolds cafe, bullet hole in the wall, Gateway of India, Taj Hotel, Rajabai Clock Tower (echo's of Big Ben) and cricket matches on the Maiden Oval.

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Well that's the cricket done and dusted!

After a pleasant evening at Doolally's with Colin and Ian (from Yorkshire!) we woke hoping that Buttler and Bairstow would put on a show. After breakfast we took a taxi (no tuk-tuks here) to the ground, making sure we got there for the start. Just as well we did, it was all over in half an hour - very disappointing. On our way back to the hotel it occurred to me that in the last month we've attended 15 days of cricket and watched 40 out of a possible maximum 45 sessions of cricket (5 not needed because the games finished early on the 5th days). Out of the 40 sessions watched England probably only won 3 sessions - that's the extent of the hammering we've taken. Despite the fact that it can be quite depressing watching England overseas I wouldn't have missed it, it's been great fun and we've caught up with some great people and had some fantastic experiences. With the match finishing so early we took the opportunity to go to the famous Leopolds Cafe in Colaba for lunch. It's famous for 2 reasons. Firstly, it was part of the Mumbai attack in 2008 and you can still see the bullet holes and, secondly, it features heavily in the book Shantaram. After lunch we took a long walk around Colaba taking in the Gateway of India, Taj Mahal Palace hotel and several large architectural landmarks in the area before sitting in the Maiden Oval park watching the numerous, impromtu cricket matches being played - crazy.

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If the cap fits ........!

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Outside the Wankede stadium, SJ in the stadium, a panoramic shot of the stadium, Kohli celebrates his double century and a view of Mumbai from Marine Drive

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The Fat Lady is clearing her throat again!

Another packed house at the Wankede making plenty of noise and a great atmosphere to witness a terrific double hundred by Kohli. Their number 9, Jayant Yadav, also got a hundred, proving, if proof were needed, that our bowling attack is just not good enough. He played well and didn’t look in any trouble. However, when we went back into bat 231 runs behind with 4.5 sessions left you’d have thought they were bowling on a different wicket with the ball bouncing and turning quickly, beating both sides of the bat. At close of play we are 6 down with Bairstow and Buttler at the crease. Decent knocks from Root and Bairstow but not much from anyone else. My guess? it’ll all be over by lunchtime tomorrow - I hope I’m wrong but I fear not.

Off to Doolally's bar tonight to drown our sorrows - again!

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As I told you I NEVER, EVER fall asleep at the cricket!

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Great day at the cricket today

Despite England reaching the unlikely score of 400 in the first innings yesterday, due to a great rear guard partnership between Buttler and Ball, it soon became apparent that it wasn’t likely to be enough. The Indian openers started well, never looking in any trouble and our spinners were unable to create the havoc and panic that Ashwin, Jadeja and Yadav had caused in the England ranks where, at times, it looked as though we were batting on a minefield.

By stumps on the 2nd day India were one down with Murali Vijay and Pejura both looking well set to continue the carnage this morning. We got to the ground to find that it was a full house with the drum teams going bonkers and the locals chanting and making a right, royal racket - fantastic atmosphere. Not sure exactly how many the Wankede stadium holds but there were 19,444 there today. The morning session definitely belonged to India, despite losing Pejura in the first over of the day. Vijay and Kohli continued to punish Rashid, who couldn’t find a length or give Cook any control. The pitch looked easy and at lunch I was fearing the worst and forecasting 475 for 3 by end of play. Vijay got his hundred but after lunch Rashid and Ali bowled much better and, together with Root, managed to get 4 reasonably quick wickets. It would have been more but Rashid failed to hold onto a tough return catch from Kohli - our session. After tea Jadeja got carried away and holed out and then Root dropped Yadav - a simple 2nd slip opportunity (lack of concentration?). That proved expensive as Kohli got his ton and ended the day unbeaten on 147. Yadav was still there at stumps with plenty to his name too.

So, better than I’d feared but still 50 ahead of England with 3 wickets in hand. A great day of Test cricket though in a fantastic sports venue. It might be dirty and a bit smelly but the sound reverberates around the ground and the atmosphere is terrific - glad we didn’t miss this one.

Heard of a bar near us that’s named after CC - it’s called the “Doolally” bar - might try and find it tonight!

