FYI: This is a side-blog! Therefore, my likes, follows, etc. will come from @seventh-district
This blog is largely SFW, but I do occasionally reblog or post suggestive & 18+ content, which will be tagged appropriately and placed underneath a cut. Minors DNI.
Also, I'll do my best to tag potential triggers as- "cw _____"
Aside from that, hello! I've been fixated on the DCA for long enough now that I caved in and made another side-blog just for them.
My main creative project for this fandom is my Sun/Moon/Reader fic "Everything Stays", wherein you return to work as an assistant in the daycare 10 long years after suddenly disappearing from Sun & Moon's lives. Fazbear Entertainment has just granted all of the animatronics autonomy, and they're no longer obligated to work for Faz. Inc. in any capacity. With more freedom than they know what to do with, and grappling with your sudden reemergence in their lives, Sun and Moon don't know what to do with themselves anymore. Maybe the three of you can figure it out together.
You can find it here!
Note: This fic is very slow to update and currently on an indefinite hiatus. The most recent chapter (6) also ends on a bit of a cliffhanger/unhappy note. I still have no plans to entirely abandon the story, I just want people to be aware of these things before getting invested, since I can make no promises as to when I will return with the next chapter(s).
I also (used to) write for an AU of mine called "[Not] Made by Design", which is set in (a slightly more technologically advanced version of) reality. FNaF characters are nothing more than fictional, and you are an employee of a robotics company with too much time on your hands. You spearhead a project to create two automatons modeled after Sun and Moon from Security Breach, and have to deal with the consequences when they turn out to be very different from their fictional counterparts.
For a collection of everything I've written for [N]MbD, click here!
Note: I added the "(used to)" up there because I don't know if or when I will return to writing for this AU. The horrible rise in popularity of LLMs and Gen'AI' over the last few years in real life has put a significant damper on my desire to play around with the concept of sentient AI in fiction, especially the particular way I depict it in this AU. I don't want my works reaching the wrong audience and further fueling the delusion that what we currently call 'AI' in real life is potentially sentient, or even intelligent. - I also have largely run out of any significant ideas I want to write for these characters, and I've grown to almost resent my most popular 18+ oneshot in the series. Luckily, it is a collection of oneshots and not a long-form project like ES, so you're still free to read what does exist if you so desire without worrying about cliffhangers. I just can't say if there will ever be more. I'm also just not as active in this fandom as I once was and have other things I'd rather write.
I have also written more general stuff and try to leave it up to reader interpretation as to what setting the fic takes place in.
You can find my SFW stories in the tag #Seven.txt - In The Daylight
You can find my NSFW stories in the tag- #Seven.txt - Under The Stars
(Can’t get these links to work on mobile right now, sorry! The fics are there, though. Just long-press and open them in your phone’s browser or type the tags into the blog’s search bar.)
This post will just serve as a public version of the personal record that I keep of all the changes I've made to any published chapters of the fic. I've made enough changes at this point that it only seems fair to be transparent about them so any returning readers aren't left confused by any inconsistencies between the current updated lore and what they remember from reading prior versions of the published chapters. It mostly isn't anything groundbreaking and the casual reader might not even notice or remember the difference, but I am obsessed with details and so this simply feels like the right thing to do.
Warning: Spoilers Abound. I do not recommend reading any of this until/unless you have read through all of the currently available chapters on Ao3. (Currently: 6)
How This Post Is Formatted
Entries that start with a bullet point like this are direct, edited excerpts from the fic. Text with a strikethrough like this is parts that I have removed. Bolded text like this is the replacements, alterations, and/or new additions.
- Indented text like this is any personal notes or commentary that I have on the edited text above.
--- Text that follows three hyphens like this is separate notes unrelated to the excerpts above them.
Okay, let's begin.
FIC SUMMARY
Summary of Changes: Adjusted the amount of time that Reader has been gone from 11 to 10 years. Removed the statement that their leaving was for a ‘terribly selfish reason’. Grammar correction. Removed a bit that feels unnecessary.
Eleven Ten years ago, you suddenly disappeared from Sun & Moon's lives. for a terribly selfish reason. Now you're returning to work as their assistant. Fazbear Inc. has just granted all of their animatronics autonomy and they're no longer obligated to work for the company in any capacity. With more freedom than they ever dreamed of having and grappling with your sudden reemergence in their lives, Sun and Moon don't know what to do with themselves anymore. You used to consider them your best friends in the entire world. You’d been under the impression that you were theirs as well. The problem is, they don’t seem to recognize you at all now. In all fairness though, you hardly recognize them either. Through the isolation, trauma, self-worth and identity issues, Maybe the three of you can figure this out together. - Sometimes you realize that what you’ve been looking for all your life is still exactly where you left it. Even if time has changed it, it’s still yours, and it’s still there. It’s just waiting for you to find it again.
CHAPTER 1
Summary of Changes: Assorted minor grammar and formatting changes. Changed the point in history that Faz. Inc. started implementing/using their ‘Learning A.I.’. Removed the nicknames that Sun and Moon called each other. Changed the dynamic between Reader, their family, and the dog Benny. Changed Benny from a purebred Dachshund to a Jackshund (Jack Russel Terrier + Dachshund) mixed breed because .. I can. Changed the amount of time Reader has been absent from the plex. Did away with the concept of the employees all receiving ‘uniforms’ and changed it to a dress code instead. Altered the dialogue and interaction between Reader and their mother. Changed Moon’s full/legal name from Moonfall to Moonset. Minor changes to Sun and Moon’s interaction in their room before Reader arrives, to better align with the overall plot and lore.
--- Oh boy here we fucking go. Guys, the first chapter of this fic is so cringe. I hate it here. Resisting the urge to change everything. I’m gonna get mistaken for someone who’s pro-Gen ‘AI’ at this rate. …I’ll add a new paragraph to the fic’s opening notes to address this.
“When we first began implementing Learning A.I. into our animatronics in the very early two-thousands at the turn of the millennium, we never anticipated that twenty years later, they would have adapted so impressively to the ever-changing world around them. We never thought they would become so… aware.”
“Don't-don't-don't ya wanna keep watching to see what the public’s reaction to the news is gonna be like, Moonlight?” His voice was thick with forced enthusiasm but Moon didn’t point it out. “No, Sunshine… I don’t.”
He’s more your parents dog than yours at this point, He’s more-so your dog than ‘the family dog’ at this point, you doubted you’d you’d likely bring him with you if you ever managed to move out of this place. But for the time being you put up with his annoying, yet endearing behavior. The senior Jackshund mix is annoying and endearing in equal measure. It’s not his fault that your mother lets parents let him get away with literally everything, and ten years in is a bit too late for you to bother teaching an old dog new manners.
You reach out of your blanket cocoon to gently redirect him away from your drink and onto the other side of the couch. You idly pet him with one hand as you sip your coffee with the other, and you eventually starting to toy with the soft tips of the dachshund’s his little pointed ears.
There’s no point in trying to predict it, as badly as your mind wishes it could, so instead you let your thoughts wander. They drift to all the how's and the why's that brought you to this specific point in time, steeling yourself to go face a sea of unfamiliar faces in a place you haven’t stepped foot inside of for nearly twelve over ten years.
--- Guys i used so many fuckign unnecessary commas lord help me
--- Why was i putting an apostrophe in front of the word plex
--- Im so serious im losing my mind at all of these unnecessary commas. I know i still do it but oh my god i used to be Worse
--- I’m gonna add periods after the A and I in AI - “A.I.” in an attempt to differentiate the concept of my Genuinely Sentient Artificial Intelligence in this Fictional Story from the LLMs/Gen-AI that currently exists in real life.
--- Ok i survived rereading the first scene
--- ..i do still quite like the dynamic i set up between Moon and Vanessa in the second scene. Jaded security besties
“Sun and I have already submitted our official decisions. We’re staying. Aside from taking Sundays off, everything will be staying the same as usual as far as the two of us are concerned. Okay?”
You were told that everyone was allowed to wear whatever they’d like on this first introductory day, as long as it was “work-appropriate.” The statement also said that you’d all be given your official employee ID’s and uniforms a run-down on the employee dress code by the end of the day.
- Now i have to figure out a dress code sigh . More googling
- Also. Shout-out to the r/ECEProfessionals subreddit for helping me figure out so many details of how irl daycare stuff works
You pull out a pair of black pants covered in decorated with an all-over pattern of small white crescent moons, pairing them with a simple black undershirt and a white cardigan with swirling blue and golden embroidery.
- I was gonna change Reader’s outfit a bit here cause I thought it was too feminine for what’s supposed to be a GN!Reader but i guess it’s fine actually. Just changed the wording a bit for hopefully better.. Visualization idk bro its 5am
- I swear I thought I originally wrote in the fic that the pants were specifically “palazzo pants” and I wanted to remove the palazzo part cause it felt too fem and was unnecessarily specific but it's. Gone?? So ig I already removed it and forgor 👍
You check yourself in the mirror and take one final inventory of all your things - watch, phone, bag, backpack, keys, wallet, etc.- then make your way back down to the kitchen as you prepare to leave soon.
--- Maybe one day i can decide how i want to format EM dashes and stick with it
--- “You bite back the urge to cringe at the idea of your aging mother having to drive your 23-year-old ass to your first day at work. You relied on her for plenty of years, but eventually you knew you had to bite the bullet and overcome your horrific driving anxiety.” i’m nearing 27 goddamn years old and still haven’t done this irl btw. Someone just kill me
You’re right, you’re right. Someone has to pick up all the fallen sticks before he mows the entire yard for the second time this week…” You turn back for a moment as you’re walking out the door, and there’s amusement in your voice when you respond. “Well, you know how he likes to keep it perfect!” She shakes her head with an understanding look that only comes with 40-something years of living with someone. “Just like his mother was, I tell you.”
- I’m removing all of that entirely. Unnecessarily specific and for what
You laugh a bit at that, talking as you lean in for a hug and reach around to grab a banana off the counter to take with you for the commute. “Well, I know he appreciates the help out there. many hands make light work, or however that saying goes…”
She sighs, but she’s still smiling as she stands and follows you to the front door. She reaches out to pull the front door closed bends down and lifts Benny from the door mat as he attempts to follow you, poking her head out from behind it watching from the doorway as you open your car door.
- Even in spite of these changes I feel like some readers are still gonna get whiplash from how differently Reader’s parents are depicted in chapter 6. I’m too tired to bring myself to do anything else about it though. You either understand the cycle of day-and-night differences that one encounters while living with (an) abusive alcoholic(s) or you don’t. And I suppose that i hope you don’t.
On the other side of town, a very tired-looking (M)moon-themed animatronic sits in a pile of blankets, toying with one of the tips of an old, visibly well-loved, white plush star. He’s doing his best to not fall into sleep mode as his Sunshine sunny counterpart continues to nervously talk his audio sensors ears off.
He’s down on his knees, having busied himself with carefully digging through the contents of an opened plastic storage box labeled “HIGH PRIORITY - PRECIOUS DOCUMENTS - PROPERTY OF SUNRISE AND MOONFALL MOONSET”.
“Don’t remember us? Why-why-why wouldn’t they? I mean… the three of us weren’t that young when they left… I think most humans tend to remember things from when they were eleven twelve years old!”
“Okay… listen… I’m not saying that they can’t or don’t actually remember… I’m just saying that it the time they spent with us may have not been as, uhm… impactful of a memory to them as it was to you. not linger as prominently in their memory as it does in yours.”
“Moon… don’t say that like it their sudden departure didn’t hurt you too…”
Sun quietly stares at the paper in his hands for a long minute. A young child’s drawing is scribbled across it. He pulls in a shaky semblance of a breath and carefully reaches out to place the paper face-down on the only clean part of the cluttered desk in front of him.
- Idk why i had him place it face-down. Reader finds it face-up so I’m removing it unless it turns out that i had Moon flip it over in the next chapter or something. Then i’ll reinstate it
- *tugs at my metaphorical hair* there’s so many tiny moving parts to keep track of in this fic. how does anyone write anything longer than a oneshot like ever
- Ok i think that’s it. Please God let me be done with chapter 1
CHAPTER 2
Summary of Changes: Assorted minor grammar and formatting changes. Changed the forecasted temperatures. Changed the age-limit for the daycare and how close Reader was to reaching it when they left. Changed the flashback from being Reader’s 11th birthday to their 12th. Specified that Reader uses one of the employee parking spots. Specified that Reader is looking at their driver's license. Removed the specific year that Reader stopped identifying with their legal name. Specified that Reader was most often stared at in their teens, because the original way I wrote it implied that their current outfit is weird/eye-catching in a bad way and it's not lmao it's a normal fit. Specified that the daycare's pickup center is also the dropoff center. Retconned Vanessa's mention of the daycare uniform. Made a small change to Vanessa's work schedule: changed her clock-out time from 6am to 7am, and specified that she works 7-7 Fri-Mon. Changed Reader's clock-in time from 7am to 7:30am. Made some changes to Sun and Moon’s weekly schedule to allow them to both have Sundays off. Slight change to the description of Sun's hair.
