Charley’s Blog Life

Blogging About Food, Family, and Lifestyle

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15 Perfect Finds To Get Your Backyard Summer Ready

Summer is quickly approaching and with that comes great weather, school breaks, barbecues and backyard get togethers. Not sure what you need to make your summertime relaxing and gatherings perfect? I have 15 of my favorite new summer items to make fun in the sun even better. This blog has everything from string lights and candles to games and food storage. Scroll on to find your perfect summer backyard accessories.

Double Hammock

Who doesn’t love laying in a hammock? This hammock is perfect for relaxing in the sun or shade and with room for two.

2. String Lights

Brightown outdoor strings lights give your patio and backyard that little extra something to bring your perfect look together.

3. Solar Garden Lights

These solar garden lights are such a wonderful addition to any garden. They are so pretty.

4. Citronella Candles

I love these candles. They are so pretty and decorative and they work in keeping those pesky bugs away.

5. Rolling Ice Chest

This rolling ice chest cooler is great to have if you love to entertain and spend time in your backyard. Plenty of space for drink and extra storage on the bottom.

6. Large Food Cover

These mesh food covers are perfect for setting up food outside and protecting it from bugs. They are large and easy to transport.

7. Giant Tumble Block

This Tumble Tower Block game is a ton of fun. Your friends and kids will love it.

8. Backyard Bug Control

The one negative of spending time outdoors during the summer is the bugs. Fortunately products like Cutter Backyard Bug Control exists. It works like a charm.

9. Solar String Lights

These strings lights will add beauty and the perfect ambiance to your outdoor space this summer and all year long.

10. Ice Chilled Condiment Caddy

No more having to worry about condiments going bad while sitting outside on warm day. This caddy will keep your food chilled and covered.

11. Bubble Wands

Adults and kids alike will enjoy these big bubble wands.

12. Extra Large Picnic Blanket

The perfect picnic and beach blanket with room for everyone. Plus it’s easy to transport and store.

13. Patio Umbrella Light

This umbrella light will add the perfect amount of brightness and ambiance to your umbrella to light up your table or camping area.

14. Water Resistant Uno Cards

With these water resistant Uno cards, you don’t have to worry about wet hands or sticky fingers. Just wipe the cards off and you are good to go.

15. Marshmallow Roasting Sticks

This is the perfect, multi-purpose roasting stick for everything from marshmallows to hotdogs, and the best part is that they travel easy and are reusable.

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The 4 Relationship Attachment Styles... Which Are You?

We all have relationship attachment styles. Do you know yours? Relationship attachment styles, rooted in early childhood experiences, are patterns that influence how we form and maintain relationships in adulthood. The four main styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, each impacting how we approach intimacy, trust, and conflict. 

By being aware of your attachment style, you will be better able to recognize and change behaviors that are unhealthy for you. Your attachment style determines the type of partner you choose and how you navigate challenges, conflict, and communication in your relationships.

Here are the 4 attachment styles.

Anxious

The Anxious attachment style is a pattern of insecure attachment characterized by intense fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness and intimacy. A person with Anxious attachment style is constantly thinking about and seeking reassurance from partners. Signs of Anxious attachment style are:

Fear of abandonment

Hyper-sensitivity to criticism

Clingy and needy

Low self-esteem 

Struggle with intimacy

Jealous and possessive

Someone with anxious attachment style will be closed off, emotionally, and will struggle to trust others and to open up. They also require constant assurance of their standing with you and lots of validation. This attachment style pushes their partners away with their constant jealousy and clinginess.

Avoidant

The Avoidant attachment style is a style of relating to others that is characterized by a fear of closeness and emotional intimacy. People with this attachment style may have difficulty trusting others and forming deep relationships. Signs of avoidant attachment are:

Denying the need for closeness

Avoiding meaningful social situations

Using excuses to limit interactions with others

Minimizing or suppressing emotions

Withdrawing and coping with difficult situations alone

Feeling as though their partners are being clingy

The person with the avoidant attachment style will often be non-committal. They avoid serious relationships and tend to leave when there are signs of feelings growing and emotional attachments. People with this attachment style like to keep their relationships casual and surface.

Disorganized

The Disorganized attachment style is a pattern of relating to others that is characterized by inconsistency and fear. Signs of disorganized attachment are:

Difficulty trusting others

Fear of abandonment

Inconsistent behavior in relationships

Difficulty regulating emotions

Low self-esteem

Anxiety when others want to be close

Depression

Contradictory behaviors

High levels of anxiety

Being in a relationship with someone who had disorganized attachment style will give you whiplash because they are all over the place. They love you; they don’t love. They think you could be the one and then they say they don’t want anything too serious. People with this attachment style tend to be moody and unpredictable.

Secure

The Secure attachment style is characterized by trust, emotional availability, and the ability to maintain healthy boundaries, fostering strong, healthy relationships with comfort in both intimacy and independence. Signs of Secure attachment style are:

Trust

Emotional Availability 

Healthy Boundaries

Comfort with Intimacy and Independence:

Effective Communication:

Self-Awareness

Reliability

The secure attachment style is the goal for yourself and your partner. Someone with a secure attachment style has emotional maturity and a healthy communication style that allows for better conflict resolution.

If the goal is for healthier and happier relationships that last, then knowing your attachment and working on the psychology behind why you are the way you are in relationships will help you. It is also helpful to be able to recognize attachment styles in your partner to make a decision about compatibility and if they are in a place mentally and emotionally that would allow for the healthy relationship you desire.

People can work on their attachment style but I recommend doing the work before getting into a relationship.

Now I want to hear from you. Did you figure out your attachment style? Is it what you thought it would be? Please share your thoughts and experience on attachment styles.