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Better day today

Early start today as we had to get to the ground early to collect our tickets. We eventually discovered that we had to get to the box office next to Gate 1 and then queue to pick up our tickets. This took some considerable time due to the indian queuing theory, but we got there in the end and were pleased to discover that our 1200 rupees each got us tickets for all 5 days of the Test, not just day 1! Having got our tickets we then had to make our way to gate 4 - bloody miles away. Here a huge queue awaited us and we missed the first 30 minutes of the game. However, on getting into the ground we heard that we’d won the toss, decided to bat and hadn’t yet lost a wicket, although the debutant, Jennings, had been dropped on 0. As the morning wore on both Cook and Jennings looked in control on a what looked like a good wicket until Cook uncharacteristically decided to come down the wicket to only Jadeja’s 3rd ball and was stumped - why?. In came Root who also didn’t look in any trouble and stayed with Jennings, who passed 50, until lunch. After lunch Root inexplicably decided to give a bit of slip practice to the Indians for no apparent reason and was replaced by Ali who played circumspectly while Jennings batted towards his maiden Test 100 - a terrific achievement. The pitch still looked good and after tea Ali got his 50 before top edging Ashwin and being replaced by Stokes. In the same over Jennings perished, edging Ashwin to Pejura at gully. Just as I was beginning to think we were in a good position now that LMM had left the scene, disaster was once more raising it’s ugly head. Not long after Bairstow holed out and Ashwin suddenly had 4 wickets and England were once again on the back foot. Fortunately Stokes and Buttler saw us through to close of play without further drama to end at 270 odd for 5 (which should have been 300 odd for 2) which makes tomorrows first session very important in the context of the match.

At the game we caught up with Colin, Sarah and Mark who we toured the West Indies with in April 2015. It was good to see them and we had a few beers with Colin after the game before returning to our hotel so CC could have an early night.

Mumbai is some city, very big, noisy and hot. The Wankede stadium is a cauldron of noise, steep sided and hot - a veritable amphitheatre. A good, partisan crowd today too - not sure how full it looked on the tele because everyone sits at the back of the stands to keep out of the sun, but it was pretty full.

Looking forward to tomorrow but not sure our bowling attack is strong enough even if we manage to post a decent score. Their spinners have been very good, not sure Rashid and Ali can match them - we’ll see.

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"I've just been down to the cake shop and there's loads of Indians buying loads of cakes"

CC on returning from the indian cake shop in Mumbai to get a coffee! Not sure what she expected really, but that's CC for you - mad as a horse!

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How many times have I told you that I NEVER fall asleep at the cricket?!

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You actually can have too much of a good thing!

Our last day here in the luxury of the Dona Sylvia Resort in Goa and are we relieved? Yes we are, we’re going stir crazy sitting around by the pool reading and swimming watching white folks slowing turning themselves, waiting for the next meal as the only exciting thing in the day. At the meals they sit opposite each other with nothing to say to each other but you can just imagine them getting home, going down the pub and saying “oooh yes daaaarling we had an absolutely wonderful 3 weeks in the sun……”. I’m afraid it’s just not our sort of holiday anymore - you could be anywhere. The hotels and resorts are homogenous, fantastic rooms, bathrooms, pools, reception areas etc but when I sit around I have to remember I’m in India. Is it Babados, Canaries, Turkey, Phuket - who knows?, who bloody cares! The only exciting things to happen are that a snake was found slithering around on the lawn outside our appartment and some nutty Russian (lots of them here) took a shine to CC in the swimming pool and was yittering away to her in Russian slapping his ample gut - maybe he was just hungry!

Anyway, we’re looking forward to leaving tomorrow morning and heading for Mumbai. The only cloud on the horizon is cash - we’re down to our last 3000 rupees (approx £30) and can’t find any more cash. ATM’s and Money Changers have nothing here. Bloody LMM back safely in Phnom Penh with my rupees, if we get stuck in the middle of Mumbai destitute there’ll be hell to pay!

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The Chandigarh 6! (CC, TT, LL, LJ, LMM and SJ). Photo courtesy of "Mr Dehli Photographer" from the boundary ropes. Mr Dehli Photograher is one of the professional photographers for the Indian newspapers and a fellow fag breaker and admirer of LL and CC!

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Blog could be quiet for a few days - this is relaxing!