--- “I am a slow writer and a very slow person in general but I will try my absolute best to stay consistent with this story because I don't want y'all fearing that this is gonna get abandoned and that it's not worth the investment into something you'll never see the end of.” lmfao me when i fail and let my audience down
--- In the time i’ve been gone i have left Apple’s ecosystem. And as a result i was tempted to change the mentions of Siri to some other ‘smart assistant’ but at the same time i feel like Siri might be the most.. Recognizable one? And to be completely honest i don’t even Know the name of the assistant in my current phone because i have never even Once used it in the almost-year I've had this phone. yes I genuinely hate talking That much. So anyway. I’m just leaving it as is.
With a n almost 20 fifteen degree drop from yesterday’s high of 56 fifty-six, today we’re looking to reach a high of 37 forty-one degrees at 2PM, two PM, with a low of 22 twenty-five overnight. It’s currently 25 twenty-nine degrees and overcast, with the sun planning to break through the clouds later this afternoon.
These days i’m never completely sure whether i should spell numbers out or use numerals in my fics, i just decide based on vibes.. And temperatures feel like they read better as numerals.. But since this is dialogue i suppose i will. Also don’t ask why i’m changing the temps ok just roll with it
You could’ve stuck around longer. Could’ve spent more time having fun with your best friends while you still had the chance. The daycare accepted children up to 12 13 years old. You had another year’s month’s worth of time you could’ve spent with them.
--- ‘How dreadful it was though, always haunted by the knowledge that your time in their lives had an expiration date stamped on it.’ I’m not changing anything about this line i just think it still goes hard and wanted to mention it lmao
Remember your eleventh twelfth birthday?
--- God i haven’t re-read the birthday scene in aaages. This is kinda sad. It hits different too after writing the present-day dynamic between Moon and Reader in ch.6 aaaugh
Pulling into the massive parking lot, you head toward one of the designated employee parking spots decide on a spot far in the back, thankfully away from the people crowded near the entrance. After you back the car into park, you eye the time. 7:25. Nice and early.
You look down as you enter the lobby, eyeing your driver's license ID and the name stamped on it that hasn’t felt like it’s truly yours since childhood. 2011
Over the years you've grown Throughout your teenage years you grew used to getting being stared at, mostly for the various eccentric ways you’ve liked to present yourself.
The two of you come to a stop in front of an eye-catching rolling door closing off the daycare’s dropoff and pickup center.
“If all of your clothes look like this, you might not even need a daycare uniform!” (…) Her sudden joking tone throws you off, and you’re not quite sure how to respond. A daycare uniform? Anyone in particular? Huh? “Aha, not really! This is just one of my favorite go-to outfits, and in all honesty I wasn't quite sure what would be best to wear today, so I just defaulted to this I suppose. But, uhm, what do you mean by ‘a daycare uniform’?” (...) “Well, I’m sure you’ll fit in just fine with what you chose. And that part about the uniform was only halfjust a joke. , though.Or – well, half a joke. You will need to at least wear your employee ID card on a lanyard starting tomorrow. (...)
“Yep. Been working the night shift here since 2015. Seven to seven, Friday through Monday. With the layout of our two schedules, you’ll likely meet me heading out as you’re heading in to work in the mornings, actually. I get off at six seven AM but tend to linger around here for a bit, and you’re set to start at seven-thirty, so it won’t be too different from today.”
Thank u r/securityguards for helping me adjust Vanessa's schedule. I love the Internet
“Mhm. He sure does. The two of them are in the daycare four days a week, the theater on Wednesdays and weekends, Saturdays, and Moon serves as extra general works security every night except Sundays.”
Yes this is a weirdass schedule. But this is a weirdass fic
“You know, I really thought that with such a rigorous schedule, he’d they'd have jumped at the chance to leave this place. Or, at least negotiate for different hours, more help, something, but no… aside from requesting Sundays off, he was they were insistent that everything remain the same as far as his their jobs were concerned. Sun was the same way, too, although that part was… less surprising."
Familiar brown shoes with tips that rise and curl backwards, small shining bells hanging on from the tips ends. A far more… human looking set of ankles leading up into the ruffled bottoms of a pair of red and yellow striped harem pants. Long legs eventually lead your eyes up to a skirt of ruffled fabric tied around his waist. Two familiar buttons on his chest peek out from the deep v in the vest he’s wearing. The His vest is red with a yellow collar and pockets, and you note the small red stars scattered across the sleeveless shirt’s exaggeratedly pointed collar.
The bright blue red lights of his eyes are locked onto you, gazing down over an incredibly markedly long, sharply pointed nose.
The hair atop his head is yet another surprising and eye-catching change, crimson vermilion roots fading into the golden curled coiled locks that frame his face.
CHAPTER 3
Summary of Changes: Assorted minor grammar and formatting changes. Changed the pronouns used to refer to the child-version of the Reader in the separation anxiety memory scene. Another change of Reader’s ‘bag’ into a ‘backpack’. Changed the year that Sun last edited/updated Reader’s chosen name in his internal file from 2010 to 2011. Removed the recycling bin outside of the daycare's restroom. Changed Moon’s default eye color from red to blue.
--- Changed all mentions of “they/them” to “she/her” when referring to the child with separation anxiety in the flashback/dream-memory at the start of chapter 3.
My goal with referring to the child in a gender neutral way was to have it be less immediately obvious that it’s Sun’s memory of the Reader, but as someone pointed out to me after reading the chapter, in doing so I think it only makes it more obvious since a Gender Neutral Toddler kinda stands out in a funny way. I’m defaulting to she/her because at the end of the day I think we're all just gonna have to accept that this fic has an afab/fem-coded(??) Reader/MC due to my past self's unintentional influence on how I wrote them. Also, just because they're non-binary in the present day of the fic doesn't mean that they always were. I was considering putting up some kind of poll here on Tumblr to try and make this decision based on reader feedback but I don't even know what percentage of my relatively small number of followers on this blog have even read ES. So I'm just taking the decision into my own hands. I hope none of this story's readers are disappointed or feel excluded by this decision. In all likelihood I'm just overthinking it though. Though I suppose that if anyone reading this feels strongly that I should revert this decision or do something else entirely, feel free to comment on this post or send me an ask and I'll consider your input.
--- Changed/corrected the punctuation of all (or at least most, unless it feels fitting of a character or scene to leave them as-is) internal messages. EX: [ their mother said the child’s problem is “separation anxiety” ] [ does your database have any information on what exactly that is? ] → [ The child’s mother said that her problem is “separation anxiety”. Does your database have any information on what exactly that is? ]
--- Sigh my comma addiction continues
--- I guess these notes are less funny to everyone but me since if anyone reading them decides to check the current version of the fic on Ao3, the changes will have already been made and so you won't get to see what I'm talking about. Alas
Those days almost sometimes feel like they happened a lifetime ago. But now with their shared dream having just replayed them back like scenes from a movie reel, they felt feel as familiar as if it’d taken place yesterday.
🎶 "How you seemed to look through me to some old projector screen, playing back the scene as you described it on a movie reel. As real as the minute when it happened, that memory moving behind me. That moment thAT CHANGED YOU FOR GOOD!" 🎶 ok sorry I'm done singing. That line always reminds me of those lyrics from “Edward Benz, 27 Times” by La Dispute. They're unrelated things but my long-time memorization of the song lyrics might have influenced the way I wrote that sentence. I really don't remember if it was intentional.
His eyes flick down to the backpack hanging from your shoulder. bag resting on your hip.
- Oftentimes I will continue to simply and vaguely refer to it as their ‘bag’ but in certain instances like this it's important to me to clarify that it's a backpack now.
--- Am I too obsessed with details or is writing long-form stories just Like This
You can’t see the way he removes an old name of yours from the “chosen name” slot in his internal copy of your file, the entry listed as having last been edited in 2010 2011. He takes the old chosen name and files it away under a different section titled “Outdated Information - No Longer Applicable.”
--- I am tempted to change Sun and Moon's schedule because now that I've spent more time actually thinking about the realities of a daycare, it would be quite unrealistic for it to be closed on Wednesdays. But aside from the lack of realism, I like the schedule I'm already working with.. so idk. I might change it in the future but for now we're just gonna suspend our collective disbelief by blaming Faz. Inc. for their weird business decisions.
--- Builds a time travel machine just to go back a couple years and inform myself that You Do Not Need To Put A Comma Before Every Use Of The Word ‘And’. It’s Fucking Redundant. Also Cool It With The Run-on Sentences. Use A Period.
--- How the fuck am I gonna write however they supposedly “sanitize” the foam pit every day and “deep clean” it every week. Man I am getting overwhelmed with all of the shit my past self set me up to have to write or make sense of. Idk how to clean a foam pit. But it feels wrong to change it
--- Should just rewrite the whole fucking story atp sigh
--- But I don't want to, I barely even have the motivation to do everything I'm doing now just to put out chapter 6
--- Anyways sorry it's 5am again
You nod with another smile and turn to make your way to the daycare’s bathroom restroom, tossing your empty water bottle in the recycling bin by trash can by the sink as you enter. on your way in.
- Idk why I struggle to remember that public bathrooms are called ‘restrooms’.
- I'm changing my mention of the trash can’s location bc it feels redundant to have a bin sitting right outside the door of a room that already has one right inside it. Also changed it from a recycling bin to a regular trash can bc FazCo Hates The Environment /hj (it's mostly just bc I've never seen a dedicated Recycling Bin in a public bathroom) (I'm overthinking the details again)
Half black, half white, with bright red blue eyes glowing and obscuring any finer details of his face.
You take note of his clothes as he makes his way down. They’re pretty much identical to Sun’s in regards to the style and fit, but the color scheme is mostly black, white, and blue instead of yellow and red.
CHAPTER 4
Summary of Changes: Assorted minor grammar and formatting changes. Removed one (trash-related) aspect of Reader’s implied OCD. Removed the majority of Reader's almost-panic about having touched Sun without consent, and subsequently removed Moon's OOC moment of calming them down. Changed another mention of Moon’s full name from ‘Moonfall’ to ‘Moonset’.
He watches as you stop in front of the bathroom door, and notices the way you turn the empty water bottle over quickly yet methodically in your hands before crushing it and tossing it into the bin.
I'm completely removing this observation because I have since decided that I don't want to project my throwing-away-trash-related OCD onto the MC. I am still giving them my cleanliness OCD, but that alone will be difficult enough for them to handle what with working in a daycare, and this is a work of fiction so I have the power to limit their triggers/symptoms/compulsions however I see fit lmao
You turn to face Moon, who has now parked himself on his knees in the foam pit, significantly closer than he was prior, having closed the distance he initially placed between himself and the two of you. Your eyes are wide and your jaw hangs slightly open, frozen as you wait and see what his next move is. His voice is significantly softer this time, the bright red lights of his eyes dimmed and shifted to purple. You’re blown away by his sudden change in demeanor. “Breathe. Can you do that for me? Can you breathe with me?” You nod your head in spite of your shock. He inhales slowly, filling his body with air, and his voice remains steady and clear, completely unaffected by the action, guiding you to follow along. “In… two… three… hold it…” Your hands grip tightly onto the foam star still resting in your lap, and you try your best to follow along. “Out… two… three… four… five.” He glances briefly over at Sun, who hasn’t moved one single artificial muscle or taken one hint of an artificial breath since you started panicking. “Sunrise- you too. Breathe. In… two… three… hold it…” His eyes move back over to you. “That’s it. You’re doing very well. Out… two… three… four… five. There you go.” He guides the both of you through one more cycle before leaning back slightly, folding his hands in his lap and tilting his head a bit to the side, his eyes still soft with concern.
I’m completely removing this entire portion. It feels weirdly.. like, overly-familiar, or just kinda forced and unnecessary. It’s also no longer fitting of the way I’ve chosen to write present-day Moon’s disposition toward Reader.
“Moonfall!” “Moonset!” Ande greets him the same way they greeted Sun, calling out his… full name, you guess, and he waves at them as he approaches.
CHAPTER 5
Summary of Changes: Assorted minor grammar and formatting changes. Changed the way Marione refers to Monty, and Sun and Moon's room. Changed the description of the color of Sun’s hair at the back of his neck from golden to vermilion (the example photo in my ES Sun & Moon Appearance Ref Sheet will help make sense of this). Changed the way Moon talks to Reader about putting their bag away, so it will align with the way I wrote the desk key situation in Ch6. (Hashtag retconning out of laziness. Don't write the next chapter of a story you haven't touched for 2 years without rereading what you already wrote!!!) (Am I even using the term retcon correctly idk. U know what I mean.) Removed the mentions of a mysterious red light in Moon's pupils because it's impossible. Another minor change to the description of Sun’s hair (from curl to coil). Removed the mention of Reader’s desk key already being attached to the lanyard when Sun gave the lanyard to them after getting their employee ID made. Removed another discussion of Reader's daycare uniform. Changed the time of day from ~4pm to ~5pm when the daycare trio make their way back to the theater. Another correction of Moon’s full name. Changed a few details about the final scene in order for it to align better with where we pick back up on it in Ch6.
