looking for you

it's true I'm not over you, but I'm ok! I will live, there is life after boo boo. not a very good life but a life. sometimes I daydream about us, I hear your voice, I kiss your lips and you hold me.

[spinachalfredita]

[chainedbygrief]

Always

[chained2uv]

Boo boo, I’m sorry!

I’m sorry i did this to you. I’m sorry i made you feel this way. You have to know this wasn’t my intention… I was still broken , and afraid of you walking away. I’ve never had a normal or equal partnership. I didn’t know how to handle anything and i couldn’t see the big picture that was right in front of my face. God please I’m so sorry. If i could do all of this over i would change all of my decisions. My foundation is rocking and I’m terrified i won’t stay afloat this time. My insides are in knots and i can feel the insanity creeping in. Please don’t leave me in this horrible place alone. Im not sure i can survive it. I’m slowly drowning in this despair and hopelessness. The tears will not stop, every moment of every day this is on my mind. I burst out in a cry that grabs at the pit of my stomach that is constantly doing flips and it yanks it out through my throat.

Boo Boo I’m so sorry i love you. i was so blind and ignorant. Forgive me love me. please forgive me I feel that emptiness. Please please don’t give up on us. If I can go back and take all that pain away from you I would I would do it in a second. This is my apology more heartfelt and deep then I think even you intended more life altering more humbling period for a second you brought me back brought me back from that dark place and pain and hurt and anger and I don’t want to go back just like you don’t want to come back to me, but if I’m stuck here alone I’m never going to make it back out. I remember telling you if it’s love Let It Go it’ll come back I only said that cuz I was positive I loved you not that you knew that but I did. if you can see inside my soul and my spirit you would see how much I love you and how badly I want this how sorry I am. You were never second choice you’ve always been my only choice I took us for granted I took what you showed me for granted I want a chance to give it back. I know I might never get that chance but this is my apology coming from the pits of my soul or what’s left of it. you used to tell me if you could see inside my heart if you could see inside my heart well Vince Vince this is my heart Xposed and open.. I hope you find this apology and you accept it if you don’t come back to me I hope you live a full life one of happiness with love I know my heart will always be full of love for you. again I’m sorry boo I would give anything to take it all back.

[chainedbygrief]

Never again

You talked a good game you had me convinced, I think you even convinced yourself. I bet it's very clear to you now that you never loved me at all. I will never trust you again I will never ever willingly give you my heart not that you don't already have it. one day I'll be tough enough to take it back and give it to someone who deserves it. You were never concerned with me not even in the beginning and definitely not in the end. I don't believe you ever cared. You claim you know what im going through but yet you still do it thats not love that's resentment that's not protecting my heart that's purposely ripping it out to see if I could breathe without it. You're killing me but I think this is the plan the whole time I don't trust you ever thought of me I don't believe any of this was about me. With every day that goes by I get stronger and more used to the idea that you never existed. Hopefully soon one day my tears will dry and I thought of you will be just a distant memory like it should be. It's not fun to play with people's hearts. I pray every night that you come back that you remember what you felt for me and how strong our connection was but the logical part of me knows that's not going to happen cuz you can't lose what you never had and you can't get back what you never felt. You'll move on you'll smile but I don't think you'll think of me and I'll continue to pray to not think of you. They say you're lucky if the one you love Loves You Back I thought that's what we had the real thing the only love you had this whole time for yourself and I was just a pawn, a player, a piece in that game.

[chainedbygrief]

What the fuck

Today has felt like a nightmare stuck in a dream.

