Who are you?

Isn't it all in your head, this magic? Or is your own imagination magic in itself? Do you truly deserve something that wondrous? Jin. 24. Uninterested. The Judgment Card

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

at first- her heart stops. the words have her thinking he’s going to deny her, and leave her humiliated. it begins again when he continues his train of thought, but despite the underlying almost.. bitter sweet tone he gave her, jinri smiles, hand rising to cover her mouth for a moment. “ oh i thought you were gonna reject me that was the worst feeling. ” she laughs off her nervousness, shaking her head at the most likely rhetorical question.

“ jin you think because you’re my.. card.. that i could never be, i don’t know, chained to you the way you are to me. that’s the furthest from the truth. i am just as much yours as you are mine. i could release you and it wouldn’t change a single thing about the way i feel. since it’s all out in the open now i.. ” she exhales, cheeks puffing out as she reaches her hands to encircle his wrists and then slide downward so her fingers could intertwine with his. 

“ want to be with you.. not as your captor but as girl who cares about you and thinks that everything you do, no matter how mediocre is incredible. as someone who thinks that getting to spend whatever time we have together is going to be the best thing that i could have ever asked for in this life or any that come after. this is really ridiculous and cheesy but you’ve become a big part of my world jin. ” 

[ccxjin-blog]

but she doesn’t understand -- doesn’t know what he’s seen: all mortals are fleeting. even proclamations of love such as this one will also come to pass. she won’t last; he, unfortunately, will. and this already hurts enough without him having to watch her leave him, too. 

yet he doesn’t take his hand away, and lets her fill the spaces between his fingers. his thumb brushes along the back of her hand, reverent, and stares at where they’re joined. everything she says must be taken with a grain of salt, not because he doesn’t trust her, but because he doesn’t want to believe it so much that he ends up forgetting who he is and where he’s been and what he’s seen. 

“you know lots of people are going to judge us.” you, they’re going to look down on you, jinri. i can’t let them -- he brings their hands to his lips, and kisses her knuckles. “even if -- even if it does work, which i’m hoping it will -- are you sure that’s okay?”

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

she’s got her arms crossed over her chest, looking down onto the street below and lips in a thin line. stupid, stupid, stupid. her heart is still very apparently beating in her chest, and she’s debating on retreating to her room when she hears jin’s voice speak to her. out of habit she scoffs, turning so she can give him a blatant look. “ i’m pretty sure you just heard me confess my love for you jin. ” the deceleration makes her almost smile as she brushes a piece of hair from her face when the evening wind begins to blow faintly. 

“ but it’s true… i .. love you. ” jinri murmurs, looking down at her feet for a moment. “ and i don’t want you to treat me like this is just some professional business partnership when we both know it’s more than that. not after everything the two of us have been through together. ” she grows silent, takes a tentative step forward, eyebrows raising in curiosity. “ do you, you know- love me back? ” 

[ccxjin-blog]

it’s his turn to look at his own feet. ( or hers. hers are so much better. they’re so cute, and he didn’t even know feet could be cute. ) a part of him crawls out of the grave; too young to be buried. but he’s an old soul and this is nothing to the rusted chains that bind him to servitude. if not for duty, then love.

i do love you as well. “i shouldn’t,” is what he says instead, lifting his eyes to her own. he doesn’t take a step back, but doesn’t move forward to her, either. he’s drawn enough to her as it is, but he cannot forget that he is a card, and not without his sins. he does not deserve her, and he never will, and for that he cannot allow himself to feel any more than he already does. “but i do,” he tries again, quieter this time, “i can’t lie to you, jinri. but...” his mouth is heavy, but he forces it into a smile anyway. “you’re so selfish. you own me entirely already -- must you have my heart, too?”

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

they way he speaks to her now irritates her. so formal, robotic, as though everything they had gone through hadn’t happened. as if she hadn’t harboured some sort of feelings for him, and he her. jinri places the glass down and lays her hands on her lap. she taps her fingers once, twice, all in a row, nervously before her lips part. at first nothing comes out, and she desperately wants to scream it to the heavens but the words remain stuck in her throat. 

“ jin.. i.. think.. i think i’m i-in love with you. ” she finally stutters out, cheeks flushing pink. the moment she admits her truth, jinri instantly wants to recoil into herself. “ so yep. okay. bye now. ” she slides off the counter and begins to head toward the balcony, ready to throw herself over at any given chance due to her rising embarrassment. 

