AO3: Celestial-Kyuk0n
Writing Pokémon SV fanfic (Everything Leads to Zero)
Pronouns: she/her
Behind the scenes, ramblings, and fic extras live here!
Ask box open—anon welcome!
Be kind, stay respectful, enjoy the ride!
Hi, I’m celestial_kyuk0n! 💫(Kyuk0n for short)
This blog is my little creative den for Everything Leads to Zero, a Dipplinshipping fic featuring my OC, Lilac.
If you’re curious about her see the tag: #oc lilac eltz intro
I post worldbuilding notes, thoughts on the writing process, and the occasional scribbly drawing (usually when I get feelings). I also share random things that make me happy—usually Pokémon-related, since that’s my special interest—and some personal opinions along the way.
I’m making an effort to be more interactive here, even if it’s not always easy for me to start conversations. I still really value gentle, kind interactions, and I want this blog to reflect that. 🌸
Thanks for visiting — I hope you enjoy the story. 💜
AO3 link:
Everything Leads to Zero ⬇️
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65847679
You’re welcome to ask questions, send reactions, or just vibe!
✨ I'm a non-native English speaker, so thanks for your patience! ✨
Community Guidelines:
Be Kind & Respectful: Please avoid offensive or harmful language. We’re all here to enjoy stories together.
No Hate Speech: This space is about positivity and creativity. Discrimination, harassment, or hateful content won’t be tolerated.
Anon is Welcome: Feel free to send anonymous asks—just keep it respectful.
Ask Anything (Within Reason): I’m happy to talk shop, share headcanons, or explain details from the fic—as long as it follows the rules above.
No Sensitive or Explicit Content: This blog is a safe space. Please don’t share anything graphic, racist, or otherwise inappropriate.
Just a note about my OC, Lilac:
Lilac is a personal OC who carries some of my traits and experiences. I enjoy writing her relationship with the Pokémon SV characters because it feels emotionally meaningful to me, and I ask kindly that no one use her in dark, violent, or explicit reinterpretations (including mature “what ifs” or alternate crossovers).
I appreciate everyone who's supported her journey so far. Just wanted to make these boundaries clear.
Thanks for understanding and respecting her space. 💜
🤝 Everyone’s Welcome Here
One thing I’d really like to encourage is this:
🌼 Please don’t judge all ships — or all shippers — by the actions of a few people.
Every fandom has:
people who are respectful, kind, and simply passionate
and others who may behave in toxic or hurtful ways
But it’s unfair to assume that everyone who enjoys a certain type of ship is problematic.
Most people are just here to have fun, express themselves, and celebrate the characters they love. 💛
I support:
✨ Canon ships
✨ Yume ships
✨ Yuri & Yaoi ships
✨ OC ships
✨ As long as they’re healthy and respectful ✨
💗 And About Lilac & Kieran…
I want to share something personal too.
Writing their story has meant more to me than I ever expected.
Through them, I found comfort, expression, and the courage to open up to others.
They’ve helped me grow, heal, and connect with people — including many of you.
For that, I’m truly grateful. 🌙🍂
🌟 Feel Free to Share Your Thoughts!
If you’d like to talk about:
💬 your ships
💬 your OCs
💬 your comfort characters
💬 your reasons for loving a character
💬 or anything that makes you happy in fandom
Please feel free to comment or ask!
Let’s keep this space friendly, creative, and supportive. 🌸✨
This is probably the most bizarre theory I have ever come up with.
What if Lilac is related to Briar?
Like, Briar’s her aunt that never knew she had a niece or something?
I think the only reason I came up with this is that they both have ancestry to the initial Area Zero expedition crew, they both have floral names, and they both have blonde hair (well, at least in Lilac’s beta design, but who to say that’s not her natural hair color and maybe Opaline’s magic is what makes it purple.)
Plus, she’s taken quite the interest to Lilac. Maybe it’s not only because of Rosalina.
(This is a crack theory. Please do not take this seriously).
Actually, your theory isn’t stupid at all! 😂
Yes, obviously it’s not how things work in the current storyline, but in the very first draft of the story, Briar was actually supposed to be related to Lilac (her aunt, to be exact!). 👀
However, I ended up changing it because it felt a bit too predictable and cliché. So yeah, in another universe, your theory is totally canon!