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7 Signs Someone Does Not Like You

Dealing with people is unavoidable. Some of these people you may like and others not so much. The same applies to them when it comes to you. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay, but knowing who doesn’t like you and who is not your friend is helpful as it will impact how you deal with them.

If it’s a coworker then keep it professional and polite. If they are an associate or a friend of a friend, limit interactions or avoid them altogether. Regardless of the role they play in your life, always choose your own mental health and well-being over trying to win them over because who cares, you’re amazing.

Here are the signs to look for and be aware of when someone dislikes you.

7 Signs Someone Dislikes You

Their Body Language Is Off

When someone does not like you they tend to keep their body turned away from you. Or their body language may seem openly hostile or threatening, including balled fists and unpleasant facial expressions. We often tell on ourselves with our body language and usually when we don’t like someone our body will send out cues, even if we are unaware that it is happening.

They Avoid You

Usually, when people dislike someone they tend to avoid any interaction with them as much as possible. However, on occasion, it may be difficult to avoid some individuals altogether if you are colleagues, have the same friend circle, or perhaps are even related.

They Give You Frosty Energy

When they cannot avoid you directly and interaction is forced, you may notice their behavior is cool towards you. They stand or sit far away from you and refuse to engage in any conversations you are part of unless they are forced to.

They Avoid Eye Contact

When someone does not like you they do not even want to look at you. People who dislike you will avoid eye contact with you. And when they are forced to make eye contact, they will give you the dead-eyes stare.

They Are Passive Aggressive

They may offer backhanded compliments or be overly sweet with you at times but with this behavior, you have to be on high alert and watch your back. They may also make jokes at your expense or try to embarrass you in front of others and pretend that it is all in good fun.

They Seem To Try To One Up You

Someone who dislikes you may be subtle or directly in your face with their attempts of showing you up or making you look bad. It may seem like they are in an unspoken competition with you and they will take great pleasure in beating you.

They Are Short With You

When someone dislikes you, their tolerance level for any mistake or imperfection from you is very low and they will show it. They may verbally express their displeasure with you or display negative body language towards you with deep sighs, rolled eyes, and crossed arms.

While it is important to recognize when someone does not like you, it is also important that you can accept that fact. Not everyone deserves your energy and is not worth your time. There is no need to launch an investigation into why someone doesn’t like you because not everyone has to and what purpose is really served. We cannot make someone like us.

You may not be for everyone, just like not everyone is for you. The moment you accept that you don’t have to be liked and that life is not a popularity contest, you will feel a weight lift. The desire to be liked is a desire for validation and your sense of worth should not be externally generated.

What are your thoughts on being disliked and recognizing the sign? Please share your thoughts and experiences!

“Better to be disliked for being you, than being liked for being someone else.” - Matt Haig

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5 Signs They're Not Your Friend...They Are A Frenemy

Some friendships can be complicated. We all have that person in our life who we think of as a friend, maybe even a best friend, but there is something about the relationship that often makes you feel icky. You have known them for a long time and have become used to and conditioned to accept certain behaviors and bad treatment from them but is this person really your friend?

Friends are supportive and respectful, care about your well-being, and want to see you happy. If you question whether someone in your circle genuinely likes you as a person, cares about you, and wants the best for you, they may not actually be a friend.

Here are the 5 signs to look for if you are doubting your friendship.

5 Signs They’re Not Your Friend

They Hurt Your Feelings a Lot

Whether it comes in the form of direct attacks, backhanded compliments, or deliberate slights, this person always manages to make you feel bad about yourself.

If they are hurting your feelings with words or behaviors, you should voice your concerns and if they continue to do it, they are not your friend.

You Walk On Eggshells Around Them

You cannot be honest or direct with them. They will cut you quickly with words or cut you out of their circle. This friend is easily angered, offended, or feels disrespected at the slightest perceived insult or joke. And when they feel this way they retaliate with cruelty.

You Don’t Feel Comfortable Sharing With Them

This person does not celebrate others and is not usually happy to see you doing well or winning in life. You do not trust them with your feelings or good news. In the past, when you shared your good news, they managed to find a way to poo poo on it and dismiss your accomplishment.

You Have Negative Feelings About Them

You keep them in your life because you feel like you should. You rationalize their behavior but if you really think about it, you do not like them because of how they treat you and others. Deep down you have negative thoughts about them.

Do not waste your time or mental health being friends with someone you don’t even like.

You Don’t Think They Like You

You two hang out and do things together but they make you feel as if they are just tolerating you. You have fun sometimes together but then they will do and say things that you make you think they do not actually like you. It is a relationship of convenience but not a real friendship.

If you have people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, let them go. Life is too short to have people in our lives who create negativity and make us feel mentally and emotionally unsafe. You deserve better and do not need their validation.

What are your thoughts on frenemies? Have you had one? Share your thoughts and feelings!

“Fake friends; those who only drill holes under your boat to get it leaking; those who discredit your ambitions and those who pretend they love you, but behind their backs they know they are in to destroy your legacies.” ― Israelmore Ayivor, Shaping the dream

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The Appeal of the Slow Burn Romance... In Television and Real Life

If you are watching The Bear on Hulu or FX, you likely have an opinion on the relationship between Carm and Syd. Are they just good friends or are we watching an epic slow burn unfold before our eyes? While fans are split, I feel certain that the chemistry between the characters and the actors makes their relationship a memorable slow burn romance.

I am a total romantic, and nothing gets me better than the slow burn romance. The slow burn is the unexpected budding of romantic feelings between two people over a period of time. The slow burn relationship usually starts off very platonic, and then like a switch something changes.

The slow burn theme is very common in romance, suspense novels, and television series because the build-up and the "will they, won't they" question create excitement for the readers and viewers. The slow burn romance can be friends to lovers or enemies to lovers and I find them both intriguing.