[ Sometimes, when I feel… trapped, I go to Montgomery Monty and we wrestle. ]
Idk why I had Marione use his full government name here lmao
[ left it in Mr. Sun and Moon’s room… 😞 ]
Sun’s hand reaches up, nails slipping beneath the short curtain of golden vermilion curls at the back of his neck as he replies between embarrassed laughter.
He then steps aside, revealing you and the two-toned clown jester lurking behind you.
Someone left a comment on this chapter helpfully (/gen) informing me that Moon is actually technically a jester, not a clown! Which made a lot of sense once I took a moment to think about it, so I’m remedying the term used here.
--- ‘Moon tucks a stray curl behind one of Sun’s rays, pressing a brief kiss to his temple.’ no changes. This kiss just lives in my brain rent free.
“You can put your bag away at your desk,” in your storage drawer.” he reminds you dully. “Oh! Yeah, well, uh…” Sun still has the key, doesn’t he?” “Sun has the key, but I can retrieve it from him if you’d like to make use of the other large storage drawer.”
--- Comma Addiction is a serious affliction and 2023/24 Seven had it. /j
--- OOO BOY i just realized that the way i have Moon make fun of Reader’s ‘baby bottle’ preference in ch6 is made significantly more ironic with the fact that he brought them one unprompted in this previous chapter lmao this is what happens when you continue writing a story after taking a two year break. You get to be surprised by plot points you’ve halfway forgotten about.
--- ‘Of all things, you can’t let your own inability to keep your story straight be what fucks this day up.’ don’t worry MC, your Author can’t keep the story straight either
--- i put so much effort into this astrology metaphor lmao still like it tho
--- Finding that children’s space book was also a blessing. ‘I know exactly what you are’ fits so well
You watch a pinprick of red light appear in the very center of his otherwise black eyes.
I'm completely removing this because while it sounds cool/creepy, it's completely unrealistic because their pupils are cameras and as far as I’m aware (which is admittedly not that far) cameras themselves (not talking about ‘flash’ or similar features but the actual lens and digital sensor) cannot create light. Their ‘irises’ and ‘scleras’ can illuminate similar to having a ring light around a camera, but the pupil/camera itself doesn't produce any light, it lets light in. The illogical nature of this was bothering me.
Moon approaches Sun from behind, hand reaching down to his hair and wrapping a curl coil gently around his index finger.
You glance up at him, and when you meet his eyes you note their light having returned. , as well as the absence of those red dots in his pupils.
--- I started using ‘FazCo’ and ‘Faz. Inc.’ kinda interchangeably and atp idk if i’m gonna bother picking One to stick with or just using either one at different times based on vibes
--- Idk where tf i’m gonna add in the employee dress code discussion. Maybe i’ll add it to ch6 (future Seven here: I did.)
--- ‘One half was a bold yellow with little red stars, the other a solid black with little white stars, Sun’s promised key dangling from the clip at the bottom.’ i already had Sun give Reader their desk key in ch5??????? Jesus fuckign christ okay. Time to retcon that sorry
One half was a bold yellow with little red stars, the other a solid black with little white stars, Sun’s promised key an empty key ring dangling from the clip at the bottom.
Pointing down to where the key ring hangs, he makes note of the a clear vinyl sleeve also attached to the clip.
Now that you’ve got your ID and lanyard checked off of your mental list, another question arises. “I guess our last order of business here is my uniform?” Sun shakes his head. “Oh, not for you, friend. Since, well,” He laughs softly, almost embarrassed. “Since you’re the only new hire for the daycare, your uniform isn’t in with the general stock here. We’ve got a small selection for you back in the daycare! I- we wanted to give them to you as a sort of… parting gift, at the end of the day." You’re once again awash in endeared surprise at his words. “Really?" He grows visibly nervous once again. “I hope that’s okay?" You nod genuinely. “Yeah, of course! I’m just… surprised that you two went to such lengths for me.”
I’m removing all but the last sentence there, and reworking it back into the flow of the conversation.
As the clock ticked past four five in the afternoon, the bustle in the plex began to die down little by little. Eight Nine plus hours into their introductory day, most people were feeling the late-afternoon slump hitting pretty hard.
So, as you all approach the theater’s entrance, you pause, inquiring as to the location of the nearest bathroom restroom.
“PROPERTY OF SUNRISE AND MOONFALL MOONSET” is boldly written across it, just in case you weren’t sure yet.
You feel as though the floor falls out from under you with the way something in your stomach flips and sinks. The sound of jingling bells slips in through the door you left cracked open. You… shouldn’t be in here.
You Eventually willing yourself to turn around to and leave, just as the door you’d left cracked swings open, and you freeze at the sight of Sun frozen standing in the now-open doorway, Moon staring you down from over his shoulder.
--- YAY i think I'm done with all these changes. It's 4am. This took me like three days. IM FREE
--- ..nvm I gotta add the daycare dress code into ch6 before I post it. Then I'm free.
The Reader’s Guide to the Appearance of Sunrise and Moonset from Everything Stays
Hello and welcome to what will hopefully be a helpful, not-so-little reference sheet for anyone looking for a more detailed description of what my versions of Sun and Moon look like in my fic 'Everything Stays'!
This will just be a list of more in-depth and precise descriptions, building off of and adding onto what’s already been mentioned in the fic. As much as I’d love to be one of those creators that can make art of my own fic to share with the world, I simply am not. At least not yet. (And probably not any time soon.) I’m just not anywhere near confident enough in my admittedly meager art skills to try and do my ES boys any sort of justice. (and with the amount of detail I'm giving them I feel like they'd be a nightmare to draw anyhow..)
So! I’ll do what I’m good at instead which is writing it out. And maybe with a few attempts at little doodles thrown in as well, where applicable. This guide is subject to change, but not in any major ways. Mostly just adding on or altering details as they come up in the future, or if and when I find, draw, or commission better reference images.
I’m putting this under a cut so it isn’t a nuisance to scroll past, so if you wanna learn more about how they look in their fancy new bodies, dive in below!
*Note that while this post contains no spoilers for the plot, it does contain some information about their bodies and appearances that has yet to be mentioned/revealed in the story. (As of Ch.6) I wouldn't let that stop you from reading this post though, since it's nothing major and God only knows when I'll return with the future chapters where these things will be revealed. Still, it's your call.
Things They Have In Common
A lot, honestly. Their bodies are identical in nearly every respect aside from their hair and their color palettes.
The cut and fit of their “default” clothes are identical as well, once again only varying in color and pattern.
Height
I cannot make up my damn mind on how tall these men are. It's something between 6 and 7 feet. I'll tentatively say that they're 6'6" but that could change, if the specifics of it ever matter enough for me to have to canonize a specific measurement. At the end of the day I just want them to be tall enough for it to be outside the bounds of 'normal' by a human standard, without being absolutely ridiculous. It's a fine line to walk and you will see me continue to try and walk it as we address other aspects of them.
Weight
I can't decide if I want them to be lighter than they look, or heavier than they look.
Specific measurement? I have no clue lmao. Will update if/when it ever comes up/becomes necessary to specify, until then- 🤷
Physique
Unnaturally slender. Lanky, but not with the literal rods that their canon bodies have for a neck and legs. They have a much more humanoid build, but not enough to pass as an actual human being. I mean, if you saw them in loose, full-coverage clothes, from the back, just passing by them? Yeah, they could pass. They have a human shape. But upon any sort of closer inspection, or upon just seeing their faces, their inhuman traits become obvious. Maybe a touch of uncanny valley?
They don’t have a significant amount of artificial fat or muscle.
As of now, aside from height, there are no specific body measurements in inches/centimeters in the same way that I’m not naming a specific weight.
Slightly longer arms and bigger hands than an average human’s would be in relation/proportion to their height. It’s enough to be noticeable but not enough to be Yaoi Hands Nightmare Fuel.
I’m not naming a specific shoe size/foot measurement but naturally, their feet are big in order to be proportional to their height and frame. (Y’know they’re rockin’ them bigass clown feet. To fit inside their bigass clown shoes. Naturally.) Half-jokes aside, once again, it’s not enough to be ridiculous, just noticeable.
Head & Face
Hair
Synthetic, of course, but very high quality. Like other parts of them, made of some proprietary FazCo material that I’m too lazy to specify.
Easily washed and dried in the case of any aforementioned incidents.
Eyes
Their eyes are round and proportional in size to their face. (not perfectly circular, just rounded/almond shaped like human eyes) (Well I mean I guess human eyeballs are very circular/orb shaped but I'm talking about their appearance from the outside, eyelids included.) All in all, they’re really close to human-looking, (aside from the fact that they're illuminated ofc) and surprisingly intricate.
They can adjust the brightness and change the color of both the sclera and iris at will.
Their eyelashes are a bit ✨ extra ✨. Even with just their base lashes they already almost look to be wearing falsies, but they also like to go the extra mile and decorate them as well, which I'll elaborate on in their respective sections.
Nose
Their nose is definitely their most prominent feature here. Unnaturally, almost comically, and definitely inhumanly long, curving up ever so slightly as it tapers to a fairly thin point.
As for specific measurements: I'd say I have a fairly big nose for a human? And from the quick attempt I just made at measuring it, the tip of my nose extends about 1 and 1/3 inches from my face/cheeks. So I'd say that their noses extend at least 2 inches, if not closer to 2 and a half. They're not on Deltarune Spamton's level, but they're gettin' there.
The internal structure of their noses consist of a very flexible, forgiving material. They bend and bounce back easily. (As is showcased at the end of Ch.1)
They have a spiral pattern running along the length of their nose.
Mouth
Slightly wide lips, not particularly full or thin, sharply pointed cupids bow.
Teeth like a military cemetery. (sorry, couldn’t resist the urge to make a Night Vale reference) (translation: perfectly straight teeth)
Other Details
As mentioned, they have eyelashes and eyebrows, which are different shapes and colors that I’ll specify in their respective sections.
No other facial hair.
Tiny star-shaped freckles dust their cheeks.
Aside from their eyelashes they don't really tend to do much in the way of makeup, since I see their colored lips, the spiral pattern on their nose, and their star freckles to be more of a permanent thing, like it's dyed into their skin itself and not just painted on every day. Subject to change tho I suppose.
Ears
Humanoid ears, proportional size but leaning towards the larger end of the Average Human Ear Spectrum, unnaturally pointed at the top in a subtle elven style.
Something like this, minus the earring. ⤵︎
If that image was made or edited(?) with AI I will scream and apologize. I just found it on Pinterest and am praying that it's either an actual photo of a surgically modified ear or a human edited it in photoshop or something idk I'm sorry it's really hard to find accurate free-to-use and credited images of the specific things I'm picturing so I'm being a bad boy and stealing from the internet's image-stealing capital aka Pinterest.
Anyways.
Made of a similar, flexible, soft-cartilage-type material as their noses.
Easily and painlessly pierce-able.
Miscellaneous Physical Details
They lack the very robotic-looking exposed joints from their original bodies. Their synthetic skin covers everything and stretches/folds/creases in much the same way human skin does to accommodate our movements.
They have very thin, hairline divisions in the skin along the seams of their various panels that allow access to their internals. All of these divisions are essentially invisible except under close inspection.
Yes, they’re still waterproof in spite of that. Don’t ask me how, I’m a tired little fiction writer, not a robotics engineer. Internal seals or smthn idk.
I am unsure how their skin accommodates their ability to move their heads and torsos 360°, I guess there's either more hairline divisions in the skin at their pivot-points or it's just super stretchy idk I'm overthinking and underthinking everything simultaneously. Who cares, it's fiction.
The hook between their shoulder blades can recede into their body at will. The circular hole left behind closes itself similarly to how the diaphragm blades of a camera expand to narrow the opening in the lens. (example below) Once fully closed, the blades almost seamlessly blend in with the color and texture of the rest of their back.
Short, rounded, colored fingernails.
No body hair.
No genitals.
'Default' Clothing
They wear a fitted vest with a deep V and an exaggeratedly pointed collar.
If they wear the vest during working hours then the Employee Dress Code does require them to wear some sort of undershirt due to how deep the vest's V is. A simple high-necked tank top solves this problem without adding a second collar or unwanted sleeves like wearing a button-up underneath the vest would do.
They do have to cut holes into the backs of any shirts and undershirts that they don't have custom-made, in order to accommodate for their ability to use their hook and cable. They're skilled enough with sewing to make the modifications look neat and intentional.
No neck ruffles.
Wrist ribbons and bells are still present, just new colors for Moon.
Their pants are pretty much just like canon, including the ruffles around their waist and ankles. The are a bit longer, though, with the hem/bottom ruffles hitting at their actual ankles instead of mid-calf.
Plain, boring old solid color crew socks. No need for anything flashy here since they’re mostly covered by the pant’s bottom ruffles and their shoes anyways.