As always, it’s time for some behind-the-scenes trivia for this chapter! Honestly, this one was pretty packed, and there’s a lot of super interesting lore and development going on under the surface. 🔍
Today, we're going to dive into:
The cut scenes and how I balanced the angst ✂️💔
Lilac’s evolution and growth 🎶🌊
Are you guys ready? Let's get started!
The cut scenes ✂️
Okay, this part is incredibly personal, and honestly, it’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for a really long time. 🥺
Sometimes, people in my real life (like relatives and acquaintances) discover my passions—since I’m totally terrible at hiding them—and end up seeing my creative work, including my writing. I actually wrote a few other things before ELTZ (even though this current fanfic is by far my biggest project yet!). However, those older stories stayed completely private, or I only shared them back when I was still in school. (And trust me, I used to write my school essays exactly the way I write my fanfic now! 😂 I was just that "weird kid" in class who was deeply in love with writing, and whom my classmates lowkey hated because I’d actually celebrate when the teacher announced a reading comprehension test!)
The point is, some people who have seen me write have asked me why I don't "push my writing to the absolute limit" and write things that are more realistic or, above all, mature. 🛑
Anyone who read today’s chapter knows there’s a scene where Lilac "goes through a really rough time." Yet, it’s not a scene filled with extreme violence, nor does she end up physically harmed. I truly believe that is my absolute limit—or at least very close to it. Even so, some people in real life have told me, "Why do you care so much about making them suffer? They’re just fictional characters!" And that’s exactly what bothers me. I am never happy when I have to make fictional characters go through pain. Every single time I have to write a sad or painful scene in my fanfic, I literally have to take a break and step away before I can go back to work.💔
It’s not because I’m scared of dark topics. I’ve faced things in real life that are way worse than any horror movie. It’s simply because my relationship with fictional characters makes them feel like real friends to me. I think it comes down to the fact that during most of my childhood and teenage years, characters from books, anime, and especially video games were TRULY the only ones standing by my side during my loneliest and saddest moments.
Because of that, I’ve developed an intense empathy for them that I just can't set aside.
Can I enjoy stories where characters go through a lot of suffering? Yes, absolutely—but only if I know they’re going to get a happy ending (or at the very least, a bittersweet one). ❤️🩹
Am I well-informed about all the dark themes I find interesting? Of course! I know every single detail about them, even the deepest, darkest secrets. But have I ever tried writing or drawing them myself? No, I just can’t do it. And that applies to Lilac, Kieran, and all the other characters in this story too.
What really disappointed me about those people in my life, though, is that they expect me to use my "special talents," as they call them, to make content for them. Like, bro, my art is a hobby, not a job! 🖐️🙄 I am not a waiter at your favorite restaurant! If you want to see mature or dark content in writing or drawing, the world is absolutely full of it. Just don't force it on creators who simply don't care for that genre.
Naturally, I’m only talking about the people who aggressively demand it (one of my relatives still does this to this day with literally everything I do) and not about those who kindly ask about my reasons or offer friendly advice. If you love that genre and it makes you happy, I am genuinely happy for you too, and I love hearing your perspectives! Just please, be respectful and don't force creators out of their comfort zones. 🙏
But speaking more specifically about the fanfic, there are actually a few cut scenes I want to mention—because otherwise, what kind of Trivia section would this be?
I once mentioned to someone a cut scene involving an intense nightmare where Lilac was attacked by Iron Valiant with its blades. (It was fully planned, but never actually written because of my boundaries). ⚔️
The heavy scene in today's chapter was significantly toned down compared to the slightly darker version in my very first draft. 📉
Basically, all of Pecharunt’s scenes before his peaceful arc were originally meant to be way heavier, but I softened them up. 🍑
There are a lot of cut scenes in the future Third Arc (you guys will understand exactly what I mean when we get there!). ⏳
The language used by the Loyal Three during the Teal Mask arc was originally supposed to be much harsher and cruder, but I balanced it out, and I made sure their physical attacks were directed far more toward Lilac's Pokémon rather than Lilac herself.
