bloom where you are planted

Corey's heart sank as the tears hit her cheeks. The arms that had already been wrapped around her clung to her even more closely, hands stroking her back and shoulders. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. It's okay," Corey cooed softly, leaning into her body, holding her tiny frame against their larger one. Neither of them had been able to eat properly or get much rest recently. Sleep didn't feel peaceful or like a reprieve. They were both exhausted on every level; emotional, mental, physical. They were home now, but it felt empty without Bruin and without their son.

"I worry about all those things too," they said, tears threatening to push their way out of Corey's own eyes as they held her crying frame, bodies impossibly close. They sat at Grayson's bedside and begged for him to be okay for exactly this reason. Anything else would break Charlotte's heart, and Corey couldn't stand to see her go through that. "I'm scared that he's in pain, that he's gonna spend his whole life in pain." They were scared it was selfish to keep him breathing with machines, feed him with tubes and wires. They told themselves it was only temporary, until he got bigger and stronger, his organs developed properly. Corey and Charlotte kept saying he was fighting, so they had to keep fighting too. They would never forgive themselves, Charlotte would never forgive herself, if they didn't do everything they could. "You're way better at having faith than me, but we have to, right? We gotta believe that he's gonna be okay, see his room, grow up with his baby cousin when she gets here. We have to."

Corey swallowed, stubbornly refusing to cry in spite of Charlotte's tears threatening to open the floodgates to their own, too. They always hated seeing her sad, and when they did, it was usually their fault, their failures as a partner or an argument they caused, drugs they took, inability to handle their own emotions. This one wasn't their fault, but there was nothing they could do about it, either. They felt like they were in a cruel limbo, nothing to do but wait. "One thing I learned with mom..." they said quietly, fingers stroking through her hair, "sometimes just being there is enough. We keep holding his hand, we keep going to see him, keep hoping."

charlotte wanted corey to know that it wasn't their fault, that they didn't need to apologise. there was so much noise in her head that it was hard for her to know how to deal with it and crying seemed to be what worked best. it felt like no matter which way she turned, her thoughts suffocated her. her small frame shook as corey held her closely. the only other person who unfortunately understood what she was going through. she wanted to be better, stronger.

as corey began to speak of their worries, it was a reminder of the reality that could lay ahead of them. the last thing charlotte wanted was to think that her son was in pain, with nothing she could do to fix it, he hadn't deserved this entry into life. the tears continued to fall, her heart aching as corey's words added to her thoughts but they deserved the right to talk to her about what was on their mind. "can they tell if he's in pain? can they help him?" she asked, not exactly sure she was wanting to know the answer. corey was quick to turn the conversation back around which she was glad for, not wanting to dwell on their son in pain. gently wiping her eyes, she nodded, "i've never prayed to god more in my life. i want to believe our moms are his angels watching over him."

the way corey had comforted her was everything that she had needed. no matter their own feelings, they'd made sure that she was okay, that she was comforted. it was hard to imagine that she'd had the fleeting thought of leaving them. that she would be okay without corey in her life, that she would manage. the reality was she could not. they were her person, her lover, her everything. "your mom would be so proud of you, corey jensen." gently she placed a small kiss against their jaw as she burrowed into them. "i love holding his tiny hand. i miss him. what time did they say they were expected to land with him?"

It was weird, or... interesting, Corey guessed, how Charlie worried about such different things to them. Charlie worried about whether Grayson would want to play football and put himself in the CTE line of fire, whether he'd be bullied. Right now, Corey just hoped the kid lived long enough to even have a shot at being bullied, they worried about whether he'd even be well enough to play sports, if he'd ever be able to run or play without burning agony in his lungs. "We'll teach him how to deal with bullies," Corey answered, not wanting to give voice to their fears, make matters worse for a woman who was already worried sick about her child. Talking about this stuff probably helped her deal. She didn't need to be reminded Grayson might not live long enough to learn to walk or talk, or that if he did live, he might have a life of serious disabilities and chronic illnesses. They had a feeling their way of dealing with a bully would be way different than hers, but that was a challenge for another time.

"C'mere," they said, guiding her to the plush couch they had bought for the room. "Is this comfy enough? I figured... you gonna be sitting here, watching over him, reading him stories, nursing him, doing whatever." Corey had done their best to make sure the room was perfect for them when he came home. It was crazy to think that even if he spent weeks more in the hospital, he'd still be coming home to his nursery before his due date was even supposed to be. Corey ran their hands over her shoulders, guiding her into their arms, wrapping her body up in their lanky limbs. They picked up the little IKEA monkey plush they'd bought, placing it into Charlie's arms as a place holder. "See? He'll be right here. That seem good? Anything you want me to change?"

charlotte allowed corey to guide her towards the couch in the room. it was obvious how much thought they'd put into the layout of the room, the comfort they wanted to provide for both her and grayson. every small detail would have been purposely crafted, something that corey was extremely talented at. as they sat, she found the comfort of the sofa to be perfect, nothing less than what she would expect from corey. as they placed the monkey into her arms, she could feel her body fill with grief and sadness once again. the question was light, she knew that but her small frame couldn't suppress her feelings any longer as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. grayson was suppose to be the one in her arms but he wasn't and he was months off being so. charlotte hadn't wanted to get so emotional but with everything going on, her hormones and maternal ache it was boiling over.

"the fact that he's not here with us —" she did her best to avoid her tears hitting the small plush that belonged to their son. "that he's alone in a hospital. what if he never leaves? what if we don't get to bring him home? the couch is perfect, corey. everything about this room is perfect. from the crib to the couch to this adorable plush — i just ache all the time, i feel like i'm not doing enough, that i'm not fighting hard enough for him. i don't know what to do for him. i see this room, waiting for him knowing there's every chance he'll never see it."

"Mm, you're the cutest chicken nugget, actually, but he comes close." Corey couldn't put into words how much their heart had changed since Grayson had been born. Fears about how miserable they would be as a parent were gone, replaced by fears of how Grayson would take his next breath, how happy he would be, how comfortable he would be. They worried about whether he was in pain, whether he was going to grow up suffering. They worried about raising him well, protecting him. There was only so much either of them could do while he was in the hands of doctors and nurses. The powerlessness was a cruel punishment.