[ccxjin-blog]

he expects something like ‘maybe we should no longer feel this way’, because it’s the only logical thing to expect. jin looks at her, keeps his face blank, and pretends to feel nothing; he’s not supposed to feel for her, after all. love is a mistake; in the eyes of judgment it can only ever be a damning thing. the situation is tense, anyway, and it’s not like she feels the same --

“oh.” he doesn’t realise he says it out loud, and blinks, and watches after her. it feels like being human when his cheeks also give rise to the same faint blush he’d witnessed on her cheeks. and the card follows her, hesitant at first, and stands at the threshold, unsure of whether to join her at the balcony too. “is it possible to hear you say that again, captor? i do not think i heard you right.”

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

her eyes are closed, leaning against the counter until she hears him enter the room. exhaustion written on her face, jinri nods. “ mhm. i’m starting to get used to them now, but it still doesn’t change the fact that i can’t sleep well. how are you? ” she asks, placing the wine glass to her lips before pausing. “ do you want some? ”

motioning to the bottle, she takes a sip. “ there’s plenty.. ” jinri yawns, setting down the glass so she can hop up onto the island. crossing her legs, she shoves her hair behind her ears and rubs at her cheeks. “ i’m wondering if i’ll ever be able to rest again. maybe i should start taking adderall and stay up. ” she snorts once she retrieves her drink again. feet swinging back and forth in time to the faint music that trickled through the balcony, she almost cracks a smile but remembers the reason she was up in the first place. 

her heart skips a beat or two when she looks over at jin, gnawing her bottom lip. “ i have something to say. ”  

[ccxjin-blog]

getting used to nightmares is something jinri must never be allowed to suffer, but the realm of dreams is out of his reach and it is all he can do to keep her company during its aftermath. he refuses the alcohol with a polite shake of his head, and chooses to stand beside her, leaning back on the island with his elbows rested atop it.

“you should not do that,” he tells her, eyes closed and face turned to the ceiling, as if waiting for some inaccessible rain to fall through. it’ll drown out everything else. “even if it is difficult, you must get some rest. it will affect your performance in the battlefield, and it will take a toll on you to use me in battle.”

that last statement has him opening his eyes, and looking lazily to the side, as if this is casual, and normal, and his entire being does not want to slip back inside the prison of the card. “what is it?”

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

&&. @ccxjin  ⧪ CLOSED

it had been a week. a week since experiencing hell in it’s finest form and jinri had taken some well deserved time off. even though fear still plagued her every waking moment. even though every time she closed her eyes she was reliving each terrible second of that day. 

she wakes up covered in sweat, nearly falling out of her bed, body contorted into the fetal position. it’s always the same, she killing him, ( him being jin of course ) watching him bleed out on the ground before eyes, and then the stab to the back that awakes her. she’s staring at the ceiling, feeling the cotton of her tank top glued to her back as she bites down on her tongue. she can’t cry again. 

for some time she lays there before moving from the sheets to change into a new shirt. she knows its not hers but jin’s by the size, though she doesn’t bother to care. arms crossed over her chest, she opens her bedroom door and trails her way into the living area with soft steps. she hears something like music playing from somewhere or other, and feels a gentle breeze from their open balcony doors. she’d left them open earlier to enjoy the weather, and now the sky was beginning to turn shades of pink. 

“ jin? ” her voice is quiet, but she doesn’t see the blonde around so she makes her way toward the kitchen. out of habit, she raids her liquor cabinet to grab a wine bottle, pouring it into a previously used glass. alcohol had been a comfort that past few days, numbing the shaking that often overtook her after dreams like these.  

[ccxjin-blog]

there’s a corner in the balcony that lets him hide for a while if he sits the right way. 

his back is kept warm against the cool tile by wings he thought he’d lost forever. ( they aren’t as soft anymore; not nearly as light as they used to feel. ) they feel as foreign as this world continues to be, and assimilation seems as unattainable as freedom. if his own blade can inflict so much damage on him, his repentance must’ve been overdue, and his sins great. forgetting, he thought, must’ve been the biggest one.

so he sits here while she tosses and turns, unable to provide solace and comfort for he felt the ability to do so slipping from his grasp. he had been watching her, too, and waiting for her to seal him again, lest he remind her of what had transpired. it was only natural. 

but she calls his name and he can’t help but respond, standing up and grabbing his jacket from the floor, and putting it on as his wings recede back into his back -- gone again, but no longer as painful. 

“yes?” he answers -- an obedient dog he’s become now -- stepping from the balcony and peeking into the kitchen. he watches her take the alcohol out again, and dares walk as close to her as she can. “another nightmare?”

