Charlotte Dimayuga

Fortune favors the bold.

[z-ndjenja]

In another universe, we made it.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

IN THIS LIFE TIME

[cha-writesandkwentos]

LORD THANK YOU!

I went home last thursday since I really wanted to get tested. I wanted to end the agony if there are any. I want to kill the doubts and see the results.Ate Jasmin which I really appreciated we went on and on with different hospital trying our luck with securing a same day schedule for doctors and get the reseta to have me check. I did have it after roaming around batangas. Ate Apay was kind enough to give it and kuya migs, and then come friday I finally did the ultrasound it turns out there wasn't any findings at all which made me cry by the way after the doctor declare and gave the results.

Lord, thank you.

For giving me another round and another hope. I guess life continues.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

Lord, I really don't know what to do..

Dear Lord,

I got a call from mama asking me to have a check up.

I am slowly realizing and hitting rock bottom, realizing that in this part of my life it is ok not to be stronger. I am your little girl and this little girl is afraid. I am afraid of the results, afraid of the things that are yet to unfold but I know that dragging this is just prolonging my agony and nahihirapan na ako.

"I just want Him to know that I gave my all, did my best, brought someone some happiness"

Lord I hope you are proud of me. Proud of the things that I contributed in this earth 27 years was a short and a long time.

My head is heavy and to be honest my heart is heavier. Lord I am afraid, i've never been so afraid in my life.

Lord, i have so much hope, so much plan, so much love and so many things that I can give and willing to give.

I suddenly don't know how to pray.

Lord, I am scared. I don't know how to proceed, please tell me what to do cause I dont know what to do.

Lord, Is it time to go? I mean I did enjoy those 3 years in law school. I enjoy it so much. I had fun. If it is really time to let go and to go I am letting it go. Just let me wrap up things quietly and neatly let me pass all of my subjects. Lord, I enjoy it so much sobrang salamat po. As in sobrang salamat po.

i don't have any hatred or what I am just scared of the results of things but Lord sobrang thank you po. Thank you for sustaining me for the past 3 years, thank you forletting me experience yung mga dati pangarap ko lang, yung dating tinitingnan ko lang sa malayo.

Maraming maraming salamat po.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

Hoping .. as I continue

Today, I saw one of the results of my friend on one of his subjects for remedial law (this is one of the hardest subject in bar exams and the professor in our school was so good that he was branded as a gatekeeper). I look at it, felt so happy for them.

and the thought of "will I be able to still enroll next sem and experience it?" cause to be honest I dont know about my plans will be after finals, i am not even sure where to go and what to do as if I have this pending condition that I needed to address and face.

Like how can I continue after this? Like how can I continue with my life? that one results will certainly do and dictate everything that is bound to happen and that can happen.

And i hate depending my life on uncertainty, I hate it.

Lord, I am slowly realizing that I wanted to continue and that I dont want to die yet. I still have a lot of things to contribute and give this world if you let me.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

It was that evening to morning

I am trying to finish my digest in succession, on my last 5 cases and I can finally rest, its almost 6 am. I receive a message from my viber, it was the result of my medical as scared as I am and as brave as of how other people perceive. I open the file, saw the remarks for "breast ultrasound" and I felt apart I was crying so hard I can't breathe.... then I was laughing at myself.

I was crying cause how can this happen? I did not ask for this all my life I look at this body as a curse then when I started. accepting it fully and loving it, it betrayed me, my own body. It betrayed my dreams, my goals and everything. How can my own body betray me?

Then I was laughing at my own self, I work so hard, gave my all, almost lost myself, picked up myself, worked on my issues and then tried so hard only to end up like this. I was mocking myself how can this fcking happen.

I was crying for God knows how many minutes then went back to digesting cases.

The sun was rising but all of my thoughts were sinking. How can my own body do me this dirty.

I cant blame God, but my only prayer was if God take me just take me quietly and peacefully, let's not drag this.

Cause I want to live, I fought so hard to live. Lord, not now. Please.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

on my almost third year

Currently reviewing my tax subject, under chapter 5 corporation. i just got back from a townhall meeting with the big bosses or CFO of zoom and team leads. I am not yet a team lead, when they always mention things along the line of "you have to feel empower" and "what can we do for you"

it got me thinking. and reflecting that I am in a great company who think and act about wellness, who let us breathe and if they think or see that we are about to have difficulty breathing they will come to help.