And as for the Purple Queen... well, her entire character in the fic is a much milder version of what I originally had in mind. And trust me, she is EVIL. In some of my older notes, she used to threaten Lilac terribly and even physically hurt her in some way. 👑🖤
Yeah, I know I'm not revealing every single detail, but I'm sure you guys have plenty of imagination to understand the exact reasons behind the "censorship" in my fanfic!
Lilac’s evolution and growth 🎶
For our second trivia topic today, I have something a bit more lighthearted and wholesome: Lilac and her Popplio, Melody! 🌊
I absolutely loved writing their growth arc, leading up to that final moment where Lilac uses Melody’s courage as inspiration to finally play her flute in front of the crowd—even if it was just for two notes. Writing that was the most emotional part of the chapter for me because I got to relive all of Melody's memories. It felt just like one of those major milestones in real life, where you look back at the long journey that brought you this far, and you realize you just need one final push to get exactly where you want to be. It was so beautiful to write that evolutionary moment because Melody wasn’t the only one evolving—her trainer was growing right alongside her! 🎶🌱
I was actually so worried that I wouldn't be able to do justice to their beautiful bond, so it would mean the world to me if you guys shared your thoughts about Melody in the comments! 💬🥺
Did you enjoy little Popplio’s journey all the way to becoming a magnificent Primarina? What did you think of her relationship with Lilac and her music? Personally, I truly believe Lilac couldn't have asked for a better Pokémon to help her develop as a character. 🎤💙
If you want to share your thoughts, my inbox is open as always! 💌
Haunted by the lingering bruises of a volatile nightmare and the crushing weight of the Knowing, Lilac faces the icy reality of the Polar Biome. Tomorrow’s battle against Drayton draws near, but a sudden, unyielding restriction forces her to question her boundaries as both a Trainer and a human. Refusing to treat Pokémon as mere data tools despite the Player’s silent demands, Lilac steps onto the battlefield with a severely unoptimized team of three. But as the electrical currents of the final trial threaten to break her resolve, the lines between past memories and present choices begin to blur—all under the watchful, heartbroken gaze of a Champion hidden in the shadows.
⚠️Content Warning⚠️: Hey everyone! Just a quick heads-up for this chapter. One section features some heavy psychological angst, intense nightmare sequences, and brief phantom/physical pain (a character getting struck in a dream and feeling the ache in reality).
If you are sensitive to heavy emotional manipulation or character distress, please mind how you go! Enjoy the chapter! 💙
Fankids, Fankids, I love Fankids. Fankids, Fankids, I love Fankids.
(Both of these are Kieran x Character Fankids. From right to left, we have Himiko Koshou, daughter of Kieran and Juliana from @tuttiwrites’s Eavesdropperverse, and Kikyo Belle, daughter of Kieran and Lilac from @celestial-kyuk0n’s Everything Leads to Zero.
THEY ARE SO CUTE AND HAPPY HERE! 💜💜💜😭
I love both Kikyo and Himiko way too much to make them sad. They are our precious princesses and must be protected at all costs!
If anyone ever asks me in the future why I'm more leaning towards a happy ending for everyone in my fanfic (including Juliana and her Kieran), I’ll just show them this fan art as my response. Like @tuttiwrites already said, their friendship needs to be canon in every single universe!
I truly love this drawing, it completely captures the "best friends" vibes of these two cuties.
Thank you so much for the fan art, Adeline! 💖
The Shades of ELTZ: A Colorful Analysis on Lilac and the Knowing
(Quick warning ahead, like all my other theories, this contain spoiler for the later chapters of ELTZ)
Something I noticed is the color of the Knowing: it’s yellow (the golden strings of fate and all). Now this might seem like a random choice of colors. Maybe @celestial-kyuk0n chose it because yellow is often associated with god and heaven and the Knowing is a God-like power and Player. But, I have a different take on this. And it all has to do with Lilac.
The main colors of Lilac are, well, purple (go figure. Her name can refer to a shade of purple, she’s in Pokemon Violet, etc).
Now, I don’t now much on color theory, but I do know the basics, one of them being Contrasting Colors, basically a color that when mixed, will form a dull muddy color. One example being red and green.