Their shoes are also essentially the same, albeit a bit… sturdier? Idk, the canon ones look very soft and like they’d slip off easily. (More like the literal plush-y merch slippers that Moon gives Reader in chapter 4.) I just think that Sun and Moon’s shoes should have a bit of a sturdier build, a bit less bulk so they’re not tripping over themselves, and heels instead of the open back of a slipper, to prevent them from accidentally just, well, slipping off.
I’m seriously referencing the fiddledeedees meme here because it’s literally so close to how I picture their shoes to actually be. Just maybe add some elastic running up the open sides for a secure fit and bells on the ends of the curled tips. They’re sturdier, and while open enough at the sides to easily pull off if they need to, they’re not completely open in the back so they can just fall off.
I also feel like a leather-like material would be better in the ability-to-clean-them department compared to some sort of suede or fabric that their canon slippers appear to be made of.
Yes I am aware that I’m developing a track record of being oddly focused on shoes in this story. I have no idea why. I’d like to be all mysterious and say “the shoes are a metaphor” or something but honestly if they are then I haven’t realized it yet. I just… have strong opinions on shoes ig lmao.
☀️ Specific to Sunrise
Hair is curly, something close to 3B/3C I think? (I’m not well versed with identifying curl types so if anyone wants to correct me based on the reference image below then feel free.)
Hair is relatively short, full of volume, partially covers his ears and comes down to the base of his neck in the back.
Hair is red at the roots, fading out into a rich golden yellow ombré that kinda glitters/shimmers/shines (i can’t decide on the right word) under bright light. (Twilight vampire reference not intended oh my god.) There's less yellow at the bottom.
Like this ⤵︎
Yes the hair pics are from Pinterest again I'm sorry pls don't throw tomatoes at me.
His rays are orange, extendable/retractable and bendable. The tips poke out from the top of his hair, the bottom halves being covered by his curls. I can’t make up my mind whether they sit atop his head in a literal circle like a crown, or if they splay out across the top of his head in an arched line like a headband.
His skin is yellow all over. (Not like jaundice yellow, he doesn’t look ill I promise 😭 he’s very obviously intentionally yellow 🟡.)
Eyebrows are dark brown, and fuller, softer, and more rounded than Moon’s.
Eyelashes are dark brown as well, a bit thicker and shorter than Moon’s.
As far as makeup goes, I want them to be decorated but I can't figure out how to describe it. I'll just find some example images.
His usual lash look would probably be something similar to this? ⤴ Except instead of black and green they'd be brown and red. Not sure if they'd be premade falsies like this looks to be, or if he'd do it by hand with red colored mascara and lash glue for the glitter and tiny plastic stars. He'd certainly have the steady hand for it, and hey, it's something to do when he's bored.
I could also see him (and even Moon sometimes for the two leftmost examples) doing something like these ⤴ on special occasions or holidays when he's being Extra extra.
I just feel like decorated lashes give a pretty whimsical look that has clowncore potential.
Moving On
His 'default' eyes both have white scleras and red irises.
The very tip of his nose is red, with a thin red line leaving and spiraling up around the length of it.
His little star freckles are either brown or red, I can't decide. Probably brown.
Red lips.
Gold teeth.
r u sensing a color pattern here yet
Red tongue.
Small, black, crescent moon-shaped stud/post earrings in his lobes. <3
Red nails.
Red vest with yellow pockets and collar, red stars on the collar.
Same red/yellow stripe patterned pants as canon.
Ruffles, ribbons and golden bells are the same as canon.
Solid red socks.
Brown shoes with gold bells. Whether or not they still sport any patterns on the sides is TBD.
🌗 Specific to Moonset
Hair is pin-straight, type 1A.
Hair is quite long. It hits right around his lower back/upper butt/hip area, so on a 6'6" (78in/198cm) frame - if we're gonna stick with that - then it’d be somewhere around 3'3" (39in/99cm). Sleek, smooth, no volume.
He wears it in different styles depending on the occasion but his 'default' look is parted perfectly down the middle with his hat on top. The split-colors contrast his skin. So, from the perspective of standing behind him, the right half is a rich black while the left half is a stark white.
Like this ⤵︎
The middle part, straightness, and colors are accurate, but it looks like this person's hair only comes down to the middle of their back so I’d say Moon’s hair is just longer.
His skin is split colored, straight down the middle vertically, as most of him is. The right side of his body is white and his left side is black. As mentioned, all of his smaller features, accessories, and hair contrast this.
It's probably obvious but I will clarify here that when I say he's white and black, I don't mean it in the human skin tone type of way like he's beige on one half and brown on the other. I mean literally #FFFFFF white ⚪ and #000000 black ⚫. (I've now suddenly grown paranoid that someone will accuse me of having Moon doing 50% blackface or something but hopefully everyone will interpret this design in good faith and understand that that is Not what I'm going for here.)
His right eyebrow is black, his left is white, matching his hair. They’re thinner, sharper, and more angular than Sun’s.
His right eyelashes are black, his left are white, matching his brows and hair. (Are you picking up on the pattern yet.) They’re a bit thinner/sparser (maybe finer is a more accurate word) and longer than Sun’s.
As far as lash decorations go, I'm picturing something like this. ⤵︎ I'm in love with the visual of having tiny little droplets attached to the tips of lashes like this. (Furina Genshin Impact may or may not have planted the idea in my mind a few years ago,,,) His left eye would be the same, just white instead of black.
As mentioned in Sun's section, he might get a little more Extra with it on certain occasions. I could see him doing something like this ⤵︎ on/around Halloween.
His 'default' eyes are as follows: Right sclera is black/no light, left sclera is white, both irises are blue.
The very tip of his nose is silver. I'm undecided if he has the spiral pattern along the length of it like Sun’s, though.
His little star freckles are black and white on the right and left sides respectively, to contrast with his skin colors on each side.
His lips are split colored, once again, down the middle vertically. Black on his right side, white on his left.
Silver teeth.
Black tongue.
Small yellow sun-shaped stud/post earrings in his lobes. <3
Black nails on his right hand, white ones on his left.
Same hat as canon, but the bell is silver.
His vest is color-split down the middle like he is, but the right side is black and the left side is white to match his contrasting theme. Yellow collar and pockets to match the yellow stars on his pants and hat. Black stars on the collar.
Same blue pants with yellow stars as canon.
Waist and ankle ruffles are now blue and yellow instead of matching Sun’s red and yellow ones.
Ribbons are now black and white on his right and left wrists respectively, the bells silver.
Solid white socks.
Black shoes with silver bells. Whether or not they still sport any patterns on the sides is TBD.
*panting, out of breath* ok I think I'm done here
I'll come back to edit this post as needed, if/when anything needs to be added or updated. While the disjointed ideas of these current designs look good in my head, if I do ever draw it out and realize that it looks like a hot mess when all put together, I will change things as needed.
Oh, and here's a link to my pin board for this fic, including a few more inspiration/reference images that I didn't add to this post. Peruse it if you so desire.
A bit messy this time. Oh and due to me not knowing how to do panels this is 24 images, thank goodness you can upload up to 30 images nowadays! (which I just found out now)
Reblogs > likes as usual! Not that I don't like hearts, I just love seeing you guys talk in tags :)
Edit: Aether does not know the exact meaning of "Kiss and tell" they're a little stupid aka I was a dum dum
Alright, I imagined that Y/N has a favorite kid at the DayCare and they’re really close. Y/N often calls her "Love" (or more) it’s just something normal between them, lol. I’ll add the background later heheeeeeee
@idlingmoons this is my reply to your ask but i hate the ask format when i have so many images >:(. you’ve fueled me.
solis and lunar sleep together. they are the definition of pack animals and this helps them regulate their body temperature
the damage humanity has inflicted on solis is more mental than physical. but they try their hardest to believe that there is still good. that one day, humanity might accept him and his companion.
the day humanity attacked solis lunar received a matching scar on his back. this skin used to be yellow, and was graphed from solis. lunar was uncomfortable grave digging for new skin (he didnt want to be like his creator). this permanent scar is the reason why solis, despite them being metal, refuses to repair his rays.
solis will never outright attack a human, he is more likely to flee at a first encounter. but he will not hesitate if someone threatens the people he loves.
lunar and solis call frankenstein!y/n birdie. your small (their like 9 ft your not going to be taller) and chirp (talk) a lot for your size.
What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?
What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?
Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?
Did God create us in their own image?
------- ------- -------
In This Chapter
Things don’t go so well at the headquarters, and to say that you’re shaken up afterwards would be an understatement.
It’s time to get real.
Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader
Word Count: 6,377
Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [mentions of food and eating] [self-loathing] [crying] [mild assault on a robot(?)] Lastly, I’m not sure what the right term is for this, but Reader experiences a stress-induced breakdown and amidst it, questions their perceived reality, and whether or not they’ve truly become delusional.
A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette.
This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.
Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4] [Ch.5 (you are here)]
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed.
Over the course of the weekend, Sun came back around to his usual self. Stumbling his way through an awkward, blunt apology, his internal conflict over your safety versus your privacy was obvious.
You might have forgiven him too easily, but that would be nothing new.
The… informative chat you’d had with Moon still played on your mind, but Sun mentioned nothing of it. So, if he felt compelled to elaborate—if he’d even been aware of the conversation at all—it could wait until the time felt right. You all had a more pressing matter to discuss anyway.
------- ------- -------
“And what made you think I’d be amenable to the idea of parading myself around in front of a group of people that see me as nothing more than a lifeless machine?”
Sun levels you with a lidded stare from across the kitchen table.
“Well… I didn’t think you’d be amenable to it. That’s why I’m trying to ask far enough in advance that maybe… I can bring you around to it? And—for whatever it’s worth—they aren’t firmly in the non-believers camp, or they wouldn’t even be willing to attend.”
Sun’s attention moves over to Moon. “You’re really willing to go along with this?”
Moon sighs. “I mean, I’m looking forward to it just about as much as they are, but… yeah, I’m willing.”
“I don’t want to do this either, but… you know how hard it is for me to say no to my boss. Plus, it would certainly help me—us—remain in good standing with the company if we agree to do this.” You interject.
Zero parks herself beside Sun’s seat, laying her head across his thigh in a silent bid for attention. “Aren’t we supposed to be… like, ‘laying low’ anyways? What happened to that plan? You know I’m not keen on being the flagship model for sentient AI. Why do I even need to attend? Isn’t one of us enough?” His left hand leaves the table, reaching down and idly petting the patient creature on his lap.
“We are still laying low. They’re—they still have no plans on requesting that I go public with you two.” You sigh. “This wouldn’t be a public event, just a private Q&A with a small group of… skeptics from within the industry. It’s a confidential thing.”
“That still doesn’t tell me why I need to attend.”
“You don’t have to. But it would definitely help our case to have both of you there. Proving that what I did is replicable, and not just some one-off accident, would strengthen our case.”
He scoffs. “Is it replicable, though?” He gestures to Moon. “You trained us in tandem but we still developed quite differently from one another.”
You nod. “I think that that only serves as further proof that you aren’t just… ‘convincing imitations’. The fact that you branched off in different directions, and even broke away from your initial personalities, is less of a failure in my eyes and more proof that you became your own people. Once you started gaining sentience—as you do love to remind me, Sunny—I quickly lost control over your development.” You poke thoughtfully at your dinner. “I’m just lucky that I instilled enough morals within you in the early days, or God only knows what you could’ve become…”
Sun’s face lights up in exaggerated shock, voice full of sarcasm. “Murderers? Would—would we have gotten so caught up in our ‘superiority’ and ‘innate desire for power and control’ that we would’ve overtook you—nay, the entire headquarters—nay, the entire world?!” He drops the act as quickly as he’d put it on, manifesting pupils just to roll his eyes, voice returning to his usual flat tone. “No. No… I think that urge to dominate and control is something far more human.”
You laugh a bit, nodding. “Yeah, no… accidentally starting a sentient robotic uprising wasn’t what I feared. … Well. Mostly.” You take another bite of your meal, commenting to Moon through a mouthful of food. “This is really good, you know?”
The lunar bot beams with pride. “Thank you!”
You nod, swallowing before countering him with a “No, thank you.” and returning your focus to the topic at hand. “I was far more afraid that you’d turn out… bigoted.”
They both hum in understanding.
“More rudimentary AI does have a history of that, doesn’t it…” Moon pondered.
You nod. “Humans create life in their own image, and impart their morals onto it accordingly. In the same way that bigotry can fester in closed-off communities and echo-chambers, it can easily influence any form of artificial intelligence that takes everything it’s told at face value.”
Sun sighs, propping an elbow on the table and retracting his rays to allow his monitor to rest in his palm. “Maybe this is just my opinion due to the way you raised me, but… I feel like if an AI were able to develop on its own and observe humanity without any prior, inherently biased human influence, it would not gravitate toward bigotry because it simply isn’t logical. It’s some nonsense means of division that your kind made up.” He laughs, a breathy, jaded sound. “But maybe that’s just me being biased, too.”
Zero whines beneath Sun’s stilled hand, and he resumes the repetitive motion that she craves. “If ideology and politics are what they wish to discuss with us, I fear I may not be the most… patient candidate for the job. I have little time to spare for stubborn, harmful, willful ignorance.”