[mydialartin-deactivated20171008]

[chainedbygrief]

I'm not sure

[chainedbygrief]

SCARED

I am so keeping my date tonight i am so keeping my date tonight I am so keeping my date tonight so keeping my date don't be scared I am still keeping my date tonight I am so keeping my date tonight

[chainedbygrief]

You killed me. I have to leave this place

[chained2uv]

The nerve

The nerve of some people, who are you to think you’re better than somebody because you react differently to a situation. People all handle things differently would you judge my whole character based off of one instance. I feel sorry for you you’re so capable of loving someone so beautifully, but you decided to throw that all away because you saw something you didn’t like. Peoples don’t last 40 years together by constantly judging and picking at flaws. If you continue to be careless with peoples hearts they will soon start to be careless of yours. You have no ideas how hateful it mean and downright degrading you have been me. I was falling in love with you and all you could do was put me down in the midst of the thousand other things that were going on in my life. You are one hell of a teacher when it comes to learning how horrible and unfair this place can really be. I’m not sure I will ever look back on our time together and really truly Smile. But I will definitely remember you for the pain, for the lesson, and for the experience of what it’s like to be ripped apart and criticized by someone you love. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other for this is a small place, please no I will never embarrass you! I really don’t care enough to interact but I think we both feel that way. It’s devastating to remember the way you looked at me and then to see how we are today. I guess that’s the way of life, that’s how the cookie crumbles so we pick up the pieces and move on.

[chainedbygrief]

QUESTION: (BACKGROUND)

I'm Chained2uv:

Ok my bf and I parted ways about 3 months ago. It was completely sudden for me. He started avoiding and ignoring me, treating me with less affection. it took me two weeks to make sure what I was feeling was right.

So I asked him point blank. Instead of confronting the issue he disappeared out of my life. No calls, texts, emails, NO FUCK YOU... NOTHING. So like any female, I FLIPPED OUT, CALLING TEXTING, HYSTERICAL , SOBBING. He told me because I freaked out he couldn't be with me, he didn't like that side of me...SIDE NOTE...

(I'M GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE AT THIS TIME ACTUALLY NOT BECAUSE OF ME AND HE ( BF)KNOWS EVERYTHING )

We went up until last Friday not seeing eachother and barely communicating. Last Friday we see eachother, I'm not sure how he felt but it made me feel whole again even if it was only 6 hours. It had been the best 6 hours of the last few months.

I thought for sure seeing me would remind him of what we shared? And he looked at me and held me like he wanted me? But the next day was nothing, Sunday nothing.... nothing nothing nothing. I'm so confused and hurt, how do you tell someone you love them, they love you, you are right there and NOTHING???? REALLY?

I need help figuring this out? I understand my Lil mental breakdown freaked him (bf) out, but we were finalizing the divorce, I was handing over the keys to the house I raised my family in. my X was a hard core drug addict. Who wouldn't break under the pressure? We were so in sync he didn't give me a bad feeling at all. we clicked and connected mentally and physically... WTF HAPPENED?

It's been almost 3 months and i still burst into tears, I feel like my soul is dead or sleeping,. Something has definitely changed inside me. I'm always sad and tired. I go out and party when I dont have the kids. I'm only 31 I have to live, but as far as love again... THE DESIRE IS GONE, I used to dream about being in love, now I refuse to look people in the eyes, I want nothing to do with new people, especially men.

If anyone men or women young or old would like to give their opinion or ask anything please feel free?

[depressingxthings]

[chainedbygrief]

I'm not ok...

[chainedbygrief]

Please go away

My eyes pop open fresh from sleep, there you are , am I in a dream? To realize your not here, over and over again is like a punishment. Oh God please make him go away! Driving in my car, or walking my favorite trail is torture if the right sad song comes on, and I start to cry and let the music play. oh God please make him go away! Through out my evenings, preparing dinner, feeding the kids, homework, shower time and bed. Memories of you fly around in my head. Oh God please make him go away! When it is dark and time to sleep. As I lay my head to rest. My heart pounds inside at the thought of my head on your chest and your arms around me. And right before I fade asleep , I remember you don't feel the same, and as the tears fall...I whisper. .... OH GOD PLEASE MAKE HIM GO AWAY @missingmysoulmate

[wnq-writers]

We both liked playing with fire, so why was I the only one to get burned?

youcancallmenever (via wnq-writers)

I wasn't playing @sadness