You know what else are contrasting colors? That’s right! Purple and Yellow.
Now what this means is unknown to say the least, but I believe that this is referring to the contrasting personalities that Lilac and the Knowing have.
The Knowing is a loud, boisterous, and a little rude Player, while Lilac is a quiet, shy, and nice girl/avatar. Having the Knowing be a contrasting color to Lilac’s main color is a perfect way to show their clash. Almost like…they were never meant to be.
(Okay the next part is gonna sound a little bizarre, so just trust me on this one)
Chapter 54 has Juliana state, “Every entity in this world is hardcoded with a single, unique Potential,” yet both her and Lilac have access to the Knowing. Well, a few paragraphs later, it’s reveal this is because Juliana ripped out Lilac’s true Hidden Potential and awakened the Knowing in it’s place.
Lilac’s true Hidden Potential is stated to be lavender. A shade of purple. The type of color scheme that would fit someone like Lilac. It’s not that hard to say that Lilac’s true hidden potential is as quiet and reserved as she is.
And, if you take it a step further, you can sorta see how the Knowing fits Juliana more than Lilac.
Juliana’s hair is brown or auburn. And shades of yellow often fit better in pallets with colors like brown or auburn. The pallets match better with Juliana. This goes to show how the Knowing was always destined to be Juliana’s power. Never Lilac’s.
Juliana has better control over the Knowing than Lilac because Lilac was never meant to have the Knowing in the first place! Not to mention, the warm and cool colors of both the characters! AND FURTHERMORE—
(Okay, that’s enough. I’m going full Battat mode for this.)
Okay, I absolutely LOVE this theory! 💜
The thing is, since I studied color theory and meanings, I just adore it when someone notices how important they are in my works.
Yes, purple is my favorite color, but that doesn't take away from its meaning and importance (in fact, precisely because I love it, you should expect it to BE important!).
Seeing this theory about the fanfic focusing on colors really brightened my day, and your theory is incredibly accurate. I mean, I didn't study color theory just to lock that knowledge away and never use it again! 😂
And actually, it’s not just the color itself that matters, but the shades too. 😉🌈
By the way, Lilac's eyes are lavender, but they turn golden (or have a little golden glow) when the Knowing is revealed in the story. I guess you can see the connection here!
I can confirm that Lilac’s name comes from the flower and the shade of purple! 🪻
I think I already mentioned this in some trivia about her anyway, so it’s not a spoiler. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons why I love my OC so much—the fact that I feel she truly embodies the color purple and all its different shades (from light to dark). I strongly associate Lilac with purple.
Even the Purple Queen, despite being a virus from the Player’s mod, is still a part of Lilac. I mean, if you want to break your game, you start by corrupting the most important data: the protagonist of the playthrough, the culmination of your very existence in the game world. That’s why she is associated with dark purple (specifically the dark purple Iris shade).
I also absolutely adore how you analyzed the fact that yellow and purple are complementary colors, associating them with the opposite personalities of Lilac and the Player. And the part where the connection with Juliana begins? Absolute cinema! 🎬 Goosebumps! 🫣
(Being an author is so complicated. There are so many things I want to say but can’t, and that part in chapter 54... ahhh, I must stay silent! Shut up, intrusive thoughts, you want to reveal too much! You're worse than the SOUL and the Knowing doing a collab together!)
As always, your theories are so incredibly interesting!
Thank you for taking the time to analyze ELTZ once again.
It always brings me so much joy to see your perspective on the story and the lore. 💖
PS. Believe me when I say that Battat is literally me looking at my REAL whiteboard with all the fanfic plot connections, comparing it to your theory. 😂
Don’t worry about Julie and Lilac, they’re back together on my island.
Also, “new character arrived on the island?” “Have to do with Kieran and Lilac’s future?” “Fate decided the gender?” “They’re ‘cute’?”
HOLD UP, LILAC AND KIERAN HAVE A CHILD???????!!!!!!
You guessed it! 🤭 Tomodachi Life literally gave me the idea for this new OC. The game created her completely on its own (including her name, thanks to the random options it gives you) and her design turned out absolutely adorable! 🥰
So, everyone welcome Kikyo (or Belle, as her Universal name) straight from the future!
