I say, never be complete

A lot of thoughts i have, film i love, and some poetry i write from time to time

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Pessimism

I'm a pessimist, I allow my imagination to desensitize me. With every situation imagining the worst possible scenarios occurring over and over again replaying in my head theres no room for pain. Tragedy is situational and subjective, don't allow bad luck to tear down your mood. Dare to dream, imagine the impossible so reality will never feel far fetched.

[lovefill-deactivated20130201]

Most of the time I feel like I have more talent than most. I feel insight, I feel passion and just… an abundant source of wit that is poised to strike and hits the target when I’m good and lubricated with some sort of vice to keep me comfortably social. But maybe that’s just some kind of deluded...

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Passion Pit-Sleepyhead Indie Music Video

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Just some thoughts

Death has become a more reputable business as the media gobbles down murder after murder and spews information and emotion within every open orifice it can cram it's way into.  The more I look at the social networking I take place in, I see so many posts saying things to the effect of "The world must be ending" because of the many tragedies that have occurred recently. What we choose to share on social networks I feel is the most reflective interaction a person can have while on the internet. Now as we near 12/21/12 a faint drumroll, a creeping burst of humanity is nearing the brim.

Tragedy is subjective and situational, the situations we choose to place ourselves in are the only hardships that we can face in a world where instantaneous interactions occur. How we respond as a people to the images we are faced with every day can and will be seen on such a sensitive day as the one we have labeled as the apocalypse.  Clearly very little will happen just as 6/6/06 and 9/9/09 were just phenomenal numerical events that came for a brief time and passed just as any other day would.

However there is always a hint of a spark in a volatile area that we have now overemphasized to the point of exploitation in a dimension entirely defined by humans. The dimension I speak of would be time, a dimension that is so natural that we rarely question it. Just as most universally powerful phenomena that we will never truly understand, we have defined a undefinable world with numbers and symbols. As these numbers and figures are solid and never change, we begin to create stories to give dramatic meaning to human creations of definition.

We are always looking for an elder, a sage so wise and so old that they must only speak the truth. We seek these beings because they are unwritten sources of history that we will never truly understand. By making the ancient mayans a source of information we are able to inspire fear and shock into the masses to be followed blindly because of the western society we have grown so deeply within prevents forming a new opinion against the grain of mass media.

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Passion Pit- Sleepyhead Music Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy-AT88HjEs&feature=g-crec-u I had to make a music video for my video production class and this is what i came up with

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Pile of Pills Protecting the Productivity of Potential Prospects

They say eyes are the window to the soul But it's true that as the older we grow We become colder and our hearts shall soon show That these windows that we've wasted while getting wasted are shrinking Pupils become black holes or the size of pins to keep our children thinking Designer drug, design your drug

Pills handed down by the information generation Or those shoved forcefully as an explanation The FCC can't protect you from what we've seen For you see, to see what I see you must be insane But we're all insane when you medicate and complicate A process that was once so simple So we will pop that pill and pick our poisons Amphetamines open the mind but leave us with so few choices  

[awolfinhiding-blog]

I remember at the age of 8

I had a secret that I had to hold

Deep down inside of my soul

For much too long, just as long

As ive been singing this song

And yet at the same time I know

That the fault is not my own

I have grown so cold because of a father figure

That wasnt there,

Or here

To...

[ceelospeaks-blog]

-Wrote this about a year ago

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Polar Opposites

We're of two different worlds. Mine filled with make believe and wonder, yours harsh and cruel. I hope we share a moment together as your children sit here while you're at war with your demons. I'll spin them a tale that you once loved.

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Warmup

A grid stands before me A three by five index card bisected by white lines Thinner than the nametag used to cut them

This is where life brings us At the table  Progress staring down at us Got to even out before work It's what fuels the average american college student Weed, Sex, Alcohol, Amphetamines, and the daily dollar 