[ccxjin-blog]

Beach

drabble meme; AU-ish

By comparison, Seokjin is a lot taller, and as such entirely equipped for spotting, say, struggling shorter people who seem to be having trouble keeping their heads above water. Jin isn’t even supposed to be out here, but his new sugar daddy ( who, for the purposes of today’s adventures, will not be named for the sake of confidentiality ) had insisted in seeing him in board shorts. This and his clear skin obviously was a sight to behold. Observing him was certainly what his new paramour ( read: scam target ) was doing, and Seokjin didn’t rightly mind all too much, because this way he was left to ponder and plan on how to get away from this scam with the most he can get away with.

Seokjin, in wading through the water, saw a head of hair coupled with flailing arms, and since he couldn’t exactly expose that he was a card, he leisurely waded through the water, occasionally patting down the ballooning board shorts on his way to this unfortunate, shorter person. The water was up to his shoulders; the other guy, not so much.

“Okay -- okay,” he said, trying to keep his face away from flailing hands ( he didn’t want to be slapped by accident ) as he tried to grab an arm and pull the guy up. “C’mon, up and at ‘em.”

Said man sputtered and coughed up sea water. On him. If Jin was in a worse mood he would’ve let go completely, but instead pulled the guy towards him and let the male cling onto his chest.

“Why’d you get so far out if you didn’t know how to swim?” he asks, half-amused, half-perplexed. This man was much warmer than the water -- a sensation that has Jin pulling him much closer.

“I know,” came the indignant, coarse answer. “I know how to swim. Got...stuck on something, that’s all.”

“Let me guess -- it was gross, slimy, and kinda scratchy.”

“Y-yeah! How’d you --,”

Jin turned around, laughing, and headed for shore. “That’s kelp.”“...”

“So, would you say that I saved your life?”

“...I could’ve swam.”

“You were doing a fine job of it.” Jin adjusts his grip, ends up trying to carry the man halfway to shore, palms on his ….ass -- then at his thighs, encouraging the guy to cling onto him properly. “There’s one thing I want to know in return.” He presumed the silence and the arms around his neck meant to continue.

“...Do you think if I dive down deep enough I’ll end up in Aquador?”

[ccxjin-blog]

{ black water.mp3

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

“ what? ” she blinks, confused. “ you did it- ” her words cut short, dying in her throat. “ you mean..  oh. ” ignoring his request, she continues wrapping the cloth around him until she can tie it tight. “ sorry if this hurts. ” once it’s secure, she takes her place at his side again. “ give it up, it’s not happening. this isn’t the time for you to be a hero. ” jinri replies, taking a step forward and pulling him forward with her. 

“ i didn’t spend all this time with you, caring for you, to leave you in a place like this. ” she adds, wondering where on earth she was supposed to go to get them out. “ where do we even .. head toward it’s just nothingness. ”

[ccxjin-blog]

a strangled yell leaves him, and he clamps his teeth down, jaw tightening to keep the rest of that yell in. hell, if he wasn’t just about ready to push her away and walk off to his own oblivion, he would’ve laughed. he wants to -- oh, he wants to throw all of that away. perhaps he doesn’t even deserve to leave this place.

but he is honour-bound ( and magic-bound ) to follow her orders, and every part of him forces itself to walk with her, and match her steps. “just...keep walking.” another cough; another vain attempt to wipe away the blood at his jaw. “keep moving...forward.”

perhaps this way they’ll be rescued -- or not at all. either way, he’s entirely sure that they aren’t walking out of here the same people that they were when they got in.

[ccxjin-blog]

{ black water.mp3

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

“ i know -  i know it does, it’s gonna be okay. ” jinri replies, lips parting in an exhale. she pauses in her attempts to move forward at his words, heart skipping a beat in her chest at the mere thought of leaving him behind. “ no. ” she retorts, tightening her grip enough to keep him stable, but not enough to cause him any pain. “ i’m not leaving you. either we leave together or not at all, i’m not going to let you stay in this place. period. ” 

there was the part of her- the part that had earned her the position of vice president, that chose to take charge now. “ there’s no way in HELL that’s happening. hold on i have an idea. ” she let’s him go for a brief few seconds, hoping he has a little strength to hold himself up and goes for her skirt. with a bit of determination and strength she rips a long strip from the cloth, enough to cover the wound he’d absorbed from her. “ okay, okay. stay still. ” she’s wrapping the strip around his torso when she notices something both odd and nauseating at the same time. 

his wings are gone.  