I still don’t know if I’ll actually use her once the ELTZ fanfic is finished, or if I'll create something around Lilac and Kieran's future to give Kikyo/Belle an official role. But I really wanted to show her to you anyway because I’m already so attached to her as an OC! 🥹
I actually made an illustration based on her in-game appearance (though I took a few creative liberties with her design). I also sketched adult versions of Lilac and Kieran in a manga style! However, I can't bring myself to recreate their adult designs in Tomodachi Life because I'm terrified of ruining how they look—I am honestly terrible at customizing Mii details! 💀
But yeah, we are talking about a very distant future anyway.
Also, look at these two GIFs from the game! Kikyo acts so much like Kieran and Lilac! 😭 First Himiko (@tuttiwrites’s Julie and Kieran's daughter) and now Kikyo... I'm starting to think it's a canon event for Kieran to have a future daughter who takes so much after him! 🧬 Disaster duo energy right here.
I haven't decided what to do with her yet, but I just love her design and personality so much, so we'll see. For now, she's just a cute little "What If"!
Okay, I was playing the new Tomodachi Life just to have some fun, and I stumbled upon these two scenes that I absolutely had to share with you all.
This scene reminds me so much of a magical girl transformation, especially Sailor Moon! 🎀✨ As a fan, I just had to show you because it's so beautiful!
This other scene involves Kieran and Carmine, and it’s just too funny for me—I seriously love these two and their shenanigans! 🤣🤣🤣
Anyway, I just wanted to post these because they are fun. And while I'm at it, I wanted to let you know that my elbow is really recovering! 😊 I've started working (though still being careful with physical efforts) on a project I already mentioned in a previous post (the one about the OC guide).
“Okay, I've officially decided the fanfic's ending: Lacey becomes the true queen, conquers the entire game world, and forces everyone to solve her quizzes to survive.”
Can’t believe Lacey was Mettaton all along.
(I genuinely don’t know if this was intentional or a coincidence, I just noticed the similarities with the King Mettaton ending and the Queen Lacey ‘ending.’)
I hadn't realized how much Lacey's "ending" in the fanfic actually resembled Mettaton's, but yes, now I see it too! And that's pretty much what will likely happen on my Tomodachi Life island very soon.
Lacey is getting ready for her ascension to the throne.
Look, I've already given her a crown, just in case. 👑
You can really feel how manipulative Briar is (and trust me, we will see things happen in the fanfic down the line... all I'm saying is that Briar is definitely not done manipulating Lilac yet 💎). I feel like this drawing perfectly captures what went down at the end of The Teal Mask, and especially what's yet to come.
By the way, fun fact: Lilac was originally supposed to be blonde before I decided on her current hair color, so seeing her with Noelle's blonde hair reminded me of that early sketch I did.
I finally got the new Tomodachi Life and I decided I was gonna make some of my OCs and a couple of characters from different shows.
I decided to make Lilac because, of course I would, and went to introduce her to a couple of my other Mii’s.
During when my OC Lina was talking to Lilac, the latter just casually blew her off and now Lina is upset.
I SWEAR THE ELTZ!PLAYER’S KNOWING TOOK CONTROL IN THAT MOMENT. THE GAME KNOWS SO WELL. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
Poor Lilac, she can't even escape the Player's Knowing in the Mii universe! 🙈
For my part, the very first question Lilac asked me when I started the new Tomodachi Life was about my favorite type of video game. 👀 A peculiar question, especially since she later casually talks to Kris and Frisk about the "good old days." Nothing weird at all, right? 💀😅 Last time I checked, totally normal stuff!
Hey Tutti, I was wondering something. What do you think of fanfics, fanart, etc., where instead of using Juliana and reinterpreting her character, they preffer to use a female OC or avatar? Are there any you like? Do you have any recommendations for people who want to do this kind of thing but are afraid or embarrassed to publish it because of what others might say?
To each their own, tbh! If you wanna write your own story, go for it. If it’s your own idea, it’s respectful to the characters and source material, and you believe in it, go have fun with your idea and the people who enjoy your story will come.
For me it’s more about the quality of the storytelling. I prefer Juliana and Kieran, but if there is thought and care put into the character and world, that’s where an OC idea can truly shine.