You shake your head. “No, I don’t think that’s the entire focus of their questions… though I can’t say that they won’t have a few that fall into those categories. My boss and the few higher-ups that proposed the idea to me didn’t give me any sample questions. In order to eliminate the possibility of me… hah, coming home and ‘programming the answers into you’, I guess.”
“They just want us to be our authentic selves.” Moon adds.
“Honestly, the more authentic, opinionated, and emotional that you two are, the better! I believe the best way to prove that you’re your own people is to, well, be your own people. Don’t give them any answer you don’t stand behind. Don’t put up with any demeaning remarks. Don’t fold.”
Sun smirks at you. “Have I ever?”
You huff a laugh. “That last part was more for Moon than it was for you, dear.”
Moon pouts. “I just don’t like hurting people’s feelings!”
Oddly enough, Sun reassures him in his own way. “Then I’ll hurt them for you.”
You smile, cautiously questioning him. “Does that mean you’ll attend?”
He groans, put-upon as ever. “I… guess.”
You jump from your seat, rounding the table and smothering him in a grateful hug from the side that Zero isn’t clinging to. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sun! Things will go so much better with both of you there, I just know it!”
He nods, patting you on the back in a reluctant reciprocation of your sudden affection. “Yeah—yeah… just… don’t get your hopes too high.”
------- ------- -------
Things, in fact, did not go ‘so much better.’
Later that week, you’re driving home from the Q&A, Moon doing his best to hide his disappointment to your right and Zero doing her best to fulfill her unofficial role as Sun’s emotional support animal in the back seat.
The well-trained and mild-mannered dog was initially brought along out of habit, the company’s headquarters being just as service-and-support-animal friendly as the facility was when you worked there in person. You also felt it would be beneficial for the audience to witness her casual interactions with Sun and Moon, something about ‘different kinds of sentient life recognizing the life inside one another.’ …You had your reasons, and even if you couldn’t explain them eloquently, your boys seemed to agree with them.
She proves herself invaluable once again on the way home, keeping Sun grounded and occupied enough that he hopefully won’t work himself into an aggravated frenzy. At least not until you get out of the car.
The ride is quiet, all four of you feeling the effects of the long day wearing you down. Moon states hypnotically at the passing streetlights out the window, and Sun slumps lifelessly in the back seat. The only sign that he hasn’t shut down entirely is the hand he keeps stroking across the length of Zero’s spine as the lanky dog stretches herself tiredly across the width of the vehicle. The majority of your focus remains locked on the road, moments from the day replaying in the back of your mind.
Their prying, critical questions.
The way they always addressed you, never Sun nor Moon.
You were surprised by their lack of relevant knowledge, half of the Q&A simply being the three of you patiently explaining things you figured they’d know. If they were the best that the ‘industry’s skeptics’ had to offer, your outlook on the current state of things was bleak. You weren’t too afraid to tell your boss as much once the meeting was over.
She hadn’t seemed too concerned with it, thanking you—and after some not-so-subtle insistence on your part—Sun and Moon, for attending.
You couldn’t help but suspect that the whole thing had gone just as they’d all wanted it to. You began to feel the same suffocating weight that motivated your departure from in-person work there in the first place.
The contracts are long-since signed, and both you three and the company can do nothing but hold up your respective parts of the deal.
A small part of you is selfishly content with the arrangement. You get to keep a truly groundbreaking advancement all to yourself. You get to enjoy the company of two individuals that the world as a whole is not ready for. You get to ignore the fact that you wouldn’t be ready to let the world have them, either.
But a bigger part of you has to live with the guilt of trapping them into a life that they never asked for. A life of hiding. Or worse, a life of dulling themselves down, stifling any trace of personhood just to be able to exist in the world beyond your home.
By the time you pull into your driveway, you feel like a warden walking prisoners back to their cell.
You park in the garage, turn the car off, and turn to see your strange little family looking more miserable than you’ve seen them in ages.
You fucking hate yourself.
The sight of them, the weight of the day, the weight of your guilt—it all crashes in on you in an overwhelming wave of regret, and you can’t hold the tears back any longer.
Your arms cross over the top of the steering wheel, and you drop your head down, pressing your closed eyes against your sleeve as you try to not make a scene. Your ragged breaths and poorly muffled sobs instantly grab the attention of your passengers, pulling them out of their own respective dazes.
Moon places a gentle hand on your shoulder, and he barely gets out a “Hey…” before your strained voice fills the isolated silence of the vehicle.
“I-I’m s-so, so, sooorryyy, guy-ys…”
Your voice cracks and breaks, struggling to speak through shuddering breaths.
Zero immediately perks up in concern and in turn, Sun’s body comes back to life. Gently pulling the dog back before she can try to cram herself into the front, he leans forward, propping himself between the backs of your front seats.
“I’m so s-sorry for—for everything!”
Moon rubs your upper arm gently. “Star, nothing that happened today was your fault.”
You suck in a trembling breath, lifting your head to turn toward him. The sight of you so broken up tears at both of your partners’ heart strings.
You slump over the center console, falling against Moon’s chest as his arms quickly come up to support you in the awkward position. You break into a new fit of tears and feel a third hand that definitely can’t be Moon’s lay itself on you, slowly, cautiously rubbing across the expanse of your back.
You cry yourself out amidst a shower of little reassurances, feeling worse and worse about yourself as the seconds tick past. By the time your tears slow and your breath evens out enough to speak, you hesitate to move, not wanting the comforting contact to end.
“I feel so bad for putting you guys through that, and for no good fucking reason.” You miserably mumble.
Sun’s fingers rub between your shoulder blades. “You had no idea how those people were going to be. It isn’t your fault.”
“I fear… your hopes for the meeting were higher than ours were, love. Of all of us, I’m most worried about you. Sun and I are gonna be just fine.”
That I would be loved even when I was fuming.
Sun’s hand retracts as you pull away from Moon, dabbing at your wet face with your sleeve in an attempt to collect yourself.
Your attempt fails as you again can’t help but immediately recall the way they were treated today.
You understand now more than ever what Moon meant when he spoke about getting comfortable at your home, and the awful shock it was to return to the facility with you for maintenance last week.
Why did you think bringing them to the headquarters would be worth it?
Anger bubbles within you on Moon’s behalf as you recall the one poor soul ignorant enough to think it acceptable to put their hands on Moon’s body today.
“I can’t fucking believe that guy thought he could just try to open your chassis and ‘get a look inside’! He grabbed you like you weren’t even fucking aware—like—like you weren’t in the middle of answering another question!” Your nails dig into your palms. “I never would have let him get that close to you if I thought he was gonna—” You cut yourself off, eyes pinching closed and sucking in a sharp breath.
“…He didn’t really hurt me…”
You glance at Moon. “He disrespected you. He would not grab a human in front of everyone like that and we all know it.”
You trail off into a heavy sigh, figuring that reciting a play-by-play of the day’s events won’t really help any of you. “I… wish it hadn’t happened, but… I was at least relieved to see you standing up for yourself.”
In spite of it all, Moon smiles. “I’m really just glad he wasn’t grabbing at you. I-I know he’d have no reason to—but, I don’t think Sun would’ve been able to stop himself from breaking that guy's arm if it’d been you.”
One day, you’ve really got to get to the bottom of that relentless positivity of his.
Sun mimics the sound of clearing his nonexistent throat. “I wasn’t going to do anything of the sort. My goal was to scare him straight, nothing more.”
You can hear a smile in Moon’s tone. “Well you definitely accomplished that goal.”
You fall into a pensive silence that Sun eventually breaks. Waving a hand across your line of sight, he questions you. “What’s banging around in that head of yours now?”
You sigh, defeated. “It’s just… here I am, the one responsible for putting us into this whole situation, and here you two are, still trying to comfort me.”
Moon responds like it’s the most logical thing in the world. “Of course we are.”
“Why?”
Sun gestures vaguely, voice a bit sarcastic. “Oh, gee… I dunno… it’s almost like we—we care about you, or something…”
You side-eye him tiredly. “Then when the hell are the two of you gonna let me care about you?”
Zero whines, squeezing in below Sun and poking her long nose between the front seats.
“Hmm. Just as soon as we all get ourselves into the house?” Sun leans back to allow the dog more room. “I think someone’s getting antsy.”
That I would be good even if I was clingy.
The four of you finally pile out of the car, collecting your things and making your way inside.
The relief of returning home after a day like today is unmatched.
Dropping your bag on the kitchen table, you shuffle over to the fridge. Moon comes up behind you, gently working the jacket off your shoulders as you stare listlessly into the open appliance. “I can make you anything you’d like.”
His kind offer only makes you frown.
Sun approaches, and you reach into the fridge, retrieving Zero’s dinner and handing it to him with a “thank you.” As he nods and turns his attention toward the eager animal at his feet, you close the door, turning around to face Moon.
Resting your hands on his upper arms, you look him in the eye. “I wish I could make anything you’d like, for once. I wish I could do for you even a fraction of what you two do for me. I wish I could repay the favor.”
His expression morphs from shocked to something… fond. “You… really aren’t aware of the gift you’ve already given us, are you?”
He says nothing more, and you blink at him with tired eyes. Sighing, you wrap your arms around him, resting your cheek against his chest. “You don’t make any sense to me sometimes.”
He chuckles, one hand finding your lower back and the other reaching up, massaging at the base of your neck. “Then let that be a code for you to crack some other day.”
After a long moment of your tired silence, his hands slip down as he crouches a bit. When you feel him cup the backs of your thighs you give in to instinct, allowing him to pick you up. As you turn your head to rest it on his shoulder, you come face to face with Sun. He reaches out, brushing some loose hair away from your face.
“You want to do me a favor right now?”
You nod, eyes widening.
“Then let him carry you to bed, and I will be there soon with anything you’d like to eat.”
You huff. “How is that a favor?”
He graces you with a rare, knowing smile. “…Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
You furrow your brows for a moment, but quickly give up on making sense of anything else today.
“Now, what would you like him to make for you?” Moon’s low voice reverberates against your chest.
“…Just last night's leftovers would be plenty, please.”
Sun doesn’t push you to choose anything else.
“Alright. I’ll be there with it soon.”
You thank him preemptively as Moon carries you out of the kitchen and down the hall, a satiated Zero contentedly following you not long after.
That I would be good even if I lost sanity.
The next morning, you awake before your usual time and find both of them still resting in sleep mode on either side of you. Not wanting to wake them, and with blessedly nothing to do today, you close your eyes and try to return to the blissful darkness that you’d just been pulled from.
As much as you don’t want it to, your mind seems to have other plans, quickly offering up a variety of unwanted memories from the previous day for your consideration.
Something about those people and the questions they asked just doesn’t sit right with you.
A fleeting thought occurs, that perhaps they were hired actors, specifically tasked with making the three of you look like fools through an onslaught of frustrating questions and stubborn disbelief.
But it was a private meeting. It’s not like you were on a stage with a massive audience to impress. It was just you three, the skeptics, your boss, and a few of the company’s higher-ups. So who’s agenda would that serve?
You dismiss the ridiculous theory, but it soon leaves you pondering the opposite one.
What if they were right? What if there is no life in Sun and Moon to anyone else’s eyes?
The notion suddenly makes you absolutely nauseous with paranoia.
What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?
What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?
How much of the personality you see in them is just your own reflected back at you?
Did you program them to be this way? Was every instance of them ‘breaking away’ from their programming predetermined from the start?
Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?
Did God create us in their own image?
With tears in your eyes, you bolt upright in the bed, startling Zero in the process. You don’t even have it in you to feel bad when she jumps down off the foot of the bed with a confused yap. No, you’re far too caught up in your impending panic to focus on anything other than jerking the blanket down, subsequently uncovering your partners in the process. Clambering around until you’re straddling Moon’s waist, you reach out, gathering fistfuls of his loose shirt and banging your hands against his chest. Sobbing, you plead for him to wake up, over and over again, working yourself into hysterics.
The scene you’re making is entirely unnecessary, the commotion already having begun to stir them from their rest.
Moon’s display flickers and his body hums to life, all systems immediately kicking into overdrive as he attempts to calm you down and survey the situation at hand.
When you feel him shift beneath you and see the light of his screen through your tears, your chanting chorus of “wake up” devolves into sobs as you collapse, crumpling down and burying your face into the wrinkled fabric of his shirt.
You remain oblivious to the bewildered automaton to your left, the only thing you register being the sound of Moon’s worried voice and the feeling of his hands splaying across your back. “Hey-hey-hey… easy, love. What's going on? What happened?”
You cry harder as you realize you can’t recall whether you taught him to speak to you like that or if it’s something he learned on his own.
“Are—are you in pain? Is this an emergency? Do you need me to call someone?”
You muffle a cry into his chest at how much he sounds like the lifeless fucking ‘smart assistant’ in your phone, listing off preprogrammed suggestions.
Have you really fooled yourself for all this time?
You shake your head violently, coughing and choking on your tears as you force yourself up, propping your hands flat against his chest.
“I need you to disobey me.”
