a/n: i guess this is kinda like a part 1 or prequel to this one-shot, can be read as stand alone too so yuh. also this was inspired by the manga “49th confession” pls read it, it’s so good
“Please, tell me you love me.”
“No.”
Dyed blond hair, pierced ears, delinquent student Na Jaemin. Your typical “bad boy” character who was despised by all the teachers, and was often warned by you, the head of the student council. Ever since yesterday when he suddenly confessed to you, you refused him flatly. Leaving him alone at the school’s rooftop.
When you enter the classroom, you notice the lack of his presence as usual. Classes soon begin, and you try your best to concentrate. Keyword: try. Every so often, your gaze lingers to the table that is next to you, an empty seat that is decorated only by a slim flower vase; a sole white lily to pay respects. As soon as you catch yourself staring, you avert your gaze but your mind still lingers on the flower, saddening you.
Sometimes you wish Karina wasn’t that good of a friend. When she approaches you after class with a sympathetic smile, a comforting hand on your shoulder, you brace yourself for her words. “You liked him, didn’t you?” She asks. You don’t even need her to ask more to know who she’s referring to.
“I’m fine,” you reply, never once denying her. Instead, you brush her off.
“Y/N-“
“I said I’m fine, Karina,” you cut her off with a smile, a silent warning. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ears, you say, “I forgot I have to meet with our class teacher, I’ll talk to you later.”
But he’s already waiting for you out in the hallway. Na Jaemin flashes you his familiar grin and waves at you. Soon, you find yourself back at the same spot from yesterday with a repeated confession. And you reject him, again.
“I’m not going to stop confessing to you. I love you. I’ll keep telling you this everyday until you accept me.”
True to his word, he confesses to you the next day and the next day and the next. Ever since that day, he keeps confessing to you but your answer remains the same each time. Sometimes, he would wait at your doorstep in the morning or at the rooftop where you ate your lunch. But even when you rejected him, he’d walk you to school and join you at lunch. Always striking a conversation with you and making you laugh harder than you ever did. Even so, you’ve already decided that you are never going to change your mind.
Today, he’s late. Maybe it’s because you were busy the entire day with the upcoming school festival, you didn’t exactly have the time for another confession. It’s already late in the evening, everyone has gone home while you just finished your last student council meeting. The last bit of sunlight shines through the empty classroom, decorating the walls in a warm orange as the sun slowly settles.
You stand in front of the white lily desk, the tips of the flower petals are now brown, it’s slowly withering. You wonder if they will replace the flower with a new one. Or are they just going to let it wither away. Your heart is heavy as you trace the desk with your finger, that is when you acknowledge his presence. He stands at the entrance, you don’t lift your head up to meet his eyes. Instead, you wait for his confession, it’s already embedded in your daily routine.
“You should just forget that dead guy,” he says instead.
His words shocks you,a protest slowly builds up in your throat. How could he say that?
“He’s gone now. Go find a new love, someone who can tre-“
“Shut up!”
“…”
“Don’t you say that!” You clench your fist together as you bite on your tongue to stop the tears. “How could you say that?!” You yell at him.
Jaemin doesn’t say anything, and neither do you when you walk past him, like he's never there in the first place.
The next day, you notice he isn’t in front of your house to confess his love for you again. ‘Did I cross the line yesterday?’ You recalled your outburst, worried that you had hurt his feelings but you shook the thought away. Maybe he had something to do.
But the uneasy feeling doesn’t go away, instead it increased when he was absent during lunch as well. The entire day, you find it hard to concentrate in class as you pick at your fingernails. Once again you brush Karina off when she asks if you were okay. Internally, you’re relieved when the last bell has rang. You barely manage a proper goodbye to your best friend before you dash out of the school with only Na Jaemin in mind.
You make sure to check everywhere, empty classrooms, the cafeteria, the school rooftop and even the library where you doubted he’d be there but wanted to check just in case. You ignore the questioning looks the other students gave you, they are probably thinking, “Why is the head of the student council running around like a madman?”
