The Crimes of Sonic Adventure 2 (2001)
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The Crimes of Sonic Adventure 2
DISCLAIMER: I am not a qualified United States of America lawyer (nor do I even live in the United States of America), do not treat anything in this document as legal advice. This is all to entertain a what-if scenario.
Do you want to see the rap sheet of the characters of Sonic Adventure 2?
Well I know I wanted to see the rap sheet for Dr. Eggman, so I begun digging into his history… and very quickly realised it was unfeasible for a singular document.
So how about instead a singular document covering Sonic Adventure 2? And to sweeten the deal, we won’t just be looking at Eggman, we’ll be looking at everyone, even Sonic the Hedgehog himself.
The Crimes of Sonic Adventure 2.
Why start at Sonic Adventure 2?
Well, Sonic Adventure 2 takes place in a city that visually resembles San Francisco, giving us a frame of reference for a real word location and time period (2001) to list the crimes over, unlike the Classic games which do not given any kind of reference. This is kind of important to actually listing crimes, since what’s considered a crime and what the punishment for that crime is varies depending on the country/nation, state, city, and even district within that city (though I won’t get that specific), and they change overtime.
Okay, but what about Sonic Adventure 1? Station Square shares the same name as Station Square, Pittsburgh, surely that’s good enough for a location to base the crimes on?
Well you can blame this one enemy for that. They do not spawn infinitely, and as I am in a position where I cannot legally play the game myself (and, unsurprisingly, nobody is willing to count for me), I cannot get a precise number for them. So I’d rather just wait until I’m either in a position where I can do that or I find someone who IS willing to count for me (in the unlikely chance that you, reading this, are willing to do so, I’d provide credit to you for it).
Needless to say, I have a solution to that issue for Sonic Adventure 2.
A note from future Numbug: uh it might turn out that I didn’t need to count the individual amount of Eggman robots anyways, as illegal weapons manufacturing is counted by the process of manufactoring weapons, rather than the individual amount of weapons made – and since they lack robots, Beats wouldn’t be counted for that anyways.
If committing a crime in gameplay is possible but optional without glitches (or other unintended behaviour), the assumption will be that no such crime occurred. Even though in some cases this will go against common logic or otherwise be out-of-character, this will provide the best case scenario for each character (and if we went the opposite direction, multiple characters can rack up violations ad infinitum). This “best case scenario” will also be applied on a per-character basis, so one character’s rap sheet might be assuming a scenario that’s mutually incompatible with another character’s.
Related to the above, the assumption is that each character only goes through each level once, and always on mission 1. There’s no evidence anything else is canon, and there’s no evidence the characters visit the chao garden during SA2 (nor would that make logical sense the way it’s presented).
The desert levels, while clearly inspired by the Egyptian Pyramids, are shown via the in-game map to be within walking distance, so they’ll assumed to be an equivalent historical site in the USA and treated as such.
The ARK, being a United Federation space station, will be treated akin to a military base (abandoned or not, they would still have government ownership by default). Any crimes committed on it 50 years ago will be treated akin to the law for 1951.
While I will link the English version for convenience, this crimes ranking will be using the original Japanese dub, and in any instances where the dub changes changes the legal status of an action the Japanese version will be given default priority and linked appropriately.
Robots and artificial creations will only be counted IF they display any autonomy from their creator. So Shadow will be given his own spot, while the Biolizard will not.
Conspiracy to commit: you planned with another person to commit a crime.
Complicit in: means you didn’t do anything per say, but you were with someone who committed a crime, and did nothing to stop them.
Aiding & abetting: you didn’t commit the crime itself, but you helped someone else to commit it.
Attempted: you attempted to commit a crime, but didn’t end up doing so (whether you failed, you changed your mind, or some other third thing).
1st degree murder: you planned on killing someone in advance (regardless of if you discussed such plans or not).
2nd degree murder: you decided in the moment to kill someone present.
And lastly, as much as I hate to admit it, there will be no sentence given for these crimes. I did want to, I really wanted to, but I found researching it not only incredibly difficult, but also definitely not up to the quality standard that I expect from not only the Central City Library, but also myself.
Now, onto the rankings, from least crimes committed to most crimes committed. Starting with those who have a perfect record...
Clean: Pilot of Flying Dog (real name unknown)
Age: unknown (at least 16+)
Nationality: United Federation
Only including him for consistency’s sake, since the other two have codenames
Total crimes committed: 0
Clean: President of the United Federation
Nationality: United Federation
Total crimes committed: 0 cases (if only all presidents could have such a perfect track record)
Clean: President of the United Federation’s Secretary
Nationality: United Federation
Total crimes committed: 0 cases.
Clean: Spider Troop (real name unknown)
Age: unknown (at least 16+)
Nationality: United Federation
You know him, he pilots Big Foot!
Assault on a minor: 1 case – unfortunately, outside of particularly egregious examples, the right to self defence when arrested for a crime you’re not guilty of is not enforceable, so this charge is most likely dropped.
Total crimes committed: 0 cases.
Clean: Scorpion Troop (real name unknown)
Age: unknown (at least 16+)
Nationality United Federation
Total crimes committed: 0
Age: n/a (unknown at time of death)
Nationality: United Federation
Attempted theft of government property: 1 case – because yes, Shadow the Hedgehog is a top secret military research weapon, artificially created with G.U.N. budget. So yes, Shadow was owned by the military. However, Shadow has displayed awareness and autonomy, and the entire shutdown of the A.R.K. was a corrupt operation from the beginning, to such a degree that by all accounts Maria should be acquitted for attempting to let Shadow escape. That, and the fact that under U.S. 2001 law a living being technically a slave wouldn’t fly.
Total crimes committed: 0 cases.
