The crazy life and times of a magical universe

Welcome to a universe not too dissimilar to our own...except for supernatural beings freely roaming the world

[chaos-ocean]

Silver: I heard A is in The Outhouse, is that true?

Shop Keep: Yeah, for something he didn't do.

Silver: What didn't he do?

Shop Keep: Run fast enough.

[chaos-ocean]

Reena, wine drunk: I know who you like.

Stefen: ......

Reena, whispering: Me.

Stefen: We're married, Re. Yesterday was our 30th anniversary.

Reena, still whispering: I knew it.

[chaos-ocean]

Silver: Who needs air, when I have another man's money!

Shop Keep: Why are there bodies all over my shop?! This is not a funeral parlor!

[chaos-ocean]

Matt: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Ben: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my kindness.

Bellamy: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for not beating the shit out of you the first time.

Marissa: This is a "fool me once" kind of situation. I won't be fooled again.

Evie: Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me as many times as you like, my first name is dumbass.

Nic: Being fooled doesn't mean you are a fool. You only become a fool, when you continuously fall for the same thing.

Silver: You can't fool me. But for now that works for me, so I'll let you think you have me completely fooled. That will not last.

[chaos-ocean]

Evie: Nicolas, do you have a plan?

Nic: Yes.

Evie: Can you explain your plan without the use of the words "magic", "demon", or "deal"?

Nic: No.

Evie: Ok. Lucifer, do you have a plan?

Lucifer: Yes.

Evie: Can you explain your plan without the use of the term "screw you all, I'm Satan"?

Lucifer: No.

Evie: Oh my God, we're actually screwed.

[chaos-ocean]

Stefen: If I don't make Reena some tea, she might kill me.

Samantha: If you don't finish this paperwork, I'm actually going to kill you. Now sit back down.

[chaos-ocean]

Eleanor: I'm getting married in three weeks and you're all invited!

Stefen: You divorced Husband Number 5 already?

Eleanor: No. He had a tragic skiing accident.

Stefen: It's July.

Eleanor: There's place to ski in July.

Stefen: We saw him last night.

Eleanor: He left straight after.

Angelica, walking in: What are you two talking about?

Stefen: Husband Number 5 had a tragic skiing accident.

Angelica: That's marvelous dear. When are you getting married.

[chaos-ocean]

Marie: Why aren't duels legal?

Evie: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because pointing a weapon at someone and attacking them with it is bad.

Marie: Don't you get involved in duels?

Evie: We're not talking about me.

[chaos-ocean]

Matt: You do know I have a phone right?  So you could have called me. On my phone. Rather than just showing up in my home in the middle of the night, when my wife and I were sleeping.

Séb: Why on earth would I call you and leave evidence.

Matt: Oh my god. I know you're a demon, but you are a lawyer and I am a sergeant. I am not getting involved in anything illegal.

[chaos-ocean]

Marissa: I'm responsible!

Ben: You literally just spent all your money on alcohol.

Marissa: I'm an adult, I can do what I want.

[chaos-ocean]

Angelica: I met my husband here, we both grew up here. Different sides of the track, but still the same place.

Ben: That's so sweet, how did you meet?

Angelica: I hit him with my car.

[chaos-ocean]

Stefen: This is my assistant, Samantha.

Samantha: More like your babysitter.

[chaos-ocean]

Lucifer: Pretty pretty please with an angel on top.

Random human: an angel?

Lucifer: It's me. I'm the angel.

[chaos-ocean]

Ben: On a scale of one to the dinosaurs, how screwed are we?

Evie: Humanity.

[chaos-ocean]

Criminal *being arrested*: Hi, Sergeant Briggs, weather's nice today.

Matt: Seriously, Owens? Again? This is the third time I've arrested you this month. It's only the 12th. Get a hobby.

Criminal: I have a hobby.

Matt: Stealing cars is not a hobby.

[chaos-ocean]

Matt: Ben and Evie you’re going to be look after the kid, keep up pretences and all that.

Ben: What why us. I wouldn’t trust either of us with a kid especially Eive.

Evie: I will stab you.

Matt: No one is getting stabbed. But this is exactly why you two will be looking after the kid. No one will suspect.

[chaos-ocean]

Bellamy: I need a plane *sees a private jet* that’ll do.

Evie: This is a private jet, we need something fast and easy to fly *Bellamy settling into the pilots seat and initiating pre flight checks* Wait, you can fly a plane?

Bellamy: You can’t?

Evie: I mean, I can literally fly, I never needed to learn.