The last stop is the park near your school. Hands on your knees, you’re bending over, out of breath. You run your hand through your hair as you scan the area, trying to spot the familiar head of messy blond hair. But your efforts are fruitless. Disappointed, you drag yourself to the swing set and slump down. As you bury your face in your hands, you mentally curse at yourself for yelling at him yesterday. Tears swell up when you realize that was your last moment with him.
“Y/N?”
The familiar voice makes you look up instantly. Lo and behold, Na Jaemin is standing there all in his glory. His face twists into concern when he sees your tears. He refrains himself from reaching out, while you stand there, wiping at your tears in an attempt to stop crying. A beat of silence, and then he breaks it.
“I love you. Please, return my feelings.”
He half expects you to reject him, but holds onto the small hope of you accepting him.
You drop your hands to your side, finally letting the tears fall freely. “I can’t,” you try to smile but your voice betrays you, “If I do that, you’ll ascend to the afterlife, right?”
The truth is, Na Jaemin died two months ago. He got caught in a bus accident, they couldn’t save him. His death broke you. Because you were sobbing in class when your teacher broke the news, Karina was immediately at your side. They placed the flower on his desk, and everyday when you saw it, it was a painful reminder that he was gone.
Then he suddenly appeared again that day.
“My only regret is that I never told you my feelings. Because of that I can’t move on. I love you, Y/N. Please accept my feelings so that I can ascend. Please, tell me you love me.”
You didn’t want him to go. No, you couldn’t let him go. You want to stay by his side forever. So you rejected him, again and again. You couldn’t afford to lose him again. So what if he’s a ghost? You’d take it, as long as it means that Jaemin stays by your side. Even if it means hurting you, and him.
“I can’t do that, Jaemin,” you sob, “I don’t want you to go,” you admit.
It hurts him seeing you like this, but there is no other way. “This is the 49th day, my 49th confession. Y/N, if I don’t move on by the 50th day, I won’t be able to pass over. I’ll forever be a wandering spirit,” he tries to explain to you. There is no easy way to overcome it.
“But how would I move on?!” You blurt out. It’s selfish, you know. “You died, Jaemin. And then you suddenly appeared again to tell me you love me! I…” You bite the insides of your cheeks, you’re trembling. The fear of knowing that Jaemin has to move on. You have to let him go.
He takes a step closer. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He wants to hold you, his fingers twitch at the urge but he can’t, he knows he can’t. “I…I wished things were different, I’m sorry,” is all he can say. He wishes he can make a deal with God, or anyone, to let him have more time with you.
“I’ll look over you, I’ll never truly leave you,” he tells you. “Visit me during my anniversary, you’ll see me then. I promise.”
Your fists curl up, a second passes by and you relax your hands. You nod. “Okay,” you nod again, the second time to convince yourself. “I’ll visit you everyday, I-I’ll tell you about m-my day and I’ll even bring Jisung, I’ll-“ you stop yourself to take a deep breath.
Looking into his eyes, you know that this is the last time you’ll see him. Mustering up the courage, finally you say, “I love you, Na Jaemin.”
Dyed blonde hair, pierced ears, delinquent student, Na Jaemin. Your first love disappears in front of you, the image of his smile is now forever in your mind.
and the cold came, the dark days, when fear crept into my mind
pairing: lee felix x gender neutral!reader
genre: hurt with comfort
featuring: yeh shuhua
wordcount: 0.7k
warnings: depressed thoughts
a/n: i needed this
avoiding his calls are something felix had gotten used to after befriending you. even after getting together, these habits were hard to die. it's a common occurrence, really. sometimes you go by days to weeks without contacting and of your friends. you are one to avoid when everything is too overwhelming. and he doesn't blame you for it. he never did.
that's just lee felix, the sweetest boy ever.
