notice and appreciate your partner’s life story, the circumstances and events that transformed them into someone who sees things with such different framing and priorities. use it to go back into your own life story, pull apart the different forces that worked on you and why they had the effect they did. helps to accept the randomness of everything and how up to pure chance it was that you developed the personality and set of needs and way of seeing things you did, and try not to take the unlikeliness of it all for granted.
there’s also this thing where like. marginalized people of all backgrounds are expected to mirror the needs and perspectives of the dominant culture as it is and that’s a form of cultural violence that I choose not to partake in. loneliness and anxiety and the conditioning of a toxic culture make the case that if your partner isn’t you, you might as well not exist, your you-ness becomes diminished, you will be lonelier as a result. but the more I lean into seeing my partner as an unknowable alien being, the more joy I find in our intimacy and our attempts at communication and the more I can see and appreciate who I am as a person. thank god she’ll never be me, I have as much of me as I will ever need, and I am forever grateful for her ability to see around corners I can’t even visualize and the intensely weird universe inside of her that keeps growing and changing as we keep building a life together.
2087
dededos
annaxmalina
baratheonpilled
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