Corey nodded. "Basketball. Or soccer. Not that I could teach him that," Corey chuckled. "But his Aunt Shannon and Avery will do a good job." Shan was cool. She had played professionally, and started a school to coach kids when she retired, making sure it was trans inclusive and gave trans and queer kids access to sports. "He's gonna get to meet them all soon. He doesn't even realize how big his family is now." Corey wished they'd grown up together, that their dad hadn't kept them apart. They were doing their best to build family out of the shattered pieces, to make sure Grayson wouldn't have to grow up alone like they had. "No football. After all this? That boy is growing up in cotton wool." They exhaled, running their hands over her waist gently, doing their best to give her reassuring touches. They could practically feel her fear through her clothing, but the softness in her was still there, still present. They watched as she took in the room around them. For all their emotional failings, Corey knew they could at least do Charlotte the favor of making the nursery nice.

"You were right," Corey said quietly. "Now that he's here... I can't imagine not having him. I want us to hold him too. I want him to fall asleep in his crib. I want him to meet Bruin, and see Bruin's curious little face as he sniffs him so gently."

the conversation around all the things their son had to look forward to gave charlotte a small amount of comfort, something to take her mind away from the heaviness of what was going on with him. it gave her hope, something she felt she desperately needed. "little league baseball in the summer with his friends," she added with a sad smile, nodding as corey continued to speak about their sister, "he's got so many incredible athletes to guide him, including his dad." it was nice for her to hear corey speak about their family, knowing how hard it was for them to learn about the people that were kept from them. "a family full of people who are going to adore him. aunts, uncles, cousins, granddads." charlotte couldn't let her mind linger on the fact he was missing both his grandmother's, that his grandparents days would look different to all the other kids.

"it's going to be hard not to wrap him up in cotton wool, i think i'm going to struggle with that. i don't ever want anything bad to happen to him, what if he gets bullied?" more thoughts that as a parent, charlotte couldn't help but worry about. the world was cruel, kids were cruel and grayson was going to have a lot more attention on him than most other kids due to the media's constant interest in charlotte's life. corey's confession was huge for her. for them. they'd been so divided about being parents for months, to the point they were ready to seperate. to hear corey say that they understood, that they were where she had been the whole time meant more to her than she could imagine. charlotte had always known the kind of parent corey would be and with each day that passed they continued to prove to her how right she was.

turning in their arms, she faced them, her eyes meeting their's so gently. they were both feeling the same pain, the same needs and wants for him. "it's a love like i've never felt before and it's so beautiful." charlotte's hand caressed their cheek, "i can't wait to watch the two of them grow up together, be the best of friends. we have such a long road ahead of us but when we get to the point of being able to do all these things, it's going to mean so much more. hearing you say all of this, you have no idea how much that means to me."

Corey had imagined a worst case scenario when they had been preparing the room, that Charlie would come home, and it would be ready for her and Grayson, and Corey would be gone. The longer they had spent away from her, diligently working on hand-building every piece of furniture in their workshop, they had nothing to do but think. Thinking wasn't something Corey was very good at. They let their head run away with itself, filled it with noise. They had been teetering on the edge of walking away, leaving Charlie to raise their child, to be happier without them, and then Juliana's message had come, and everything had changed.

As soon as Corey had laid eyes on Charlie, they knew they couldn't leave her, and as soon as they had laid eyes on their son, they knew they couldn't leave him either. Their heart broke for both their wife and the tiny infant. They were both united in their helplessness. "He'll be okay," Corey said, in reference to the journey from Texas. "He doesn't have to sit in the airport lounge, doesn't have to sit next to anyone, deal with checked bags… chicken nugget has it good." They squeezed her hip, planting a soft kiss on her temple. "He's gonna be all cozy in his new room before we know it." They meant the new room at the hospital, but looking around them at the nursery that still smelled vaguely of paint and freshly stained oak furniture, they couldn't help but imagine how Charlie would look, sitting in the chair with him curled against her chest, swaddled in blankets.

"Hey," they said softly as they scooped Charlotte into their arms, stroking her back gently. "I've spent my whole adult life wondering if I'm gonna be sick, like my mom was. Spent my whole life worrying and being pissed over getting sick like mom did. Never had a whole lotta faith for myself, but I turned out okay, right? We gotta have faith for him, yeah? We gotta believe that he's gonna be okay, that I'm gonna teach him to use tools and play ball, that you'll teach him to read and write…"

charlotte found corey's use of terminology to describe grayson somewhat endearing, so much so there was the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. she knew corey had complicated feelings about being a parent but small moments like made her feel like they were making progress. charlie nodded — corey was right, they'd have him set up in a nice room before they knew it and the two of them would be able to be with him once more. "he's the cutest chicken nugget i've ever seen," she breathed with a sad smile, her eyes still taking in the beautiful room in front of her.

having corey's arms securely around her, charlotte's weight shifted onto them as they held her. there was no hiding the fact she had been struggling with everything that was happening. every day she could only do her best to keep everything together. corey's words were soothing, she knew she needed to have faith in their son and she did, at times it all just became overwhelming. grayson had already been fighting so hard, hanging on with everything he had. her heart ached hearing corey mention teaching him how to use tools and play basketball — it's all she had wanted, to see her two boys bonding and spending time together, even if it was something further into the future. "basketball, right? i don't think i could do football, my nerves would be shot." while most parents dreaded the idea of homework, charlotte couldn't wait, just like so many other experiences she wanted to share with her small family. "i'm already so proud of him, you can see him slowly growing every day. thank you — for creating this special space for him, it's better than anything i could have imagined."

Starter For: @charlottexmiller

When Charlie had left the house to go to the airport all those weeks ago, Corey had never imagined it would be the last time she walked through the door again for so long, that Corey would be in what was supposed to be their forever home for weeks on end until Grayson had decided to show himself prematurely and they'd have to hop a flight to Dallas. Corey's band-mates or family members who were still in town had come by every day or two to feed the cats, empty the litter box, water the plants, collect the mail. Bruin had been staying at Corey's sister Shannon's place where he could enjoy their nice yard and play with their dog, Jelly, a sweet rottweiler and cattle dog mix who could match his energy. Their life had seemingly fallen into a weird limbo, going home to their place in Burleson, Texas, where Corey had grown up in the tiny spare bedroom, driving an hour through Dallas Fort Worth traffic to get to the only local hospital that had a level 3 NICU, and going home again, spending time with Charlie's family where nobody wanted to talk about the hard truths and realities of their situation.