@celestial-kyuk0n has a lovely OC fic going right now, and @demikempton has a brilliant series!
I have to say, this question reminds me so much of myself back when I was still in the middle of creating Lilac. At the time, Dipplinshipping fanfics with an OC were super rare, and @demikempton’s fic was just getting started (by the way, I highly recommend her story too, I absolutely adore Phen! 🥺). Because of that, I used to worry a lot and had so much anxiety about it.
Receiving this kind of reassurance helped me tons back then, and this ask actually inspired me to pay it forward! 🥰 I often share tips in my Trivia posts, but now I feel super motivated to write a detailed masterpost all about OCs, how to create them, and the methods I used to overcome my writing anxiety.
It’s going to be a bit long (which is why I'll write it as soon as my elbow feels better! 💪), but I think it’s a wonderful way to help anyone who wants to create their own OCs but feels too scared to post them.
Thank you so much for the inspiration, Anon!
P.S. Since we are talking about recommendations, I also highly suggest checking out @polarbearauri’s ongoing fanfic! It’s not Dipplinshipping, but it's set in the Pokémon ScaVio universe and it's definitely worth a read! 🌟📖
Time for today's trivia... let's talk about references! 🔎
This chapter is packed with them! The most obvious one is definitely Pyroar acting like Simba from The Lion King. 🦁👑
I absolutely love dropping references because I feel like it makes the world of this fanfic feel so much more alive. There are plenty of them scattered throughout previous chapters too!
I've always wondered what you guys think about them, though. Do you enjoy finding references? Which one has been your favorite in the story so far? (Feel free to pick more than one!) I'd really love to hear your thoughts! 💬
As for Hassel and Drayton... 🎨🐲
I can't spoil anything just yet! But I find their dynamic in the canon material so fascinating, so I absolutely couldn't pass up the chance to dive deeper into it in this AU.
I really love how all Dragon-type trainers seem to know each other in the Pokémon world—it feels a bit like a big family.
Because of that, I feel like Hassel and Drayton could have some really great interactions. Both of them have issues with their generational Dragon-expert families.
Even though Drayton might feel uncomfortable talking about it with Hassel, I think deep down it could do them both some good.
What do you guys think of this dynamic? Do you find it interesting?
If you want to share your thoughts, my inbox is open as always! 💌
P.S. Sorry if I won't be writing much today, but I took a hard hit to my elbow (luckily my left and not my right).
Even though it's nothing serious, it still hurts and I was told not to overexert myself.
I actually feel a bit sad because I hate not being able to write as much as I want, but I will still do my best to reply to your comments, even if my answers might be shorter.
Chapter 55 of Everything Leads to Zero is out now!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
With only twenty-four hours left to prepare for her upcoming battle against Drayton, Lilac forces herself into an exhausting morning routine in the Terarium. But a day can be longer than it seems.
⚠️Content Warning⚠️:
This chapter contains:
Depictions of emotional exhaustion, physical burnout, and a brief emotional breakdown/crying fit.
Mild sensory anxiety/overload mentions.
Brief psychological reflections on past loss of body autonomy/mind control.
(All warnings are handled with care and do not contain heavy explicit triggers or graphic descriptions).
I got my friend into reading ELTZ today! I’d been talking about it with her for a while (and trying not to spoil it), and now she’s finally reading it!
She’s on chapter 3 currently. I’m hoping to get back with her tomorrow to see what she thinks!
Oh wow, this is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for recommending ELTZ to your friend, that is incredibly sweet of you.
Welcome to her! 💜 💜💜
I hope she enjoys the journey, and I’d love to hear what she thinks. Let me know how it goes tomorrow!
1. Do you have any plans for Lilac or the ELTZ cast after ELTZ is complete?
2. If you had stuck to your idea of Juliana being the protagonist, what would it have looked like? Would it have been a similar take on what we currently have, only with the roles of Lilac and Juliana switched around?
