Does being submissive in D/s mean that you can't make any choices for yourself? For example, you want to go out with your friends, buy anything you want or skip a gym class, could you do it without any consequences?
It means whatever you want it to mean. It means whatever you and your partner agree it means. What it means for me in my relationship might mirror your own, or it might be the polar opposite. There’s no litmus test that determines legitimacy.
The only (and I mean only) choice that matters in a D/s relationship is who you choose to submit to. How you submit is merely the icing. Most people I know (myself included) have found over the years, with time and experience, that the minutia of ‘things’ pale in comparison to having a strong leader who only wants the best for you. If you’ve chosen your partner well, chosen someone who knows you inside and out and has your best interests in mind, the little ‘choices’ are insignificant. That said, there is always choice. I’m going to say that again for the seats in the back:
You always have a choice.
Now, that may not work for the person you’re with. He may desire stricter control, more say in the day-to-day decisions you’re used to making. And while it’s perfectly acceptable to say ‘No, I don’t want that’ or ‘I’m not ready for that just yet,’ it’s also perfectly acceptable for him to say ‘Without it, this won’t work for me.’ So some degree of compromise may be in order. (Or not.) What’s mandatory is wide-open, no restrictions communication. That you have to do - or I promise there will be consequences.