I’d positively love to give Omochao a rap sheet a mile long, for no other reason than how funny it would be. However, I need to apply the same standards to everyone, and that includes Omochao. Omochao is a mass produced robot, producer unknown, who are incredibly knowledgeable and widespread. One even had knowledge on the Biolizard, that’s how much they know. And yet, they only activate if someone approaches them. That means that, giving them the same leeway we give the rest of the cast, they haven’t committed any crimes. No aiding and abetting, no conspiracy, not even entering military bases, since it’s assumed the military would have to bring them in.
Total crimes committed: 0 cases
And now we reach the point where characters have committed at least one crime, and can thus be charged.
Oh, by the way, initially I wanted to present the minimum and maximum penalties for each character, but uh… turns out, finding a minimum charge for a crime is very difficult, far more difficult than finding the maximum penalty.
So, I’ll be sentencing according to the maximum penalty, preferably for specifically 2001 when I can find such metrics. As before, if I make an error on this (and, as I’m not a US lawyer knowledgeable on the law as it existed in 2001, nor a US lawyer, nor a US citizen, nor ever set foot on the USA, I’m bound to make an error on this), please inform me so that I may correct it.
Age: unknown (a few days old?)
Yes, we’re seriously covering the Egg Golem. It spends 1 boss fight free from Eggman’s control, so it is eligible for committing crimes.
Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon: 1 case – for the entirety of its time spent independent from Eggman’s control, it spends that time attempting to kill Eggman. We know this isn’t from self defence (or defending Sonic and co.), since it does this in response to Eggman insulting it. It’s with a deadly weapon because the Egg Golem IS a deadly weapon.
Attempted 2nd degree murder: 1 case.
Total crimes committed: 2 cases.
Age: n/a (unknown at time of death)
Nationality: United Federation
Species: ghost (formerly human)
Assault on a minor: 1 case.
Attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 1 case.
Total crimes committed: 2 cases.
#12: Knuckles the Echidna
Nationality: n/a (sole resident of Angel Island)
As the first playable character on the list, I need to define a unit of value for the stolen items, or more accurately what the maximum penalty shall be. … I don’t want to do that, so instead, I shall just label “compensation for stolen item” instead.
Illegal border crossing: 1 case – Knuckles might have de facto diplomatic immunity for being the sole representative of his own nation. Even if he doesn’t, he only entered the United Federation in order to stop Rouge from stealing the Master Emerald, a gemstone of unimaginable value.
Theft: 1 case – yeah it’s a rural canyon, but those Shovel Claws surely belonged to someone, and Knuckles made no attempt to find the original owners yet along return these to them.
Trespassing: 2 cases – an abandoned mine is still, well, a mine, and thus a place Knuckles doesn’t have clearance to enter unannounced. And then he goes through a sewer. Of course, there is genuine argument that Knuckles is unaware that he’s trespassing, and nobody informs him of such nor requests that he leaves these areas.
Complicit in trespassing into a government space: 1 case – going inside of a vehicle is considered trespassing, and this appears to be the president’s private limo, given the screen set up for a private discussion with Dr. Eggman.
Complicit in hacking: 1 case.
Complicit in interfering with a government meeting: 1 case.
Trespassing: 2 cases – given the existential threat Eggman is currently posing, any efforts to stop him would absolutely be forgiven under law.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to launch a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Launching a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Trespassing a government space: 1 case – the ARK, while abandoned, is still a G.U.N. base, and is still being patrolled by G.U.N. robots. However, Knuckles is here to stop a global atrocity like the rest of the gang.
Reckless endangerment: 1 case – attempting to commandeer a vehicle you have no idea how to pilot while it’s in flight in outer space is a one way ticket to kill everyone on-board.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – by this point Knuckles has associated himself with Sonic and co. (whom have certainly committed various crimes by this point), and thus is liable to being arrested.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – everyone was saving the world.
Total crimes committed: 6 cases
Entering a restricted military base: 1 case.
Aiding & abetting escape from lawful custody: 1 case.
Petty theft: 1 case – stole an identification card to release Sonic from prison.
Resisting arrest: 1 case.
Conspiracy to trespass onto a government area: 1 case.
Conspiracy to hacking: 1 case.
Complicit in trespassing into a government space: 1 case.
Complicit in hacking: 1 case.
Complicit in interfering with a government meeting: 1 case.
Trespassing: 2 cases – given the existential threat Eggman is currently posing, any efforts to stop him should be completely legal.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to launch a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Launching a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Complicit in attempted destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Total crimes committed: 9 cases
Nationality: unknown (presumed United Federation)
As hilarious as it sounds, Big commits some crimes in his cameos. Under the logic of giving everyone maximum benefit of the doubt, his cutscene cameos will not be counted, as he only appears given player input. But his in-level cameos will count as he’s there regardless of if the player checks on him or not.
Entering a restricted military base: 4 cases – Big is seen in Prison Island in Iron Gate and Weapons Bed, and is seen on the Space Colony: ARK in Lost Colony and Mad Space.
Trespassing: 5 cases – enters in Eggman’s base in Sand Ocean, Egg Quarters, and Hidden Base. He also ends up on a blimp in Radical Highway and under the road in Mission Street.
Reckless Endangerment: 1 case – Big hanging onto a blimp like that endangers everyone inside of the blimp.
Escape from Lawful Custody: 1 case – despite appearing behind bars in Prison Lane, Big later appears out from behind bars.
Total crimes committed: 11 cases.
#9: Professor Gerald Robotnik
Age: n/a (unknown at time of death)
Anything the Biolizard does can be presumed to be a direct result of Gerald remotely reprogramming it, and so its actions will be added to Gerald’s (post-humous) list. Oh, and given Gerald lost his sanity before committing his crimes, it’s entirely possible for him to be posthumously declared innocent on grounds of insanity. Crimes committed 50 years ago will be listed in bold to note the time gap.