And then there is the correlation to real life, and how the slow burn seems to be the recipe for long-term happiness and relationship longevity. Friends can and do become lovers and romantic partners and these relationships are the strongest. For shows with agonizing romance, here is my list of television shows with stand-out slow-burn romantic chemistry.

Slow Burn Romance In Television

Carmy/Sydney - The Bear

Lucifer/Chloe - Lucifer

Any Vampire Series

Lan Mondragon/Nynaeve - The Wheel of Time

Marian/Larry - The Gilded Age

Phryne/Jack - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (Epic Slow Burn)

Archer/Lana Kane - Archer

Rick/Michonne - The Walking Dead

Jim/Pam - The Office

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As much as the slow burn appeals to many people, the actually consummation seems to be a buzz kill. Many shows lose their steam after the slow burn couple gets together. Is it because the slow burn is fantasy and romantic, but with a relationship comes struggles.

Is it possible some of the relationship pitfalls and struggles can be avoided if the transition from crushes to lovers is handled carefully?

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The slow burn is special because the foundation of the relationship is not based on appearance or sex, but genuine fondness and chemistry that grew into more. There is an internal switch that is flipped and a dynamic shift in the relationship. The scary thing, and the undeniable hotness about the slow burn, is the build-up. The build-up of wanting more, and suddenly wanting each other.

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Over time, the desire for things to be out in the open is there, but there is also an element of fear.  A fear that maybe you will not live up to each other’s fantasies. A fear that you will be disappointed, or even worse, that you will disappoint them. Highly unlikely with the slow burn chemistry, but still a very realistic fear.

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I have had experience with a slow burn, and I would use three words to describe the feelings: complicated, intense, giddy. It catches you by surprise, and then it becomes all you can think about. 

I truly believe that the slow burn flame never goes out. It may not always burn with the same intensity as it did when first ignited, but depending on those involved, I firmly believe the smolder is there to stay.

What are your thoughts on the slow burn? Any slow burn experience? If so, did you go for it or stay put? Please share your story or experience!

“Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

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The Shut Up Ring and Why It Will Make You Miserable In The Long Run

Marriage is great…for some, but it is not necessary to be happy in life. Society tells women their value is based on them having a man, getting married, and having children. Unfortunately, this can lead to miserable lives for some women who feel pressured to marry and often settle for men who do not love them, respect them, or treat them right, or for men who just don’t want to be married to them. And the worst part is that it is all just to please their family and friends and to check off some box on an imaginary list for life.

What Is A Shut Ring

So, you may be asking yourself what exactly is a shut-up ring. In simple terms, a shut-up ring is an engagement and wedding ring given by a man so his partner will stop nagging him about when he is going to propose to and marry her. He may not want to get married at all and may be content with the current state of their relationship but knows failure to propose may result in a breakup or her limiting his access to her time or body.

I once had a co-worker get engaged. When she excitedly showed me her engagement ring and after congratulating her I asked her about wedding dates and I was surprised by her response. She said, “Oh, it’s going to be soon because I need to lock this down”. I did not say anything in response but her statement stuck with me and really got me thinking about how someone who had just been proposed to felt insecure in their relationship. And then it dawned on me, it was a shut-up ring. Was it that she knew he really did not want to get married, or that she did not trust him, or was she just desperately trying to check off that box?

Why Shut Up Rings Are A Bad Thing

In the case of getting the coveted engagement ring and eventual marriage, my coworker won the battle but did she lose the war? Do you get a happily ever after with someone whose arm you have to twist to commit to you? Can you talk or guilt someone into marrying you and have them like and respect you till death do you part? Or does resentment and a clear relationship power imbalance make life a little, or a lot, miserable in the long run? The last time I saw my ex co-worker she looked and seemed different and unhappy but I do not know about her current situation. She did not share and I did not ask. What I do know is that after years of being on social media and seeing many women share their stories of regret about how their relationships began with a shut-up ring, I think that finding long-term happiness in a marriage that started like this would be the exception, not the rule.

The commitment to marriage is a big one and should not be taken lightly, especially considering the high divorce rates. Marriage is not easy but wedding the right person who is committed to working on the marriage when times get hard, and they will for many reasons, can see you through the trials and tribulations you are sure to face.

Only those in these situations will know if it was worth it but my advice is to never coerce or beg someone to love you or to be with you because it is unlikely to result in a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Do you or someone you know have experience with the shut-up ring? Any regrets? Please share your thoughts and experiences!

[charbear177]

What Is Love? Being, Falling, and Crazy In It

Valentine's Day is just a little more than a week away, so I thought I would write about love today. I am actually a Valentine's Day cynic. I find it lame, and a total consumer manipulation, however, I do love love.

So what exactly is love? And for this blog, we are talking about romantic love. Love is a feeling of strong affection and care for someone or something. It can also be a feeling of devotion or attachment. 

How Does Romantic Love Feel?

A deep feeling of affection and care for another person

A strong or constant affection for and dedication to another

A warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

How Does Love Act?

When in love, you will show a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration

Love can take many forms and can be defined differently by different people. 

I love the idea of falling in love, and being in love. I am not someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and I was recently described as aloof, but actually I am a romantic.

Being in a relationship, and in love is nice. It feels safe and comfortable to look over at the person sitting or laying next to you, and truly feel like you know them, and that you are in it together. But in all honesty nothing gives the euphoric feeling like falling in love.

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Why Does Love Make You Crazy?

The newness is what makes it so different. It's obsessive. You eat, breathe, and live the other person. You cannot get enough of them. You could stay up all night talking to them, or staring at their face. You miss them the minute they leave, hang up the phone, or text goodnight.

They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and last thing you think about when you fall asleep at night. It makes you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling that cannot be replicated.