so here he stands, in front of your bedroom door. shuhua, your roommate, is the one who lets him in. she too is concerned for your well-being. but knowing you for all these years, she knows only felix can drag you out from the dark hole. she doesn't know how he does it, but it works every time. one time you told her that you think he's an angel sent from heaven, to finally save you from yourself.
felix gently opens your door, your room is dark with the only light source being from the opened door where he stands. you are huddle under the thick blankets, silence engulfs your room with the occasionally sniffs from you. he closes it behind him as he slowly makes his way towards you. your room is small, it only takes him a few steps before he reaches the end of your bed. it's cold, he takes note, loosely reminding him of an animal in hibernation.
sitting next to you, he doesn't say anything but lays a gentle hand on your head. you don't need to switch on the lights to know who it is, in an instant you are in his arms. burrowing your head in his chest as his arms wrap around you. what seems like since forever, you feel safe in his arms. you always did. (once you had jokingly said that his embrace was your home, felix suspected that joke was actually your reality.)
felix is the first person you've seen, felt, in days. you know he will always come to find you, no matter how many times you repeat this dreadful habit. he always come looking for you, and he finds you every time. "i'm sorry," you croak out, "i'm sorry," you repeat the same phrase all over like a mantra.
he never accepts them because it's not your fault, he tells you every time to not apologise but it's always the first thing you say when these days occur. he shushes you and runs his hand through your hear, then he's rubbing comforting circles on your back. the two of you sit like that for a moment, relishing in the comfortable aura he's created.
"do you want to talk about it?' he asks in a whisper.
all the thoughts come crashing in your mind but you can't turn them into words. you inhale deeply, tightening your hold on the boy. felix runs his hand over your back again, planting a kiss on your head, "take your time," he tells you.
"everything was going so well lately," you finally say. you don't raise your head, opting to stay buried in his embrace. "things were going so good, a-and i just," your voice is muffled by his shirt as you take another breath. "then...then everything just went south, problems were just appearing and i couldn't take it," that's when felix feel his shirt getting dampened.
you can't stop the tears, they just keep flowing. "why does life hate me? what did i do to deserve this?" you sob, you clench your fists. "i'm so pathetic," you whisper.
felix moves his hands so they're cupping your face, even in the dark he can tell how tired you are. he rubs the tears away and you let him. "i'm sorry, my love," he says to you. "i'm sorry life has been so hard on you," his voice is soft and gentle, everything about him is just gentle. "i promise you, everything will turn out fine. you don't have to face this alone, my dear, i will be by your side the entire time," he promises you. he promises the same thing all over again and not once has he broken this promise.
you nod, closing your eyes and nodding your head. he leans in to kiss your forehead as the tears dry up. lee felix is your home, your comfort, your everything. you like to think that felix is an apology given to you by life for making you suffer, he's here to patch you up and give you the unconditional love that you deserve. and you will do the exact same thing for him.
warning: nothing, just fluff, kjfhkdjsf don't let the title fool you, inspired by that one scene in horimiya
a/n: hi lol *drops this and runs*
"Felix!" Hyunjin's popped his head into his room. Felix, who was in the middle of game, removed his headphones too look up. "Can I borrow a hair tie? I forgot where I placed mine."
"Oh yeah, sure," he replied. Reaching over his desk, he took a simple black hair tie from his vast collection of hair ties (courtesy of Changbin) and handed it to Hyunjin.
"Thanks," Hyunjin immediately said before he is dashing out of the door, leaving Felix no time to react. Felix just shrugged and returned back to his game.
Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair, then he gathered it into ponytail as he walked into the elevator. He checked the time on his phone and inwardly cursed. This morning you had called him to come over for lunch. You said you had something to show him. It was way passed lunch time because he got caught in dance practice.
Oh you were so going to kill him.
"You're late," your little brother was the one who answered the door.
"I know, I know," Hyunjin sighed as he took off his shoes. "Is she mad?" He asked.
Your brother shrugged. "No idea, she hasn't come out since breakfast," he told him before retreating back to his room.