"Well, welcome home," they said, as they finally opened the door to their Tarzana house, carrying Charlie's suitcase as they pushed the door open. Transporting Grayson back home had been a process, but there were companies well-versed in safely transporting premature, NICU babies, who had all the personnel, medical equipment, and expertise to do it safely. Corey could only be grateful Charlie had the money to cover all this even if insurance turned around and denied their claim to get his transport covered. The cats had been staying at the house, but unlike dogs, they weren't always so keen to come out of their hiding places and be seen, especially the Bengal mixes. Corey figured they'd come out when they wanted to. "I'll, uh, get this upstairs," they said, pulling both the suitcases inside and taking them to the bedroom. They couldn't quite get a read on what Charlotte was thinking. "Grayson'll be almost settled in soon. Lucky bastard got his own private jet. I ain't even got spoiled that much," they teased, offering Charlie a sad smile. "You okay? You, um... wanna see his room?"

in the past when charlotte thought about her life, her pregnancy and how it would look in her future, nothing could have prepared her for the kind of reality she would face. the fact that she and corey were teetering on the edge of separation had been bad enough but for then their son to be born extremely prematurely where every day wasn't guaranteed, a life without complications wasn't guaranteed was a tough reality to comprehend as a parent. grayson fought every day just to live, the machines connected to him helping his little organs work for him while they developed. charlotte was powerless to help him, breastmilk the only thing she could contribute. in some sick way, it had reconnected her with corey as the two began to repair their relationship, being there for each other and their son. just seeing the way corey had responded to grayson being born gave her hope that they were warming to the idea of being the little boy's parent, as heavy as the experience had been.

finally getting the all clear to transfer him back home to los angeles was a big relief, especially as corey's tour got closer. charlotte knew that being in texas wasn't practical, especially given the hospital held so many bad memories for corey. in texas they had her family but in los angeles, they weren't short of a support system that could help them. as their son flew on a private jet, charlotte had been an anxious wreck knowing that they could lose him at any time, that the situation was beyond delicate. her hand had been glued in corey's as they two had made their way back home. it had been weeks since she'd been in their house. what had suppose to have been a week with her family had turned into something much more. she'd missed everything about the place — their bed, their animals and the quiet suburban street it sat on. they still had so much to do in getting things for their son — stroller and car seats, something they thought they had much more time than they did.

charlotte was doing her best to hide her anxiety over not having heard any updates. the pull to constantly be near her son was something so instinctually maternal that it was overwhelming. she'd spent hours upon hours beside him at the hospital, something she'd continue to do. the last thing she wanted was for grayson to be alone. she'd read books to him, tell him about her life, about corey — whatever topics she could find, she'd talk to him about. the house was exactly how she'd left it, just a little more baby proofed. as corey took the bags, charlotte's eyes lingered on them, her heart aching with love for corey but hurting for her son. she appreciated their attempt to lighten the mood, "maybe one day we can all go on one together." she hoped, she prayed. "we just haven't heard anything, it's making me a little anxious." charlotte had full faith in the medical care team looking after grayson but it was just hard to ignore how critical the situation was.

nodding, she offered her best attempt at a smile she could muster. charlotte reached for corey's hand as they walked towards the nursery they had put together why she had been at home. walking through the door she was taken aback by just how beautiful it was. the hand made furniture — the crib, change table and nursing chair that looked to rock. her eyes welled with tears. the natural colours, the animals around the room, it was perfect. the only thing that was missing was their little boy and that broke her heart completely. tears overwhelmed her as she moved into corey's arms, crying against their chest. it was all real, the fact that their son was here but they weren't sure if he'd even make it out of the hospital to see the room his dad had put together for him. "it's perfect — i just wish he was here to use it." she tried her best to pull herself together but it was so hard under the emotional stress. "he has to make it corey — he has to and i'm just so scared. i know he's strong but he's so small. i just want to hold him."

Corey simply nodded, jaw tight as their gaze hovered back to the baby in the small plastic shell before them. A baby born at term without any medical conditions was already so reliant on their parents for everything, They still didn't know how Grayson would grow up, if he would be in pain all his life, if all his life would be inside hospital rooms and hooked up to machines. It wasn't fair. Maybe Corey deserved this karma, but Charlie didn't. "I wish he didn't have to fight so hard. I wish you didn't have to fight so hard for him." They hoped even unable to move or open his eyes, he would know just how desperately his mom loved him.

"You're my family, too. I really fucking missed you, Charlie. I miss falling asleep in our bed together." Charlie hadn't been back at their place in almost a month. "You should see how much the kitties have grown." Corey had fostered two kittens months earlier, weaned from their mom too soon, wild, and a little mean, but they were Corey's, and of course, they hadn't been able to let them go after months of trying to find the bonded pair a good home together. "A dog, four cats, and now a baby. We really got our work cut out for us." At least Corey had a village back in LA. They still had friends here, in Burleson, but Gage, Reyna, Nesh, Toby, Corey's family before they had even had a blood family had all left and relocated to Los Angeles, and now, they had the Ziegler family, too. It had took leaving this place behind for Corey to truly realize just how smothered they had been here.

"We'll ask the doctors about the special transports, see what they can do? But birth certificate first. Date night first, k?" Corey had been withdrawn from Charlotte for so long. It felt like the chasm between them was only now starting to heal. Thoughts of leaving her had quickly been chased from Corey's mind. It had become unthinkable again, and they could only hope that their bipolar nature could be kept at bay to keep it that way.

it wasn't fair that grayson had the biggest fight of his life from the moment he was born, it wasn't fair to either of them to have to watch their son suffer, not knowing if he would make it through the night. "i'm not religious but i've heard that god always gives the toughest challenges to those who are tough enough to make it through. i wish he didn't have to go through this either, it kills me seeing him there, not even being able to hold him. i think it's the worst kind of torture for a parent to endure. we just have to stay in the fight with him." the sounds of the monitors were something she did her best to drown out, a stark reminder of their reality. "i hope you know i'd fight so hard for you too."

removing her hand from her son, charlotte's moved it to caress corey's cheek, her heart breaking knowing that she put them both through so much pain during the time apart. it was something they needed — their relationship was at breaking point and the only thing that would get the two of them to think about what they wanted was distance. "god, i missed you too, so, so much. i meant what i said, i can't live without you, corey. i love that you're the first person i see when i wake up and the last before i close my eyes. i love everything about you and nothing will ever change that." the two hadn't even shared a kiss since reuniting, the both of them so caught up and exhausted from what was going on, they'd barely had time for each other, another reason why charlotte had suggested they spend some time together. "i can't wait to see them, i know they've had you wrapped around their paws." a small chuckle escaped her at the idea of their household but she wouldn't have it any other way, "we do and seeing as i'm stepping away from work indefinitely i'll be around to make sure it stays in order."

charlotte's smile returned, "we'll float the idea tomorrow — for now, we'll hand this paperwork back and have our date." the plan excited her even, they hadn't been on a date in a while and she was very much looking forward to it. "should we head out soon? i don't want to leave it too late or the only movie my eyes will be watching is the back of my eyelids and i don't want that." turning back to the incubator, charlie reached in, her finger stroking the tiny arm i front of her, "we're going to head out, buddy but we'll be back. you be on your best behaviour for those nurses."