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Falling in love is great, but a true, deeper love comes with getting to know the other person. They are not perfect, but a flawed individual. They share your interests, but have their own too. They truly "see" you, and not the fantasy person they want you to be. Seeing me has been my request with love. See me, and all of my flaws. No masks! Someone is sure to have buyer's remorse otherwise.

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I know everyone loves differently and I think some of the outdated thoughts on love and Valentine’s Day specifically, have changed expectations for many women I know. More women are embracing being single and are pouring more into themselves and their non-romantic relationships. Galentine’s Day is also coming up. Which day will you be celebrating? Or maybe both?

You have no idea how fast my heart races every time I see you. - Unknown

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6 Social Media Signs He Likes You

Many adults these days are on some form of social media, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or even TikTok. These social media platforms allow for a lot of interaction with friends, family, and strangers from behind a screen without ever having to speak or look the other person in the eyes.

While some things change, many things continue to stay the same. We are all human after all. Social media offers new ways to meet, connect, and to flirt with others. But what happens when you’re interested in someone who has primarily established a relationship with you from afar and online?

They seem to be just as interested as you are but how can you be sure without asking them and making things awkward or getting rejected? Now if you are not interested you can always ignore or block them but otherwise here are signs to look for that it may be time to take your social media relationship offline.

He’s The First

A big sign that he likes you is that he is always the first to view your post or to make a comment. Sure, maybe he is just always on social media and is always the first on everyone else’s post as well, which is why you have to look for other signs as well.

He Likes All of Your Posts

By all accounts, he is your biggest fan. He seems to like all of you posts, which is nice because he makes you feel supported. Of course, this could just be him being a nice guy. So, pay attention if he is giving everyone else the same amount of attention and support.

He Gets Cutesy In Messages

He direct messages funny and cute messages. Someone “dm”ing doesn’t automatically mean they are interested but they definitely want to be noticed by you and to keep your communication private.

He Initiates Contact

You may notice each other online and may even like each other’s posts and stories but that is usually it on your part. Then out of nowhere he DMs you to create a dialogue.

He Mimics Your Activity

You post about hiking or going to the movies and suddenly he’s commenting how he just went hiking or loves the movie you mentioned.

He Knows A Lot About You

You didn’t tell him about the cruise you took but he comments about how you just got back from vacation.

While there is no sure way to know if someone is interested in your through social media interactions without them coming out and directly saying it, but there are signs. It will be up to you to weigh the pros and cons of waiting or addressing it. I always recommend that if you really like them you shoot your shot instead of wasting time on someone who is not interested.

What are your thoughts? Does this sound like someone you know or maybe like yourself? Please share your thoughts!

[charbear177]

5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

Everyone has a past and everyone has an ex. Starting a relationship with someone whose past is still very present in the thoughts and heart is a recipe for heartbreak. I do not think there is anything wrong with maintaining a cordial relationship with an ex, especially if you share children or a friend circle. However, I also believe it is important to ensure that your current love is over their ex love to avoid disappointment and pain.

5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

He Talks About Her A Lot

Sometimes his inner thoughts will leak out. The ex and their former relationship may frequently be present. If an ex is a constant topic of discussion, that is a red flag that feelings for that person may still be there. Even if the talk about her is negative, it is indicative that his ex is constantly on his mind and he is not over.

He Compares You To Her

No one wants to be compared to anyone else, but a man still harboring feelings for his ex will do it subconsciously and sometimes let the thoughts come out of his mouth. For example, you two go on a trip together and he compares and contrast how different you are from her and how she was always

He Relives Their Relationship With You

He takes you to the same places he took her. She loved Hawaii and he seems to always want to go there. She was adventurous and mentions that you when decline to go rock climbing, which was one of her favorite activities.

He’s Still Friends With Her

There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, but your boyfriend being too chummy with the ex he once considered his soulmate, is dangerous. With this relationship, feelings may still be there for one or both of them and it would not likely take much for things to reignite.

She’s A Priority

If she calls, he will go running for the smallest thing. If her dog runs off, he is off searching for it. She had a bad day, he is off to comfort her even if that means blowing off plans with you to be there for her. Just to be clear, you should be the priority, not the ex.

The how and why they broke up matters. Did she cheat on him? Was he against the breakup and tried to get back with her in the past? It also matters how long they were together and how serious they were. Were they talking marriage and kids? Was his family close to her? All things to keep in mind, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a dealbreaker.

Now I want to hear from you. Have you ever experienced this situation? What did you do? Maybe you’re the ex in this case. Please share!

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together."

[charbear177]

The Science of Attraction and Compatibility

Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to some people and not others? You find him handsome, but your bestie says he is just meh. Or how about the reverse? Why do some guys find it hard to take their eyes off you while others never give you a second glance? Well, science may be able to answer those questions for you. Let’s discuss the science of attraction and compatibility.

The Biology of Attraction

Our biology may play a significant role in determining what physical features we find attractive in others. Pheromones and hormones all play a part in how we view physical symmetry in positive and negative ways when finding mates. A pheromone is a chemical that animals produce, which changes the behavior of another animal of the same species. Pheromones can trigger behaviors, and is known as behavior-altering agents.

Some studies have shown that for humans it’s all about smell. Our olfactory receptors can detect odors and smells on a subconscious level. Smells that you are completely unaware of. Just take a man’s perspiration for example.

By a man’s sweat, a woman may be able to detect a man’s testosterone level, which may make her crave his sperm and want to mate with him. It is a very primal reaction.

Although the pheromone effect in nature is known to trigger behaviors such as fear and mating in animals and insects, the effects on human behavior are more theory and continue to be studied.