Confused, Hyunjin walked into the living room of the apartment. "Y/N, I'm here!" He announced.
"Coming," he heard you say.
While waiting, Hyunjin let himself into the kitchen for a drink. He heard a door close and he assumed it was you. The sound of footsteps was then heard as he was pouring himself a glass of water. "Sorry I was late, I-"
Hyunjin almost dropped the glass in his hands when he finally saw you.
"Oh god, I knew it looked bad," you groaned when you saw his reaction.
He scrambled the words out of his mouth and immediately went to you. "No, no, I was just surprised. It looks great!" He assured you.
But the frown on your face grew deeper and you groaned in frustration. "Don't lie, I know it looks bad," you grabbed your head and walked back into the living room with Hyunjin trailing after you.
"I told them I just wanted a trim but I got caught up talking with the hairstylist that I didn't realised they cut it shorter than I wanted," you flung yourself into the couch and cried in your hands.
You felt bad telling the hairstylist you didn't like your hair, so you just swallowed in the complain and thanked them. At first you thought it'd look okay but the longer you stared at your reflection, the more weird it looked on you. God, you miss your old hairstyle so much.
Hyunjin sat next to you and you felt his hand rubbing your back in small circles. "It really doesn't look bad, I swear. I mean you look good in anything," he said.
Sniffling, you removed your hands and looked up to him. "Really?"
"Yeah," He reassured you with a kiss to your forehead. "Plus, I've been meaning to change my hair too."
"Did you guys break up?" Was the first thing that left Han Jisung's mouth when the two of you entered the dorm. He was on the couch with Jeongin, watching some cartoon on the TV.
"What? Of course not!" Hyunjin glared, offended that Jisung even said that as he pulled you closer with an arm around your shoulder.
"Then what's with the new..." Jisung trailed off, motioning both of your new hairstyles.
"It's a couple thing, you wouldn't know since you're lonely and single," Hyunjin childishly stuck his tongue out at him.
"Hey!"
"Plus even if we did break up, which will never happen by the way, why would Y/N come over?"
I dont know how to use tumblr, so I dont know if you’ll get this😭. But I just wanted to say your traitor fic is the first work of yours that iv’e read, and you are AMAZING. It’s so good! You really made me feel as if I was the one being broken up with and betrayed😔. It was so well written, and you portrayed the betrayal so well, oh gosh, it was like reliving my own experiences. Everything you wrote you is literally how it ends up happening. You are so good! It deserves more recognition. Love you author❤️❤️
omg this made me tear up, im sorry for making u sad anon i hope ur doing better KJDSFJK u deserve better but THANK YOU !!
LOL it’s bc the fic is so good 😭😭 usually I don’t willingly read angst bc it makes me very sad but god it’s so addicting I have to keep coming back to read it bc it’s so good auhshshs (I swear I’m not psychotic 🤪) and happy Chinese/lunar new year to u as well! I don’t celebrate so idk if festivities are still ongoing for u but I hope you had fun! U deserve all the kindness in this world 💖
AAA THANK U ANON 🥰🥰 nice to know traitor makes u feel this way LMAO 😭😭
Traitor anon here (back on ur blog to read traitor to sleep again LOL), Take ur time with writing drivers license and ur other stuff! dw dude, studies should always come before fanfic 🤪
fuck why are yall so SWEET 😭😭 anon why do u keep hurting urself with traitor 💀😭
also it's currently chinese new year ehe, happy chinese/lunar new year to anyone who celebrates it!
Just wanted to pop by and say I absolutely love your traitor fic I keep coming back to it just to feel something lol it hurts so good 💔💔 I read it for the first time in bed half asleep and usually I read to help me fall asleep and I end up forgetting what I’ve read, but I just couldn’t get ur story out of my head it was so good I love it so much. can’t wait for the others in the sour series! Take ur time <3
omg THANK YOU ANON yall traitor readers are so sweet 😭😭 im sorry for hurting u with traitor and torturing u to wait for drivers license DHSHDHS