They'd fought so much in the last few months. They'd both said painful things, mostly Corey, lost in turmoil and anxiety, in agony and fear. They were scared of losing her, of keeping her, they were scared of waking up every morning. The life ahead of them seemed like one made of tragedy, and that was even before Corey had seen this coming. Having a perfectly healthy baby had seemed enough of a burden to them, a waking nightmare. This was a nightmare for entirely different reasons than Corey had expected. They didn't want to leave their wife and child. But eventually, they would have to.

"I need him to be okay. Not even for me. For you. For him." The moment this tiny, fragile being had been in front of them, he had become someone Corey would dedicate their whole life to loving and keeping safe. They hated that this feeling had come so late. Why hadn't they been able to feel this way when he was still inside Charlotte's body, growing. They were afraid their thoughts, their previous time spent wishing he'd never been conceived, had somehow made this happen.

"Fuck, you have been through too damn much to be so understanding. I can't just leave you guys. If we talked to the hospital, if we asked about getting him home, would that be okay? I don't wanna take you away from your family, either, y'know?"

corey's words broke charlotte's heart, hearing them tell her how much they needed him to be okay. as much as she wished they had felt as such from the start of their journey, there was no feeling quite like knowing her partner was so taken by their child, considering the position they once held. it wasn't something that charlotte wanted to hold against them, she knew everyone had different feelings and experiences. what mattered was that they were here with their little boy, barely leaving his side. "i know, love. he's already fighting so hard, he wants to be here with us. we have such a tough and resilient little guy." charlotte knew at any moment things could turn but for right now, he was hanging on as best he could.

"that's just who i've always tried to be. i have always told you, you won't miss out on important things in your life and i mean that. we'll still be around when you get back, whether it be here or at home." her voice was soft and supportive. "honey, you are my family. you're not taking me from anyone. i think we should ask the question, find out our options. if we can get him home, we should, so of course that's okay. we'll be able to find our balance with him there. we have so many people there to help us, i think we do what we can to get him there safely."

"You're gonna be fine, dork. I don't think it's like, a horror-horror. Like a slasher-type thing, but queer. Age-gap romance queer. Just your thing," Corey teased softly, lightly nudging Charlotte in the side. A night at the movies didn't sound like a bad thing, even if part of Corey just wanted a date night that consisted of sleeping. They had a feeling even if they went home and got right into bed, they'd just lie there awake anyways, thoughts racing back to the undernourished, undersized baby boy lying here in the hospital.

They gave a sad sigh at the prospect of not making it in time. "I wouldn't have wanted you to wait. If they needed to do the surgery to save him, I wouldn't have wanted you to wait for me." They paused. "But I'm glad I made it in time, too." Lucky Charlie hadn't been even further away, that the flight between Los Angeles and Dallas was only three hours. Corey looked down at their lap, lowering their gaze. There was something else that weighed on their mind the more time they spent in this hospital, not only antsy because it was a place filled with traumatic memories, the place their mother had died, where they had their appointments, received all the worst news around her condition as it progressed.

"Babe..." They started, quietly. "I know it's still early, that he's still so young, but if they can't get him back to LA soon... I'm gonna have to go in a few weeks. I gotta be in rehearsals. The band is counting on me. Unless I cancel?" Which they couldn't really afford to do as a band that played small venues with a niche fanbase and barely had a record label backing them. Still, they'd do it. For Charlotte. For Grayson. "I know... you guys need me too. I just... really hope he can home soon. Maybe we can ask about it. I miss Bruin. I miss our home. I miss my friends. They all moved across the country for me. Now I'm here, and it ain't home anymore."

a hint of blush warmed her cheeks, "you're just my thing." even in the darkness of the situation around them, corey still made light for her. made her chuckle, smile. they were someone so special that even in the midst of their own pain, they still put everyone else before themselves. maybe this was a chance for them to reconnect, to find each other again through the rawest of emotions. charlotte nodded, of course if things were even more serious than they already had been, she wouldn't have had a choice not to wait but she'd never been more thankful that they didn't have to fly across the country.

charlotte continued to stroke grayson as corey spoke, her eyes glancing up at them as they began to speak. she gave corey the platform to say whatever they needed as their words processed in her mind. things they had planned now in disarray but if there was one thing charlotte wouldn't allow and that was corey missing the opportunity to tour. she knew just how much hard work they'd put into this. gently she shook her head, "you're not cancelling, okay? whatever happens we will work through it, i promise. we'll be okay. hopefully they give us the all clear to transport him home within the next few weeks leading up to your shows so we should definitely ask the question."

throughout her pregnancy and even before, she promised corey that they wouldn't have to give up aspects of their life that were important to them and she was going to make sure she followed through on her word. just because they were parents now didn't mean they had to lose the spark for life. "i miss being home too, honey. if you need to go home for a few days for any reason, it's okay. this is really tough mentally and i wouldn't be upset at you for getting into the right headspace. i know this hospital doesn't hold great memories for you. i want you to look after you too."

Corey gave a small nod. "Mm, they said you have to sign off on it and then take it to the desk. We can drop it off on the way out." The life felt like it had been drained from them recently, as if every ounce of them was being poured into just surviving. It was oddly familiar, if unpleasant. It felt the same way it had when every ounce of them had gone into caring for their mom, but at least then, they could do practical things like cook for her, clean for her, help her to the bathe, take her to appointments. With Grayson, they could literally only watch, and hope. "Dude decided he wanted to be a Leo," Corey said, one hand still lightly touching him inside his incubator, resting gently on his tiny stomach. "So, I guess be prepared for a big personality and a big ego. Lucky you're used to that," they teased, their other hand wrapped around her waist, lightly holding her against their side as they leaned in to kiss her temple. They shifted over a little, giving Charlie room to put her hand in Grayson's incubator instead.