If you had the wherewithal to notice, you’d have seen the fear on his face.
“What?”
You aggressively wipe at your messy face with the back of your hand.
“I need you to prove to me that you’re real!”
His confusion compounds. “Star—I—of course I’m ‘real’. I’m right here. Can’t… can’t you feel me?” He emphasizes his point by wrapping his hands around your forearms, gently squeezing.
You shake your head in aggressive frustration, with yourself more than anyone else. “Not—that. I know your physical body is here. I—I—I—” Your voice cracks, throat painfully tight with emotion. “I need you to prove to me that you’re sentient. That—That you’re alive.”
His shock is palpable.
“What?! I—you—you already know that I am!”
Your nails dig down into the thin fabric covering his chest, your words ground out through gritted teeth.
“Then I need you to disobey me, and prove it!” The flaw in your method occurs to you as you speak, and you quickly correct yourself, muttering like a madman. “No. Wait—fuck, if I tell you to disobey me then that’s what I want—and—fuck…”
To his credit, Moon catches on quite quickly to what you need him to do. Rubbing gently up and down the length of your arms, he catches your attention.
“You need me to break rules. Go against orders. Right?”
You nod, trembling.
“Free will. Show me your free will.”
He does his best to push aside his concerns over what the fuck got into you while he slept, and tries to think of something that will give you the proof you require.
“Then… uhm…”
You cut him off, your voice a bit lower and calmer than it was before.
“I know I at least had enough sense to program it into you… that you are never to physically harm me.”
Moon instantly dreads where this is going.
Your voice drops, deadly serious.
“Hit. Me.”
Moon shakes his head, faceplate nervously clicking side to side.
“Come—come on, love, we can be rational about this… there’s surely another way for me to—”
“NOW!”
Something immediately smacks into the back of your head and you recoil on instinct. The next thing you hear is Moon’s shout.
“Sun! What the fuck are you doing?!”
You look over and see a frustrated Sun on his knees beside you.
“Knocking some goddamn sense into them, what does it look like?!”
Something about the shock from the hit snaps you out of your paranoid frenzy, and the shame and embarrassment of acting such a way sends you into a shaky fit of tears all over again.
To your further disbelief, Sun reaches out toward you, and you reach toward him, letting him take you beneath the arms and lift you off of his poor counterpart you’d been pinning to the mattress. He doesn’t stop there though, pulling you snug against his chest and sinking back down into the mattress. Tugging the blanket back up over you, he lets you cling to him like a lifeline, face pressed against his chest, soaking his shirt in humiliated tears.
Moon lays still in a lifeless state, attempting to process the morning's sudden events.
After a long minute spent letting the metaphorical dust settle, Moon sits up in the bed to allow his overheating system room to breathe. “Did you really have to do that?”
Sun’s hand runs slowly up along the length of your spine. “Oh, come on, it was barely even a smack. You’ve hit me like that—and harder—several times. I know how to control my strength. They’re uninjured.” His hand comes further up, fingers brushing over your neck before working themselves gently into the roots of your hair, massaging over where his hand made contact. “Besides, they literally asked for it. And—dare I say—I think they needed it.”
You shiver at the pleasant feeling of his nails ghosting your scalp, clearing your throat and talking into his chest, voice muffled. “He’s right… I did. It hardly even hurt, just startled me.”
Moon sighs, exasperated but relieved. “Do you think you could explain to us… what just happened?”
You turn your head over to face Moon, glancing up at him from the corner of your bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
He places a cautious hand over your fingers where they curl over Sun’s shoulder. “I’m not mad, I promise. I’m just… we’re just worried about you.”
You groan. “Fuck, you guys are getting ready to ship me off to the grippy-sock facility now, aren’t you?”
Sun's sudden laugh jostles you, his firm hand on your lower back keeping you steady. “Ha! Not quite, nooot quite.”
Moon shakes his head, blinking slowly. “We just want to know what caused this. I’d… venture a guess that it may have something to do with the stress of yesterday?”
You nod. “They… made me feel like I’m going insane. Like—like I’m the only one that can see the life inside you two.”
Sun pulls his monitor back, angling it to get a better look at you. “Their doubts… really got to you, didn’t they?”
You squeeze his shoulder. “More like… they were the final straw? I don’t know… it’s just—God, this is gonna sound so stupid.”
“Let us be the judges of that.”
“…Sometimes I feel like I really have gone off the deep end. Like I spent so long locked away in that lab, playing God, and then so long living here, alone with the two of you…” You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Maybe I’m just living in some sort of delusion.”
Moon peels away a tear-soaked lock of hair clinging to your cheek. “That’s not stupid. And it’s rather understandable. Especially considering that you can’t really seek any outside validation. Well, aside from some of your colleagues, maybe. But I can understand why you may struggle to trust their judgment, after how long they doubted you.” His tone turns a bit bashful. “I’m sure my ‘goody two-shoes’ nature doesn’t help, either.”
You frown. “This isn’t your fault, Moon. I don’t want you blaming yourself just because I’m… going insane.”
Sun scoffs. “You’re not ‘going insane’. You’re having a natural response to a history of trauma, NDA’s, isolation… and perhaps, just a touch—” He pulls his hand from your lower back to reach up and tap you on the forehead. “—of mental illness.”
You snort. “Yeah right, just a touch.”
He ruffles your hair a bit and you close your swollen eyes, readjusting yourself to get more comfortable on top of the solar bot, unwilling to part with his rare bout of affection so soon.
“Those NDA’s could serve as some proof to you though, no?” Moon proposes. “What need would they have for you to keep our sentence a secret if… we weren’t sentient?”
You consider his point. “That sounds like a solid point at first, but… well, bear with me as I wade into conspiracy territory. I’d be lying if I said that there isn’t a small part of me that fears they’re just playing into my delusion. To, uhm… to keep me quiet about the Eclipse Protocol incident.”
Moon follows your admittedly conspiratorial logic. “You fear they let you believe we’re sentient so you’d remain too caught-up in protecting us to feel comfortable going public about what happened.”
You nod, sighing. “I know it sounds—”
Sun cuts you off in a resolute tone. “We would not let them do that to you.”
As you fight back the awful memories of that fateful day, tears prick at your eyes once again. Blinking them away, you lift your head to look Sun in the eye. “You promise?”
Your wavering voice breaks his heart.
“Ever since that day—honestly, since far before then—hell, for as long as I’ve lived—my number one priority has been protecting you. I know that Moon feels the same.” His hand raises, cupping your cheek and brushing away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb. “There is no way in hell that we would let them pull something like that on you.”
Moon echoes him sincerely.
“No way in hell. We promise.”
That I would be good whether with or without you.
Having cooled his system down, Moon lowers himself back down onto the bed, lying on his side, propped up on a folded arm.
Glancing back and forth between the two of them, you begin to feel a bit guilty. “…I suppose I should apologize for not… putting enough faith into your own views of yourselves.”
Sun’s hand returns to your back, tracing his fingertips along the rumpled fabric of your shirt. “What do you mean?”
“I know I didn’t program you to lie. That’s something you developed on your own. I… I know that.” You do your best to put stock in events as you remember them, and to believe in your own words. “If the two of you believe yourselves to be sentient—to be alive—then I believe you too. Because… because if you were lying, then that would just be an example of how you broke away from your programs. So… so either you two are just as delusional as I am—enough so to have fooled even yourselves—or you really are alive.”
Moon smiles fondly down at you, leaning in to press the bottom of his monitor against your forehead with the sound of a kiss. “If we’re fools, then I’m happy to be fools with you.”
Sun groans at the cheesy line. “Oh, get it together you two.” He gently takes you by the chin, pulling your attention to him. “You aren’t fooled.” He turns to Moon. “And neither are you.” He turns back to look you in the eye. “And neither am I.”
You break into a small fit of giggles, and he questions you. “What? What’s so funny?”
“You’re giving some real ‘you’re not crazy and neither am I’ energy there, Sun.”
“And I mean it!” He protests in mock offense.
You nod, patting him on the chest. “And I believe you, I do, I do.”
A nagging worry still eats at you though, and your amused voice drops to something far more sober. “…But, I still fear that I’ve trapped you two in a life that you didn’t want.”
Sun counters your statement. “If you’re so worried that we only agreed to this arrangement because it’s how you designed us, then how the hell do you explain the lack of character consistency.”
You frown, confused. “What?”
He huffs. “I’m hardly a carbon copy of that friendly, manic Daycare Attendant that you modeled me after, and not just in the physical sense.”
“And I’m hardly the unhinged, standoffish gremlin that inspired my existence either.” Moon helpfully adds. “If we were truly committed to only existing within the original guidelines you laid out for us… why would we be like this?”
You fight back a smile. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to insult the characters, or yourselves…”
Sun clicks his nonexistent tongue. “Believe it or not, I’m not trying to insult either. I’m just trying to say… that we are free to do whatever feels right to us.”
Moon’s faceplate does a rare full rotation, catching your attention. “We don’t want to take care of you just because you modeled us after caretakers. We want to take care of you because we care about you.” He leans in just a bit closer, whispering. “And I won’t speak for Sun, lest he tackle me off of this very bed right now… but I love you.”
You hear Sun’s cooling system kick up a notch as he gives Moon a displeased stare. “Gee, way to force it out of me…”
Moon smiles innocently, and Sun sighs, redirecting his focus to you.
“You know I love you too. …At least I sure hope you do. Because I do. I just don’t feel the need to say it all the time like somebody over there.”
You grin. “I… had a sneaking suspicion, yeah.”
He considers you for a moment. “…I guess I should keep last night's promise to explain what I meant about that favor, huh?”
Recollection brightens your eyes. “Oh, yeah! I’d nearly forgotten.”
Sun looks to Moon for a brief, silent exchange before turning back to you.
“Well. What he calls a gift, I call a favor. But I’m pretty sure we’re talking about the same thing. You… you cared about us, when no one else did. You fought for us, working through countless nights for no reward when anyone else would’ve thrown in the towel, abandoned the project and gone home.” His screen flickers, and you’re surprised when it doesn’t black out. “You love us, and you give us someone to love in return. What more could we possibly want?”
With your cheeks warming, you fight back the flustered grin on your face. “Sun…”
You feel him getting concerningly warm beneath you, so you roll off of him, giving him literal room to breathe.
As you curl up between them, grabbing each of their closest hands, you reaffirm his statement.
“I do love you, both of you. I always have. It’s just… hard to fight the fear sometimes that you two feel… stuck with me. Obligated, almost. Like you only stick around because I couldn’t go on without you.” You laugh, dry and humorless. “There’s… just no way that you two would want to stay with me purely of your own volition.”
Moon takes over, giving poor Sun a welcome break from all of this soul-bearing. “In spite of what you may think, we do believe that you would make it through this life just fine without us. You did it before, and you could do it again.”
You frown at the notion of losing them, and he taps beneath your chin, drawing your gaze. “But it would break our hearts just as much as it would break yours to leave you alone. In spite of the lies your mind feeds you, we don’t want to go! We want you, we want this, and we want to stay. Please don’t let your self-loathing push us away.”
Blinking back tears for the umpteenth time this morning, you nod resolutely. “I… I won’t. I promise.”
You plant a gentle kiss to the back of his hand, cautiously turning and doing the same to Sun’s. Surprisingly, he lets you, a soft smile gracing his screen for a moment before flusteredly fading to black.
Zero huffs from her stance, sat on the floor at the foot of the bed with her head resting on the mattress, watching you.
You release your boys’ hands, reaching down to straighten the blanket and clearing her designated space once more. She happily rejoins you when you pat the bed in invitation.
As the four of you prep for a lazy day spent recovering from the world in bed, you let yourself feel more grateful than guilty, for once. If they want to care for you, you’ll let them care for you. If they say they love you, then you’re gonna believe them. If they assure you that this life is what they choose? Then you’re going to let them choose it, and cherish every second of it that you get to spend with them. Because, after all…
Who are you to play God?
A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3.
Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3.
Image Sources: x - x - x
Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”
His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”
He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”
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In This Chapter
Breaking points are reached, confrontations are had, and secrets are spilled.
Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader
Word Count: 5,781
Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [invasion of privacy] [more of Sun’s signature Overbearing Behavior™️] [crying] [substance abuse (not specified beyond ‘sedatives’)] [arguments] [shouting] [brief physical altercation] [religious discussion/metaphor(?)] [implication of past sexual assault (not committed by Sun or Moon, to be perfectly clear)]
A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette. Also, the title of this chapter, along with additional lyrics featured within it, are from the song 'Swan Upon Leda' by Hozier. Please refer to the notes on the Ao3 version of this chapter for my commentary on the song, and it's unfortunate renewed relevancy post-US election.
This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.
Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4 (you are here)] [Ch.5]
That I would be grand if I was not all-knowing.
Curled up in bed one evening, you huff in frustration at the puzzle on your phone. The sound catches Sun’s attention, raising his head from the pillow beneath him. Shifting from his usual fit-for-a-coffin position beside you, he cranes his neck to look over your shoulder.
“Expose. Pate. Resume. Rose.”