The Psychology of Attraction

Have you ever met someone for the first time and been instantly attracted to them? I know I have. But after being around them for a period of time the attraction lessened and in many cases went away altogether. While there have been other times when you have met someone and did not immediately find them attractive, but over time, and after getting to know them, you suddenly find yourself very attracted to them. That is the psychology behind attraction.

Familiarity, proximity, and personal connections all play a role in attraction. Their sense of humor, their intellect, and their kindness all work together to shape how you view them and can contribute to your attraction to them.

Also, as you get to know someone you may find you have shared interests and values and likes and dislikes, which may increase your connection and your attraction to them.

Compatibility Beyond Attraction

Physical attraction is based on physical appearance, and how attractive you find another person. Physical attraction is about a pretty or handsome face, or a nice figure or sexy body. You desire them. You want them. You like the sound of their voice, the way they move their body, and even the way they smell.

Attraction may lead you to someone but compatibility is what will ultimately keep you together and invested in the relationship. Once at this stage, emotional intelligence and emotional compatibility will come into play. Do you want the same things in life and envision a similar future? Do you have effective communication skills? And more importantly, are you two able to discuss and resolve issues? All of these attributes or lack thereof will determine your compatibility.

The Neuroscience of Love

The human brain is extremely powerful and when it comes to love and attraction, the brain does not hold back. The brain gets activated when you find someone attractive. Your pupils dilate and your system will release dopamine giving you a euphoric sensation. It’s a glorious feeling but it will eventually pass.

Once the dopamine highs pass and you have fallen in love, you must continue to build your connection through continuous interactions. Spending time together and sharing experiences grows your connection and your love.

During this time, you will also start to build trust and to feel physically and emotionally safe with your new love. Trust is a crucial element needed for a healthy, lasting relationship.

Finding Your Perfect Match

In order to find the right person for yourself, you need to have a good understanding of who you are, what you want, and what you need in a relationship. Self-awareness is a must. Your ideal man may be six foot two, has washboard abs, and is athletic, but ask yourself if this person is really someone you would be compatible with. Not likely if you are sedentary, love junk food, and hate the idea of going to the gym.

Instead of looking for a mate who is not compatible or attainable for you, focus on finding someone with shared values and interests. Similar lifestyles, values, and goals are key to finding your perfect match. And don’t be shy about being proactive in finding a mate.

Remember, finding love and happiness can be a journey but it will be worth it in the long run. Just be sure to love yourself first, don’t settle, and enjoy the process.

Now that we have discussed the science of attraction and compatibility, please share your thoughts, suggestions, and experience.

[charbear177]

9 Red Flags Your Relationship Is Doomed

Red flags often symbolize warnings of danger ahead. Proceed with caution. But what happens when we ignore red flags? They say hindsight is 20/20 and of course, there is a lot of truth in that statement when it comes to relationships. It is that people change or we did not see the potential problems? Or is it more about ignoring or disregarding the red flags you see in someone because you really want to make it work?

The whole point of dating is to get to know the person, find out compatibility, and to flesh out any behaviors or traits that are dealbreakers for you. In a new relationship, you may become so fascinated by your new beau that you start to miss the red flags that you definitely should be looking for. Knowing what signs to be on the lookout for is important, and will ultimately save you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.

What are the red flags?

So what exactly are red flags and why should you care? Well, red flags are behaviors, words, and past relationship history, which indicate they may not be who they seem to be or that they may not be right for you.

Maybe there are some red flags you can ignore because you don’t find them to be big deals but what about those red flags that are dealbreakers? Here are some red flags that he may exhibit early on that you may choose to ignore and that will likely doom your relationships.

Questionable Employment

Sketchy Relationship History

His Living Situation

Bad Habits

He Has A Temper

He’s Demanding

He’s Childish

He’s Secretive

His Friends Are Jerks

Subtle Signs That Often Go Unnoticed

I think the biggest red flag that is missed early on is controlling behavior. Initially, the controlling behavior is often disguised as being protective but what it is actually about is having control over you. They always need to know where you at, who you are with, and who you are talking to. You are an adult with a job and responsibilities but suddenly you have a leash essentially put on you. An unspoken rule of who you can be friends with and where you can go and how long you can be there. And you go along with it because they have convinced you that they are placing these restrictions on you because they care.

This type of behavior also becomes isolating. You pull away from friends and family because they see what he is doing and they don’t like it.

Importance of Early Identification

It is important to clock a man with red flags early on so as to not waste your time or at the very least allow you to address your concerns with him and set some expectations and boundaries. While every person is different and will have their own mental and emotional baggage they bring to your relationship, there are some common relationship red flags you should not ignore.

Common Relationship Red Flags

There are three common red flags that everyone should be on the lookout for when determining compatibility and whether someone is lifelong partner material.

Lack of communication and active listening

Disrespectful or belittling behavior

Control and manipulation tactics

Overlooking or ignoring these red flags will likely doom your relationship from the start because these are common issues cited by couples in therapy and by those who divorce.

How To Address Red Flags

The first step in addressing red flags in a mate starts with self-reflection. I know that sounds weird but while some red flags are universal, others are unique to each of us based on our needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. You have to ask yourself if the red flag is not a big deal and if it is a dealbreaker. You also need to be honest with yourself about why you are choosing to stay with someone with obvious red flags. Are you minimizing their red flags because you are afraid to be alone or think that you will not find anyone else? Or do you recognize that you have unrealistic expectations of perfection in any potential mate?

Having a strong sense of self and self-worth plays an important role in not only identifying red flags but also how you address them with your partner.

Building Healthy Communication and Boundaries

Poor communication and unhealthy boundaries will doom a relationship early on. To set your relationship up for success you want to:

Have Open and honest communication

Establishing healthy boundaries

Prioritizing individual needs

If you have done all you can to set your relationship up for a happy, successful union and are still finding red flag issues, it may be time to seek couples therapy or just move on. Some people are just not compatible with each other and that’s okay. There are billions of people and someone out there who is a better fit for you than your red flag guy or gal.