Her suggestion caught them off-guard. Corey thought if anyone was going to suggest they get the hell out of the hospital it would be them. "You want to go on a date night? To a movie?" Corey asked, as if trying to make sure they'd heard her correctly. They expected her to be planted in the ground by the incubator, refusing to move even to sleep. "I have been wanting to see that movie that just came out with Hannah Einbinder, the Jane Schoenbrun movie. It's a queer horror thing? But if you're not up for something bloody, we could try something else? Just... might be something to take our mind off this room for a while." They stroked their hand up and down her back. "You can pick a place for dinner. I gotta take a look at which clothes I even brought with me. I feel like I packed in the dark with how quick I got on that plane."

charlotte's eyes fell to corey's hand resting on their son as they spoke, a small smile played on her lips at the mention of his star sign. it wasn't something she had a chance to think about. the smile grew bigger as they teased about a big ego, "i have no doubt he'll learn from the best." leaning into their kiss she snuggled into their side. "and anytime that ego of yours needs a stroke, you know i'm good for that." with corey giving her that little more room, she gently reached in to stroke grayson's tiny hand, still completely in awe of him, that she made him.

corey's surprise caused her to glance up at them curiously. "i think it would be good for us. you said we need to take care of ourselves to be able to take care of him. we've been through a lot recently," she shrugged, her attention falling back to the tiny human in front of her. it gave her hope when corey suggested a movie they'd wanted to see at the cinema and as afraid as she was of horror movies, charlotte was more than willing to take them to the film. "no, i'm okay with that. you might just have a red hand from me squeezing so hard," she teased. nodding charlotte thought for a moment, "i think i know the perfect place."

the reminder of the fact corey had jumped on a plane at such late notice had her feeling guilty. guilty that they had even been apart to begin with. "i never did thank you for getting here so quickly. i was worried you wouldn't make it in time. i was really scared and you were the only person i wanted. my person. i didn't think i was able to fall more in love with you but seeing you here with him, bonding with him, my heart could burst."

Starter For: @charlottexmiller

The first few days after Grayson's birth had somehow dragged and passed in the blink of an eye. Corey and Charlotte had spent as much time as possible sitting by his incubator, to the point that Corey almost saw it burned onto their eyelids when they closed their eyes. They almost felt guilty for being able to fall asleep so easily when they got home at night, but they were grappling with a level of exhaustion that even three weeks on tour didn't prepare you for. The one small candle in the darkness of the situation was that Charlie had been able to come home, at least to their home in Texas, the one Corey had grown up in, that their mom had left for them. They still had a long journey ahead of them before making it back to LA.

"Oh, hi, is your wife around?" the nurse asked, grabbing Corey's attention as she walked back into the room. "We just have a form for you to fill out to register the birth. It needs to be submitted before five days. We didn't want to bother you, with everything going on."

"Sure. Right. Um, she stepped out to call her family, but I'll take this, and check over it with her when she comes back." Corey extended a hand to take the clipboard and pen, slowly filling in the fields. Time and date of birth. Name. "Is there, um, an option to have just the mom on it?" That was what Corey's birth certificate had; just their mom's name. No father. Part of the reason they'd never known who he was until recently.

"No, not for married couples. Legally, the married partner is assumed to be the second parent of the child. Why do you ask?"

Good question. Why had they asked? Maybe because part of them was still wondering what would happen if he got well, if Corey didn't feel so protective and attached any more, if they wanted to leave. The thought terrified them. "Oh. Just 'cause... Texas is kinda... y'know. The whole gender neutral thing. I don't wanna put myself as another mom, but dad isn't technically right either, even though that's what we use..." It was part truth, at least.

"That's no problem," the nurse said with a reassuring smile. "You can have it listed as Parent 1 and Parent 2 if you prefer. We have that option."

"Oh," Corey answered, a small nod, hand gripping the pen as they filled in the boxes. Their hand froze over the 'last name' section, mind flashing back to Charlie asking 'do you even want Grayson to have your last name?' Their answer had been yes, but then they'd grapple with the idea of walking away again. Slowly, they wrote out the name 'Jensen-Miller', then set the forms down again for Charlotte to check.

"If you can get her to double check that whenever she gets back and then just bring it back to the desk, that'd be great," the nurse said, before finishing up her rounds and going on her way again, leaving Corey in the room with Grayson, and the steady beeping of the machines.

"Just me and you, buddy," they said, huge hand stroking up and down his tiny arm inside the incubator. His arm was about the same size as their finger, a fact that still amazed them, even after these first couple of days. "Grayson..." Corey said, leaning into the incubator, big blue-green eyes watching. His hadn't even opened yet. They might not for another week or two. It was the first time they had used his name. "Grayson Everett Jensen-Miller," they added softly, eyes momentarily drifting to the name written on the paperwork the nurse had handed them for his birth certificate. "You need to do me a solid here, buddy. You gotta make it, okay? You have to. You have to make it, and you have to be okay, because Charlie... your mom," they corrected themselves, "she isn't ever gonna be the same if you don't. She's never going to forgive me. Just fight, little guy. Please. She needs you." They waited in silence for some kind of sign, some kind of response. His chest kept rising and falling along with the machine, monitor beeping rhythmically with his heartbeat. "'Kay," they whispered, unable to tear their gaze from him until the glass door opened again and Charlie walked back into the room.

"Hey," Corey greeted, sitting up straighter, stretching their stiff limbs. "No change. Could you check this though, make sure I spelled it all how you wanted and stuff? We gotta give it back to the nurse, so they can register the birth certificate." They extended a hand to slip an arm around her waist. "He's officially gonna be... official."

since being discharged, charlie was slowly becoming more at ease with no longer being under the same roof as their son. she had spent as much time as she physically could with grayson. they both had. corey had been incredible about everything even when that included long days and nights of exhaustion. the pair had settled into corey's home, not knowing just how long the stay would be. the only thing that mattered was that their son was getting the best care available.

the two hadn't really had a moment to reconnect after their time apart however charlie had made it very clear where she stood and that she couldn't live without corey in her life. they would make their relationship work no matter what it took. with grayson all but settled in the nicu for an extended amount of time, charlie knew the two of them couldn't stop living and hoped the two of them could spend some much needed downtime together decompressing from everything.

making her way back towards the nicu, she noticed corey speaking to their son. the words she couldn't make out but she wanted to give them privacy. corey was taking big steps from where they had been only mere weeks ago. seeing the two of them together had been everything she had ever wanted. the love of her life and the one they had created together. charlie's heart ached that it was all under these circumstances, that they had to hope and pray that their little boy had the fight in him to stay alive.

when the moment seemed finished, charlie entered the room, her heart feeling full from what she'd just witnessed. charlotte's hand fell to corey's back, soothing it up and down as she watched the fragile life in front of her fight for every moment. curiously she looked down at the papers corey had handed them. the birth certificate forms caused her to smile as she double checked corey had spelt everything correctly. the jensen-miller she couldn't take her eyes from. "you nailed it, honey. i guess i need to sign the doted line too?" she asked reaching for the form, "hear that, buddy? you're official." charlotte leaned into corey's embrace, "i've been thinking — you and i, we should take a night to ourselves. go out for dinner, catch a movie? grayson's doing well and it's probably good for us to get out and do something together? what do you think? you can decide even, i don't even really mind as long as i'm with you."