Reckless endangerment: 1 case – Gerald was blamed for a crime that never happened to cover up a separate crime G.U.N. committed.
Collective punishment: 1 case – while you could argue this should be “conspiracy to commit [x]”, the fact of the matter is that Gerald had already set all of the programming up for both the Eclipse Cannon, the ARK as a whole, Shadow, and the Biolizard. The plan was already in motion by the time he admitted/talked about it, and all he needed was someone to wake up Shadow. To me, that’s more than enough to sentence him for actively attempting these crimes, albeit posthumously.
Attempted mass murder: 1 case – same as above in regards to violating the Geneva conventions.
Attempted mass property damage: 1 case – ditto.
Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon: 3 cases.
Attempted 2nd degree murder: 2 cases.
Assault on a minor: 1 case.
Attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 1 case.
Total crimes committed: 12 cases.
Nationality: unknown (born on Christmas Island)
Resisting arrest: 3 cases – Sonic is constantly ignoring G.U.N. trying to apprehend him, the mistaken identity doesn’t matter as he began resisting by immediately assaulting government officers, which is, well, crime.
Assault on a government officer: 3+ cases – took out “everyone aboard” on the G.U.N. helicopter, and then later fought Spider Troop.
Destruction of government property: 5 cases:
1 Mono Beetle (cutting off as many from homing attack chains as possible)
Stripped off 1 piece of a G.U.N. helicopter
Theft of government property: 3 cases – stole that aforementioned strip of the G.U.N. helicopter, a pair of Light Shoes, and some of that aforementioned metal casing.
Jaywalking: 5 cases – I mean. Yeah. He kinda does do that. The G.U.N. truck chase doesn’t excuse anything, as he still runs on the road before it even arrives.
Speeding: 4 cases – well technically he’s not driving, he’s running/snowboarding. Can’t speed without a car.
Reckless endangerment: 3 cases – Sonic ran along the streets of City Escape on two separate occassions, once on an impromptu snowboard. Even assuming he didn’t hit anything, that’s still dangerous to everyone on the road.
Entering closed off areas: 2 cases – ignores “do not enter” signs twice; though it turns out you also need to be told to leave and then refuse to do so in order to be sentenced.
Trespassing: 1 case (+$5,000 fine, 1 year in prison, and 2 years probation) – runs down the side of a building.
Entering closed off areas: 1 case – the instance just before the G.U.N. truck is arguable due to signs providing conflicting messages.
Reckless endangerment: 1 case – okay see in this case a giant 2 lane truck is chasing him and trying to run him over, this is more acceptable.
Assault: 2 cases – Sonic charges at Shadow, assuming he’s being framed (incorrectly). He does so again later on.
Escape from lawful custody: 1 case.
Trespassing into a government space: 2 cases – clinging onto the G.U.N. rocket launch, and then later jumping into the president’s limo.
Resisting arrest: 4 cases – first the island’s blowing up, and Sonic and co. are just trying to not die from that; then Sonic’s trying to save Amy from Eggman, then Sonic’s saving the world, then everyone’s saving the world.
Conspiracy to trespass into a government space: 1 case (+$10,000 fine & 10 years in prison).
Conspiracy to commit hacking: 1 case.
Interfering with a government meeting: 1 case.
Complicit in hacking: 1 case.
Trespassing: 2 cases – given the existential threat Eggman is currently posing, any efforts to stop him should be completely legal.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to launch a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Launching a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Attempted destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – hostage situation + trying to save the world.
Destruction of government property: 14 cases – there’s saving the world from the Eclipse Cannon, and also saving Amy from her hostage situation.
Theft of government property: 1 case – given the hostage situation he was in and the fact he was actively attempting to stop Eggman’s existential threat, stealing one measly Flame Ring should be excusable. Besides, we don’t even know if Sonic kept it afterwards, as next time he gets something similar he’s seen buying it.
Total crimes committed: 35 cases.
Age: n/a (unknown at time of deaths)
Nationality: United Federation
Species: ghosts (formerly humans)
Given the Boos are a group of people, and not an individual, the charges will be doled out as 1 case per individual Boo involved.
Assault on a minor: 29 cases – pretty simple, whether they harm or grab, they’re still assaulting Sonic and Knuckles.
Attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 19 cases – most of these cases are from directly attacking, but some are from grabbing Sonic in close proximity to another hazard such as a trap or one of Eggman’s robots.
Assault: 2 cases – they attempt to grab Rouge too.
Attempted 2nd degree murder: 2 cases.
Reckless Endangerment: 2 cases – some of the “fright” Boos do so in the presence of traps, Eggman robots, or more aggressive Boos.
Aided & abetted assault on a minor: 1 case – a Boo holds an hourglass for King Boom Boo.
Aided & abetted attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 1 case.
Total crimes committed: 56 cases collectively.
Average of cases per Boo: 0.8 cases per Boo (rounded down)
Nationality: unknown (born on Westside Island)
This is the first time that it’s relevant, but for the multiplayer I’m making the assumption that it’s inclusion isn’t a canonical event, but items made within it are considered canonical, especially since external media does provide an origin for some items (such as the Chao Walker and Dark Chao Walker).
Illegal weapons manufacturing: 1 case – the Cyclone, a personal mech that can transform into a plane and a car, is not a weapon you can just carry around. He also built the mech that Chao uses in the multiplayer mode. It’s only one case as the law is defined by the act of manufacturing weapons, not the specific number of weapons you make.
Entering a restricted military base: 1 case.
Aiding & abetting escape from legal custody: 1 case.