It may be tempting to try to change them and give them chance after chance despite their red flags but doing so is not wise or healthy for you. Remember, you have to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and be honest with yourself even if it means letting go of someone you care for and saw a future with.

Now I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts and experiences in dealing with red flags in romantic relationships? Please share!

If you ignore red flags, embrace the heartbreak to come. - Amanda Mosher

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How To Recognize Main Character Syndrome In Yourself and Others

I am always intrigued with new terms for familiar behaviors. As personality traits and behaviors become more prevalent, thanks in part to social media, society often creates terms or labels to describe them.

This blog discusses a recent emerging term, Main Character Syndrome. In case you have not heard the term before, it describes a person who thinks they are the main character in their life and everyone else’s life too. While taking care of oneself and advocating for oneself is important, someone who has main character syndrome will want everyone else to focus on their wants and needs as well.

Not to be confused with narcissism, though they do seem close, main character syndrome has some clear signs to look for.

6 Signs of Main Character Syndrome

Often Recenters Conversations Around Them

Have you ever had something exciting happen to you or had great news you cannot wait to share with others only to have your moment stolen by your so-called friend or partner? You share your news with them but your main character friend, partner, or coworker suddenly has something more important to share.

Somehow your night to celebrate your good news becomes all about them all of the time.

Demand Other’s Time and Attention

When they have things to do, are busy, or have just changed their mind about plans you had they expect to be left alone and allowed to miss events they have already committed to. But they will always expect others to drop everything for them when they want or need your time or attention. Failure to meet their demands or support them means you will feel their wrath. They may go off on you or completely cut you out of their life because they believe them withdrawing from your life is the worst punishment anyone could get.

Struggle To Put Anyone Else First

They live by the phrase, “What about me?” Because well, it is always about them. You could be sick or going through personal challenges but they still want the focus to be on them. They may pretend momentarily to care about what is going on with others but then they will quickly turn any discussion back to themselves.

A relationship with someone with main character syndrome will never be reciprocal because they feel entitled to be the most important in any relationship at all times.

Requires Constant Validation of Their Importance

They are exhausting because they require constant assurance and validation from you of their worth. They are the smartest, funniest, prettiest, most popular, and well-dressed adults everyone knows…according to them. And they expect others to agree with this. Failure to think they are the greatest just means that you and everybody else are just jealous.

Often Reminds Others of How Great They Are

Self-confidence is great and we all should feel good about our accomplishments but someone with main character syndrome takes it too far. They brag a lot. Sometimes it’s blatant and other times it is humble bragging but either way, it’s them giving themselves kudos.

Self-Focused

If you have a friend with main character syndrome, you can be sure they will not notice any changes with you unless they feel like it impacts them. If you are sad, stressed, or looking or acting different they won’t pick up on any of it because their focus is always on themselves.

By now you should recognize the signs of someone with main character syndrome. Relationships and friendships with these individuals are challenging, to say the least. They are not going to accept any criticism you give them and are not likely to change. Although main character syndrome sounds like a mental disorder, it is not considered one, yet.

Do you have any experience dealing with people with main character syndrome? How did you address the situation and are they still a part of your life? Please share your thoughts and experience!

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7 Series To Watch This Winter

Winter is almost here, the days are shorter, and you may spend more time indoors and at home. On a chilly day, there is nothing better than curling up with a good book or a binge-worthy show. Of course, there are tons of options of things to watch but choosing can prove tedious and frustrating. Well, I have some pretty good suggestions for you in this blog and I have something for everyone on my list.

I enjoyed and was entertained by the series on this list and think you may also enjoy one or all of them. These shows can be found on Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus or Apple TV. So here is my list of the five series to watch this fall.

7 Shows To Stream This Winter

Cross

Series adaptation of James Patterson novels about the complicated and brilliant detective, Alex Cross. - IMDB

There are more than 30 books in the Alex Cross series and I think I have read them all. This new series is fantastic and does them justice. It’s exciting and much like the books, a page-turner. Great characters and great acting.

You can currently watch the series on Amazon Prime.

Agatha All Along

A spell-bound Agatha Harkness regains freedom thanks to a teen's help. Intrigued by his plea, she embarks on the Witches' Road trials to reclaim her powers and discover the teen's motivations. - IMDB

This was a fun, witchy watch. Although it is Marvel, it doesn’t feel like it, which was nice. It is dark and suspenseful and keeps you asking “what is she up to?”.

You can watch Agatha All Along on Disney+ or Hulu.

Rivals

Follows Rupert Campbell-Black and Tony Baddingham as they have a longstanding rivalry that comes to a head. - IMDB

I have to be honest, the IMDB description does not do this series justice. Rivals is based on very popular books and is spicy. There is lots of nudity and sex but plenty of plot and intrigue as well. The ending of season one shocked me and I cannot wait for more.

Rivals will return for a second season on Hulu.

Shrinking

A grieving therapist starts to tell his clients exactly what he thinks. Ignoring his training and ethics, he finds himself making huge changes to people's lives - including his own.- IMDB

Shrinking is a great show. It deals with friendships, relationships, and parenting after the loss of a parent. It is funny, sad, and relatable in so many ways. Season two is currently premiering on Apple TV.

The Lincoln Lawyer

Need a lawyer? Call Mickey Haller. He runs his law practice out of his Lincoln, and he's ready to hit the gas. Moving through Los Angeles, he takes cases while balancing a private life that includes being a father and having two ex-wives. - IMDB

The Lincoln Lawyer is a great legal drama from the defense perspective, which we rarely get to see. Each season follows multiple cases Mickey is working on as well as his personal and professional drama. Season 3 recently premiered and ended with a big cliffhanger.