“ jin- what happened, where are.. who did this? ” jinri asks in horror, staring at his back with the fabric still clutched in shaking palms. “ oh my god.. ”

[ccxjin-blog]

humans continue to perplex him. she is no ordinary human, to be sure, but nonetheless just as easily killed, and so, so fragile. he can recover from this ( he thinks ), but had he left her injuries as they were, he isn’t so sure that she would have survived at all. amidst all this soul-crushing, gut-pulling pain ripping him apart, taking on hers too isn’t a decision he regrets.

he sways when she lets go of him, and leans against her when she wraps that strip of cloth around him, as if a bandage can hold all these breaking ( broken ) parts together. 

( he doesn’t even know if he can leave. )

jin, for once, remains quiet, trembling at his shame. she sees it, he knows -- how grotesque it must look. how empty. that had been his pride, severed by fire, and his future, and his present. his voice, too, holds an earthquake, shaking: “me.” he spits out the blood pooling at his mouth again, and blinks away the fuzziness from the edges of his vision. “i did it.”

somehow, in this place, he finds her, and looks at her again. “you must go, jinri.”

[ccxjin-blog]

{ black water.mp3

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

she really wants to cry now- this couldn’t be more AWFUL. wiping at his face with her hands ( her outfit really was sort of impractical in times like these ) she does her best to remove the red from his skin. “ i am. it’s okay. we’re gonna get out of here alright. you have to be strong. ” once she’s standing, she moves to his side, raises his arm and putting it over her shoulder so she can support him with what little strength remained. 

“ jin i want you to remember something for me alright? despite everything- i need you. it’s stupid and cliche but i do. i know this shitty and you probably want to give up right now. but i know we can make it. no matter what. ” she tells him sincerely, opposite arm encircling his torso. “ i won’t make you run errands for a month after we get out of this hell hole. ”  

[ccxjin-blog]

it’s like needles in his head -- knives, even, and when he lets go of her he doesn’t know which part of him hurts more, how he’s being pulled apart when he’s still intact. his palms find the side of his head, like that’ll keep his head in one piece, and it’s getting harder to stay awake. he’s choking on his own screams and still refuses to open his mouth, biting on his own tongue. but he lets her raise his arm, tries to make sure his legs are still there.

“it hurts,” he chokes out, opening his eyes again, unaware he’s closed them again. he doesn’t want to move, can’t move, can’t leave -- “can’t -- get us both -- out.” he coughs again, and this time he wipes at his own chin. “you -- leave. you can make it.”

[ccxjin-blog]

{ black water.mp3

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

“ you first. ” jinri replies, still attempting to move away - wherever away was. panic was slowly creeping up her spine, so she lifts herself up, enough to be face to face with jin. hands land on his cheeks, forcing his eyes to her own. insticintively, she leans in and presses her lips to his. a vain attempt to fix this situation, even for a second. her side was still vaguely stinging at the position, but she ignores it. withdrawing she rests her forehead against his. don’t cry. you have to be strong. “ jin. stop. if i lose you.. ”

her sentence is never finished so she just sighs instead. “ we have to get out of here together okay? we can do it. i’m fine. i promise. let’s just .. try. ” 

[ccxjin-blog]

it hurts and he can barely hear her, ears ringing with this thing pushing in his skull, pushing outwards, eyes shut because this darkness isn’t enough dark, blood rushing to his mouth and coating his tongue, trying to keep it in, leaking at the corners -- 

jinri’s mouth is on his, and he doesn’t know what for. his grip on her loosens; so does his grip on everything else.

“jinri.” it comes out a choked murmur. he coughs a little, has blood and saliva dribbling down his chin, but he tries to set her down first even when he looks disgusting and worse-for-wear. “are you -- okay? are you sure?”

[ccxjin-blog]

{ black water.mp3

[ccjinri-deactivated20170220]

he tells her not to sleep, and she imagines there must be a reason for this. so- she doesn’t. or attempts to at least. jinri’s eyes open, admittedly weakly, looking up at jin with a weary expression. “ what are you doing.. ” she murmurs, fingers raising to lay flat against his cheek. the pain starts to dull, her hand dropping to her side. slowly but surely, she begins to register what EXACTLY he was up to. 

and of course, jinri being jinri, she begins to sadly try to remove herself from his hold, hands on his chest. “ no, stop it, you’ll- ” another attempt to wiggle away. “ don’t do this. ”

[ccxjin-blog]

this was his repentance. in one way or another, his replica had been right; it knew him, had his memories, had his thoughts. jin believed himself to be courageous, but perhaps the worst cowards were those who dressed themselves in golden armour and thought themselves invulnerable. so he held on tighter, taking more of it, taking every injury and keeping it for himself.