Destruction of government property: 54 cases – Tails has to destroy G.U.N. robots to progress in his stages. Including:
Resisting arrest: 1 case.
Theft: 1 case – stole the Boosters.
Hacking: 2 cases – accessed government computers.
Conspiracy to trespass into a government space: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit hacking: 1 case.
Trespassing into a government space: 1 case – he and Sonic jump into the President’s limo.
Interfering with a government meeting: 1 case – he and Sonic interrupted the President’s attempted surrender, which caused Eggman to attempt to fire the Eclipse Cannon again.
Underage driving/driving without a licence: 1 case – from my look, I don’t see a separate charge for underage driving, to my surprise. Instead, the charge gets applied to the legal guardian/s. Tails seemingly has no legal guardians on account of having his own homes and labs, implying he’s an emancipated child, so that charge should still fall onto him regardless (as all of these other charges, in case you’re wondering).
Speeding: 1 case – clearly sped on the road to reach the President’s limo.
Reckless driving: 1 case – I mean when one of the optional missions is “don’t hit other cars” and another is “don’t hit walls”, even the game itself considers your driving dangerous.
Trespassing: 2 cases – given the existential threat Eggman is currently posing, any efforts to stop him should be completely legal.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to launch a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Grand larceny: 1 case – ditto.
Launching a rocket without clearance: 1 case – ditto.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Resisting arrest: 2 cases – first time he was trying to save the world, second time everyone was trying to save the world.
Complicit in attempted destruction of government property: 1 case – ditto.
Destruction of government property: 9 cases – given the situation, Tails is excused for attacking the robots trying to attack him.
Theft of government property: 1 case – given the situation, Tails using the Bazooka is excusable.
Total crimes committed: 68 cases
#5: G.U.N. (short for Guardian Unit of Nations)
Species: varies, typically human
Now we leave the realm of mundane crime volume and jump into the truly absurd… And you can thank a singular truck for that.
As both their name and dialogue in Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity shows, G.U.N. is an international military, not beholding to any specific branch of government. However, perhaps as a requirement of being an officially recognised government branch, they do still need to abide by the local governments of any nation a particular branch is stationed in, as seen by the future G.U.N. Commander, Abraham Towers, obeying direct orders from the President and generally protecting his well being. This is all to provide important context for not only their current actions, but also the actions they performed 50 years ago (the latter of which will be in bold).
And, due to a majority of the robots being either controlled by an AI and/or remote controlled, it’s practically impossible to determine how many G.U.N. soldiers are truly involved, meaning I can’t present an average like I did with the Boos.
Lastly, as the G.U.N. Truck driver was responsible for a vast majority of these cases, charges for them specifically will be underlined.
Conspiracy to commit mass murder: 1+ cases – the ARK’s Indestructible Seal, a top secret plan detailing the closing of the ARK, involves killing the scientists who knew of Project: Shadow, and pinning it all as an accident caused by Professor Gerald.
Conspiracy to commit a false accusation: 1+ cases.
Conspiracy to falsify information: 1+ cases – the plan was carried out on the premise that G.U.N. knew nothing.
Mass murder: 1+ cases – Maria doesn’t even get singled out, she’s one of an unknown number of victims.
False accusation: 1+ cases – successfully pinned the blame for the ARK’s shutdown on Professor Gerald.
False arrest: 2+ cases – successfully captured both Professor Gerald and the finalised Ultimate Lifeform, Shadow the Hedgehog
Improper documentation: 1+ cases – until Shadow himself expressed recollection of being captured, it was unknown if Shadow was even the original or a clone, which proves that said capture was not properly reported.
Failure to comply with a lawful order: 1 case – I decided this has enough to be worth including, but not enough to be worth sentencing, as the President requesting Rouge obtain this information from G.U.N. implies that he tried asking them directly and got nothing. It’s plausible that G.U.N. (truthfully or not) claimed they couldn’t access it, and later that they couldn’t look for it due to fighting Dr. Eggman, so this is a grey area. And as said, I lean on the best case scenario for these rap sheets.
False arrest: 1 case – can’t apply to Shadow breaking out of Prison Island, since breaking out of jail is still a crime even if you’re innocent of the crime that got you sent to prison to begin with.
Animal cruelty: 1+ cases – holds the turtle hostage.
Aggravated assault with a weapon: 4+ cases.
Assault on a government officer: 1+ cases – oh yeah, Rouge is a government officer and isn’t even undercover yet during her first stage.
Spying: 4+ cases – the Gold Beetles are canonically reconnaissance robots. Now, spying on your own population is (as far as I can tell) fully legal, unfortunately. However, G.U.N. is an international organisation, and can & has acted in their own interests in the past and during this game, even spying on a United Federation government agent.
Assault on a minor: 3+ cases.
Reckless endangerment: 6 cases – Knuckles and Rouge could’ve died from these robots attacking them. Oh, and the G.U.N. truck driving through a populated city, including Big the Cat. Poor guy. Lastly, the G.U.N. Robots in Cannon’s Core still attack Sonic and co. despite them working to save the world (something Rouge can easily communicate to the President and by proxy G.U.N.). We can reasonably assume that G.U.N.’s still in control over their robots given the teleportation technology and the fact that Shadow 05 presents G.U.N. robots as good aligned (given that destroying them gives Shadow dark metre). G.U.N. failing to get these robots to stop attacking the 5 of them risked both their lives and the lives of everyone on the planet.
False arrest: 2 cases – arrested Sonic the Hedgehog due to mistaken identity.
Reckless driving: 1 case.