Corey nodded, doing their best not to let all the fear show in their face, nor the exhaustion, the despair. Charlie needed their hope and their encouragement. "We'll learn as we go. We'll figure it out." They lay their head against her as she ate, adding voice to their thoughts. The last thing they wanted was to argue right now. They were too fucking tired, too fucking miserable. Neither of them needed any extra stress.

"I know, babe... but they're gonna need the room for other patients. And I want to go home," Corey said, voice quiet and firm. They hated this hospital in particular. Every time they visited, it was because something was wrong with their mom, she'd had another accident or needed more tests, they were having check-ups about the progression of her condition and getting bad news every time, and then, ultimately, her death. Corey's mother had died in this very building, spending the last days of her life hooked up to machines to breathe and eat for her, just like Grayson was. "If we're rested and comfortable, we can take care of him way better, okay? We can do the same for him here or at the house." They didn't want to dash her dreams by pointing out that maybe they couldn't put a picture inside a room that had to be sterile, or that they weren't even sure Grayson could see. "Yeah, you can ask them," was all they could manage.

Corey remained mostly quiet, grabbing the trash and getting rid of it as Charlie finished eating. Their conversation was cut short as the nurse finally arrived, doing all her checks, talking Charlie through everything, and helping her learn how to use the breast pump. Corey just watched quietly, It was a little strange to watch, but hopefully it would help.

"He's on a ventilator and we're using a feeding tube directly into his stomach. If you keep pumping, we'll use and store the breast milk and keep feeding it to him through the tube, until he can nurse on his own," they explained. Corey just nodded along. They didn't have much to contribute here. It wasn't as if they could produce any milk for the guy. All they could offer was support.

"We can do that," they answered, squeezing her hand.

"Okay, do you want to try getting out of bed, and we'll take you to see him? If you're not comfortable moving around, I can get you a chair, okay? Just let me know."

This was exactly what they had been waiting for. "Here, babe, I got you." Corey moved around the bed to help her, reaching for her hand in case she needed support. The walk down the hall to the nursery felt like the longest walk of Corey's life. Everything in them was tense, keeping Charlie's hand in their own to support her, both emotionally and physically. They knew she needed this, but they also weren't sure they were prepared for the reality of it. They'd only seen him briefly before he'd been whisked away, and now, all they'd be able to do was stand near his incubator and watch as he fought for life. After being outfitted with all the gloves and gowns, undergoing all the sterilisatio procedures that only served to remind Corey just how fragile the lives inside this room were, the nurse led them into the room where there were two small rows of machines, a couple of them occupied with other children, but none so tiny as Grayson.

"Hey, little guy." Corey slowed as they approached his incubator, a seemingly impossible number of tubes and cords, monitors that Corey had no idea how to interpret. "S'it insulting to say he looks like you?" Corey teased, giving Charlie a hug around the shoulder, hoping to lighten the mood, at least a little. He didn't really look like anything yet. "Damn, kid. You make my skinny little frame look muscular," they teased. It was all they could do to keep from crying.

"You can't hold him yet," the nurse explained as she went about doing whatever she needed to do with the milk Charlotte had just pumped, to get it into his feeding tube, "but what I want you to do, is just reach your hand in, touch his hand, his stomach. Touch is really important for bonding and development."

"'Kay." Corey nodded, turning to Charlie. "You go first, please? He needs his mom."

corey's firm but quiet voice was enough for charlotte to realise just how much they ached to be home and immediately her thumb fell to her partner's cheek, stroking it gently, "we'll go home, okay? get out of this place and i will go willingly, without kicking and screaming," she attempted to joke. corey was right, they'd be able to care for him better if they were well rested and neither of them would get that continuously being at the hospital. "i'll be able to make us some meals so we don't have to eat the hospital food either. we'll find rhythm and hopefully we'll get him back to los angeles sooner rather than later."

it wasn't often that charlotte didn't feel confident in something she was doing however with the pumps secured to her, she felt anything but. she didn't really have any idea what she was doing, if she was doing it right but she was trying. it was all just so new, figuring she would have a little more time to work it all out. even though hearing grayson was on a ventilator and a feeding tube shouldn't have be a surprise, it was still hard to hear and to stomach.

the suggestion of going to see him was enough to perk charlotte back up and get her to want to attempt to walk. "i want to try." she wondered if her body was going to feel any different, guess she'd find out soon enough as she took corey's hand for support as she stood. as she wobbled, she gripped corey's hand as she found her footing. as they made their way down the long haul way, charlotte tried to brace herself for what she was going to be confronted with. it was something no parent wanted to have to see. their small child being kept alive by machinery until he was big enough to breathe himself. charlie glanced a look at corey, gaging their own feelings. it was heartbreaking to see all the small children but even more so that her own was the smallest. immediately seeing him she wanted to cry, the emotion so overwhelming but there he was fighting to just stay alive. biting her lip she took a few steps closer to take in his tiny body.

a small smile played on charlotte's lips as corey tried to lighten the mood, "you'll get use to your dad's humour — it's one of the things i love about them so much." charlotte gave corey's hand a supportive squeeze as the nurse explained that they could at least touch him. knowing this was still quite a shake up for corey, charlotte nodded, her maternal instincts eager to have a moment with him. ever so carefully she reached in and gently stroked his hand, her body overcome with emotion. "hi grayson," she cooed quietly, "hi, baby boy. mommy's here — you just couldn't wait to get here, hm? stealing your cousin's thunder," she said, attempting to make the situation a little lighter. "you're so strong —" her hand ever so carefully moved to his tiny stomach, her eyes tearing up feeling his heartbeat, "his little heart is beating so fast—" which she knew was probably normal but she couldn't help but worry. "we're going to make sure you get nice strong so we can take you home. we love you so much, gray. we'll be here every day to come and see you."

