My youngest sister graduated high school on Saturday, June 4th. What’s now been dubbed the “Stanford Rape" held the news cycle that weekend and into the next week, with the Stanford Rape Victim’s Impact Statement (letter), news about the verdict, felony convictions, sentence, and other statements traveling around the globe in record time. Post graduation, I fell into the Internet rabbit hole and came out thinking about my own baby sister, headed to college in August.
Kind, funny, trusting and strong, my sister has thankfully not endured anything like the Stanford Rape Victim - or any other sexual assault victim. I want to do everything I can to keep it this way - for her and for all the kids who have been lucky enough to be free from that pain.
So, I thought one thing I could do was create an audio recording of the Stanford Rape Victim’s Impact Statement. I found the letter difficult to read because my heart hurt at every turn and I could barely stomach the harrowing details of her experience - but I had to digest it because after all this woman had been through, she somehow found words to share her story with the court, with her assaulter and subsequently, the world. Her letter is powerful, brave and compelling, and her message deserves to be heard, talked about, and learned from by everyone regardless of gender or age. My reading is not perfect, and I am not her - but if you haven’t read the letter because it was too emotionally difficult or because you missed it the first time around, you can listen to it now. (downloadable file here if you want to listen offline, notes on downloading at the bottom of this post)
The former elementary school teacher, big sister, aunt and mentor in me knows that the obvious and immediate response to help our kids is education. I want to know - what are we teaching our kids about sex? About consent and assault? About respecting one another’s bodies? When do we start? How do we do it?
I want full scale research that tells us what’s happening in our country from the people who are giving, receiving, over-seeing and deciding that curriculum in our middle schools and high schools.
The National Conference of State Legislators says “all States are somehow involved in sex education for public schoolchildren.” But they also state that as of March 1, 2016, only “24 states and the District of Columbia require public schools teach sex education” and “35 states and the District of Columbia allow parent to opt out on behalf of their children.” In addition to the questions above, I want to know why sex education is not required for all schools? Why do parents opt out?
No matter your religion, feelings about your own kids’ education, your desire to own this part of their learning - you can’t control other kids or every situation your child will find themselves in as they make their way through the world. No one wants their kid to sexually assault or be sexually assaulted, of course. So what can we do to provide curriculum that accounts for everyone’s personal preferences about sex education while working to keep all kids safe?
If we grownups aren’t teaching our kids about sex, respect and consent, I promise they are learning from each other and the Internet. I assume we can all agree that thought is horrific.
While I think it is immensely important to teach about sexual consent in college, I also think starting the education then is too late. Let’s get very real here - sexual assault can happen at any age, by anyone, to anyone. We are missing the point if we think it only happens on college campus.
The school year is upon us, and my baby sister will soon join a host of other kids starting the next chapter of their lives. I dedicate this recording to all of them, to all our kids - and to all of us who wish them success, happiness and safety.
And to the woman who had the guts to share your words with the world: I dedicate this recording to you. You truly are a lighthouse. You have done so much and given so much to help others, to empower those who have to deal with the repercussions of assault, that I can only hope I have done a small thing to help spread your message and continue the conversation. Thank you for pushing me to do something. Thank you for your vulnerability, words, strength. Thank you for your light.
Additional Notes:
You can be involved by signing up to be part of a national study - you don’t have to have a particular stand on sex education - simply share what is going on in your schools.
Reactions to the Stanford Rape Victim Impact Statement included an open letter from Vice President Joe Biden, members of Congress reading the letter in its entirety on the U.S. House floor, Ashleigh Banfield reading it on live TV, stories from people empowered to speak about their own sexual assault, and so much more.
“Watch What Happens When Guys Read Real Stories of Sexual Assault” is part of Teen Vogue’s Not your Fault campaign, aimed at educating people about the epidemic of sexual assault. The stories they read are a reminder that sexual assault can happen by anyone to anyone - not just boys to girls.
It’s On Us is committed to ending sexual violence on college campus and asks people to take the pledge to make a personal commitment to help keep women and men safe from sexual assault. Lots of information for everyone and resources to hold campus events for college kids.
Glamour Exclusive: President Barack Obama Says, “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” is an inspiring and great read.
Download an .m4a recording if you’d like to listen to it offline on your devices. Dropbox will give you a sign in box which you can x out of (you do not need a Dropbox account to download).
Thank you to Gus Medina, a father of three girls, who helped me record this late one evening. And thank you to my family and friends that engaged in conversation with me about this and supported me with feedback and encouragement.