Vehicle size violation: 1+ cases – it might be made by the military, but even the military needs to be able to drive on the road without causing widespread devastation. Anyways, the exact sentence depends on the weight of the G.U.N. truck, which I can’t know with certainty, but can estimate. Its height, in comparison to the cars it runs over, is roughly 3.6 times wider. The average car is 1.94 metres wide, while the average semi-trailer truck (what the G.U.N. truck appears to be) is 2.5 metres wide, 3.6 times 1.94 is 6.984 metres wide, making the G.U.N. truck 3 times larger than a semi-trailer truck. Applying square cube law, that should make the truck 270,000 pounds. As the California weight limit is 80,000 pounds, this makes the G.U.N. truck 190,000 pounds over the weight limit. If you have a better calculation, please let me know.
Attempted 2nd degree murder: 1 case – tossing a truck this big on one person is clearly an attempt to kill.
Property damage: 185+ cases – the G.U.N. truck, in one 30 second segment, breaks through the wall Sonic just went under (it clips through it, but realistically that wall is just gone), destroys 98 cars, 1 bin, 72 trees, 2 ramps, 1 street light, and 4 traffic signs. On top of that, I’m also going to assume 2 houses get damaged every time the G.U.N. truck turns (which it does 3 times), purely due to its sheer size. And it’s likely committed more violations, given we see it driving in from the area Sonic was just in, it likely destroyed everything in there too.
Assault on a minor: 1 case – the right to self defence on a false arrest is not enforceable, except for particularly egregious examples. Now, I’m no expert, but attempting to run over someone with a truck so big it cannot fit onto the road properly, and did widespread damage to the immediate area in an attempt to run them over would count as particularly egregious.
Total crimes committed: 215+
Total crimes committed (50 years ago): 8+ cases
Total crimes committed (current day, sans G.U.N. truck driver): 22+ cases
Total crimes committed (G.U.N. truck driver): 188+ cases
Age: unknown (chronologically 50+)
Nationality: United Federation (G.U.N. created weapon)
Species: hedgehog/Black Arms hybrid
Realistically speaking, after Shadow is confirmed to survive post-SA2 (and gains his memory…), he has a solid argument to avoid being sentenced for any of these crimes, by virtue of a mixture of government conspiracy and the fact that his memories were tampered with by Professor Gerald, with evidence in Gerald’s diary itself, and thus he can argue he was coerced to commit these crimes. A moot point, since he’d likely be fully pardoned after Heroes, but the argument remains.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – we don’t actually get any evidence that G.U.N. ever made any attempt at a formal arrest on Shadow in SA2 or supplementary material (other games will be covered if/when I get to those specific games), so there’s no grounds to argue he was resisting arrest. Even if they did, the military’s actions in this game are blatantly corrupt in hindsight, and are far more than enough to warrant an exoneration for such a charge.
Theft of government property: 1 case – Shadow being an artificial lifeform created by G.U.N. gives credence to the idea he was owned by them, but as above the corrupt nature they attempted in order to capture him should be more than enough to exonerate him.
Escape from lawful custody: 1 case (7 years in prison) – Escaped from Prison Island. Yes, breaking out of prison when you were put in for a crime you didn’t commit is still a crime in and of itself.
Assault on a government officer: 1 case – attacked the pilot of B-3x Hot Shot.
Destruction of government property: 37+ cases – Shadow has destroyed a fair number of robots, machines, and other government equipment. This will also included every single robot in White Jungle, as regardless of if Shadow personally destroys them or not they’ll still be taken out in the ensuing explosion. However, non-robot equipment will be excluded from White Jungle due to their cost being negligent in comparison, unless Shadow directly has to destroy it.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – plotted to steal more Chaos Emeralds with Dr. Eggman.
Conspiracy to commit terrorism: 1 case – plotted to use the Eclipse Cannon with Dr. Eggman.
Grand larceny: 1 case – stole a Chaos Emerald from a bank.
Theft of government property: 1 case – stole the Air Shoes (not to be confused with his shoes, which are also called air shoes).
Resisting arrest: 4 cases – continues running even as G.U.N. robots chase after him.
Collective punishment: 1 case – plans on inflicting a punishment on the entirety of the human race rather than just those who were responsible for the raid on the ARK/Maria’s murder in the first place.
Jaywalking: 1 case – Radical Highway might be the most unsafe highway imaginable. But it is still a highway, and Shadow clearly has no regard for staying off said highway.
Entering a restricted military area: 2 case.
Conspiracy to commit usurpation: 201 cases.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of government property: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of a government base: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit 1st degree mass murder: 1 case.
Aiding & abetting destruction of military property: 1 case.
Aiding & abetting grand larceny: 3 cases.
1st degree mass murder: 1 case.
Destruction of a government base: 1 case.
Complicit in aggravated assault with a lethal weapon: 1 case.
Complicit in assault on a minor: 1 case.
Complicit in attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 1 case.
Assault on a minor: 1 case – Sonic attacked him first, so it’s self defence.
Complicit in hijacking of radio signals: 1 case.
Mass destruction: 1 case.
Mass manslaughter: 1 case.
Mass reckless endangerment: 1 case.
Mass emotional damages: 1 case.
Holding a hostage en masse: 1 case.
Inducing public panic: 1 case.
Aiding & abetting attempted usurpation: 1 case.
Stalking of a minor: 1 case.
Complicit in attempted 1st degree murder or a minor: 8 cases.
Assault on a minor: 1 case.
Attempted 1st degree murder on a minor: 1 case – while he didn’t know it was Sonic specifically, he knew someone was approaching the Eclipse Cannon, and was going to guard it, likely with lethal force (and in both languages he expresses intent to kill towards Sonic).
Uttering threats: 1 case.
Collective punishment: 1 case – needless to say, all of humanity didn’t assault the ARK 50 years ago, nor did they kill Maria. A large majority of them wouldn’t have even been alive back then.