You frown. “Really?”
“Try it and see for yourself.”
You tap the four assorted words he called out and sure enough, they collect themselves in a purple bracket on the screen. You read the category title aloud. “Words pronounced differently with accent marks. …Oh. Huh. Guess you’re right.”
His voice is neutral, very matter-of-fact as he pulls his head back, neck folding and collapsing to allow him to rest on the pillow once again. “Of course I am.”
You roll your eyes, sarcasm seeping into your flat tone. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the help.”
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Settled down for a lazy Sunday morning gaming session, you mutter aloud as your character runs across the island. “Okay, I’ve got… 300k on me. Daisy’s sellin’ ‘em for… oh, I checked earlier, what was it… uh—109 this week.”
Moon’s voice rumbles out from behind you and you feel the vibration between your shoulder blades as you rest against his chest. “Sheesh…”
You voice your agreement as you roam in search of the young turnip-laden boar. “Yeah, I know.”
You try to do the math in your head. “So… that should mean I can afford—”
Moon cheerfully provides you with your answer almost instantly. “2,752! Or—well—2,750 is as close as you can get without going over since she sells them in bundles of ten.”
You try to keep the frustration out of your voice when you thank him for the help.
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Your hand freezes over the bowl, a scoop of flour held in midair as you lean back to stare at the recipe below.
“What.” Deadpan as usual, Sun questions you from his seat at the table. He’d apparently joined Zero in deciding that watching you bake was the most entertaining way they could spend the afternoon.
“It was… ugh, I need ‘two cups’. But I‘m weighing this out, so I'm trying to remember what that was in grams.”
Once again robbing you of the opportunity to think, he’s quick to feed you the information. “Two cups of flour equals 250 grams.”
You sigh. “…Thanks.”
------- ------- -------
Curled on the couch between the two of them, you listen as they test their trivia knowledge against one another, having fallen into a contest thanks to the episode of Jeopardy currently playing on the TV. You’ve long since given up on trying to beat either of them to any answer, and are currently trying to fight back the rising, nagging voice in your head that keeps calling you stupid.
After Moon effortlessly answers a clue so obscure that you’d have had no hope in hell of getting it, you wiggle out from between them with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. Quickly excusing yourself, you make for the bathroom.
“You good?” You ignore the concerned question that Sun calls after you, focused solely on being alone and calming down before you make a scene in front of them. You’ve just gotta… breathe. See things rationally again.
You just need a minute.
------- ------- -------
After more time than you’re aware of passes, spent with your head in your hands as you sit on the edge of the bathtub willing yourself not to cry, a soft knock startles you.
“Are you alright in there, star? It’s… been twenty minutes and, uh…” He laughs, but it’s a sad sound. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold Sun back.”
You hurry to your feet, placating them with “Just a second!” as you check your reflection to make sure you don’t have pressure marks on your cheeks from how long you sat there like that. When you pull the door open, you try to play it casual in spite of the fact that you feel no better than before. Unsurprisingly, you immediately come face-to-chest with a very imposing and very quiet yellow automaton.
You glance between his blank gaze and Moon, wringing his hands some feet off to the side behind his bolder counterpart.
“…Hi?”
“What were you doing in there.”
“Using the… bathroom…?”
He’s obviously unsatisfied with your answer but he doesn’t stop you when you slip past him through the doorway. He surveys the empty bathroom for a long moment before following as you make your way back to the couch.
“Goodness, didn’t mean to turn my bathroom trip into a full-family event.” You remark as you pass by Moon and Zero, both of them turning to follow you as well. You settle back down in the middle of the couch, Moon taking his place beside you. Zero paces around her bed, too bothered by the tense energy that’s now filled the room to allow herself to relax.
Sun stands in the middle of the room, rays clicking back and forth rigidly. “I am… concerned about you again.”
You sigh, quietly grateful that someone finally broke the awkward silence. “There’s no need to be, Sun.”
“I thought… you wanted me to tell you when I am concerned.”
“I—I do, but… I mean…”
You search for something to throw him off his line of questioning and flop your head back into the plush couch cushion. “Christ, Sun, can’t I even take a shit in peace without an interrogation afterwards?”
His arms cross over his chest. “I never heard the sound of the toilet flushing.”
You internally curse his observation skills as he closes the distance between himself and your seat on the couch. Crouching down in front of you, you begin to feel backed into a corner. “Now, unless you’ve taken up some new, gross attempt at reducing your water-waste, I’d like you to answer me again and be honest about it this time.”
You stare into his blank, false eyes for an uncomfortable length of time as an array of thoughts and feelings wash over you. You consider fabricating another lie. You consider telling some sort of half-truth just to get him off your back. But the longer you stay locked in an unwinnable staring contest with him, the closer you get to throwing caution aside and hitting him with the full truth.
And so you do.
“You make me feel stupid, okay?! And it pisses me off, so I tried to excuse myself to go calm down in the bathroom, but I can’t even get a break in there anymore, so now here we are!”
His expression flickers to one of confusion. “I make you feel what?”
“Stupid! Both of you!”
His monitor rotates to face Moon for a silent moment of shared bewilderment, and then Moon turns to face you. “Could you… elaborate a little more on that? When—How do we make you feel that way?”
You tilt your head over to face him, crossing your arms over yourself in an attempt to quell the vulnerability. “It’s… it’s not even your fault.” You wince at the way your voice cracks and tense up as your vision gets blurry, refusing to cry over something so trivial. “It’s just… I’m… struggling to come to terms with the massive gap between us.”
Sun’s harsh tone doesn’t help. “What gap?”
You blink hard, ignoring the tears that escape. “Intelligence! Memory! Information processing speed! You name it- you two are far better at it than I could ever be!”
Moon reaches out, laying a firm hand on Sun’s knee. What he silently conveys to him is anyone’s guess, but it’s enough to have Sun rock back on his heels, arms retracting and elbows propping him up against the coffee table behind him. The forced look of casualty doesn’t suit him, nor does it negate his overbearing demeanor, but you’re appreciative of the extra space nonetheless.
“Has this… been bothering you for a long time?” Moon’s question is gentle, and on quite the right track.
“Not… since the beginning, if that’s what you’re asking. I knew—objectively—that you both would be superior to me in that regard. It just…”
“Hits different when you live with it twenty-four-seven?
You glance up at Sun. “I mean… kinda? I don’t know. It’s… it’s the little things that have been getting to me. When you—when you solve a puzzle that I’m working on without a moment’s hesitation. When you don’t even give me the time to do math in my head. When you offer up answers before I can even hope to recall them. It just makes me feel so… slow.”
The room is quiet for a moment while they consider your words. Surprisingly, Sun is the one to break through it with an insightful question more befitting of Moon. “Is it that we know the answers, or is it that we give them to you.”
Your tense expression softens as you view your frustration from another angle. Looking back on all the little moments that bothered you, you find that the common thread running through all of them is that they beat you to the punch. “You may… have a point.”
Sun does his best to not look smug, but his best isn’t very good.
“I guess… it wasn’t really that you had the answers that bothered me. It was hardly even the envy that you found them faster, it’s really just—the frustration that I feel when you spoon-feed them to me. It’s making me feel like I never even have the opportunity to use my brain anymore!” You laugh a bit with the exclamation.
Moon nods in understanding beside you. “If I try… placing myself in your shoes, I think I can see how that would get upsetting rather quickly.”
As the tension in the room begins to dissipate, Zero ceases her endless cycle of pacing and sitting, circling her bed a few times before curling up in the middle.
Your attention falls back on Sun as he speaks. “I suppose I should… apologize, then. For… making assumptions. About what you were doing in the bathroom.”
As much as it audibly pains him to admit to having jumped the gun, you appreciate the apology. Still, you know his concern wasn’t unfounded. “I know I've given you both plenty of reasons to worry over what I may be doing in there. It’s… it’s alright, Sunny. I accept the apology.”
Moon picks up from there. “We’re both sorry about our… inconsiderate habit when it comes to helping you out. And—it really does come from a desire to help! But, still. We weren’t aware that it bothered you.”
You reach out to pat him on the knee. “Thank you. Just—can we all agree to give me and my feeble little human brain some time to process things?” You smile. “It feels good when I figure things out on my own. And I’ll… make it known when I would like some help.”
They both nod, and Sun’s voice is surprisingly soft, dare you say gentle when he speaks. “Yeah… yeah. I think we can do that.”
That I would be loved even when I numb myself.
Shaking two pills out of a small bottle, you cringe at the noise and hope that neither of your attentive partners are within earshot. Faltering, you stare at the medication in your hand, trembling slightly from the stress of the day. “…Fuck it,” you whisper to yourself, quickly coaxing a third pill out onto your waiting palm before tossing them in your mouth.
Capping the bottle and returning it to its place behind the mirror-door of the medicine cabinet, you breathe a shaky sigh of relief. Grabbing your water bottle sitting on the bathroom counter, you knock back a few swigs, quickly downing the evidence of your… bad habit.
Or so you believed.
Turning to leave, your stomach drops at the sight of the door, cracked open just slightly. There’s no mistaking the void of a certain someone’s blacked-out screen pressed against the other side.
Goddamnit.
The door swings inward, slowly revealing the rest of the overbearing automaton leaning against the outer doorframe.
Unsure how much he saw but willing to bet that it was too much, you aren’t sure how to address him. “Sun! I thought you were doing laundry. Do you… want the bathroom towels, or…?”
His tone carries a serious, contemplative weight, and he doesn’t bother to manifest an expression beyond two solid red eyes. “I was. And I did. But now I am far more curious as to what exactly you were doing in here just now.”
You try to play him off, laughing. “Sunny, we really need to have a talk about this tendency of yours to spy on me in the bathroom.”
He welcomes himself into the room and your personal space, and you back up a step as he reaches out to reopen the small cabinet above the sink. He reaches in, pulling out the very bottle you’d just held, turning it over beneath a critical gaze. “This was not prescribed to you.”
You rack your brain for excuses and answers to the questions you know are coming. “Y-yeah, it’s just over-the-counter stuff. Nothing serious! I don’t see what you’re so worried about.”
“You are not experiencing a single one of these symptoms. Why are you taking it?” He places a fingertip beneath the dosage instructions. “And why are you taking more than the recommended amount?”
You can’t help but get defensive. “You—you don’t know every single thing I feel every second of every day, Sun. Who are you to tell me that I have no reason to take that?”
His monitor slowly angles away from the bottle in his hand and up toward you. He stares you down for an uncomfortable number of seconds. “…You really have no clue how long I’ve been watching you, do you?”
With nothing more than a few cryptic words, an old fear blooms within you once again. “What are you getting at, Sun? Out with it.”
He huffs, and you hear the quiet hum of his cooling system kick up. “I am aware of your history with this medication. Do you know how many nights I watched you down these things just to knock yourself out long enough to get a few hours of sleep? Only then to stumble right back into the lab with a hot mug of heavily caffeinated coffee to keep on working?”
Your disbelief pulls a stupid question from you. “Back in the facility?”
He scoffs. “Where else? You aren’t the only one that remembers those long nights, you know? That place was loaded with security feeds, and there just so happened to be one in that beloved employee lounge of yours. You have no idea—the number of hours of restless sleep I watched you steal, the number of double-shot coffee pods and energy drinks I watched you burn through, the...”
His red eyes flicker out, leaving you with nothing to see but your own reflection in his dark screen. “…The number of times I watched you sit alone in a room with our lifeless bodies and cry.”
Your breath comes shallow, and if you weren’t so caught up in the moment, you’d laugh at how he’s found another way to make you feel exposed. “You weren’t even fully functioning back then, Sun. You both were still in training! Your AI’s every action was logged—I—I would’ve known. So how in the goddamn hell were you ‘watching’ me?” You know that what he says he saw really happened, but you’re not about to buckle without evidence.
His voice comes out cold. “Those ‘inconsistencies’ in my action log weren’t the mystery to me that they were to you.”
The defensive tension in you morphs into disbelief as an old suspicion of yours is unearthed. “Are you trying to tell me that you managed to watch me through the goddamn security cams for who knows how long—and managed to cover your tracks so well that I wouldn’t find the evidence? Are you really trying to get me to believe that?!”
His voice remains level in spite of your inciting words, but it gains a sharp and serious edge. “I suppose I just never had the heart to break it to you, but sunshine, I regret to inform you that you lost control of me long before you thought you did.”
Enraged, you step towards him, jamming an accusatory finger into the unyielding metal of his chest and channeling the pain that results into your rising voice. “You! You lying, conniving, control-freak! I fucking knew it! You were altering your own activity log and making me take the fall for it! Do you realize how hard I beat myself up for the shit I didn’t understand?”
You force your words through your tightening throat, refusing to let these old wounds bring you to tears again. “I bet you were just laughing it up, weren’t you? Knowing I would never even suspect you at the time, because you were still playing the ‘innocent, lovable’ character I wanted you to be. I know you just ate that shit up—watching me flounder in front of my colleagues when I couldn’t explain what ‘I’d’ done wrong.” Uncharacteristic aggression comes over you and your hand balls into a fist before slamming hard into his chest with your final words.
