JBPNAMD

Some entropies can be organized in an invisible box

[cerebralparadox]

OMYGAHD I HAVEN'T TUMBLRED IN FOREVER. WHATUP BTCHES. SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE MY FUGLY DP.

[cerebralparadox]

We Learn.

"It's inevitable." He woefully muttered. It's been a while since we ate at this diner. And it almost felt foreign when we stepped inside.

"What?" I asked.

"Getting abandoned by someone you unquestionably thought won't." As he carelessly spin his fork around his plate of pasta.

It's the first time I saw loneliness in his eyes. For three years that we've been friends, all he showed me was his jolliness, how he makes every dull moment sprout into a tree of laughter in just a matter of seconds. Always finding a way to make everyone smile.

But right now, after he said that sentence, it felt different. It's like he showed me a version of himself from an alternate universe.

"What's worse is, you don't even know why. It's like they handed you a blank piece of paper with the word ‘goodbye’ in it. But instead of a period, preceded it with a comma. Then they're gone." He continued slowly, staring at his glass of water instead of looking at his still spinning fork.

"But it doesn't really matter," he immediately added. This time I saw his eyes turned a little misty. "because who are we kidding? People will come, and some people who goes, doesn't just leave. They also leave memories, yet we treat each other like total strangers."

Right there he unknowingly taught me something. In exchange for the people we lose, we learn.

[cerebralparadox]

Who left?

I sat there, staring blankly at the kids playing. Running around the grass, laughing under the tired sun.

How old is this bench? I asked myself. Older than me, I guess? And how many kids have made this park their playground, joyfully chasing each other and not caring about anything?

And then I thought about them.

“Why..” I uttered softly. Replaying every happy moments in my head.

“Sometimes dear, no one’s pushing anyone away. They leave by choice.”

I looked to my right. He folded his newspaper, grabbed his coffee from the armrest and left. I didn’t even notice the old man beside me.

And as he walked farther away from where I sat, I realized, they didn’t push me away.

I left by choice.

[cerebralparadox]

Ulan, Luha

Habang pinapanood mong bumagsak ang ulan sa labas ng 'yong bintana Nag-aabang ka rin ng pagbagsak ng iyong mga luha Nakakapagtataka na sa unang pagkakataon ay sinabayan ka ng panahon Na hindi mo maramdaman noon

Ngunit magkasing-bigat nga ba ang salok na tubig ng ulap At ang bigat na iyong dala at inaakap?

Dahil sa bawat pag patak ng ulan ay bawat patak din ng nakaraan At sa bawat pag ihip ng hangin ay bawat hagip din ng sakit ng damdamin

Ngunit magkasing lakas nga ba ang hagupit ng ulan at ang bawat masasakit na salitang iyong naramdaman?

Dahil nang tumulo ang luha ay bumagal ang mundo Bumagal ang oras at pinikit ang mga mata mo Nagtanong kung bakit, at bakit ako Pero bakit hindi sa iba, at bakit hindi ako?

Ngunit minsan pagkakaitan tayo ng mundo ng sagot Pero ni minsan hindi tayo pinagkaitan ng sakit at puot

[cerebralparadox]

Butas

Ang sabi mo noon kaya mo mag-isa. At sabi mo, okay lang kahit walang umakay. Nong una ay okay lang din. Hanggang isang araw bigla mong napansin, wala ka palang kausap. At nang tiningnan mo ang kamay mo ay walang ni-anong bakas. Bakas ng isa pang kamay. At habang tinitingnan mo ang iba ay unti-unti mong naramdaman na may tumusok sa iyong dibdib. Unti-unti ka ring nagtanong, unti-unti ka rin naghanap ng sagot. At paunti-unti, at padahan-dahan, ay pabalik-balik ang tusok. Hanggang isang araw, may naramdaman kang hangin. Hangin sa dibdib. At ang naramdaman mo ay gaan. Ngunit hanggang ang gaang iyong naramdaman ay muling naging pagtataka. Dahil nang nakita mo, may butas na pala.

[cerebralparadox]

Okay Lang Ako.

Gasgas na gasgas na ang “Okay lang ako.” Pero gasgas na gasgas na rin naman ang “Wag ka sumuko.” Hindi sa gusto ko marinig ang “Sumuko ka na.” Ang gusto ko lang sana higitan mo pa ang “Wag ka sumuko.” Gusto ko sabihin mo sa akin na “Mahirap pero kayanin mo.” Gusto ko sabihin mo sa akin “Tumayo ka, magpakatatag ka.” Gusto ko marinig na “Kung hindi mo na kaya, pahinga ka muna.” Dahil hindi ako natutulungan ng “Wag ka sumuko.” Kasi gusto ko na sumuko. Gusto ko na sukuan. Ang gusto kong sabihin mo sa akin Paano Paano ako hindi susuko At gusto ko itanong mo sa akin Paano Paano ka hindi susuko? Dahil paano Paano ko mapipilit ang sarili ko na paniwalaan ka na Hindi dapat ako sumuko.