Attempted terrorism: 1 case – the reason Eggman gets charged with this and Shadow doesn’t is pretty simple: Shadow knows everyone is going to be killed, while Eggman didn’t.
Attempted mass murder: 1 case – this isn’t a genocide charge since it isn’t targeting a specific demographic of humans, but rather all humans.
Attempted mass property damage: 1 case.
Total crimes committed: 288+ cases.
Nationality: unknown (presumed United Federation)
One complicating factor is that Rouge was an undercover agent, not working for G.U.N., but working directly for the President, with a specific goal to achieve. So if she commits a crime in order to maintain her cover to achieve her goal, as assigned by the President himself, is that permissible? Does that get struck from the record? Looking it up, it counts as a crime if she took up arms/aided the enemy against her own during times of warfare. Which… yeah, she did. I don’t know, I’ll list them here regardless, but she might get a Presidential pardon after this game since she did accomplish her primary objective. If a crime is in italics, then committing it was part of her spy duties. If you don’t count those, then Shadow takes the #3 spot instead.
Illegal border crossing: 1 case – Knuckles is constantly on the lookout for intruders to his island, and Rouge still came on and stole the Master Emerald regardless.
Burglary: 1 case – technically Knuckles doesn’t have a defined house, but surely if Rouge got onto the island in the first place with the sole intent of committing a crime then she should get this charge regardless.
Grand larceny: 7 cases – Rouge steals the Master Emerald, then when it gets broken into pieces she steals 6 of the fragments.
Stalking: 1 case – puts a tracker on Dr. Eggman to follow him into his base. I’m not sure when she was able to do that, but apparently she did.
Destruction of government property: 2 cases – Rouge destroys two G.U.N. Hunters. However, these G.U.N. Hunters were holding a turtle hostage, so destroying them would be defensible as preventing animal cruelty.
Trespassing: 1 case – infiltrates Eggman’s base.
Destruction of private property: 4 cases – Rouge destroys 4 of Eggman’s caged boxes.
Theft: – steals 3 of Eggman’s keys to infiltrate his base, and the Pink Nails that were in there.
Entering a restricted military base: 2 cases – Rouge infiltrates ARK independently of the rest of the gang, and then infiltrates Prison Island with them.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 1 case – plotted to steal more Chaos Emeralds with Dr. Eggman.
Conspiracy to commit terrorism: 1 case – plotted to use the Eclipse Cannon with Dr. Eggman.
Conspiracy to commit usurpation: 201 cases.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of government property: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit destruction of a government base: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit 1st degree mass murder: 1 case.
Complicit in aggravated assault with a lethal weapon: 8 cases.
Complicit in assault on a minor: 8 cases.
Complicit in attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 1 case.
Grand Larceny: 3 cases – and here’s where Rouge stole 3 Chaos Emeralds.
Aided & abetted 1st degree mass murder: 1 case.
Aided & abetted destruction of a government base: 1 case.
Aided & abetted destruction of government property: 13+ cases – just like Eggman, every robot in Security Hall that Rouge doesn’t destroy personally will still be destroyed with the island’s destruction, so they’ll be counted as part of this list at bare minimum.
Assault on a government officer: 1 case – fought against the pilot for R-1/A Flying Dog.
Destruction of government property: 1 case – destroyed Flying Dog.
Complicit in hijacking of radio signals: 1 case.
Complicit in terrorism: 1 case
Complicit in mass destruction: 1 case.
Complicit in mass manslaughter: 1 case.
Complicit in mass reckless endangerment: 1 case.
Complicit in mass emotional damages: 1 case.
Complicit in holding a hostage en masse: 1 case.
Complicit in inducing public panic: 1 case.
Complicit in attempted usurpation: 1 case.
Espionage: 1 case – I mean- it’s the entire reason she’s here.
Stalking a minor: 1 case.
Speeding: 1 case – clearly sped on the road to reach Tails’s Tornado-2.
Reckless driving: 1 case – I mean when one of the optional missions is “don’t hit other cars” and another is “don’t hit walls”, even the game itself considers your driving dangerous.
Complicit in 1st degree attempted murder: 7 cases.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – Rouge ignores G.U.N. robots trying to apprehend her during the events of Mad Space.
Assault on a minor: 1 case – while it’s ambiguous who specifically started the fight, the fact remains that she’s stolen Knuckles’s Master Emerald fragments, so even if Knuckles began the fight it’s to protect and reclaim his property.
Attempted grand larceny: 6 cases – maybe, if you squint, this could be part of her duties as a spy to sabotage the enemy, but it’s pretty clear she’s doing this because she wants the gemstones themselves.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – everyone was saving the world.
Total crimes committed: 292+ cases.
Total non-undercover crimes committed: 11 cases
#2: Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik
Age: unknown (at least 60+)
Nationality: unknown (presumed United Federation)
Was there ever any doubt? I mean, seriously, this man was the mastermind for most of the game and most of his robots commit 2 crimes each by just existing. For the rest of Team Dark, plotting to take over the world accounts for most of their crimes, but for Eggman… well let’s just say that’s just a footnote.
Counting up the total number of Eggman robots in Sonic Adventure 2, there are 9 in Egg Quarters, 43 in Hidden Base, 15 in Pyramid Cave, 18 in Death Chamber, 2 Egg Beetles, 1 Egg Golem, 1 Metal Sonic (in the multiplayer), 1 Egg Robo (in the multiplayer’s kart racing mode), 1 Egg Walker, and to top it all off that little custom pistol he has, for a grand total of 91 robots, mechs, and weapons. Just purely from making and using these weapons Eggman has committed:
Illegal weapons manufacturing: 1 case (yep, all 93+ weapons would fall under a singular case).
Animal cruelty: 84 cases.