“stop.” he winced, and bit the inside of his cheek, all furrowed brow trying to keep the piercing painful yell from escaping his mouth. “stop. please, let me -- let me do this, please --,”

[ccxjin-blog]

child

drabble meme

It took a total of fifty-five minutes to walk to the nearest convenience store.

Ten minutes were spent leisurely walking there; Seokjin enjoyed the momentary reprieve from the mess at home. Another five was spent browsing through the products and trying to remember what he needed. Two-point-five was spent frozen in place, realising in horror that it was Sunyoung and only Sunyoung left with the baby. ( So many scenarios could be played out in those precious few minutes -- leave it with the huge dogs, for one, or accidentally leave it on top of a high place. ) The rest of those precious five minutes were spent running like hell out of the convenience store, back home to where the baby and its mother was. It didn’t matter if the baby was immortal like them; Jinri would kick their asses ( his, especially ) if anything happened to their child.

“Suny --! What...the hell.”

Out of all the things he expected to see, it was not Sunyoung kneeling on the floor, raising their baby up -- tomato sauce smeared across its forehead -- and Lion King playing on the TV.

“NAAAAAAAAAAANTS INGONYAAAMA BAGATHI BABAAA.”

Seokjin loved Sunyoung’s voice. Usually. Just not when their child has been turned into Simba. Sunyoung didn’t even look at him, fully absorbed in the opening sequence.

Of course, this took up all of Seokjin’s attention ( as bizarre as it was ), and he hadn’t even realised he’d been smiling ( probably in relief that nothing remotely bad happened ) until Sunyoung finished with the opening scene and looked at him. Their baby was so cute Seokjin just couldn’t find it in himself to be mean.

“Back already?” She took one look at him, and tilted her head to the side. Their child, as if knowing that its mother would do this, followed suit. “Where’s the food?”

“Heheh -- what? Oh, the food.” He rubbed the back of his neck, almost -- almost -- apologetic. “Right. I got distracted. Hey -- ”

The next five minutes were spent kissing Sunyoung, then kissing the top of their baby’s head. Just like this, it felt like a human family; it felt almost normal, if it wasn’t for the ketchup and the dogs barking at their feet and Lion King playing obnoxiously loud in the background.

“C’mon,” he urged, pulling away after another quick kiss. “Come with me? It’s a nice day out for a walk.”

“Can we bring the dogs?”

Of course she would ask that. “Mhm. And uh -- I think you should clean up the baby.” He leaned down a little, and a small, chubby hand patted his face, and laughed like its father was the biggest joke in the world. “And its attitude. Ugh.”

“You just look weird.”

“Nuh-uh! You look weird!”

And another twelve-point-five minutes arguing.

And another five to get ready to get out of the house.

( Two to go back and grab the keys because one of them -- definitely not him! -- had forgotten it. )

All Seokjin wanted was some food. But he supposed a family to enjoy it with afterwards was a pretty good deal, too.

[cardcaptorsrp]

sakura’s drabble meme! ♥

HOW TO PLAY ! send me one (or more) of the words below and i’ll write the corresponding drabble for our muses! please be specific as to who should be doing the action, unless you’d rather leave it to me to decide. remember the rp karma: if you want to receive, then send!

staff note: whether we’ll have more memes in the future or not is up to you guys now. make sure to send as many as possible, and that includes checking back after a day or two to see if we have any late rebloggers. if you hit ask limit, you can always use the submit function instead. do your best to make everyone feel included! if we get more complaints of muses feeling left out because of memes, we might decide to forbid them for the foreseeably future. we really love memes, though, so please don’t make us do that!

p.s make sure not to send meme prompts to the main!

( credits for the list )

Keep reading    

[ccxjin-blog]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) + snowballing

“my mistakes usually have a snowball effect – they just keep getting worse. not a kink, but a talent.”

[ccxjin-blog]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) + forehead kisses

“hey...wait, aren’t they totally innocent? forehead kisses are nothing to be kinky about if i can give them to just about anybody.”

[ccxjin-blog]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) + my credit card

“there are other places where i can swipe it, if you know what i mean.”

[ccxjin-blog]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) + slapping

"last i checked, that’s a form of discipline...? i guess if someone’s been really bad and disobedient...heheh.”