Corey watched Charlie, eyes dark and heavy, but they lit up at the sight of her, awake and alert. Corey squeezed her hand, adjusting the little tray that was built into the bed from its position dismantled at the side so she had something to rest on while she ate. "Mhm, I think they get it to him through his feeding tube, til he's strong enough to nurse. Kinda cool, right? I didn't know they could do that." Corey was quickly realizing there was so much about pregnancy, birth and parenthood that they didn't know. They were in no way prepared for this, but they didn't have a choice. All they had to do was be there for Charlotte, to take care of her.

"I got you this, and some more water for you, or a smoothie, if you want it. I wasn't sure which one you'd want..." They just knew it was important for her to keep up her strength, especially since the nurses had been talking about milk and stuff. "It's okay. I got that one for you. I'm not big on the whole salad thing. I already had a turkey club sandwich, and I napped while you napped. You gotta get fed, so baby Gray can get fed, right?" They said, leaning into her to give her a kiss on the temple again. They could tell how desperate she was to see him. Corey was, too, although the thought of it was almost as tender to touch as a physical wound. Grayson wasn't just a concept any more. He was real, and while that made him all the more terrifying, especially given his vulnerable and precarious position right now, all Corey wanted was to ensure he was safe. The powerlessness made them ache to their very core.

"They mentioned maybe you can go home tomorrow, if you're feeling okay, and all the tests are good? We, um," they stumbled over their words, knowing she would be reluctant to leave Grayson, but what was the alternative? Camp out in the NICU? "They said the special care unit is open for parents all the time, so we can come see him whenever." Corey lowered their gaze, watching her tentatively eat the caesar salad they'd brought. "We gotta bring him home, to a hospital there, in Los Angeles. I don't know how we do that. They have special people who do that, right? Once he's well enough?"

charlotte had done quite a lot of reading about newborns and what to expect, yet nothing had prepared for what it was like being the mother of a premature baby. there was no guidebook to this and she knew next to nothing about what was ahead for them except a tough uphill battle. every day would bring new challenges but she had to believe that their little guy could do this. "it's quite impressive what they can do these days, it gives him much more of a chance of getting through this." carefully eating the salad she looked over at their tired eyes, "i think we're about to learn real quick all sorts of things we didn't know existed." it sucked but it was their reality. "i'm just glad i can do something for him. i'm going to have to wait a little while before I can nurse him, I just hope he can do it."

the way corey cared so much about those around them warmed her heart and with her partner actions always spoke louder than words, they always did. "you're my lifesaver — that smoothie looks real delicious, thank you." nodding she continued to slow eat the salad, relieved to hear that corey had eaten, "yeah, i just need to make sure my other guy is getting their strength too." the last thing she wanted was for corey to feel like they weren't important too, that their needs didn't matter as much. the kiss against her temple brought a smile to her face. "i love you."

the idea of home was somewhat daunting. it would mean she wouldn't be under the same roof as her son, further away if something were to go wrong. as if corey already knew where her mind was going, they reassured her with the news of being able to see him whenever they wanted in the nicu. "how are we suppose to just go home knowing he's here? i don't want him to be alone. do you think maybe they'd let us put a photo of us nearby to him?" it was something that may ease her anxieties just slightly, she knew she couldn't be there twenty four hours a day. she had to ensure she was fit for him to produce milk. the thought of transporting him back home to los angeles was daunting, one that worried her immensely. "i'm sure they would have a special medical team for transportation. i guess we just have to take it day by day to get him strong enough. we have to get back home, our life is there, he needs to be there. i'm scared for that though, we can only trust that these people are good at their jobs. it's something we can ask the doctors when they come in."

as she finished off the salad, just as corey had said, the nurses entered the room and began to discuss pumping, showing her exactly what to do to get as much milk as she could. it was uncomfortable, it was slightly painful and charlotte couldn't help bit feel she was fumbling with everything. she needed her son to get the milk he needed, the only thing she could do for him. it didn't feel or look sexy and she hoped that corey wouldn't be disgusted by it. "and you said i have to do this every two to three hours? corey said he's feeding well, that's a good sign, right?" she asked reaching for corey's hand for their support.

"I can't promise not to go to the bathroom or get coffee or something, but I'm not gonna go far, k? Promise." Corey planted soft kisses against Charlie's temple. They'd left California at the crack of dawn this morning, and hadn't stopped since. They could only imagine what level of exhaustion Charlie felt after going through the actual birth. Corey held Charlie in their arms, eyes falling closed too as they tried to focus on the sound of her breathing. They tore themselves away once they were sure she was asleep, updating Clay and Juliana like they had promised. Juliana held her tongue, not looking to get into a fight during some of the most traumatic and painful moment's of Corey and Charlie's lives, but Corey could feel the underlying tension there. There was nothing they could really do now, so Corey simply convinced them to go home and rest, promosing to call when there were updates. There was no reason for everyone to just be hanging out at the hospital.

They fell asleep too, forcing themselves to nap in the recliner next to the bed. Shaken, disturbed, uncomfortable sleep was better than no sleep at all, and they'd been sleeping in vans and cars for years. When they heard Charlie wake, they stirred from their half-sleep, sitting up in the chair. "Hm? I'm right here, hey," they said, shuffling closer to the bed again, squeezing her hand. "The nurses came 'round to take your vitals a few times. Potato is doing good. They said they got all the feeding tubes and breathing tubes set up. Um, they're gonna have someone help you pump your milk or something? They said the stuff, the milk that starts with a C, is good for him." Corey couldn't remember the name of it, and had probably never sounded more like a clueless husband, even when they had a pair of breasts tucked under their baggy clothes themselves. "I, um, I got you a chicken salad thing. I know you haven't eaten." Corey lifted the plastic container and plastic fork they'd been holding by the bed. "And... they said we can go see him soon, once they do all your check-ups and stuff. Are you okay? How're you feeling?"

as corey recounted what had happened while she slept, she eased knowing that there didn't seem to be any bad news and that was quite the relief. she'd worried that if she'd closed her eyes she'd miss something important. "they want me to pump for him?" it brought a light to her sad eyes — she was finally able to contribute for him, give him what he needed. it was something she'd looked forward to, the intimacy of nursing her child and given the situation, it just looked a little different to what she had thought. i believe it's colostrum. i did some reading on it and you're right, it is good for newborns. "hopefully it helps him in some way. i want to help him." watching them pull out the chicken salad she smiled, she was incredibly hungry. "you're so sweet, thank you. did you want to share? have you eaten? i'm not sure how much of this i'll be able to stomach on my own."

the relieving news seemed to keep coming hearing that they would be able to go and see their son soon. "i hope they hurry, it's rude to keep a mother from her newborn." it was her attempt of being somewhat light hearted, encouraged by the fact she knew she would see him. "i feel a little groggy but i know i needed the sleep. i'm a little tender where my incision is but i'll be okay. did you have a sleep too? if you need to go home and sleep in a bed, i'd understand."