Possession of unregistered firearm: 2 cases.
Usage of firearm without a licence: 1 case.
You read that right, 260 crimes just from Eggman’s gear – we haven’t even gotten to Eggman himself. Speaking of which:
Theft of government property: 4 cases – Eggman has stolen from the government: Gerald’s diary, the Jet Engine, and the Large Cannon. Also technically, he stole Shadow, who was made for the President and is/was thus United Federation property.
Entering a restricted military area: 3 cases – pretty simple, he assaults Prison Island twice, and takes over the ARK.
Burglary: 2 cases – Assaulted Prison Island twice, both times with full intent to commit a crime.
Destruction of government property: 84+ cases – As an absolute bare minimum (not counting Weapons Bed since everything there would get destroyed later on anyways), Eggman destroys:
4+ G.U.N. robots – 1+ in Iron Gate (implied, cutscene), 1 in Lost Impact (guards the elevator upwards, impossible to avoid without taking damage which I figured is too far beyond the realm of believability), 2+ in Weapons Bed (the + accounting for Eggman’s intent to cause a distraction)
8 G.U.N.… storage silos? Empty missiles?
1 G.U.N. storage metal slider
That weird drill thing in Cosmic Wall
Complicit in assault: 1 case – stood by as Shadow attacked B-3x Hot Shot, even calling its destruction “spectacular”.
Aided & abetted unlawful escape from custody: 1 case.
Attempted grand larceny: 1 case – attempted to steal the Master Emerald from Knuckles even while knowing it’s not what he needs.
Desecration of archaeological ruins: 1 case – hidden his base inside of the nearby pyramids, including re-sculpting many of the statues to match his face.
Desecration of a graveyard: 1 case – yeah a pyramid is a tomb, and as the various Boos inside show, Eggman absolutely learnt that and continued with it.
Unlawful claim of territory: 1 case – the pyramids are, obviously enough, not actually Eggman’s, he just built a base inside of it.
Complicit in grand larceny: 1 case – didn’t make any attempt to take away Shadow’s Chaos Emerald, and even proceeded to collect more for Shadow’s plan.
Assault: 1 case – Eggman’s robots attack Rouge during Egg Quarters. I call it assault and not reckless endangerment, as the robots are clearly placed to keep people out of Eggman’s (illegal) base.
Aggravated assault with a lethal weapon: 13 cases – combine the assault and assault on a minor charges together, as Eggman uses weapons for all of them.
Assault with intent to kill: 13 cases – ditto.
Conspiracy to commit grand larceny: 2 cases.
Conspiracy to commit terrorism: 2 cases.
Conspiracy to commit usurpation: 201 cases – according to this graph, there are 201 recognised nations during the year 2001. While this list is not definitive, as the number of officially recognised nations varies depending on which nation you’re in (and 2001 is over 20 years ago), I am using it as the closest available estimate for how many there are in the Sonic canon version of Earth during Sonic Adventure 2.
Conspiracy to assault a government base: 1 case – self explanatory
Conspiracy to destroy a government base: 1 case.
Conspiracy to commit 1st degree mass murder: 1 case – those government soldiers on the base.
Aided & abetted grand larceny: 3 cases.
Aided & abetted destruction of government property: 246+ cases – at bare minimum, every robot that was present in Iron Gate & Weapons Bed would be added here. I will not count non-robot debris in these levels as their individual costs would be negligible regardless of if Eggman destroyed them personally or not. The true volume is likely higher.
I counted a combined total of 66 robots in Iron Gate and 180 in Weapons Bed (not counting two robots that I had to destroy)
Aided & abetted 1st degree mass murder: 1 case – according to this website, the average number of military personnel assigned to a military base can vary from a few hundred to several thousand. Again, assuming best case scenario for Dr. Eggman, we’ll say this military base had 200 soldiers stationed (this should balance out its overall size and importance with this military’s reliance on using military drones for direct combat).
Aided & abetted destruction of a government base: 1 case.
Assault on a minor: 12 cases – attempts to kill Amy, Tails, Sonic, and Knuckles a total of 9 times throughout the campaign. In addition, his robots collectively attempt to kill them an additional 3 times collectively as they assault his base.
Attempted 2nd degree murder of a minor: 4 cases.
Attempted destruction of personal property: 2 cases – attacked Tails’s Tornado 2 – judging by the aftermath, he was seemingly unsuccessful. Same with the follow-up, where Tails was able to use the Tornado after his fight with Eggman regardless of who won.
Hijacking of radio channels: 1 case
Mass destruction: 1 case – destroying the moon should have global ramifications, causing untold amounts of damage and death, alongside emotional torment en masse. Technically we can’t charge for the destruction of the moon in and of itself (besides the few spacecraft that have been left on the moon, which are negligible in comparison) as there are no laws against destroying the moon and it isn’t considered any nation’s property (if such a situation happened in real life a crime and a charge would likely be decided in the following court case, however we obviously lack the precedent to decide such a case), however the destruction to Earth that happened as a side-effect can be charged.
Mass manslaughter: 1 case – ditto to above.
Mass reckless endangerment: 1 case – ditto to above.
Mass emotional damages: 1 case – ditto to above.
Holding a hostage en masse: 1 case – According to this website, the population of the USA during 2001 is 285,470,493. Subtracting 1/25th to account for Alaska and Hawaii (a severe lowball) reduces that number to 274,051,673. This should be enough to qualify for a mass hostage situation.
Inducing public panic: 1 case.
Attempted usurpation: 1 case.
Coercion: 3 cases – attempts to make the President surrender to the Eggman Empire, makes Sonic go to him with the Chaos Emerald and give it to him, and attempts to convince Tails and Amy to give him the Chaos Emerald via threatening their lives (and, depending on the story being played, seemingly succeeds).
