cchapsticck

30ish | he/him | ketamine corn maze

[clytemnestraaa]

the worst thing about ottawa ending is that ilya doesn’t get to connect with his natural habitat the waffle house. he’s like a dolphin that’s never seen the sea.

[rozanovs]

What is it about Shane that you love and were drawn to? He is hyper competent at this one thing. He’s stereotypically masculine in a lot of regards. He’s a kind person, and he’s so overtly Canadian. He’s harboring something that he thinks is a career-ending secret because he just doesn’t have the emotional maturity or societal maturity to sort of understand what his own queerness means. To him, it’s most likely detrimental, which is the wrong assumption to some degree, but it shatters his own idea of what his masculinity is, or at least it cripples it. And yet, he still never harms a fly. (via The Hollywood Reporter)

↳ hudcon week 2026, day four: favourite quote

[clytemnestraaa]

also it is fairly likely that ilya’s sexuality is suspected by SOMEONE with power and they simply are not using the information yet. ilya lives his whole life with an axe over his head.

[chocolate-smash]

okay I can’t keep it in anymore. Shane may be autistic, but he simply Would Not have a problem with things being too bright or loud. This boy plays HOCKEY, he is a SENSORY SEEKER, there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BRIGHT AND LOUD. In my HEART OF HEARTS I know that this man used to stand in the middle of arcades as a child and soak in all of the different sounds and lights and flashy bits and finally feel like he’s getting enough sensation to settle into his own skin. He sleeps under 2 weighted blankets and preferably also another giant 250lb hockey player. He’s not having a problem with too much noise and stimulation. He plays recorded crowd noises from other sports games to focus on stuff. He’s fine sitting in wet clothes for an hour if that’s how long it takes to finish sexting before he gets changed. He’s a SENSORY SEEKER. LET HIM SEEK.

[chocolate-smash]

hello yes I have more thoughts on this. 

It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.  

Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite. 

(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)

I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.  

The one other sensory thing that I believe in my heart he is doing (and he is NOT growing out of) is chewing. The hoodie-string-sexting shot is foundational for me. He's bitten through a dozen pens. He's chewing off his fingernails. If he had long enough hair, you'd better believe it would be in his mouth. He's chomping on his mouthguard like it's a chew toy. Somewhere in the depths of his juniors teammate's myspace page is a pic of him straight up biting a beer can in half. It's played off as a joke, but if something looks like a nice texture it WILL go in his mouth. It's a matter of when, not if. He’s a biter because Oral Sensoru Input Very Good, and he will never be stopped.

[wow-the-hockey-show]

Mother and son in another (incredible) universe

[rhinco]

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

[virgoos]

sub this dom that. what if they are both completely chained to their devotion to each other. they’re rendered powerless by it. nobody is driving the bus.

[cchapsticck]

that demon man will not be safe from me

[clytemnestraaa]

people with anime icons are @ing ilya about the alienation of labor and he’s responding with shirtless selfies captioned “since you wanna fuck me so bad ;)” until his phone gets confiscated

[prokopetz]

Flavours of unreliable narrator:

Lying to the reader

Lying to themselves

Simply misinformed

Not paying attention

Has weird priorities

Assumed you knew

Hates you personally

Bad at communicating

Easily sidetracked

Will believe anything

Has weird prejudices

Just kind of dumb

[treecitysessions]

Why does everyone think fiction is just fantasy wish fulfillment now and not like an exploration of themes and ideas

[eden-3000]

"I write for my own enjoyment"

And

"I'm happy when people interact with my writing"

Are two sentences that can coexist!

[lovflushed]

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[cchapsticck]

that demon man will not be safe from me

[the-bar-sinister]

"The idea made me horny" is a good enough reason to write anything.

[cchapsticck]

i am writing ilya way too in-tune with the shane pathologies in this wip but i think i just gotta say too much first so i can figure out how to say less when i'm editing but its killing me presently because i know i'm wrong

[cchapsticck]

woke up with the sobering realization i have written this entire thing backwards

[whisperwarm]

“shane can’t acknowledge his identity as a gay man outside of his hookups with Ilya, maybe not even while he’s in them actively engaging in homosexual intimacy. what’s really intriguing is that hockey’s just the vehicle for their foreplay. it’s a socially acceptable path for men to engage in intricate rituals of physical touch and domination. Marilyn Frye wrote in The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory that ‘All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men.’ So in Shane’s mind, he’s avoiding the cognitive dissonance of his internalized shame by masquerading his desire for Ilya as another form of competitive play between two men, something that’s become so normalized and frankly even desirable for him as a career athlete”