Talking Circles: A Human!Cole Study
I've been thinking lately about the way the fandom at large tends to view Cole-- often this infantile version of a young man that, due in part to being neurodivergent coded, is flattened and shaped to fit in these little boxes labeled "innocent", "sweet", "child-like", and "pure", and I cannot for the life of me disagree more.
As a neurodivergent person myself now entering my 30s, I have a more stable standing point to look back at the years of my life spent growing and realize that my autism effected me in ways I thought at the time it wasn't, yet very few of these correlate to how other people perceive autism to work. Especially when it comes to sex and love.
First of all, let me be clear when I say I'm not discrediting anyone else's headcanons. There are multiple versions of Cole, even within both diverging paths, and I'm not here to tell anyone what is "right" or "wrong". What I AM trying to convey is perhaps the changing of viewed angle people often take when trying to understand Cole that may add more depth and perspective to his character.
Though I didn't view Cole as autistic coded at first (I'm not typically one to view anyone with additional tags outside of "human/person" and pronouns), it's a perspective I can respect. That said, Cole is no child. He is a fully grown man unsure how to react in the world he's been placed in (this is a canon description taken straight from Dragon Age: Asunder btw) and due to such, I have taken to comparing him more close to how a robot would learn human emotion rather than how a child would.
He has a sharp mind and as he grows, he even develops his own unique sense of humor. He is absolutely not innocent, sex and love are not foreign concepts to him on a surface level. Why, then, is it so difficult for the fandom to believe that he could grow to learn both of these things on a deeper level?
Neurodivergency, especially autism, is constantly compressed into this immature, child-like outlook even by those within it's own community, and this is something commonly projected onto characters. Cole is no exception despite never being portrayed in any of the media he stars in as being a "sweet baby cinnamon roll that can do no wrong". He can be cruel in his kindness, he can be razor sharp, he can wield himself as a weapon outside of the blade he carries-- it's not so much of a stretch to consider he is capable of true love and lust.
Something common in autistic spectrum individuals is their hyper fixation on sex when first experiencing it. This isn't always the case, but it does happen and is often disregarded because "well of course that's normal in kids with hormones at that time, it has nothing to do with autism." or some other excuse to separate sex from neurodivergency as far as possible for the comfortability of neurotypicals.
I very much believe this would occur in Cole as well. We know Cole is capable of very deep feelings, even if he knows not how to label them with words, and we know from both Asunder and Inquisition that he is capable of having these feelings for other people. Love is not so far outside his emotional capacity scope. He had no interest in sex at that time because he had no one that he loved-- many people on the spectrum also tend to be demisexual, which brings me to my next point.
Asexuality (the common sexuality applied to Cole and other autistic coded characters) is a very broad spectrum, an umbrella term even. Asexuality should absolutely not be flattened into just "ew sex is gross and makes me uncomfortable". Does that exist? Yes, but that is only one type. Demisexuality is huge and often ignored, yet not as much as Greysexuality-- people that feel sexual attraction yet at a much less consistency with varying levels of intensity.
I firmly believe Cole is demisexual if not entirely greysexual. He held no attraction to women, yet was fully capable of acknowledging when someone was pretty or lovely. It seems very, very likely that should he fall in love with one specific person, *that* is when he would experience his first urges of desire-- because there is then connection. His first experience would open doors and sensations to him that he never would have dreamed of. It's not very difficult to merge from there into his hyper fixation on it with the very first ever love of his life.
And who else would Cole find attachment to than his Inquisitor-- someone who constantly looked out for him, constantly asked if he was doing alright, went out of their way to help him, and clearly cared very deeply not just for his life but also his happiness (providing your Inquisitor was kind to him as mine was).
People would argue "But what about Varric and Solas?" and my answer to that would be Cole is already well aware that Varric is in love with another woman and Solas is adamant about not allowing himself the luxury of love (for himself, baggage of his love for the other party). This COULD be applied as well to an Inquisitor that pursued another of the inner circle as well, leading to him and Maryden. Again, Cole is not a child and is hyper aware of other's sensitivities. He would not pursue someone that did not have an open door for him in their heart.
This is also why I dislike Cole x Maryden so much, they simply have no chemistry and were dropped in the story almost as if a knee-jerk after thought. Even Sera and Dagna had more relevance. The entirety of Trespasser, Cole was dappling concern and care over his Inquisitor even with his lover standing right next to him-- Cole and the Inquisitor have a LOT of chemistry and connection, even if its one sided and unrequited.
Regardless, there is probably more I could say on this, but this is all to say that I believe the constant infantilization and flat asexuality of Cole despite his constant growth through Asunder and Inquisition is a loud injustice. He should be given more autonomy to be the grown man that he is and experience all the aspects, both tidy and messy, that life has to offer (provided he was made more human. Spirit Cole is a whole different discussion). It is a deep shame to see very Spirit!Cole coded traits repeatedly pushed onto a Human!Cole that very obviously desires to grow like one.
To quote Varric, he made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt and they heal. We need to let him.