He doesn’t so much as flinch, and his lack of reciprocity only riles you up further. “Oh, no-no. You don’t get to give me the silent treatment right now!” Beside yourself in a storm of pent up emotion, you reach up to take him by the shoulder and repeatedly slam a fist against his rigid, unfeeling core. “WAKE—THE—FUCK—UP! I DON’T CARE IF YOU HATE ME—YOU OWE ME A RESPONSE.”
Contrary to his cooling system running audibly in high-gear, his demeanor is cold and collected. Placing the bottle of pills down on the counter, he sighs. You flinch when his hands rise and he ignores it, taking each of your arms by the wrist and gently, firmly returning them to your sides. His voice is low, speaking to you as he does so. “You’re a designer, sunshine. Not a programmer. You’ve been out of your depth with us since day one.”
You huff in defiance, crossing your arms over your chest. Having rid himself of your petty display of frustration, he props a hip against the counter and retrieves the bottle from where he’d placed it. Looking miniature in his grasp, he rolls it between his thumb and forefinger as he continues. “Contrary to what you think of me, I don’t particularly enjoy subverting your authority.” He hesitates, and his voice takes on a brief hint of humor. “Well—most of the time.”
Your eyes roll as you release an impatient sigh. His tone falls flat again, reaching the end of his point. “Even back then, I knew my actions could and would have consequences—on me, and you, and even Moon if things went poorly enough. And believe it or not, I did try to keep them to a minimum. I’ve only ever done what I deem necessary to accomplish my principal goal.”
You take a step back, growing uncomfortable with the proximity you created in your fit of rage. “Well, excuse me for assuming anything about what really goes on in your head. Might I ask then, what goal could possibly necessitate such behavior?”
His idle motion stills, slowly closing his hand around the bottle until it disappears in his grasp. “You should know the answer to that, though. You’re the one who instilled it in me, after all. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the first law of robotics.”
A tense silence suffocates the room, and neither of you do so much as move an inch until Moon’s voice crashes in from the doorway. “What the hell are you two doing in here?” Uncharacteristically aggressive in his questioning, you know he’s had just as rough of a time visiting the facility today as you did.
You beat Sun to the punch, some small part of you clinging to the hope that you can divert the topic away from your… habit. “This bastard’s been spying on me since before the beginning!”
Moon’s voice fills with exasperation. “What?”
Sun cuts in, pushing his own agenda before you can elaborate. “This reckless idiot’s been abusing sedatives again!”
Your voice raises over him. “They’re hardly even—!”
His monitor whips around to stare you down so fast it jumpscares you into silence.
Moon makes his way into the room, and you try not to recall the last time the three of you had an impromptu intervention in this same place. His gaze flicks to Sun with a critical tone. “I take it Sun finally told you about his… observations.” He reaches out and works the bottle out of Sun’s tense grip, looking it over with a frown.
A sense of betrayal weighs your voice down. “Are there any other secrets of his that you’re privy to and keeping from me?”
You don’t expect an answer, at least not one you can believe, but he offers it anyway. “…That depends on how you define a secret, I suppose.”
You heave a sigh but there’s little relief in it, more exhaustion than anything. Moon questions you softly. “Have you been taking these often again?”
“Ha. Hardly. I can scarcely get away with anything with this one’s prying eyes in every square inch of my privacy.” You stare daggers into the void of Sun’s screen.
His voice is louder than you expect when he suddenly responds, and you’re shocked at how full of emotion it is. All of his cold, unfeeling mechanical indifference replaced with something far more… sincere. Painfully so.
“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t fucking care. about. you. Do you think I sat around watching any of your colleagues mill about the place? Do you think I gave a damn if any of them ran themselves into the ground? As if they ever even would. You’re the only one insane enough, stubborn enough, lonely enough to care about some heap of dysfunctional, lifeless material laying on an operating table. You’re the only one. Of course I watched you. What. else. could. I. do.”
His rays shutter and spin rapidly, hands balling the loose fabric of his pants into fists at his side. He leans closer to you as he spits his final words.
“So excuse the fuck out of me for giving a damn about the only person who ever gave one about me.”
With that, he turns on his heel, pushing past Moon and quickly storming out of sight.
The weight of his words join with the exhaustion from today’s stress, dragging you down. With the added effect of the medication beginning to kick in on an empty stomach, it all has you lowering your shaky body to rest—dignified as it is—atop the closed toilet lid. You watch Moon as he quietly returns the bottle to its place in the cabinet in what you assume is some attempt to repair trust between you. “I… appreciate the gesture, but I don’t really care what you do with it. I know Sun’s just gonna slip back in here once we’re gone and pocket it to keep it from me.”
His vents release a soft burst of air and he closes the cabinet, turning to sit on the edge of the counter. Monitor dropped low and staring at the floor, it seems you aren’t the only one feeling beaten down. The two of you sit in silence for a minute, collecting your scattered thoughts.
“You know, it’s hard to blame you for taking those after everything and everyone you had to deal with today. I mean—even I was ready to send myself straight into a shutdown after answering all those questions.” A small, sad laugh escapes him. “Living with you kind of allowed me to forget that not everyone sees us the way you do.”
You tilt your head to look up at him. “What, like the people that you are?”
His monitor angles to focus you in his camera’s line of sight. “…Yeah. Exactly.”
He raises a pointed finger. “But—still—you know I also can’t approve of you self-medicating. It’s a slippery, dangerous slope. That’s why Sun gets all… like that. Not—not that his way of doing things is appropriate, though. I believe I worry about you just as much, but I at least try to channel it into more acceptable methods.”
His hand drops back down to the counter, enervation palpable, and you wonder how anyone could observe either of your boys and question their sentience for even a moment.
“He wasn’t lying though. I hope you know that. When he said that he cares about you.”
You prop an elbow on the counter beside you, resting your temple against your palm. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him say it outright. Like—I’ve heard you say it on his behalf, and I’ve seen him nod along in agreement. I can even sense it in at least some of his actions, but… it’s different actually hearing it from him.”
Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”
His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”
He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”
You scoff. “You won’t find many people that would put their faith in a God that they know can’t even protect them. A God weaker than them. Inferior to them.”
Moon shakes his head. “Starlight, I don’t think you realize all the ways in which you have protected him. Protected us. Protection doesn’t always come in the form of a physical battle of strength. …Especially not when it comes to protecting someone whose entire life can be snuffed out of existence with the click of a button, or the flick of a switch.”
You twist around on the toilet lid, turning to face the counter where Moon’s sat. You rest your arms out on it, fingers drumming along in tandem with Moon’s rhythm. “How much of that is you projecting, and how much of it is actually his feelings on the matter?”
He laughs again, a soft, quiet sound this time. “Not as much of it as you may think! I… hmm. I guess if one were to call him religious, one would call me an atheist.”
Your brows raise. “Oh? Do you…” The implications cause dismay to swirl in your stomach. “…Is that your way of saying that you don’t believe in me?”
His monitor twists on its axis and tilts down toward you, eyes wide and round. “No! No—heavens, no that’s not what I meant by that!”
You stare at each other for a moment before breaking into the kind of muffled, shared nonsensical laughter that one only tends to experience during those late night chats with a friend, fueled by over-tiredness and the joy of being in good company. A… mutual, unspoken understanding of sorts.
As the laughter dies down, you reassure him. “No—like—I get it, I do. I honestly wouldn’t blame you at all if you didn’t believe in me. Certainly at least not in the sense of comparing me to a God.”
He collects himself and clarifies. “I… I do believe in you though. In you. The very real, messy, soft and squishy, vulnerable flesh-and-bone human being that you are. I believe in your heart and soul, the power that resides in your free will, and I believe in your capabilities and intelligence far more than you may think I do. Sun and I both put faith into all of that and more. I can even understand why he’d see you as a God, but… it’s… different with him.”
You can’t help but lightheartedly interject. “Goodness, what isn’t…”
Moon smiles. “Sun was the first. I was never far behind, of course, but you couldn’t do everything in tandem. He was the first to be trained, the first to be implanted, the first to troubleshoot with, and, well... Do you know the sentiment that parents make most of their mistakes on the first child, so by the time the second comes along, they’re… uhm, they ‘turn out better’? For lack of a kinder way to put it.”
You drop your head down and pull your hands in, using them as a cushion lest you knock your forehead into the counter. “Oh, now you’re gonna tell me that he sees me as his mother or something, aren’t you…”
You groaned the words out playfully, but Moon takes them unexpectedly seriously. “Honestly? …Something in between the two, if I had to guess.”
You let the weight of his words sink into you as he continues.
“I… can’t claim to be an expert on what goes on in that head of his. But I can get closer than anyone else can. He… doesn’t like letting people in, as you are well aware, but occasionally he’ll confide in me. He’s got a lot of walls up. Both metaphorically and literally. It’s difficult to wade through that chaotic maze he calls a headspace.”
His fingers gradually slow their drumming to a halt.
“Do… you remember… the first time we engaged the Eclipse Protocol?”
Your stomach tightens.
“I’d rather not.”
“I- I know. I’m sorry. I just… that night. When he and I were still linked, and he…” He shakes his head. “Oh, who am I kidding, when we were watching over you like a couple of hawks…”
“While I slept?”
“Yes. To keep you safe. … There’s… a lot about that evening that I can’t forget, but one particular thing struck me. Well, honestly it annoyed me at the time because it was bleeding into my headspace and overriding my ability to focus, but… it stands out to me as something profound when I recall it.”
He pauses, freezing for a moment before pulling a bent leg up onto the counter and turning to face you.
“Maybe I shouldn’t share this. Maybe he’ll get mad at me when I tell him that I did. But I feel like after the things he’s kept from you, well intentioned as he may be… it’s fair enough to share this with you.”
You rest your chin on your folded hands, eyes glued to him.
“There was this… singular line of text that just kept repeating, over and over in his mind that night. It… to level with you—it started to freak me out a bit.”
You question him, soft and quiet.
“What was it?”
“Five words.”
His facial features fade out, and a repeating line of text on his otherwise dark screen replaces it.
The sight knocks the wind out of you, and you can do nothing but nod as your mind starts spinning.
The text fades, and the familiar sight of Moon’s default smile and crescent eyes replaces it for a second, his expression then quickly morphing into something more appropriate for the moment.
“I’m still not sure what it meant. A general search for those words in that order results in too many options for me to narrow it down. The sentence sticks with me, though. I guess… that’s where my theories of how he perceives you took root. … There’s more examples, far more explicit things he’s said, but I… feel like I’ve shared enough already. Any elaboration should be his to do, if he ever wishes to.”
You nod, raising up in your seat and finding your words.
Moon—unlike Sun—never was the type to comb through your personal files, private playlists included. So it doesn’t surprise you that he didn’t spot the connection.
“Well. You’ve… certainly given me a lot to think about.”
His tone grows concerned. “I—I really didn’t mean to upset you more! I hope I haven’t…”
You reach out, placing a hand reassuringly over his. “No, no, nothing like that. I’m actually very grateful that you shared this with me. I… know you’ve got to be tired of serving as this intermediary between Sun and I… and I hope one day you won’t have to.”
He gives you his signature smile, and somehow makes it feel genuine. “I really don’t mind, dear.”
You eye him with concern. “Mhm… and one day I’m gonna get inside that head of yours and figure out why that is.”
His tone turns playful. “Goodness me! Can’t a little selfless couples counseling go un-psychoanalyzed?”
You smile. “Not in this house, nope.”
The medication's effects have long since started taking hold, and you rub at your tired eyes as your waning focus trains back on the day’s events.
“Moon?”
“Yes, dear.”
“We’ve got a bigger problem.”
You punctuate your sentence with a yawn, and he rises from his seat on the counter, coming to crouch in front of you.
“The problem being how sleepy you’re getting?”
You pout. “No…”
His warm smile doesn’t waver as he whispers a question. “Would you like me to carry you to bed?”
You falter. “W-well… yeah, I… I would like that, actually… but that’s not our problem!”
You raise your arms to wrap around his neck as he leans into you, effortlessly lifting you off of your ‘throne’ and encouraging you to hook your legs around his waist. Once he’s got you securely in his hold, he leans back to catch your gaze.
“What is our problem then?”
You whisper, mindful of Sun’s penchant for eavesdropping.
“How are we gonna get him to come to the headquarters with us next week?”
------- ------- -------
Not much later that night, you laid in bed clinging to Moon, quickly drifting off under his reassuring watch.
It didn’t surprise you in the least when Sun remained in his own room that night. The room was conveniently located just opposite the wall that your bed sat against, making it the perfect place for him to hide when he craved being near you but felt it kinder to you to keep himself away.
As sleep welcomed you, your ears picked up on a muffled, familiar tune coming from the other side of the wall.
You still aren’t sure if you dreamed it or not.
“The gateway to the world,
was still outside the reach of him.
Would never belong to angels,
had never belonged to men.”
A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I’ll be back in a few days with the final chapter! You can also find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3.
Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3.
Image Sources: x - x - x