As of right now, I don’t have any set plans for Lilac and her friends after ELTZ ends. I do have some ideas bouncing around in my head, but they’re still in the very early stages! To be completely honest, I don’t even know if I’m ready to say goodbye to the ELTZ cast yet, especially Lilac and Kieran, since they both hold such a special place in my heart. 🥹 Let’s just say I’m playing around with the idea of doing something with them afterward, but I’m not 100% sure yet!
Your second question is so interesting! 🤔
No, originally Lilac and Juliana’s roles weren’t swapped, mostly because Lilac was just my personal player avatar in Pokémon Violet. At first, Juliana was supposed to be the main character of ELTZ and was going to meet an alternate version of herself from Pokémon Scarlet. However, I ended up scrapping that idea because I wanted to focus more on Pokémon Violet. 💜
Part of me really wanted to use Lilac, but my anxiety held me back a lot at the beginning. 😣 I was terrified that people would see her as a Mary Sue, or even worse, find her sensitivity annoying. Unfortunately, in real life, people often tell me to my face that they can't stand my emotional nature and high sensory sensitivity. 💔 I was scared to death that Lilac would get the same treatment from readers since she’s partly based on me, even though she has her own unique traits and experiences.
I think the story would have been quite different if I had used Juliana, simply because her personality is the exact opposite of Lilac's. I’ve always seen Juliana as a more driven and outgoing person—partly due to how I'm used to seeing her in the Dipplinshipping fandom! If she had been the protagonist, she would have had that friendly, study-loving, and discovery-driven personality (which actually stayed a part of her character in the current version of ELTZ). ☀️ She would have put more effort than Lilac into uncovering her roots and the truths of the world. She wouldn't be held back by a hatred for the Violet Book like Lilac is; instead, she would have been fascinated by it! She also would have cooperated more with Briar. Unlike Lilac, Juliana isn't passive, so she would have set boundaries right from the start—something Lilac didn't really do until the most recent chapters.
Juliana still would have had her low moments tied to her responsibilities and guilt, since she has her own insecurities too, but she would have handled them differently.
Her relationship with Kieran would have been different as well. While Kieran can empathize with Lilac to a degree because of their shared experiences, he wouldn't have done that with Juliana until the very end. He would have always viewed her as this tireless sun, someone everyone trusts. I strongly believe that Kieran’s reactions change depending on the personality of the protagonist he faces. The core of his envy and insecurities stays the same, but everything else is shaped by the main character! This is actually something we’ll explore deeper in ELTZ, since future chapters will focus on Juliana’s life in her own dimension before the death of her Kieran.
I actually wrote the first drafts of the early chapters with Juliana as the main character, but I just felt she wasn't the right fit for this specific story. ✍️ I wanted someone exactly like Lilac, so in the end, Lilac got the role of protagonist, while Juliana shifted to being the Save Files traveler.
Even today, I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if I had stuck with Juliana. A lot more people would probably know about this fanfic since it would have featured traditional Dipplinshipping. 📈 But honestly? I don't really care about the numbers. I started writing this story because I simply couldn't keep my creativity locked inside anymore! 💖 Of course, I hope my readers are enjoying it—after all, I think every fanfic author wants their work to be loved. But the most important thing to remember is that you have to be your own biggest and most important fan. I am writing the exact fanfic that I would love to read, and I'm genuinely happy that I put Lilac and Juliana in the roles they have now.
Also, fun fact: at the very beginning, Lilac was supposed to be a silent protagonist! She was going to have selective mutism, communicating only through gestures, sounds, and especially through Opaline, who would act as a translator for her thoughts. This trait is heavily drawn from my own life, since I experience selective mutism myself with certain people and in specific environments (I often rely on writing to express myself in those moments). 📝
Originally, Lilac would have spoken normally only with a few characters or in very specific contexts. A small piece of this idea actually made it into the final story, which is why I often describe her speaking in a low or hesitant voice.
Ultimately, I scrapped the main concept because I was terrified I wouldn't be able to portray it well with the little writing experience I had back then (though who knows, this concept might return in the future!). I also decided against it because I really love the fics by an author named @bee-tone, where Juliana is non-verbal. I didn't want it to feel like I was just copying her idea, out of pure respect for her work and how beautifully she handle it. ❤️
I hope these answers satisfy your curiosity! I have so much fun sharing all this behind-the-scenes trivia! 🎬