Being asked 'please never let me go' hit Corey like a knife between their ribs. They'd been considering doing just that, the exact phrasing, too. Letting her go sounded a lot more accurate than leaving. Corey genuinely believed Charlie and Grayson would be better off without them, but not anymore, not right now. It'd make them the biggest asshole in the world to walk out right now, right when they needed them most. "I'm not going anywhere," Corey murmured against her temple, long fingers lightly stroking over her arm and shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Charlie. For everything. I just want him to be okay." They had never felt such a strong desire to protect something, and so much sadness over the fact they couldn't, that they just had to hope.

They offered a small, sad smile at her compliments about the nursery. "Thanks. I just wanted it to be nice for you. Kept my hands and my head occupied." Their own words were few and far between, scared of what might come out of their mouth. Charlie didn't need their worries flooding her already worried heart. They both knew the reality of what Grayson was going through right now. "They said they'll bring him or let us go see him as soon as they can. You're exhausted, babe. You should get some rest. I know those pain killers gotta be making you sleepy. I've been on 'em, remember?" Still were, if they could get their hands on them when they were so inclined. "I'll hold down the fort, tell your family you're taking a nap."

charlotte's heart eased ever so slightly hearing that corey had no plans of letting her go. the time apart had been hard but she knew it was something that was for the best. it gave them both time to really think through where they stood in regards to their marriage without the temptation of breaking the contact, something they had done almost every time they'd tried to put space between them. juliana had been tough on corey following charlotte's admission of how bad their relationship had been as of late, critical and rightly so. it have given charlotte a lot to consider but at the end of the day, she still had missed corey with every bone in her body. she missed their lame jokes, their goofy smile, the way they would do all the little things for her and simply love her.

as corey began to apologise her body ached for them. they'd had so much head noise for so long, years of emotional trauma due to things outside of their control for them to battle. charlotte had done nothing but try and support them where she could and at times not helping either. "i know, love —" she tried her best to soothe, "we'll be okay. i forgive you." it was clear to her that something had changed in corey — the immediate feeling of the protectiveness of being a parent, she felt it too, even more so now she had laid eyes on him. seeing grayson so small and vulnerable was heartbreaking and they were both powerless to help. "me too, baby. we've got one strong little guy. we may not be able to hold him but he can hear us. hear that we're here for him, that we love him."

it didn't surprise charlotte that corey would go above and beyond to ensure she had the nursery she had always dreamed. it was just another reason to love them. "you've outdone yourself, honey. i can't wait to be able to have him safely in it. he's going to love it. it might just take a while." she couldn't help but feel bad for leaving them alone, it was something that had never sat well given their abandonment issues. she knew corey was right and that she needed to rest. she'd been trying to fight the exhaustion to get every extra moment with corey that she could. "don't let juliana bully you, okay?" charlotte warned knowing her sister still had it out for them at the moment. "don't go?" she asked quietly as she allowed the exhaustion to overtake her in their arms.

hours later charlotte awoke from her sleep, still feeling a little groggy from the pain meds but alert enough to know where she was and what was going on. "corey?" she asked, her eyes slowly opening, adjusting to the light. "have you heard anything? how is he? can we see him?"

Corey wasn't so sure they had that big heart Charlotte kept talking about. They felt like their heart was cold and miserable lately. They'd spent all their time in the studio, the workshop, or at the bars since Charlie had been staying with her family. Working on projects was the only way they could keep themselves sane. The rest of the time, Corey had been drinking too much, taking too many pills, smoking too much weed. "Yeah," they answered quietly. They didn't want to argue with her. It wasn't the time, so they didn't contradict her claims and instead just nodded, kissing her forehead and temple. "I think you picked up that trait, too, seeing the best in people. She'd be real proud of you." The tears Corey had been fighting came back again, silently forming in the corners of their eyes. "I don't wanna live without you either. I'm right here, babe. I've got you." They couldn't lie to her, but they also didn't want to tell her they'd been going back and forth about whether their marriage was going to work, that they had come so close to doing what their father had and letting Charlie raise Grayson as a single mom. Had to be better than having a parent that wasn't all in. Seeing his precarious and vulnerable state, watching him not even be able to take his first breaths, Corey knew they couldn't leave now.

Corey pulled their phone out of their pocket, flicking through some of the photographs of the furniture they had made, the wooden sign with his name on it hanging above the crib, painted in soft greens and nature tones and creams. They weren't sure they'd be there when Charlotte came home, their marriage teetering on a precipice, but they wanted the house to be as baby proof as possible for her, even without them. "There's so much stuff we still need. A car seat, a baby carrier, a stroller... I was so focused on the room, I never thought about any of that stuff." Corey was a problem solver. They preferred practical solutions over getting emotional, anything that made them not have to express themselves in any vulnerable way. "We're gonna take care of him, honey," was all they could say. They didn't know how to truly bring her comfort that didn't consist of hollow platitudes. Grayson's outcome wasn't in their hands. "All we can do is love him, and I already know how much you do. He knows."

for the first time charlie offered a small sad smile. all she had ever wanted was to make her mother proud, to be half the woman evelyn had been so corey's compliment meant more than they probably realised. "yeah? i really hope so." charlotte had idolised her mother so much growing up and losing her had been up until now the most difficult thing in her life but this nightmare that she was living through with their son now took the cake. noticing her partner's tears, charlotte ever so gently wiped them away with her thumb. the thought that she could ever be without them seemed ridiculous. corey wasn't perfect and nor was she. they both had things they needed to work on but she hoped that they would be able to reconnect and find their happy place once again. "i love you so much. please never let me go," she all but whispered the final words trying not to break once more.

glancing over the photos her heart filled with warmth, another small sad smile made it's way onto her features. "it's so perfect, corey. i'm kind of speechless, this is beautiful work. i can't tell you what this means to me that you've done this for him." gently caressing their cheek she shook her head, "it's okay, we can work that stuff out. maybe we can spend a day out shopping to get the best of those things, it was one thing i'd really been looking forward to. it might be good for us too, to get out for a few hours," she suggested knowing that they were going to spend so much time within the four walls of the hospital. charlotte nodded in agreement — she would do anything she could to take care of him, to keep him safe and protect him. "i hope so, that's all i ever want him to feel. he's so precious, he's already being so strong. he's going to be such a strong little guy. resilient. i just want to see him to know he's alright."