Growing Pains

Faith, 25 || not actually as angsty as my writing suggests || All content here is written by me. Do not republish my writings without my permission. Oh, and any resemblance to persons living or dead should be plainly apparent to them and those who know them.

[chasingfaithandlove]

I want to fall in love with you the way they do in the movies. I want picture perfect scenes of us holding hands as we run in a lush green field; or the golden sunlight illuminating the floating dust motes in your room as I wake up next to you; or us writing our names with light as the sparklers fizz in slow-motion against the backdrop of the night. I want our love to be epic, grand and timeless, just like the movies.

love me like the movies (f.n.c. //39)

[chasingfaithandlove]

It’s a verb. That’s the first thing. It’s an active engagement with all kinds of feelings—positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones. But it’s a very active verb. And it’s often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow. It’s like the moon. We think it’s disappeared, and suddenly it shows up again. It’s not a permanent state of enthusiasm. I’m thirty-five years in a relationship, I practice. And I have two boys—I practice. It’s not just romantic love.

Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview with Esther Perel

[chasingfaithandlove]

Chasing Chapters \\ The Midnight Library (Matt Haig) + mental health + self-acceptance

This month's book review of The Midnight Library deals with heavy themes of mental illness, regret and self-acceptance. If you had the chance to undo your regrets, what would you do?

| About | Facebook | Instagram | Ko-fi (support my writing) | LinkedIn | Chasing Chapters is a series devoted to reviewing (and quoting excessively from) books I’ve enjoyed or been inspired by, to hopefully give you new recommendations for your reading list. I first added The Midnight Library by Matt Haig to my reading list when I chanced upon it in a bookstore in New Zealand, back in July last…

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[chasingfaithandlove]

Late-night supermarket runs, leading into 2am conversations about our future while sitting cross-legged on the sofa. I don't think I ever lived properly before I met you.

I don't need grand gestures, I just need you (f.n.c. //132)

[chasingfaithandlove]

In this vast universe of ridiculous coincidences and missed chances, I feel infinitely blessed to have crossed paths with you.

I can't imagine how life would have turned out if I'd swiped left (f.n.c. //131)

[chasingfaithandlove]

I’m sorry that your heart’s been broken before and your kindness taken for granted, but I promise that I won’t make the same mistakes. I’m not about to take the best damn person to ever walk into my life for granted.

thank goodness they let you go (f.n.c. //130)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Oh gosh, it scares me that I might be falling in love alone. Me with my bright eyes, heart on my sleeve, head in the clouds, ready to trust fall and hoping you’ll catch me.

I know it's still early, but I've loved you since a month ago (f.n.c. //129)

[chasingfaithandlove]

For years I thought my heart had forgotten how to feel and built up enough barriers to stop myself from falling. But now you’re in my life, I’m scared that I’ll fall too hard and have to pick up all the pieces.

god I don’t want this to to end (f.n.c. //128)

[chasingfaithandlove]

I’ve always loved sad songs, but now whenever I play one, every line makes me wish and pray that I’ll never end up having to think of you when listening to them.

I still think about you when the sun comes up sometimes (f.n.c. //127)

[chasingfaithandlove]

I'm not sure how I manifested you. You, who's beyond my wildest dreams; you, who endlessly fascinates me during our long conversations; you, who never makes me feel insecure or unwanted.

thank you for existing (f.n.c. //126)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Siren Song//Catharsis

Head underwater but you Were my saving grace A quiet cry for help But you heard me You showed up in time My second last breath Your gift of life

Siren or saviour You’ve played both Enveloping me in your warmth Then casting me ashore Left to gasp No longer for air But the sea you came from

11 months gone Intertwined souls split Twin flames put out The water that I breathed Burnt my lungs And still, I would have done more All for you

Stranded up here Another in your arms Sing, sing your siren song to her Drowning on land In this tear drought Waiting for the waves To claim me again

[chasingfaithandlove]

And just like that, the chapter of you and I closed before we even had a chance to meet in real life.

some distances are just too long to be closed (f.n.c. //125)

[chasingfaithandlove]

I'm treading the fine line between wanting to ask you where this is headed and just keeping silent, enjoying your company for as long as this lasts.

I'm scared to rock the boat (f.n.c. //124)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Falling in one-sided love through a phone screen.

That’s the story of you and me (f.n.c. //123)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Maybe falling for you was inevitable, and maybe I'll be left heartbroken, but maybe, just maybe, you'll be worth it.

I wish you felt the same way (f.n.c. //122)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Why did it have to be you, of all people? Someone on a different continent, someone in a different timezone, someone half a world away?

how do I stop these feelings? (f.n.c. //121)

[chasingfaithandlove]

Oh no, it's started again. The feeling of falling, and I can't even stop myself.

I haven’t felt this way in a long time (f.n.c. //120)