confessions of a distracted parent

Here to bring lifestyle strategies for neurologically divergent parents through my own experience and through extensive research

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Disclaimer

I am not a licensed professional, this blog is a collection of my own experiences and research. 

I began this because I constantly looked for someone to relate to and couldn’t find it. If you stumble upon this, feel free to send a message and relay your own personal experience and tips. You may help someone out there in a similar situation! 

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Healing yourself while parenting

You are dissociated, depressed, and your house is in shambles. Your mind cannot focus on anything but that one event in the back of your conscience. It nips at your heels, clouds your every move, and you feel like you are in autopilot. Nothing feels real except for that pain. Sure, your kids are fed and bathed and clothed, but their mom or dad isn't present. You feel guilty, but you cannot seem to pull yourself out of the detached space you're in.

Within the past few years I'm sure a good amount of you have suffered in this way as I have. I'll share a personal story, in case someone would be able to relate: In 2020 my husband and I began trying for our second child and I quickly became pregnant. Within a few weeks came lockdowns, stress, fear, the full feature.

I already had a 1 year old and the stress of it all boiled up inside me and my body could not take it any longer. I woke up one morning bleeding; Later I remember sitting in the emergency room alone, masked, and silent. I went home later and felt the contractions, then gave birth in my home by myself to a tiny baby, sac intact. I couldn't mourn, I had no time to. I had a 1 year old who was constantly in need of a mommy to feed her, take her to the park, do bedtime routines. That pain was buried for a full year before it came out on the anniversary of the event. I felt every feeling that I had previously come back full force, it was like I was back in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to come in.

It is important that we as parents understand that we cannot be there for our kids unless we are there for ourselves first. No amount of band aids, comfort foods, or ignoring the subject will help. You must get to the root of what hurts and flush it out like you would with an infection.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic many of us are out of jobs, struggling, isolated, depressed, and a few of us are suffering through trauma alone.

How to begin the healing process:

1. Have the drive to heal

the first step you've already accomplished, if you are searching for or seeking information on healing your traumas as a parent- you have the drive and the potential to reach your goal.

2. Change one habit at a time.

Don’t push yourself to be extra productive or overzealous with personal goals. If you’re coming out of a depression, it’s easy to try to rush yourself into wellness, but you must give yourself time to thoroughly process your trauma. You have to build your emotional strength and express that weakness that you have held on to for so long. Like a sickness, trauma does not go away the instant you decide you feel a bit better.

3. Change your outlook.

Are your kids are alive, thriving, fed, and fully clothed (most of the time?) Yes? so then you have done your Job as a parent. Now it’s time for you to take care of you. You deserve a life that you enjoy living, not just an "okay" existence. You are meant for so much more and have so much more potential within yourself. You need to stop feeling guilty for taking time to yourself to grieve and process traumas. Its okay, you're healing to be a better parent for your little ones.

4. Seek professional help

There are multiple different low income therapy options available to you online:

Cerebral

Betterhelp

Talkiatry

Rethink My Therapy

If therapy isn't your thing, spiritualism is a tool you can use to help you focus and direct your thoughts. You know yourself best. Remember that everyone's recovery looks different!

5. Give it time

Rome wasn't built in a day. Great things aren't often achieved quickly, and this goes for recovery as well. Remember to give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Healing is not easy, but there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel you are traveling through.

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A review of KC Davis’ book: How to keep house while drowning

KC Davis is a Licensed professional counselor, and from what I have witnessed of her social media presence, a self help / self care guru. 

Her book is for those who tread the heavy waters of neurodivergence or the suffocating waves of mental illness. Her many resources and blog posts are directed towards those who are struggling to function as an adult in neurotypical societal standards. 

How to keep a house while drowning is short, sweet, and makes its points concisely. As an adult with Attention deficit disorder myself, the breakdowns of care tasks and positive affirmations were helpful. This is a must read for anyone who feels overwhelmed with the routine of daily life.