Stalking of a minor: 1 case – co-ordinates with Rouge and Eggman to track Tails’s location, with the intent of stealing his Chaos Emerald.
Uttering threats: 2 cases.
Attempted 1st degree murder of a minor: 9 cases (including the final room of Crazy Gadget).
Holding a hostage: 1 case.
Intimidation: 1 case – repeatedly emphasised that he will kill Amy while Sonic’s on his way to the meet up point.
Illegal usage of explosives: 1 case – tried to kill Sonic with one.
Grand larceny: 1 case – yeah, giving Eggman the benefit of the doubt, the only Chaos Emerald he conclusively stole in this game was at the very end of the main story, after fighting Tails.
Attempted terrorism: 1 case.
Resisting arrest: 1 case – everyone was saving the world.
Total crimes committed: 593+ cases.
Now we can wrap up with- huh? What do you mean he was only #2? Oh… But then that means… #1 is…
#1: The Population of Central City
Nationality: varies, typically United Federation
Species: varies, typically human
Congratulations on the combined population of Central City, by working together you all managed to commit so many crimes that you all collectively placed 1st! Wow, what an unsafe city! I’m going to break these up per stage to make it more digestible, but the totals will all be combined together.
Road safety violations: 67 cases per day gone without being fixed – With a total of 16 roads sloped 45 degrees, 8 ramps plopped in the middle of the road, 31 abrupt 45 degree shifts in elevation, 10 crossroads without traffic lights, and 2 un-fenced cliff ends for roadways, the “City Escape” portion of Central City is a disaster.
Disability accessibility violations: 20 cases per day gone without being fixed – with 16 roads sloped 45 degrees, alongside 4 sets of stairs without an accessibility ramp, the disabled cannot navigate this city at all.
Traffic violations: 12 cases – now, since we want to avoid sentencing something ad infinitum, this specific violation requires an upper cap. So, I decided to use Mission 4’s time limit of 3 minutes to serve as that upper cap. There are a total of x stop signs that cars will just blatantly ignore and drive past. Starting at 1:18.19 and ending at 4:18.29, a total of 4 cars ignored the first stop sign. Assuming a similar pace for every stop sign that we can see cars violating it, the total value comes out to 4 stop signs and thus 12 violations.
Missing signs: 1 case per day gone without being fixed – there are three sections with “do not enter” signs leading into them, where the bulk of violations lie for non-road sections. However, these signs are only placed on one end (the entrance from Sonic’s perspective), making them all too easy for a clueless civiliation to enter from the back end, endangering themselves in the process. It’s also the reason these violations aren’t being removed, as it’s entirely feasible for someone to not realise that they’ve entered these areas.
Structural safety violations: 71 cases per day gone without being fixed – With 63 easily accessible dash panels (possibly more, I might have missed one during the GUN truck sequence with how fast that goes), 6 easily accessible drops without a protective fence (including the two road drops above as they’re also dangerous for pedestrians to be walking near), and 2 springs in accessible locations, it’s a blatant hazard for anyone to be walking about. This is both assuming the 45 degree slopes aren’t considered hazardous for able-bodied people and ignoring the final on foot area, as both ends are labelled well enough to feasibly indicate it’s off limits (presumably for plans on changing the construction).
Improperly placed signs: 1 case – the above mentioned fence has a “do not enter” sign and 3 “pass under” signs on the same side of the exact same fence. No matter what, their placement is contradictory.
Road safety violations: like a bajillion cases – the road is clearly under construction, so it being unsuitable for driving is excusable. We can’t charge them for safety violations…
OSHA violations: 63 cases – That’s right baby, we’re charging them for OSHA violations! No means to get to the construction site (1), higher entrance is accessible only via blatantly hazardous means (spring, pulley, etc.) (11), no means to get to another area of the construction site (2), easily accessible drop without adequate guard rails (temporary or otherwise) (33), unguarded rockets (3), and accessible giant roller without guard rails (3).
Unsafe road construction: 13 cases – a 45 degree slope was built into the road 7 times, a loop-de-loop was built into the road 4 times, corkscrew built into the road 2 times.
Road safety violations: 2 cases – 2 instances of the road just ending. The rest at least seem to be clearly inaccessible to civilians, so…
OSHA violations: 18 cases – given the same aesthetic and the fact the road’s all sorts of messed up, I’m assuming this is also a road construction. As such, there are no means to exit the construction site (2), high falls without sufficient handrails (temporary or otherwise) (11), no means to access another section of the construction site (1), higher entrance is accessible only via blatantly hazardous means (spring, pulley, etc.) (3), unguarded rockets (1).
For this stage and route 280, I’m assuming them having no support railing underneath at all is purely an abstraction born from the fact that these games are from 2001, since otherwise they’d instantly fall down as they’re not attached to anything for immensely long periods.
Road safety violations: 2 cases – there’s 1 ramp on the road, and 1 45 degree slope… it’s… Well, not perfect, but believably illegal. Insanity.
Road safety violations: 12 cases – ah, here’s the cartoon level of safety violations. Straight up 5 massive holes in the road, 2 ramps in the road, 3 parts of the road without any walls to avoid driving off the bridge, and 2 45 degree slopes.
Total crimes committed: 652 cases collectively.
Total number of citizens: 782,223 (presumed, based on the population of San Francisco circa 2001)
Average of cases per citizen: 0.0008 per citizen (rounded down)
Central City is an unsafe disaster and every major character is a wanted criminal.
The whole document: Numbug
DISCLAIMER: I am not a qualified United States of America lawyer (nor do I even live in the United States of America), do not treat anything in this document as legal advice. This is all to entertain a what-if scenario.