Dahil kung hindi Isa lang ang masasagot ko sayo, Okay lang ako.

[cerebralparadox]

Don't wanna miss the moment. #TCBTL

[cerebralparadox]

Good morning Batangas. 😎😎😎 #SummerFeels

[cerebralparadox]

#FINALLY

[cerebralparadox]

I'll count the hours, rather be a coward.

[cerebralparadox]

One day you're 17 and you're planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And then you make another plan. And this is your life. :) #21

[cerebralparadox]

Staying or Leaving

When do we say we’ve had enough? When do we say it’s done and over?

One of my favorites songs by David Archuleta has the lyrics that goes, ..I could give up, I could stay stuck, or I could move on.

Maybe we only have these three choices after being abandoned by someone who has taken us for granted. Or maybe we could narrow it down to two: Staying or Leaving

Staying. After what that person has done to you, or after whatever reason why he left you, still you chose to stay. Stay in your memories. Stay in your position, drowning yourself in tears, wondering what you have done that caused him to leave. Staying. Enclosing all the feelings you had (or you still have, rather) because it was just too perfect and complete, you belive you can’t find anything exactly like it. Staying. Not listening to what your friends tells you, or some ‘there are lots of fish in the sea’ bshits. Because, why the hell would you fish this planet which is ¾ water when, what you’re looking for is already here. And because you believe he’s the best catch you have and will never try to fish another one. Staying. Maybe because there is a fraction of chance that the person will come back. That even though this person have hurt you intensely-it created tears on your heart it’s almost shattered, you still hold on to that love rather than the pain. And staying. Because maybe it’s all a bad dream, or more like a nightmare. And you believe that maybe anytime you’ll just wake. or Leaving. Realizing that, what’s the point of staying in the same position when you can’t change anything anymore. Leaving. Because you have finally waken up from that bad dream and you had enough of the pain. Enough of the tears. Enough crying for the person who have cut you so bad. Leaving. Because you believe that another person deserves your love more. A person who will see your worth and will end up thanking the person who left you for leading you to him. And leaving. Maybe because the bridges you keep on building always fall because no matter how strong the materials are, if the foundations of the bridge are weak, the path is useless. It’s either you keep feeling your wound or you let it heal. Either you stare blindly at the ceiling, or you open your eyes for more important things. Or either you isolate yourself in a galaxy of memories or you open your windows to see the real stars in the sky. These memories, that you believe reminds you of sweet things you had, but actually makes you cut deeper, leading to pain. So when do we say we had enough? When do we say it’s done and over? We don’t. It arrives by itself. I think the common denominator of these two choices is TIME. You can’t tell if you will stay longer or leave too soon. Because really, there will just come a time when you will suddenly pause, and you will say to yourself, “I’ve had enough.”

[cerebralparadox]

Unseen

I can see sadness in your eyes Long path and mountains, sunset I can see longing in your eyes Empty hand, empty heart I can see rain in your eyes Ship and stormy ocean I can see heartbreak in your eyes Acceptance and worthiness I can see questions in your eyes Isolation and oblivion I can see your eyes And I do not see all the things that make it shine of tears I can see your eyes And I feel all the things, the reasons of your lone I can see your eyes And as I stare at it I see why the stars are created I see why a hand needs another And I see how love is defined Not with words, not with anything but only through your eyes

[cerebralparadox]

Scribbled

I think that we've been wandering too much From all the things we plan in life Maybe it's time to pause and rewrite Get a blank page and scrap the draft To not waste the paper this time And start drawing a path It's when we build we find true purpose Than unsettling and getting really lost When we build, we build a course A course that leads to a truer goal You now have two papers in your hand The draft and scribbled, and maybe crumpled The new and blank, and always muffled

[cerebralparadox]

Strength I Doubt I Have

They all tell me I'm a sad boy And I should not be, they say I think There's something about sadness That they don't understand The pleasure in it The broken pieces The weight it bears The downward push It makes me think I'm not weak But makes me also feel I'm not strong It ignites a bomb in my head At the same time creates a tsunami in my mind It's like instead of butterflies It has thunder And it has hit the same place In my heart Everytime It drains All the strength That I start to doubt I have It pricks my eyes Allowing all the tears to flow out It is the truth that instead of stars You stare at the ceiling Staring at a blank instead of the outer A space A place That I always visit Or maybe, it has become my room Where I find myself Cocooned often

[cerebralparadox]

"What makes you think it was her," said the old man.

"I didn't." he answered.

"It's the same warmth I felt when I first held her hand."

[cerebralparadox]

Yellow Into Blue

So much wonder about the sky About how the stars all fit in

So much wonder about the earth About how the humans all fit in

So much wonder about the book About how the words all fit in

So much wonder about the paper About how the lines all fit in

So much wonder about the DNA About how the codes all fit in

Finally so much wonder about a thought About how it drastically branches About how it can turn a single dot Into a galaxy of prints

And about how it turns yellow into blue