You can watch all three seasons right now on Netflix.

Nobody Wants This

An agnostic sex podcaster and a newly single rabbi fall in love; discovering if their relationship survives their wildly different lives and meddling families. - IMDB

Nobody Wants This is a cute romantic comedy that is easily binge-worthy. You can watch season 1 on Netflix now and it has been picked up for a second season.

Silo

Men and women live in a giant silo underground with several regulations which they believe are in place to protect them from the toxic and ruined world on the surface. - IMDB

Silo has become one of my favorite science fiction series. It has layers and layers of mystery. The cast is great and the visuals of the massive silo are breathtaking.

Season 2 is currently showing on Apple TV.

Virgin River

Seeking a fresh start, nurse practitioner Melinda Monroe moves from Los Angeles to a remote Northern California town and is surprised by what and who she finds. - IMDB

Virgin River is a little Hallmark-y but it is nice to watch. There is romance and intrigue and sweet wholesome stories set in the picturesque Northern California. The show is very popular but don’t let that stop you from giving it a try.

Season 6 premieres on December 19th.

You now have plenty of options to choose from for your next binge-worthy show. Any recommendations for me? Let me know. Enjoy!

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10 Best Fruits And Veggies To Help You Stay Hydrated This Summer

Summer is finally here! We wait all year for the long, warm, and sunny days. This is the time of year when we spend the most time outside swimming, having picnics, going to the beach, hiking, and playing.

Those activities are great, but it is very important to remember to protect our bodies while out in the heat. Summer weather is getting hotter and hotter so finding ways to combat the effects of the high heat is a must for health and safety.

When dealing with hot weather, hydration is the key to feeling good and taking care of ourselves during the summer months. We can become dehydrated rather quickly in hot weather, especially when engaging in activities. Many people do not drink enough water, which is why it is important to recognize when we are dehydrated.

Also, it is extremely important to know and recognize the signs of dehydration in infants and children as well. Little ones and the elderly are the most vulnerable to heat-related conditions.

Dehydration Signs

Signs Of Dehydration In Adults

Extreme Thirst

Dizziness

Fatigue

Dark Urine/Low Urine Output

Confusion

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Signs Of Dehydration In Infants And Young Children

No Wet Diapers For 3 Or More Hours

No Tears When Crying

Irritability

Dry Mouth/Tongue

Listlessness

Foods That Hydrate

Cucumbers

Cucumbers are over 95 percent water. They contain vitamins C and E, and is great for the skin.

Tomatoes

Incorporate tomatoes into your diet by adding tomatoes to your salad, sandwiches, and wraps. Tomatoes are 95 percent water, and contain vitamin C, which is good for skin health.

Watermelon

Watermelon is 92 percent water, and may actually hydrate faster than water. Watermelon contains magnesium, potassium, and sodium, all of which are needed to properly hydrate.

Strawberries

Strawberries are 92 percent water. Strawberries are plentiful during summers months, and easy to incorporate into your snacks, and meals.

Grapefruit

The grapefruit is 88 percent water. Start off your day right with a grapefruit for breakfast. Grapefruits contain vitamin A and C, potassium and biotin, all of which are good for the skin.

Carrots

Snack on carrots in the summer. Carrots are 87 percent water, and loaded with beta carotene, which helps protect the skin.

Cantaloupes

Cantaloupe is 90 percent water, and loaded with vitamin A.

Celery

Hydrate with celery. Celery is 96 percent water, and may hydrate you just as fast as drinking water.

Zucchini

Cook with zucchini this summer. Zucchini is 95 percent water, and a great source of folate, potassium, and vitamins A and C.

Iceberg Lettuce

Add iceberg lettuce to your meals this summer to stay hydrated. Iceberg lettuce contains 96 percent water, and has vitamin C, potassium, and folate.

One of the easiest things to do this summer to help with hydration is to just make a salad. Make a super hydration salad by adding iceberg lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Or you can make a nice fruit salad with watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and grapefruit.

Most fruits and vegetables have high water content. Whatever your plans are this summer, remember your sunscreen, and don't forget to hydrate. 

What do you do to stay hydrated in the summer heat? Do you primarily rely on water and sports drinks to provide your hydration needs? Or do you enjoy eating all of the fresh fruits and veggies? Please share!

Photo by Toni Cuenca from Pexels

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What Is Negging and How To Recognize It In Relationships and Dating

We love new terms in the dating world and negging is a newer term for an old tactic. Some of you may have never heard the term “negging” but you have most likely experienced it. “Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval.” - Wikipedia

So now that we know that negging is essentially a manipulation tactic used to knock you down a peg emotionally and psychologically, the question is how to recognize when it is being done to you and how to address it.

Negging can come in the form of words, negative body language, and even physical behavior such as moving away from your touch. They may even laugh at you or ignore you, but the goal is the same and that is to manipulate you with their negative feedback. In this blog, I list five signs to look for when you think negging is happening to you. I hope this helps to keep you away from relationships that do not feed your soul and make you happy.

5 Signs of Negging

Teasing or Making Fun Of You

Teasing can be in good fun, and can be seen as flirtatious, but too much of it can start to feel like the other person is just being mean and intentionally hurting your feelings under the guise of “just joking”.

You two go out walking or for a hike and you hear jokes the whole time about how slow you are and need to be in better shape. Never mind the fact that their legs are six inches longer than yours or that they do this all the time.

Subtley Putting You Down

Negative comments about your looks, your cooking, and even your intelligence are all negging tactics and subtle ways to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It is also a way to make themselves feel superior to you.

Disregarding Your Feelings

They use negging as a way to disregard your feelings and turn the tables on you. According to them, their mean jokes directed at you are fun and are all in good fun but you are just too sensitive and you have no sense of humor.