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Man in the Glass

The man across from me is skinny as can be

and yet was once as thick as a tree,

his eyes are shaded and his looks seem faded

I wonder who this can be

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Fuckk

Oh god, i snorted something. I said I'd never smoke pot, i do that. I said I'd never drink, i do that. I said I'd never snort anything ever. period. But i did.. I don't know who I am anymore, since my girlfriend of 3 years left me I've gotta find out who I am. This isn't it. Drugs and drugs and drugs, its my whole life at this point. Maintaining a state of absolutely fucked up all of the time just to make it through school. Is this the journey that every college student takes or is it just me? I wish i could know, i wish i had answers. I refuse to be my father coke, crack, meth these are a few things i know I will never do. And yet i say that now but look at me 5 years ago, i would have never believed that i just snorted some of my buddies 70 mg vyvanse off of my dorm room desk. Maybe I'll never know who I am, hopefully this film thing works out so I never have to find out. I will be your lens, putting things together for all to enjoy and possibly to learn from. Film has saved my life 100 times over, maybe it's time for me to bring my own life into the film world as payment. I'm just a lost soul seeking refuge in the only thing i know, hopefully it will envelop me and this life can start over, 19 years down the road.

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Crash

Years spent between the lines Yellow and white Dotted solid or double Dont cross the lines that have been laid

Those before us have set them in place Theyve seen the chaos before the lines Colors weaving intravenously Can't maintain a hold Exploration without the lines is frightening Exactly who may be there, exactly what may we see? Until we remove the lines that are in place Under them we will always have order  

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Human interaction

You cannot the deny the benefit of human interaction, i wish this blog was directly connected to some of the things that i have said in conversation. Many times i will find myself arguing with a friend and ranting about a certain topic until i'm blue in the face and every once in awhile the rant will contain some serious truths that i never fully recognized until the words left my mouth. A debate is just a fight completely on the mental spectrum of consciousness, and much like a physical fight there is a winner and a loser. When you feel yourself begin to lose, the fight or flight mechanism within your brain begins to kick in. Producing endorphins and pulling together all of the information you have, just to stay in it. Many times your brain will begin to pull out bits of information that you are coming to the realization of much before the time that it would have been brought to light. That is why we all work so hard under pressure, if we know that we need to get something done our bodies try that much harder to create a final product. And that leads me to this question, if endorphins and your overall brain chemistry are the main striving force behind realization and conception of ideas then shouldn't we always want these endorphins around? The strengths within ourselves pushing us harder and farther to become better in every single way. Well luckily we have begun developing something that would allow us to heighten the amount of endorphins our bodies create, and also we can maintain their production every day by taking one simple pill. Amphetamines, Adderall, ADHD medication is key. It brings us to this heightened state where enlightenment is quicker and easier to obtain.

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Adderall confusion?

The commonly diagnosed ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is treated with small doses of amphetamines. Amphetamines cause endorphins to be produced in your brain such as dopamine. The actual scientific reasoning and proof behind this disorder is the fact that those who suffer from it the most have rather low levels of dopamine D4 receptors. Adderall kicks your dopamine production into overdrive and it puts you on an even keel. The hyperactivity can be caused by many things, however the energy one gets from this hyperactivity is uncontrollable and relentless. Although Adderall too gives you energy it gives you an energy on the opposite side of the spectrum, progressive energy that allows creativity to flow endlessly. This controlled and regulated amount of dopamine brings someone to an entirely new level of existence, meanings are more clear and the world is limitless. After being on Adderall for a week and then forgetting to take it for a day, i have experienced what my life always was without my recognition. This constant battle with nervous energy expelled by pacing and jabbering about nothing.  Adderall is not addictive but i now understand why its hard for people to part ways with a pill or two.

[ceelospeaks-blog]

The Truth

The truth is that i'm scared. I'm scared of living, I'm scared of dying, I'm scared if i try you'll stop trying. If the world keeps spinning and we part ways, will my soul too go astray? This world is hard to stand when the most powerful spend their days sitting. As i age my soul grows cold, is there a part of this you aren't getting? I'm drunk off anger, and high off of confusion. Theres not much more to this illusion. Life comes and life goes but the truth will forever show that I am a boy in a mans world as it continues to twirl, and twirl. 

[ceelospeaks-blog]

ADHD+Weed

A little bit of amphetamines and tree have me flying

A bit more ADD don't need an 8th cop a G

I get the pills for free because they're prescribed to me The deals i break and this flow i make was designed About to grab the blueprint and Illmatic and my soul is ecstatic   Not ecstasy free my mind A little bit of weed, maybe a sip of the Hennessey and I'm gone

[ceelospeaks-blog]

Pinocchio story

"Dug Outs are comparable to the "Pinocchio" of  a real piece, Yeah its crafted and looks like the real thing, but it's not quite a real boy" - David the Great