What a blessing to be in this company who will allow me to have a life and see life.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

#SnickerswithMingyu

Healed every fangirl moments with me.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

Maybe that is why I like it when people show up for me?

Randomly, while I am reading my taxation book. I have this idea as to why I love and super appreciate it when people show up for me.

I've been wandering for a while now as to why in all love languages I appreciate it so much when people show up for me, when i don't need to ask because they already dealt with it, when people cheer for me (although tbh I am fine if people don't) and when people make things easier for me.

I think because I am used to dealing things alone. I am used to showing up for people and used if I am just alone.

Before I used to wander as to why people don't show up for me now I do not get disappointed but I super appreciate it when they do.

I think it was also rooted with the fact that when I was a child or until my teenage years the people whom I expected to show up for me, never did.

Except for my mom, she always does. The whole world may turn its back to me but never her. I just have this belief that my mom will always do and always with her best ability to show up for me.

Kaya kailangan maging abogado.

Papa God I can endure everything, and even if I can't I will just keep my mom healthy and happy.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

when I die

A sudden realization dawn to me, that the last feeling and words that I want to have when I die I want my last words to be "oh that was fun, I enjoyed it"

I want to live a a happy, fun and purposeful life. I think that was one of the best well lived life. I want to figure out lots of things. I want to see how it will be to go after, to chase and to succeed.

I want to look at the people around me with no regrets, I want to be remembered to be someone who enjoyed the life as a gift like a kid who is just grateful to have a chance.

I want to be someone when I talk to God and be offered again to have another chance I will look at Him and say "I want to do it again" or "I am Good Papa God, once was enough and I was satisfied"

[cha-writesandkwentos]

3.30.26

Today, I sat down with every emotions after finding out the results.

I suddenly have this realization "is this the life that I want?"

I feel like law school, the work that I have and everything did not mean anything.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

The life that you want

     A lot of people will doubt you, after all most of them will only start believing in your dreams when they start seeing results. You see, how you see yourself, your goals and dreams are far more important than how they see it.

    Always remember that when it comes to your life your opinions, your voice should be the loudest one that you will hear. You cannot expect following what they say and expect to get the results that you want, that’s not how it works, it was never like that in the first place. You will commit mistakes (which is a fact), but from mistakes we learn then we move forward. 

[cha-writesandkwentos]

3 questions to ask yourself if being placed in situations you dont like.

   You cant escape hard situations, sorry, it is not just like that.

One of the best thing that ever happened to me is when God put me in unfavorable situations, why and how? when he put us in a position that we never asked, in a position where our faith, our beliefs and our trust were being tested. These are the situations where we normally cry, ask for His help and ask our whys. But what we actually missed is to reflect within, think clearly and now I am going to share some of the questions that helped me reflect and might help you also.  

  But first, I know these days, you might be facing things you’ve been delaying for too long, now I am not here to convinced you to get out and face those. However I am here to remind you that those things, situations wont be going anywhere until you make them go... and you can just make them go by facing them and surrendering it... 

    first ask yourself, what is this situation trying to teach me? enumerate the lessons that you can learn from this situation. 

After doing so, the second question that you should ask is, “what are things that I can do to overcome this situations, what are the solution” Provide steps that you can follow, provide the things that you can do then actually do it. take action. 

After the third solution that I can do and I do, what are the things that I can do so that I can avoid being in this situation again, or if I will be put in this situation, what how can I better overcome this. 

In life, things like this happen, and they dont happen just because, but they happen because we are being taught a lesson, being tested if we really learn from the previous experiences, if we take things into account seriously. 

[cha-writesandkwentos]

This is coffee review that nobody asked for:

Pilotos Grounds

Located in Batangas City

Price range: 90-150 (they only have two sizes)

I must say their seasalt is a must try and spanish latte. For a local brand and for this price it is totally worth it. I wouldnt mind drinking this instead of my go-to starbucks drink.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

I want to be like the waves, unstoppable,unbeatable and flowing.

[cha-writesandkwentos]

You want to know whats humbling? Life.

Life in general will humble you down and will let you realize you cant be everything. But it will also lift you up saying “You have to put your faith on the things that matters & yourself”