Disregarding Your Boundaries

You have told them your preferences many times. Whether you have said you do not like a certain food or to be touched or talked to a certain way they start negging to get around those boundaries. They will call you ungrateful or unappreciative of all of their efforts despite you expressing your likes and wants.

Comparing You To Others

A person who negs will want to take you down a notch and they will do that by trying to destroy your self-worth and self-esteem. They will compare you to other woman who they view as smarter or prettier than you. They will say or indirectly imply that you should be thankful that someone like them would even give someone like you the time of day because they usually date women who are much hotter and prettier and skinnier than you are. But of course, if that were true then why is he dating or in a relationship with you?

My recommendation is to call out negging when you see. Tell them you do not like the negative comments. After the first warning regarding their negging behavior, there should be no other warnings. You just need to walk away from that toxic person because they will eventually destroy your self-esteem.

What are your thoughts on negging? Do you have any experience with negging? Please share your thoughts and how you handled negging situations!

“Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative, and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible.” – Les Brown

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Let's Binge on Netflix and Apple TV Series

I love to unwind and veg out by watching some great television. The streaming services and options are endless and sometimes with too many choices it becomes difficult to pick. Well, that’s what I am here for. I have five new recommendations that run the gambit of genres. From mystery to romance, and true crime, I think there is something for everyone.

5 Binge-Worthy Shows to Stream Right Now

Bridgerton Season 3

The eight close-knit siblings of the Bridgerton family look for love and happiness in London high society.

Based on book three in the Julia Quinn series, season 3 of Bridgerton will focus on the relationship between Penelope Featherton and Colin. With a friends-to-lovers theme, this new season is sure to not disappoint. Watch the first half of the season on Netflix starting May 16, 2024, and the back half of the season starting June 13, 2024.

Palm Royale

An ambitious woman schemes to secure her seat at America's most exclusive table: Palm Beach high society circa 1969.

Kristen Wiig leads this all-star cast in the funny Apple TV series. The main character, Maxine, is funny, sweet, scheming, and frustrating all at the same time. It’s fun to watch the fashion, the opulence, and the behaviors from another time but also recognize that not much has changed in our society from fifty years ago. New episodes come out every Wednesday and is definitely worth a watch.

The Gentleman

When aristocratic Eddie inherits the family estate, he discovers that it's home to a huge weed empire, and its proprietors aren't going anywhere.

The handsome Theo James plays Eddie, the younger brother who inherits a title and his family’s massive estate, which happens to be a major hub for a weed operation. Not only does Eddie need to figure out how to get out of this illegal business but he also has to deal with his hot mess of an older brother who creates more problems than he solves. Created by Guy Ritchie, this is a fun watch. Available now on Netflix.

Sugar

Private investigator John Sugar examines the mysterious disappearance of Olivia Siegel, the granddaughter of a legendary Hollywood producer.

I love this show. Viewers will spend just as much time trying to figure out what John Sugar’s secret is as they will try to figure out what happened to Olivia Siegel, a Hollywood heiress. Sugar is available now on Apple TV with new episodes every Friday.

Under The Bridge

Reena Virk, a fourteen-year-old girl, went to join friends at a party and never returned home. Seven teenage girls and a boy were accused of the savage murder.

Under the Bridge is a dark and disturbing mystery. Based on a true story, you follow a cop and a reporter as they try to piece together the events of a horrible night and give a family answers about what happened to their daughter. Under the Bridge is currently available on Hulu.

I hope you enjoy my selections. I think they are all great but I would love to know what you think of these series. After watching, please come back and share your thoughts.

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Metacognition - What Is It and Why Does It Matter?

The term metacognition is a mouthful. Metacognition is defined as awareness and understanding of one’s own thought process. In simple terms, metacognition is the ability for you to understand how you think and process information, and go about making decisions.

Why we do what we do is often a mystery to others and even ourselves at times. But by having the ability to assess why we do things, perhaps more specifically even, why we make bad decisions or do things that leave us with regret, we may be able to learn, become more knowledgeable, and change behaviors.

Metacognition

What is metacognition?

Okay, so we already know that metacognition is self-awareness and a full understanding of our own thoughts. But what does that mean? Metacognition is a critical awareness of one’s thinking and learning and oneself as a thinker and learner. Critical thinking skills fall under metacognition.

Strategies of Metacognition

There is a lot of research on metacognition and it can be broken into stages, levels, strategies, and categories depending on which study you are reading. The basic strategies are to remember, understand, apply, analyze, evaluate, and create.

There are four levels of metacognition. Perkins (1992) defined four levels of metacognitive learners: tacit; aware; strategic; and reflective. Tacit learners are unaware of their metacognitive knowledge. They do not think about any particular strategies for learning and merely accept if they know something or not. Reflective learners are not only strategic about their thinking but they also reflect upon their learning while it is happening, monitoring the success of any strategies they are using and then changing them as appropriate. Aware and strategic levels fall in between tacit and reflective.

Why does metacognition matter?

Metacognition matters for many reasons, the first one being the role it plays in your own mental and emotional well-being and your relationship with yourself. When you have self-awareness you can make improvements and become better at whatever you are trying to do. You become a better learner. When you have metacognition you can identify your strengths and weaknesses.

While metacognition can help with self-improvement, a lack of metacognition may be detrimental to your personal and professional life. Do not get me wrong, people who lack metacognition are not unhappy, in fact, in their case ignorance is bliss. They are woefully unaware of their lack of abilities, lack of knowledge, or how offensive or unappealing they can be to others. They are not good at reading the room or perceiving others.

If you are a learner and always striving to do better and be better, metacognition plays an important in your everyday life and interactions. Once we become aware, it only gets better from there.

What are your thoughts on metacognition? Please share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences with me!